The
CONVERSION
â–ºBureau
CODE MAJESTE
By Chatoyance
The characters of John Norris and Azure Wind from An Azure Future are used with the permission of Krass McWriter
11. Doctor My Eyes
Celestia had done... something to John Norris's vault. She had insisted - despite John's assurances that nothing could possibly enter or exit the high security chamber. Apparently there were 'other directions' beyond the ones that were known to Man, and these had to be sealed off if John were to have his ten minutes with the small, gray pretender to the throne.
John had carefully put up a small fuss; in reality he relished the thought of free additional protection for his three billion, four hundred million Equestrian bits, all stacked in neat piles or packaged in tidy crates. It had once crossed his mind to simply spread the tiny, featureless golden coins out as one mass and swim through them. The Scrooge McDuck moment had passed quickly, but it had still made him briefly smile.
There were other items besides otherworldly coins in his private security vault. Assorted relics from the history of his family, a few not entirely legal treasures that should, rightfully, exist not in private hands but in a museum, and his father's small but rather excellent gun collection. One corner held a chest that had once belonged to an ancestor taken by the sea, back when the oceans lived and men sailed upon it. The elaborate chest itself was a fortune, even had it not held the priceless relics of a less than savory member of a more adventurous time. The chest was buried under a mass of ancient netting and glass ball fishing floats that still smelled of salt. For all John knew, they might have been used for the very last catch, before the end of fish.
John's vault held many treasures and wonders besides Equestrian bits; now it held perhaps the strangest rarity of all: the accidental alicorn who had once been Lillian Fogarty of Surrey, Northamerizone.
Celestia had been less than happy at John's wish to speak with the alicorn. She had reminded him of her prerogative to erase the memories of all involved, especially him. That whatever he expected to learn could not be retained, and that all he could possibly do would be to prolong the inevitable. She thought him cruel for his demand, but he had insisted, arguing that the alicorn had become his client as well. She had turned to him and begged for his help when she had been transported, in a burst of arcane light, to the center of his large living space. He had instantly agreed to represent her, and demanded full rights to do so on the spot.
In the end, it was Celestia's regal sister, Luna that had intervened; she had insisted that because the alicorn was a newfoal, it was proper that she have council from her own world. Luna reminded her sister that she had agreed to the condition. Celestia, ever devoted to Order and Law, ever driven to keep her promises no matter what, was forced to accede on that ground alone.
Besides, Luna argued, as long as the vault were secured properly in the higher spaces, even should her ring be removed, Lillian could not escape before action could be taken. The alicorn had been caught, and the chase was now over.
Celestia had seemed sad, though. She seemed regretful about the entire situation, and remained convinced that any delay would only cause needless suffering. But in the end, despite all risks, she allowed the private meeting. Thus it was that John Norris now found himself inside his vault, facing the back of a softly whimpering gray alicorn, with ten minutes - to the second - allotted to speak with her, in private.
"Lillian. My name is John Norris. I am here to try to help you. We have only ten minutes, and I do not know what the hell I am doing, and I have no idea whether the plan inside my head is brilliant or just fucking insane. But I do have an idea, and if you want, we can try it. In any case, in..." John checked his watch; he was old fashioned and had not had a permatech timepiece installed into the flesh of his forearm "...nine minutes and twenty...two seconds, that door is going to open and Celestia is going to do something about you, and according to the rumors I have heard, it probably isn't pleasant."
The small gray alicorn sniffed and looked back, over her wing at him. "She will crystallize me. Turn me to stone. That's what she does with things she can't deal with. That is her 'compassionate' equivalent to execution. Celestia won't kill, but she will imprison. I learned that... and a lot of other things... a little while ago."
The alicorn turned her head back and looked at her hooves. Her ears drooped. "I do not want the living death of being crystallized, John. I would rather die than have that happen. It would probably actually be better if I died; being turned to stone is not as permanent as Celestia would like to believe. It can fail sometimes, and whatever is done with me, it needs to be permanent. I truly am the threat to both worlds that Celestia has probably claimed to you."
John was in the back of his vault, rummaging for the items he required. "She... um... described you as a threat... to both worlds. She said you could melt the sky and destroy all human and ponykind." The key wasn't working on the locked cabinet at all. Fortunately the cabinet was old and it never did lock effectively; one more reason it was in the vault, far from his son, Azure. John gave the thing a kick; the ancient plastic and metal door popped open.
"I'm afraid it's true. Without this ring, I could easily become a threat worse than Discord."
"Who?" John couldn't keep up with all the pony stuff his son brought home from school. The history of one planet was bad enough, two was just gilding the chronological lily.
"Think of me as a living, hypernuclear bomb. That is what I am. The ring on my horn might as well be the fuse."
John looked desperately around; he needed something small, but not too small, and it had to be smooth, and biologically neutral. "Hmmm... more like a nuclear grenade, then. Pull the ring and give you a toss, is that it?"
Lillian laughed. It was actually a sweet sound, despite the terrible situation. "Yup, that's me. Only when I blow up, all sides lose." Lillian's voice changed; it was no longer jovial. "John, I'm scared."
"So am I, Lillian. So am I. Celestia's going to have me gelded however this turns out. I'm really going to miss my balls; we've been really close for years." This made the alicorn laugh again, which was nice. John checked his watch: seven minutes and thirty-six seconds. Balls. Balls! "Ah!"
John took some of the spherical, hollow glass floats from the ancient fishing net piled over the old trunk. Glass was just silicon; it was mostly neutral, it was smooth, and the floats came in a multitude of sizes. John picked out several of the smallest ones, and made his way back.
By some unearthly luck, Lillian the alicorn still sat with her back to him, facing away. Currently she was playing with her hooves, as if she were trying to memorize what it felt like to be able to move them.
"Lillian... I need you to trust me. And to answer a few questions for me. We have to work fast, we don't have a lot of time left. It would be better if you... um... didn't turn around either, okay?" John tried to load the cartridges as quietly as he could, but there was no avoiding the loud clack. "You can't die, right? That's why Celestia plans on turning you to stone?"
"Before I landed on that building, I was shot by some humans. They blew out my side. But it healed. Actually, I made it heal in an instant. But it would have healed on its own. I could be blown to pieces and the bits would crawl or teleport back and form me again. No, I cannot be killed." Lillian hung her head very low; there was no escape for her, not even death.
"You're sure of that, really sure of that?" John had the sawed-off shotgun ready. He placed it at his feet, where he was crouching. He carefully set the glass floats on some nearby stacks of bits. The curious hollow sound of them caused Lillian to instinctively turn to see. She stared at the hollow, clear spheres.
"John, what on earth are you up to?" Lillian goggled at the floats. She had no idea what they were. Fishing had ended long before she had been born. "What are these for? They're kind of pretty." And they were, like big glass soap bubbles, shimmering in the vault lights. Lillian turned her head back, again staring at her hooves.
Five minutes, sixteen seconds. "Listen, Lillian - I managed to learn something from Celestia. I kind of tricked it out of her. There's this thing inside your head, she called it a carbuncle. It's what makes you an alicorn. It's the problem here. If you didn't have it, you would be a normal pony." John put a hand on Lillian's back, feeling her soft, warm coat. He brushed it gently, trying to comfort her. "You can't die, you just grow back. So does the carbuncle. Eventually the carbuncle undergoes a change, and then you do too, and when that happens..."
