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  • T Friendship Is Optimal: Caelum Est Conterrens

    Set in the Optimalverse, a middle-aged woman confronts what emigration to Equestria - uploading to a virtual existence - really means. But can she truly understand - and more importantly, should she trust the artificial intelligence Celestia?
    56,871 words · 15,294 views  ·  504  ·  127
  • T The Taste Of Grass

    Within The Conversion Bureau Universe, Newfoal immigrants face settling new lands within Equestria. Unfortunately, not one of them knows how their new universe actually works.
    114,602 words · 5,649 views  ·  355  ·  104
  • T 27 Ounces

    27 Ounces is the story of eight and one half ponies, set within the Conversion Bureau universe.
    78,013 words · 6,678 views  ·  371  ·  123 · gore
  • T The Conversion Bureau: Code Majeste

    Earth pony, pegasus pony, unicorn; a newfoal will become one. But there is provision for one other.
    56,897 words · 8,835 views  ·  365  ·  130
  • T I.D. - That Indestructible Something

    Gregoria Samson awakens transformed into an Equestrian pony - yet no other human being can percieve her new body in any way. What is the incredible, monumental truth behind her impossible change?
    97,700 words · 3,747 views  ·  350  ·  130
  • T The Conversion Bureau: Euphrosyne Unchained

    A young woman prepares for Conversion, but there is more she wants to change than flesh.
    16,364 words · 6,140 views  ·  200  ·  83
  • T The Conversion Bureau: Teacup, Down On The Farm

    Years after the last human is gone, a Newfoal must face that the past never truly vanshes.
    40,225 words · 4,484 views  ·  229  ·  97
  • E The Ice Cream Pony Summer

    This series of stories explores the many feelings of summer for the denizens of Equestria.
    8,144 words · 1,299 views  ·  121  ·  47

Blog Posts71

  • 13w, 11h
    In Hell, There Are No Desks

    I'm typing this from my lap, on a new keyboard I am unused to. Had to get a new one, we couldn't connect my old keyboard - they don't make those ancient connectors anymore, and the cable needed is still in a box. Everything I own is in a box, and will be for the next three to four months at least.

    Hah! How the mighty have fallen, eh? Once I lived in a palatial home, now I have no room of my own. My world, for now, is the far corner of what - in a normal person's house - would likely be the 'living room'. The house is filled with hundreds of boxes, and no way to unpack them. Why? It's a little bit Sokoban, and a little bit 'guess what's in the box' and a little bit 'we are so fucked'.

    Intel got caught with their fingers in the European cookie jar, as you may recall, and they had to pay billions in fines. Worse, they got very complacent and ignored the rise of mobile computing entirely, so the pacific rim ate their lunch with cheap, easily modified, dedicated chips for consumer goods. Desperate to look good to stockholders, they did the usual American Capitalist Trick: fire most of the workers who actually do the work in a way that denies them any benefits or severance of any kind. Suddenly, without employees, they look great on paper!

    The way they did this is to announce that if one wanted to work for Intel any longer, one must move to the region around Portland, Oregon. Naturally, this meant that more that 75% of their employees in the divisions targeted would be screwed, and 'choose' to leave their jobs of their 'own volition', thus making