"I will become like Celestia, John." A tear rolled down Lillian's cheek. "Only I won't be able to control my power. With a single accidental thought, I might destroy the world. Both worlds. I understand why Celestia has to do what she is doing. I really do."
"I learned that if something blocks the space the carbuncle needs, it won't grow back." John waited just a moment for that to sink in. In that moment, he noticed something that surprised him very much indeed. The glass floats were doing just that; floating, just above the stack of Equestrian coins! The transparent spheres were bobbing about as if they were immersed in some invisible sea. There was no glow around them, as would be the case if a unicorn were levitating them. They simply hung in the air the way that ordinary objects never did.
"Are you doing that, Lillian?" John gave one of the floats an experimental poke with his finger. It felt like prodding a wobbly superconductor hovering over a magnetic plate.
Lillian turned her head to look towards John, but noticed the glass balls immediately. "No. Not consciously, anyway." She thought for a moment. "My ring feels warm. On my forehead. Would you check it?" The alicorn sounded even more frightened.
John moved Lillian's cornsilk mane away with one hand and looked at the base of her horn. The silver ring appeared strangely rusted, as though it were not silver, but ancient iron. John brought his other hand in to touch the ring, then thought better of it and pulled his hand back. "The ring is... it's not good. It looks like it's disintegrating. Slowly, but... it's falling apart." Grains of corrupted metal were flaking off as John watched. It was starting to look like a stomach tablet dissolving in water. "I don't think we have..." John checked his watch again "...five minutes and twenty-two seconds. Your fuse is going to go off before that, I think."
Lillian turned her head suddenly and forcefully away. She stared straight ahead, her back rigid. "John, do whatever it is you think you can do. You can't kill me, and right now I don't care if you hurt me. If there is any chance at all to save me, do it. Otherwise, get Celestia in here immediately. I need to... not think of anything, anything at all. Hurry!"
John picked up the shotgun. It was an old, shiny, black Benelli Super Vinci comfortech - 12-gauge, top of the line. Shame his old man had sawed the damn thing off. Unaltered, it would have been considered a masterpiece. Then again, for what John needed it for, it was just right. As Benelli had once advertised itself, the weapon was... perfect. "Lillian, I'm not a surgeon, but then we couldn't take you to a hospital or a veterinarian or whatever in any case so...."
"Shh." Lillian was clearly struggling. More objects in the vault were now hanging in space. A cloud of bits was orbiting each other like some vastly complex alien star-system, or a magical orrery. That such marvelous synchronization could occur from the alicorn's unconscious, all while behind her and absent from her vision, was both wondrous and somewhat terrifying. "Just do it. Quickly!"
The ring on Lillian's head was glowing red now, like melting metal. It made hissing and squeaking noises as the thaumatically imbued silver strained against the titanic forces opposing it. There was no time for niceties any more.
John didn't like guns; that was his old man's thing. If he could solve something without a gun, John would always choose just that. He never carried - it was insulting to him to feel that he could not think his way out of any predicament, rather than having to resort to force.
But that did not mean he could not use a gun. His military father had insisted on that, and there was no practical way to tell the gruff man 'no' on much of anything. John quickly inserted the earplugs he had taken into his ears. Lillian... she wouldn't need earplugs.
Four minutes, three seconds. But the ring on Lillian's head looked like things could go tits-up at any moment. John briefly wondered what being destroyed by a mad god would be like. Not fun, he decided.
There was nothing for it. John raised the Benelli and aimed it at the back of Lillian's head. Right between her ears, slightly lower down, where the base of her horn would be, on the other side. He angled the short barrel to roughly level. Suddenly he thought more clearly, and quickly sat, tailor-fashion on the floor, bracing himself. He didn't want to end up ass-over-teakettle from the kickback.
John steeled himself and re-aimed. The ring was sending up sparks, now; it must be burning the poor filly. Lillian let out a soft gasp. There was no other option but Celestia's living death in stone. There probably wasn't time enough even for that, at this point.
A single tear rolled down John Norris's cheek. He pulled the trigger.
Lillian's body did not slump over. It just remained there, the top of the head missing from the level of the jawline up. What had once been the upper three-quarters of her skull was somewhere behind the largest stack of coins, the ones in crates. It had hit the wall, that was very, horrifically obvious; there was a trail where the meat of it had slid down the wall of the vault, behind the crates. John was glad he didn't have to see the remains.
The instant he had pulled the trigger, the orrery of coins had fallen, likewise the floating glass balls had dropped back to the stacks of coins. Even with the earplugs his ears rang; the confines of the sealed vault had exacerbated the volume of the shotgun.
Something caught John's eye. Just as he had expected, the torn edges of what was left of Lillian's skull were pulsing and rising. John carefully rose to one knee, placing the gun on the floor after adjusting the safety. What was left of the alicorn's head looked like a shallow punchbowl filled with cherries jubilee, only the edges of the punchbowl were growing. The red mass inside was expanding in volume.
Lillian was growing back. She was doing so very rapidly.
Within a matter of seconds, John saw the beginnings of her eyes swelling out of the red muck, expanding to fill the boney sockets rising like curving fortress walls as he watched. It was like observing ice melting in reverse, only sped up. Already, half of the missing top of Lillian's head had grown back! It would take less than two minutes for her entire skull to be restored.
Lillian would be whole again three minutes and three seconds before the vault was opened. At that moment, the world would likely end, and both pony goddesses would be seriously pissed at the memory of him. John looked away from his old watch to the glass fishing floats. He selected two, one about the size of an apricot, the other about the size of an apple. He wasn't sure exactly when he should do this. The carbuncle would probably be the last thing to form, since it would be nearest the top, according to Celestia, and right under the horn.
Lillian's eyes were now complete. They were staring straight ahead, as if focused on infinity itself. They looked cold and filled with some unearthly, arcane wisdom beyond human understanding. John felt a chill run down his spine, and the little hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Those were the eyes of some elder god, some power from beyond time, and above space. John moved back, so he would not have to stare into the eyes of a superior, unearthly intelligence.
Lillian's head now resembled a jack-o-lantern, the hole at the top filling in. The reconstruction had not yet reached where her horn would be, though part of her ears was just starting to form. Now. Now was the time.
John selected the larger globe and thrust it in. He pushed down gingerly into the red and gray muck bubbling and squirming inside the regenerating skull. The muck grew up and over the glass sphere. Dammit, he had placed it too deeply.
The hole in Lillian's skull was growing smaller. Her ears grew out like leaves unfolding in a fast-motion nature show. John began to see the beginning of a boney plate forming, one that could support her horn. He jammed the second, smaller glass float into the skull, but did not push it down. Gray and pink material surrounded it almost instantly. He had to struggle to get his hand out; if the edges of the bone had not been so slippery and soft, he might well have found himself a conjoined not-twin.
There was nothing to do now but wait and hope. Lillian's skull continued to close. When it had finally sealed completely, her coat sprang up to cover her naked pate in soft gray. Finally, her yellow mane spooled out in cornsilk splendor. John struggled up, the better to see if her horn would grow back. If it did, all would be lost. There was no binding ring anymore, and he did not know if he had time to open the vault to call for Celestia before Lillian woke up.
John felt the top of Lillian's now restored head. It was flat. It was mercifully flat. Flat as the skull of an earth pony, flat as any normal pegasus. There was no sign of a horn. No sign at all. Not the slightest bump.
John slumped down, against the vault door. He removed his earplugs and cast them aside. His ears itched. They always itched from those damn earplugs. John used a finger and waggled it inside his ear canal. Ah... that was better.
The time. What was the...
The vault door opened suddenly, glowing with golden light. John fell onto his back, and his head hit the floor with a smack. Ow. He found himself staring up into the eyes and muzzle of Celestia, who looked at him quizzically.
"Celestia!" John nearly shouted. "Stop! Lillian isn't an alicorn anymore! She is no threat to anyone! Honestly! Look for yourself!" John didn't have a freaking clue if this was actually true, but he'd be damned - after using a shotgun on a helpless filly - if he would allow her less than a decent chance at her new life.
Celestia stared for some time at the quiet gray pegasus in the vault. John, still on his back, stared up at the underside of Celestia's long, white neck. He could see the wide, gold necklace - or was it armor? - around the base, a violet gem ensconced in the middle. On either side of his ears were heavy, gold-shod hooves. Celestia was huge, standing larger than John - and John was a tall man - but from the level of the floor, she looked like a giant.
Suddenly, John worried that she might get forgetful and step on him. He decided to roll to the side and stand up.
When John was on his feet again, he found Celestia had not moved. Luna was by her side, and both were carefully studying the new pegasus. John felt a tickle inside himself, somewhere. He suspected that the princesses were examining the pegasus with more than just their eyes. He had felt that tickle before, when he had visited the proximity of the Equestrian barrier. It was the burning tickle of thaumatic radiation.
"Dad?" Azure was peeking around the corner into the hallway that led to the vault. "Are you OK? Is the alicorn going to be OK? What's going on?" The indigo colt started to approach, but John held up his hand. "Dad?"
"My little pony..." Celestia addressed the apparent pegasus "Do you..."
The gray pegasus tried to stand up and turn around at the same time. Her forelegs managed to knock over several carefully stacked piles of coins, which tumbled to the floor of the vault with a musical clatter. Her hind legs accidentally kicked over three more stacks, which set off a chain reaction of musical clinking and clattering. John realized with some discomfort that he might have his Scrooge McDuck moment after all.
Finally the gray and yellow pegasus stood facing Celestia, Luna, and John. And Azure too, who had crept up beside his father. John looked into the vault and shrugged. Hopefully his son wouldn't notice the red, slick splotch on the far wall.
The pegasus tried to buck with innocent excitement, but instead managed to knock over a crate. As the crate spilled its contents on the floor of the vault, the little winged filly settled down and looked sad. "Sorry." Her voice was different, her apology faintly slurred.
Suddenly, she brightened. "Hello! Who are you? Can we be friends?" As John watched, one eye drifted downwards while the other remained fixed on Celestia. The rogue eye seemed to focus on Azure. The filly giggled. "You're big! and you're blue!" She giggled again. Apparently she was referring to Celestia and Azure at the same time. She tried to take a step forward, but her hooves slipped on the loose coins and she landed on her rump with a thud. "Ow! Oopsies!" This caused another round of giggles. Her eyes rolled and finally settled, each focused in a different direction.
Azure looked up at his father. "She's... She's kind of derpy now, dad."
John started to reprimand his son for his rude, but accurate, observation when Luna suddenly spoke up.
"She is indeed Derpy! We know this filly! We knoweth her from Nightmare Night of last year in Equestria! This cannot be! Sister, thou knowest thy subjects well, is this one not already known to thee?"
The little yellow maned pegasus stared suddenly, with both eyes focused, on princess Luna. She tilted her head, as if trying to remember a long lost dream. "Muffin?" she asked.
"This is beyond even me, my sister. I know this pegasus well. This is the one named Derpalina Ditzy Doo Hooves of Ponyville. I have known her for many years; she is a native child of Equestria, or so I have always believed." Celestia was nothing less than astonished. John reflected that it was not often a man got the chance to see a living goddess being astonished.
"I met her great grandmare in earlier times, before the founding of Ponyville. And her great, great, great grandmare in the days of Middle Canterlot. All of her kin looked the identical image of her, with eyes unbound and hair of soft yellow. And all bore the same unique cutie mark; a cluster of bubbles on the flank." Celestia's eyes were wide, yet her pupils were small. This was something beyond even the ruler of an entire cosmos. "Yet as I encompass her, there is no doubt. This is indeed our own little Derpy Hooves. I do not know how she can be here, and yet have lived her life in Equestria. I must know..."
Celestia raised her horn high, and a bright, shining glow emanated from it. "Derpy is not in Equestria. She is here. What was once the newfoal alicorn of our pursuit is suddenly now a pony we have always known. This is truly her, and she is... here."
Suddenly, John found himself the object of Celestia's attentions. "You have overstepped our agreement, John Norris! I should have expected such treachery from a human. Understand something! I have no idea what you have done with your violent effort to save this one, and if that does not utterly terrify you, I assure you it should." The look in Celestia's eyes made John feel very afraid indeed, but not for himself. He could tell she meant him no harm. Rather, he could see concern, even fear in those great eyes - something was going on, something cosmic, that was beyond the scope of a cosmic entity. John felt the way he had when long ago, in his childhood, he had climbed to the top of a ruined building only to find he had no idea how to get down again.
"Is princess Celestia mad at you?" Azure was worried for his father.
"I... don't know, son." John sat down in the hallway, his back to the wall. He put a hand on his son's withers, just above the wings. "I'm not sure what is going on."
The newly formed pegasus stepped forward and walked past Celestia and Luna to stop in front of John and Azure. "Hello!" She said. "There was... uhh... something I wanted to tell you!" Lillian... no, this wasn't exactly Lillian anymore... Luna and Celestia had called her Derpy. The pegasus's eyes rolled in her head as she tried to remember. "Oh!" She said suddenly. She leaned forward, her muzzle close to John's ear. She spoke softly to him, in a very faint whisper for a while. John's eyes grew wide and fearful. "WAIT!" she suddenly shouted.
John cradled his ear, the shout next to his ear had hurt quite a bit.
Derpy giggled and turned to Celestia. "I FORGOT!"
Celestia studied Derpy, puzzled. Moments passed. Finally the little pegasus spoke again.
"What I was gonna SAY!" Giggles. "Oops!"
Celestia laughed at this. "Very well, little one. Whatever has happened here tonight, I am convinced that all danger has passed. In time, I may find a way to unravel this strange and curious matter, but for now, let us get you..."
A cry came from the vault. It sounded like a baby.
All eyes, fixed and unfixed, turned to stare into John's vault. The crying continued, louder now.
Luna stepped forward into the vault, glancing back briefly at her sister. Some time passed, and the crunchy sound of hooves on coins was heard. Then a gasp. More crying and then more crunching.
When Luna returned from the vault, John saw that she had a tiny foal suspended in her magical grasp. She set the tiny infant down on the floor. It was a newborn foal. A newborn unicorn.
The infant was incredibly small, pale purple-gray, but with an unmistakable cornsilk mane and tail. "Dinky." Said Celestia, once again in astonishment. "Dinky Doo Hooves!"
"What?" Asked John. "What is going on? If I am the cause of this, at least let me know what 'this' IS!"
The pegasus now known as Derpy Ditzy Doo Doo Dingle Dongle - whatever, John thought - raced over to the tiny newborn. "Muffin!" She cooed. "My little Muffin!" The gray pegasus began comforting the crying foal; instantly it stopped crying. Soon it was smiling and giggling, along with its... mother. That's all she could be. It wasn't just because she was acting like the tiny unicorn's mother, no, it was more than that, John realized.
That infant unicorn had literally budded off from her parent's body. Alicorns were immortal, they could heal, even if they were reduced to bits. Dinky, if that was her name, had been born from the top of Lillian's skull. The part with the horn.
Stories of ancient Greek and Roman myths spun through John's mind. Aphrodite, Chronos, Zeus... children of the gods born from their foreheads or from body parts tossed into the sea. Suddenly those ancient, strange stories seemed vastly more possible to John. What wonders had touched the earth, if only briefly, before Equestria arose from the sea? Had other worlds bumped into earth in ages past?
Little Dinky Doo Hooves had been born from the forehead of her mother. Her mother, who had once been a goddess.
Eventually, John found himself in his living room once more, seated next to his son, Azure. Luna had transported the new pegasus and her daughter directly to Equestria. Celestia stood, horn glowing, scanning, for some time. Eventually she had seemed satisfied. Whatever had happened was truly and completely over now.
"John Norris." Uh oh. This was spankin' time. John was expecting a big ass whooping, and he couldn't say he didn't exactly deserve it. However, he didn't regret a thing. Maybe she wasn't exactly the same Lillian Fogarty from Surrey that he had first met in that vault, but she had gotten her wish - to live as a simple mare in Equestria. And he knew, beyond any doubt, that enough of her had survived to enjoy her new life. But he would never tell Celestia how he knew. Not ever.
"You asked to speak with my subject alone, and you used that boon to take dangerous action without my consent or blessing. It is true that you spared an innocent life, and that is duly noted. But if you had been wrong in your arrogance, you would have destroyed two worlds, and potentially condemned every life within them to a nightmare of chaos - or even oblivion. Do you fully grasp the terrible chance you took with the lives of every living thing?" Not even his old man could make him feel as small as Celestia now did. John's ass just wanted to dig into the couch like a mole, and keep digging until it had made it to the center of the earth where it could finally commit seppuku out of infinite shame.
John could only swallow. He didn't have what it took to cry. He wanted to, he just didn't have enough personal power for it.
Celestia stared at him for some time. Each second of that look drilled into John's soul like a rocket barrage; he had no armor left by the time the gaze softened.
Finally, he found something squeaky that resembled his voice. "I'm... sorry." John swallowed once more. "I won't ever do it again." Of course he wouldn't; a random alicorn was a once-in-forever event. But the real meaning was clear enough.
"Good." Celestia gave him one last glance to make sure the lesson sank in. His old man would do the same damn thing, John reflected. "Now, about your payment."
What the hell? He was still getting paid? Celestia was an odd duck. "W-What?" John was still having vocal problems.
"You did perform a service to the crown... though I think that your absurd price is something that a wise pony would immediately give up any expectation of."
John nodded. Still being alive after screwing around with the plans of goddesses was a pretty good paycheck right there. That said, John didn't get three billion in the vault by eschewing a chance to make a profit. Some of his old self began to rise again inside him. "Princess... I don't expect billions of bits. I'm sorry for that. But... there is something that..." John turned to his son. "Azure! Would you go downstairs and get me a Chromacola? You know, the machine I had installed in the lobby? I'm really thirsty. Right now! Please."
"But daaad..." Azure didn't want to miss out on any awesome princess time.
"Now, son. Quick. Please."
Azure grumbled away. When the elevator doors closed, John turned to Celestia again.
"My son's birthday is coming up. He's had a rough life, and I try to be a good father, but... I want to do something really special for him. Something that will impress his friends at school, something that might help him have friends and..."
Celestia smiled. "Let me guess. You can't find a way to contact the Wonderbolts?"
* * * * *
Derpalina Ditzy Doo Hooves was having a particularly good day. It had been many months now since... whatever had happened had... happened. For a while, she had gotten to stay with the princesses in Canterlot! Her little foal Dinky had run the marble halls and they had enjoyed a fine time. It was very nice of the nice princesses to have them over.
During the stay at the castle, Derpy had been asked many strange things that she couldn't answer, and shown strange pictures that didn't make sense. The nice Princesses seemed to think that she had relatives that she couldn't remember. Maternal ancestors that all looked exactly like her, even down to her unique cutie mark. She didn't remember having a grandmare who had lived in Canterlot before Ponyville had been settled, and who had somehow helped save the settlers during the great timberwolf incident. She definitely didn't remember anything about a great, great, great grandmare who had somehow been partially responsible for the peace pact with the dragons in the days of Middle Canterlot! And there were other ancestors too! One had even lived back during the very first years after the defeat of Discord. Always they had been around some super important event, unlike her.
But that was okay. Derpy liked her quiet, gentle life very much. She had everything she could ever want. Her house, her little Muffin, and all her friends, which was the whole town! Everypony liked Derpy! The princesses said so!
Derpy kept trying to remember to invite the princesses over to her own home, to return the kindness, but she kept forgetting. She forgot a lot of things all of the time, and sometimes it made otherponies upset with her. But it was alright. She still had lots of friends, and she knew she was an important part of the community.
After all, she got to do more different jobs than any other pony! Sometimes she got to help Bruiser move things with his moving company. Other times she helped out in construction. During holidays, she helped out when they needed more mailmares to deliver packages! And she always got to go fetch the Southern birds at Winter Wrap Up. The princess had told her that she was a Special Case, and that she would always be hired wherever she asked. It was a royal decree!
Of course, once she was hired, it always happened that she did such a very, very good job that pretty soon the job was all done and she would have to move on to a new job. Still, it was good to feel so helpful! Even if a lot of things tended to get broken or lost all the time, and someponies got upset sometimes.
The princesses made sure that Derpy always had a little money no matter what. It was a special dispen... dispanse... it was a prize for something she had done once that had helped them. Or something. There was always food in her house, and her house was always warm. And best of all, she had lots and lots of time with her beloved little muffin, Dinky! They would make cakes and oatmeal cookies and sing songs and have lots of fun almost every day. Derpy loved her life very much.
But occasionally, things would get even better! That's when her very special friend came to town. Some called him 'Time Turner'. He liked to just be called 'The Doctor' - but Derpalina had never seen him anywhere near the place where the medical unicorns worked. Derpy loved her special friend very much. He was always so nice to little Dinky, and they had such fun together. She could tell when he was coming because of the sound. The sound came and then the fun began again.
Derpy was galloping now, because she had heard the sound! The strange wheezing, scraping sound, like a key dragged slowly across the string inside a piano. She wanted to greet her special friend. He must be back!
Derpy ran down the lane, towards her house. Her special friend always showed up near there. He said it was because it was a special place... or was it because she was special? She couldn't remember. She did forget a lot of things. But it didn't matter, because nopony cared. She felt loved, and that was all that mattered.
Her little muffin was in school. That was sad, because little Dinky liked meeting their special friend. But maybe he would stay for dinner. Sometimes he did. When they got back. Sometimes the Doctor would take her places, and they would do... stuff. Fun stuff. Sometimes scary stuff. Derpy couldn't remember what it was, but it was really fun, she knew that much.
Derpy rounded the grove of trees at the end of the lane. There was her house! If he was here, he would be in back as usual. That was where he set his tiny little shed. He had a really nice shed. It was small and blue and had little windows. There was a light on top and signs that said 'PONY herd call BOX'. It looked very small, but once you went inside it was really, really big inside, and had all kinds of buttons and switches to play with!
Derpy rounded the house. The shed! It was here! Today was sure to be an especially fun day!
She fluttered her wings to reach the shed. The little door on the front opened, and her special friend ambled out. He was a soft, light brown, with a messy mane and tail, a collar and tie, and a little hour-glass for a cutie mark.
Yes, today was going to be a really fun day.
* * * * *
Azure was finally in bed. It had taken forever to get the little indigo pegasus calmed down enough to get him into his Wonderbolt PJs; even longer to get him settled enough to attempt sleep. It had been an exciting evening for the colt, filled with princesses and... something... strange that neither of them could remember. And then, somehow, a pegasus filly and her newborn foal had just appeared in John's vault.
Oh yes... it was coming back to him. The Princesses had explained it. The little foal was a unicorn. Sometimes baby unicorns experienced brief moments of astonishing magical power. It was uncommon, but it happened. The little unicorn had teleported her mother and herself during the act of birth. The teleport was random, of course, because what could a newborn know of the world? They had ended up by chance in John's vault.
That was why there was blood in the corner...and on... the wall. It was a messy birth. That was it. John would need to get the mess cleaned up. Tomorrow. John felt very tired.
There was something else, too. The little pegasus mom. She was quite a klutz, as John remembered. Funny eyes. John remembered thinking she was probably retarded. That was new; he didn't think that could even happen to Equestrians. It was probably very, very rare indeed.
She had leaned close to him. He recalled that clearly. She had come close... and whispered something in his ear. It was as if, just for a moment, she had possessed the wisdom of the ages. It was the damnedest thing.
What exactly had she told him? John tried to remember... it was something she thought was very important. Something that he needed to know. Why did she think that he needed to know... whatever it was? Huh. It was a very strange night.
Somehow, Celestia had agreed to get the Wonderbolts for Azure's party. That was a really nice gesture on her part. Just because his vault got messy. John decided that the Equestrian princesses were decent enough. Besides, anything for his son.
Something about that gray pegasus still was bothering him. What had she told him?
Whatever it was, it had somehow changed his mind about something he thought he would never do. Even though the constant expansion of Equestria had forced the closing of all the Conversion Bureaus on the West Coast, even though ponification serum was in short supply in the region, he knew he had to finally find a way, some way, ANY way, to get his ass Converted. It was incredibly important, he felt that now. Desperately important. Besides, he had to be there for his son in the future, right?
It was as if his very soul depended upon it.
The End
The Lost In The Herd Series:
One: The Big Respawn,
Two: Euphrosyne Unchained,
Three: Letters From Home,
Four: Teacup, Down On The Farm
The Conversion Bureau Novels:
27 Ounces: A story of eight and one half ponies
The Taste Of Grass
The Conversion Bureau: Code Majeste
The Conversion Bureau: The 800 Year Promise
The Conversion Bureau: Going Pony
The Reasonably Adamant Down With Celestia Newfoal Society!
Recombinant 63: A Conversion Bureau Story
HUMAN in Equestria: A Conversion Bureau Story
The PER: Michelson and Morely
Little Blue Cat
Cross The Amazon
Adrift Off Fiddler's Green: The Final Conversion Bureau Story
The Short Stories:
Her Last Possession
The Conversion Bureau: PER Equitum
The Conversion Bureau: Brand New Universe
Tales Of Los Pegasus
The Poly Little Pony
The very first and original
Conversion Bureau Group
archives only the best Three Rules Compatible stories!
Optimalverse Works:
Friendship Is Optimal: Caelum Est Conterrens
Leftovers: A Friendship Is Optimal Story
IMPLACABLE
My Life In Fimbria
Injectorverse Works:
I.D. - That Indestructible Something
The More Conventional Fanfics:
The Ice Cream Pony Summer
Around The Bend
PRIDE related works:
Transspecieality
My FREE music streaming service!
Rare, personally chosen anime, SF and fantasy television, movies, and comedy music. A truly unusual collection to listen to, featuring Spot Announcer Dr. Sandi!
And that's how Equestria was made. Given that Lillian is two ponies now, it's sort of obvious that she isn't going to remember her past.
BEAUTIFUL.
FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.
whoa, did NOT see that coming
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwooacb2wy1qgzpbk.gif
is best pony.
OF COURSE! DOCTOR WHOOVES!
A very interesting twist on things. The more I learn while reading this, the more questions I end up with. Kudos Chat for successfully blowing my mind yet again
OK, that ending was a bit of a twist. It seemed out of nowhere, but alicorn powers are crazy powerful, so I can let that slide. I really wasn't expecting Lillian to become Derpy because Derpy has already been established in Equestria. Becoming Derpy and Dinky? Madness! I feel this is setting up an entirely different story, because the question remains, why did Lillian become the Whooves family and what of the already established family in Equestria?
Long story short, crazy mad story. Five stars.
I still hate celestia and luna, and I still refuse to read the conversion bureau, and I still believe that death give a life meaning, there is no soul, and there isnt any form of god or goddess, and that no one animal or sentient being should live forever, and that humanity would NEVER fuck up this badly, and that if anyone that would give up there humanity, and this gorgeous planet that we live on didn't deserve it to begin with, I still believe that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, and that this universe makes the ponies into cybermen, and that humanity would probably have had space travel by then, and that magic is nothing but radiation (as spectacular as it may be), and that my species is glourious and beautiful in every way, and that the odds of herbivorous herding animals could never hope to be as intelligent as omnivorous, pack based, tool building, sapean's. But by the nine that fic was brilliant! Even though I still still think ditzy doo is a bloody genius!
149792
Derpy has no family in history; all those sightings of a mare that looks just like her in the past ARE her. She's traveling with Dr. Whooves in the TARDIS, of course. She helps him save Equestria, but she never remembers for long.
See: Many, MANY other authors. And fan art. And audio dramas.
149832
See that right there is why The Doctor is so much fun to put into things. He's almost like the ultimate loop hole. "How could Derpy and Dinky be born now when we have their family and past present already?" "The Doctor did it with the TARDIS." Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Wimey Stuff wins again!
I have to admit that the idea of having Derpy and Dinky originally being an alicorn born thru Conversion is an amazing idea.
Wonderful ending!
As always a very captivating story by Chaty. Because of it I could not sleep well all week. All my stars!
OH GOD TWO DERPYS!!! What have you done... Don't you know that Earth will implode from all the Derpyness and cuteness that is emanating from them. Welp im off to the moon since nothing bad ever happens there, maybe I might find Luna. Oh well.
But to be perfectly honest, this is so far the only story that has not only made me shed very very manly tears but also made me stand up and uplourod this pice of work. If I could throw more stars at it I would, so please, please don't ever stop writing these beautiful stories otherwise I would have nothing else to read in my favorite MLP sub universe. So keep up the good work.
Such an adorably knacky twist
At least both mother and daughter are immortal (Right?)
That ending totally screwed me over...
Absolutely brilliant!
To the scoreboard:
Took on the touchiest subject in the fandom: Check
Integrated that into the touchiest fanfic universe in the fandom: Check
Expanded a few minds through character observation and world building: Check
Wrote a very compelling story about it all: Check
and for bonus points...
Managed to integrate several threads of fandom generated material into a single story while integrating the main character and arc from yet another story into a nice twisty ending that ties up everything with a little pink bow.
Very, very impressive Chatoyance. Thank you!
149949
Not two Derpy Hooves. Only one. Her existence became so due to this event and she had never existed before this time. Presumably the Doctor whisked her away about the time that she was no longer an Alicorn and she or Dinky later on was transported way back by the Doctor to form the family prehistory that is known by Celestia.
Yeah for playing in and out of time!
Awesome tale! :D
150079 time travel makes no sense what so ever. Mind = Blown
Derpy and Dinky and Doctor Whooves, oh my!
Spectacular tale, that managed to impress and interest despite the foreseeable ending. Definitely something I'm recommending around to read. Good sir, have all my stars.
This story is smart and well-written, and in many ways highly engaging. And yet... It's just loaded with stuff that seems designed to rub me the wrong way. It made me think a lot, which is good, but still.... Very mixed feelings. I guess I must like it, on the whole, or I wouldn't be bothering to write this comment, but still...
I personally think that John is cracked and he's a monster. There are people like that in the world, but understanding or empathizing with them doesn't come easy. It's like reading a story about the adventures of Muammar Gaddafi.
Alicorns in this setting are wildly over-powered and far from any concept I had of them... And the Earth is, apparently, horribly wrecked by technology ran amuck with little explanation of how or why... And, as Silver suggested, ponies in this setting are like happy, candy-colored Cybermen.
Making Lillian into Derpy + Dinky is highly clever -- but I feel cleverness is overrated. Some authors just love to show off their great-and-powerful cleverness instead of going for the heart. I think this story treads close to that line in some areas.
And then at the end, the implied tie-in with Doctor Whooves annoys me. As Royal Brisk said, he's "the ultimate loop hole", which is a polite way of saying a cheat. (And since I'm actually writing a time travel story myself which runs into a similar issue, this has been on my mind.) I also think he's a bit too silly to have any role in serious-minded fics, which this story was in most other respects.
However, I think the biggest source of my discontent goes back to the beginning. At the beginning, after the description and first chapter, I was expecting a certain kind of story, and I figured it was going to be good. And then as it developed, it just veered further and further away from that story I was imagining in my head. So, in some ways I'm crying over the loss of that story that I'd expected to read, more than I'm really complaining about the one we got.
Right, alternate ending ahoy!
also, is it just me but... a lot of these chapter titles come off like lines from songs I know.
I'm actually laughing at the silliness of making Dinky and Derpy (and yes, making them "the same" is a very, very neat twist) the same Dinky and Derpy by mixing in Doctor Whooves!
The barrier actually explains how he got ponified... oh my... dammit muse, I don't have time for this...
See, Chatoyance? You DO know how to write an ending that surprises people EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE IT FIGURED OUT ALREADY.
That's really something. Kudos!
DitzyDoo, the self perpetuating paradox
I foresaw the 'complications' in whatever procedure would be used in making Lillian into Derpy (Shotgun to the head followed by jamming things into her skull...squick) but you still managed to throw a twist into my expectations. Most everyone who'd been reading this saw Lillian being Derpy coming, but I doubt ANYONE saw her ALSO becoming Dinky as well. That was a really nice twist. And I figured time travel would be involved but also didn't see the Doctor coming either. This does make me wonder if because of her origins, will Dinky be able to grow up? Or will she stay a filly forever?
Also, I can't help but think that there's still something very wrong in the way Celesta and maybe Luna handled things, if only because THEY exist as well. They whole concept of Celestia's knowledge of alicorn physiology implies that at one point she and Luna went through the exact 'growing pains' Lillian did...but they're still (apparently) sane and not destroying the universe with stray thoughts (not counting Nightmare Moon and/or the expansion of Equestria, maybe, because that seems to be a whole 'nother issue). So that being the case, surely they had some way of keeping her contained(other than turning her to stone I mean) until she had control of her powers? The way Lillian refers to Celestia turning her enemies to stone as 'how she deals with things' seems to indicate that it's exactly what she said: Celestia takes the easy way out and turns her major problems to stone, instead of actually having to deal with them! Makes me wonder why Luna, as NMM, isn't sitting in a sculpture garden somewhere, in that case...
Anyway, possible plotholes or other indications aside, this was a great story with one heck of a twist at the end. Looking forward to whatever's next for you, but in the meantime...I need to go read Azure Future.
150111
Anyone who thinks that The Doctor is too silly to fit into a serious story has never watched Doctor Who.
Fimfiction is broken, there aren't enough stars to give to this story
Poor her, left brain damaged.
150318
Why isn't NMM a garden ornament? ... For the simple reason Luna is Celestia sister. It is very lonely being immortal.
But what does this mean for Derpy and Dinky? I believe in this current form they are mortal...since Celestia knows them as her little ponies. Dinky though may grow up to be an exceptionally powerful unicorn probably far more powerful than Twilight. But after that? Once Derpy and Dinky have died... will Lillian simply reform? Even Celestia could not change Lillian nature as an Allicorn. Might a reform Lillian have the memories of Depry and Dinky.... odd.... yes but with a life time of controlling her wings and horn, might Lillian finally be trained... and thus safer?
Oh, there are two things I want to add here, but until I hear otherwise you'll only get one in the comments
One of them is my alternative ending, which I decided to have a little fun with. The other is three words, "all you zombies". Masterful in weaving a couple of getouts with a couple of gotcha's!
... Okay.
It took me a few minutes and perusing some of the comments and re-examining the chapter title to figure out what's going, but yes, I understand.
... I... understand.
This is another topic on which you and I are not ever going to agree, but if it makes a good story, who am I to deny it, even if it defies my own perspective? I could go off on a huge rant about my opinions here, but that's not what the comment system is for, so I'll just stuff it back in its box and let it out somewhere where it won't hurt anypony. As of yesterday, my stance is the wrong one anyway, so all I really need to go is get off of my soapbox. Which is proving more difficult than I'd like.
This is a good story. It's a wonderful story, really, and it made me think. I enjoy stories that make me think; I enjoy stories that delve deep into motivations and introspection and this story does that very well and in that respect it is a very good story. From an objective point of view, this story deserves at least 4.5 and I may even concede and give it 5 stars.
Subjectively, I admit... I am still on the fence. From a certain perspective this is a mercy for everyone, even for Lillian. But this ending bothers me in the same way that Flowers For Algernon does, if you will pardon the reference; it's for the best, but that doesn't make it fair.
But maybe that's just it; maybe there's no way to be fair.
Awaiting with pleasure whatever you have planned, as always.
Death is the eternal curse of life.
~~CouncilMember Nicksterra~~
150444i personally think that she is still an alicorn but she was simply fractured. so essentially derpy still has the earthponys abilities, she just lost her magic,and even then its not really lost, due to the fact that they are still connected on some level as there were once the same being.
thereforeit is likely that ditzy doo will become as strong as an alicorn in magic, and that derpy and ditzy will retain the innate ability to regenerate, therefore even in this form they canot die. my basis for this theory is chemical and physical changes, or in this case magical and physical changes. John blowing off her head and implanting the glass sphere was a physical change, if derpy had been transformed into a earth pony it would have been a magical change, however it was performed through phyiscal means not magical means.
Ditzy doo is simply the byproduct.
absolutely awesome ending, awesome story. i hope to see what you write in the future.
Thank you all very much for following me on this tale, and for letting me tell you a story.
I will respond, in a general way, to various comments:
Dr. Whooves: That the creators of MLP:FIM love Dr. Who enough to clearly include a David Tennant-a-like pony in the show is astonishing, but it is also deliberate. It is a strange thing to realize that 'Dr. Whooves' is essentially more canon, real canon, that Derpy Hooves was up until The Last Roundup. Derpy started as an animation error; David Tennant the Pony started, clearly, with hour-glass mark, from episode one, season one.
Time Travel: Dr. Who has been telling time travel stories for more than forty years - it is the longest running science fiction program in the history of the world. Over the course of those decades -and I have seen all that is available of Dr. Who - I can assure that the show has explored almost every conceivable aspect of time travel that has ever been imagined in the whole of written science fiction. Dr. Who is THE definitive treatise on time travel, from the silly, to the absolutely serious and intellectual. The only things not covered in Dr. Who can be found in only one book. The single best time travel book ever written, the one that collects every single aspect of time travel in one place: The Man Who Folded Himself by author David Gerrold. Yes, he is the guy who wrote "The Trouble With Tribbles" from Star Trek. He also wrote the single best time travel book. I am not shitting you. Want your mind destroyed? That's the book.
"Flowers For Algernon" - I want to have your foals. Daniel Keyes. I adore that novella, and the full book even more. Yes. Of course I was inspired.
Celestia and Luna and why no more alicorns: It was earlier in the story, and so easy to forget, but it was explained. Celestia and Luna, after defeating Discord, spent an endless time, far more than a thousand years, doing nothing but trying to learn to control their thoughts consistently enough that the world would remain stable. This allowed life to even grow and spread, and it is strongly implied that they brought ponies into existence as ponies once more. The threat of Lillian was another thousand years of chaos while she too, learned to guard every. Single. Thought. Then, they would have to recreate life and substance again, from scratch. They might not be able to get things close to what they were. And any unconverted humans would just be gone forever, which in my world, in year 1.5 of the emergence of Equestria, is around 11 billion people. That is why Celestia was so... adamant.
Stoning: "At least I don't turn ponies to stone" -Discord, The Return Of Harmony, season two. This is show canon. Discord also calls Celestia grim. And, if you think about it, she really is. She is sweet on the outside, but kind of grim and sad on the inside. I have no doubt this is deliberate on the part of the creators and writers of MLP:FIM. They are... a little more blatant about stuff than some folks may think. How do you protect the world against something that cannot be killed or destroyed? You imprison it. But what if it also can travel through space and dimension, like Discord (or a unicorn of sufficient power to teleport). You have put them in stasis. No stasis-chambers from Red Dwarf available? Magical Dungeons and Dragons background world? The answer is turning opponents and problems to stone. I think the folks who do MLP:FIM understand this; and I think they have more than made it clear that Celestia Does What She Has To. Whether we find it cuddly or not. She's a ruler. She rules.
My future history: First came the Great Collapse; the monetary collapse of the earth's financial institutions. This is going on right now, by the way. In real life. Now, we move to fantasy: During the Collapse, nanotechnology was brought in, along with a world corporate government, as the solution to all of man's woes. However, thanks to greed, it was used to benefit the rich, and opposed for political reasons, and generally abused. Genegeneering became huge too (this is also real world, right now) as Terminator seeds and Roundup Ready plants were replaced with even more insidious strains until the world became sterile and things would no longer grow. (currently, real world, suicide is one of the biggest problems in India, as an example, because farmers were convinced to buy genetically engineered seeds. Seeds that cannot be collected and replanted, but must be bought new, every year, Terminator seeds, that can grow only ONCE. This bankrupts the farmers, turning them, and their families - for generations- into effective slaves. Most common form of suicide? Drink Roundup, also needed with Terminator seeds. Slow, horrible death with no antidote. It's happening now.) This leads to the Last Crop as seen in this story. The oceans are killed by a series of Fukushima-like events that poison them, and turn them radioactive, combined with overharvesting and industrial waste; the final blow is genetic engineering for profit, again. This leaves the world dying; but man is saved thanks to the Worldgovernment Standard Ration: 1000 calories of nanorefabricated food made from recycled human waste and three gallons of nanopurified water to every man, woman and child on the planet. It is the greatest achievement in the history of man: every person fed. This leaves the world in a state of absolute division between the corporate gods of earth and the permanently impoverished masses who breed without limit. This is not that different from today, right now, just amplified.
Derpy as the perfect Companion for Dr. Whooves: she cares for all life, she is loyal, if clumsy, and her mental retardation means that she cannot ever spill the beans on Dr. Whooves and his efforts to save Equestria behind the scenes. She can't even remember, most of the time. Plus, it is possible she might live as long as he, making her the One True Companion Who Won't Die On Him. Many authors have suggested a love relationship between the ponies there; it makes more sense with her for all these reasons. She is the perfect, long lived (thanks to remaining alicorn traits) companion and love interest!
On John Norris: Real people are complex, and have many sides, and there is no such thing as absolute evil or absolute good. John is without question a monster, from one viewpoint, he made his money destroying the lives of innocent people by knowingly eliminating their careers. But, he is also a loving father, a wacky, fun guy, and he genuinely cares about those who are inside his narrow field of concern. He tries to do the right thing, within his own frame of reference. He is both good, and evil, at the same time, just like all human beings. That makes him real, and not fantasy. Fantasy is where good people are always good and bad people are always bad. That's Writing For Retards. It can be fun, but it isn't true.
Reality is where people have good and bad aspects, nothing is ever perfect, and you never quite get what you want out of anything. Maturity is where you find a way to live with that in reasonably good spirits, without whinging. Me? I spend my time daydreaming to escape. Thus stories. I suck, but I tell stories, so, there's that.
Epic just Epic. It seems that the only thing that has not been explored in a conversion bureau story is someone being converted into a draconequus or a crossover with H.P. Lovecraft.......... actually that sounds pretty cool with a half eldritch/dunwich horror type character being converted. But this was a cool and very well written story though in all honesty Dr.Who in the conversionverse seems pretty farfetched.
150318
That's...
Quite unessacary.
Shotgun Surgeon now used literally!
I didn't really write a comment to this last chapter because I found the ending to be extremely bittersweet. There was a part of me that wanted to see a solution in there that didn't involve her death, to the point of wishful thinking. (She got her head blown off and her memory is gone... to me losing any part of your memory is like dying)
To me the real kicker was the in the first physical descriptions of your character I was thinking "She looks a lot like Derpy."
I'm not sure what your opinions are on The Conversion Bureau genre being overused. Considering this fic, and the one before it I'm assuming people still love reading these stories. Thanks for the closing, and sorry to hear about the weather.
150886
Chat... I think this entire comment of yours needs to be a blog post, just so everypony can see it.
ragecomics.memebase.com/wp-content/themes/vip/cheezcommon2/ragecomic/packs/seriously/images/JackieChan.png
HOLY MOTHER OF MUNG BEANS, I DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING.
I must say, that was truly one of the most masterful twists I've ever bore witness to. Bravo.
The only part that's still bugging me is this: what actually happened to the Derpy and Dinky who were living in Equestria? Like, the original ones? This is like, some kinda crazy Buddhist reincarnation thing or something...
153453
You may not be familiar with some of the fan canon that my story draws from and tries to support. I will explain the meaning of the ending for those that may not have ever heard of Dr. Whooves, and who thus may find themselves lost interpreting how Derpy could exist folded in time.
Dr. Whooves is based on Dr. Who, the longest running science fiction television program in the history of the world. It tells time and space stories about the mysterious Doctor and his living time machine called the TARDIS, and the various companions he picks up. The Doctor has been deliberately referenced in the actual MLP:FIM series since episode one, season one. Fans picked up on that immediately.
TARDIS stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space; such a machine is powered by a living, godlike entity which is it's core and engine, the interior exists in a pocket dimension outside of normal spacetime, so that the TARDIS can look like a little blue box (the shed) on the outside, but be vastly large on the inside, with rooms and chambers and hallways that go on for miles. The blue shed is the TARDIS.
Derpy and Dinky are sent home by Luna. They are given a house and a stipend from the crown. Derpy does odd jobs thanks to an edict by the princesses that commands that she be hired anywhere she asks. She breaks things a lot, so she also gets fired a lot.
Months later she meets Dr. Whooves for the first time in her back yard. His sapient time machine is drawn there because of Derpy, Lillian's, latent protrusion in hyperspace thanks to having once been an alicorn. They have all the cool adventures other authors have written about. This is why a 'duplicate' ancestor is seen in Equestria's history - it's actually Derpy, travelling with the Doctor in the TARDIS.
The TARDIS is not known for being precise when landing, or more accurately, it has a will of it's own, so Derpy is placed in Equestria before Lillian's birth in the Human universe, thus establishing her as a citizen, and confusing the heck out of the princesses one day. She lives in the same house she will oneday live in; that's why the princesses give her the house in the first place; it's her house. It's always been her house. The princesses worry that it has something to do with her previous state as an alicorn, which is why they give her a stipend and demand everypony be nice to her; they are afraid she might one day 'wake up' as an alicorn, and they don't want a pissed alicorn on their hooves. Logical.
Between adventurers, Derpy can't remember having gone on them, so she can't spill the beans on Dr. Whooves activites. To the princesses, she just always was in Equestria, and her origin is a mystery of the cosmos that can never be explained. But we know.
Now.
153889
Thanks for explaining, though it actually hit me about a minute after I posted that comment. Eh he... Derp moment.
I am a fan of Dr. Who and know plenty of the Derpy/Whooves fannon, but with this explanation, the ending to this story just became even more crazy/awesome/crazy awesome.
i1110.photobucket.com/albums/h460/gifmaster500/Kevinmindblown.gif
I did not see that ending at all
But It made sense.
I liked the story a LOT
But while I was reading this chapter, the whole time I couldn't really feel like I was "in the story" (you know what I mean) when reading the other chapters. It just seemed rushed.
Even though it was one of your longest chapters.
to quote Frank West "I can't put my finger on it"
4.5/5
very well done :D
but again, this chapter just bothers me for some reason.
I'm so damn confused...
What the hell just happened?
Not that that's a bad thing.
So, is Derpy cutiemark actually a buckshot to the head?
Great story, so very sweet
I loved it!
The section in which John experienced the fall of Lillian and the rise of Derpy and Dinky was a bit fast-paced, and seemed as if it should have been a bit more detailed. It was also quite confusing as to how the events occurred. As for the events happening afterwards, while some may visualize Doctor Whooves's inclusion in the story as a cheap loophole, I find it to be an interesting aspect of the story, tying itself into the popular fanon concept of Derpy being the Doctor's assistant.
I highly enjoyed the foreshadowing with Lillian's similar appearance to Derpy, as well as Lillian's pet rat, Muffin, though it wasn't obvious to me until I read about Lillian's transformation to Derpy and Dinky. I was drawn into the other details of the story rather than seeing the deeper meaning, but that's my own personal fault. I feel that the clues used to foreshadow future events should be left which are obvious, but only if the reader actually looks into them in greater detail.
The way in which you were able to portray the characters was brillian, as well, especially with the princesses. You were able to successfully keep their canon traits in place, while expanding their personalities on a much deeper level.
Overall, I'd give this a 4.7/5. While it may not be the greatest work of literature ever to be composed, it's a brilliant example of literary art.
I really don't like the last chapter. The biggest annoyance for me is that I expected some character growth of Celestia having to make the decision of letting a possibly world endangering powerful being live with the understanding that she is completely innocent and needs to be given the chance to survive or simply turn her to stone to prevent any possible risk to her ponies. Even with Luna's statement saying Celestia needed to be taught the lessons she was teaching to Luna, I fully expected a confrontation between the two arguing a classic point of ends justifying the means. However, the end came around and any difficult choice that could have been was stolen away by the meddling human (sorry john, love you story but I just don't think you had a place here). Just the mere thought that Celestia might have been forced to learn something from a human and her sister fills my heart with wishful thinking.
Truth be told, I would have read a full 40 chapters of the story that came before the end because the prospect of a third alicorn, and a human one at that, is just too damn intriguing for me to turn away from. I know it's wishful thinking at this point but I just can't get the idea of a human alicorn out of my head and really wish you had gone further with it instead of stopping to drop her on derpy and ditzy (a twist that i'm not entirely sure was good, as i said, I've been too focused on the alicorn part of this). Still, you did give me a decent emotional impact at the end so I guess I can't completely discount the ending.
Am I reading too much into this or am I just tweaked and peeved because it didn't go down the way i wish it had? I'm really not certain, still I would give it 4 stars over all (and 5 stars for all the chapters before the end, I just couldn't put it down man!).
P.S.
bit surprised she didn't try her parents either but that one i could really let slide as not everyone would run back home in that situation.
Okay, so... perhaps I'm misunderstanding the last part of the story. But Celestia basically mindwiped John's recollection of the entire event and gave him a false memory of a birthing? How'd she do this without magically microwaving his brain? Is she THAT precise?
166118
I imagine it's akin to a MiB neuralyzer. The human brain is a powerful pattern recognition engine to a fault, so she just wiped all of his memories from the last X hours and then planted suggestions for him to fill in on his own. He probably thinks it was disgusting enough that he blocked the graphic parts from his memory.
I... augh.. DAMMIT CHAT!
I even stopped at one point about halfway through the story and thought "huh, I wonder if she was consciously using the same blonde-on-grey color scheme that Derpy has", then dismissed that thought, because I didn't think you'd actually go there.
Then you went there.
Your stories are brilliant, and fun, and this one was no exception. Can't wait for your next Conversion Bureau tale.
The only complaint I actually have for this story is in your very first characterization of Celestia. When Celestia first tracks Lillian, we briefly see from Celestia's point of view, and are privy to the thought "The usurper had somehow instinctively managed to teleport. This would not do.". Even having completed the story and understanding the full scope of Celestia's concern, that thought, and the use of the word "usurper" seem out of place. Would Celestia's first reaction to a Code Majeste really be to arrive and immediately destroy the infant Alicorn? To treat the infant as a hostile rather just a problem?
Later, during her discussion with Luna, I could accept her reaction and reasoning for continuing to hunt Lillian, but that first reaction felt far too hostile to me.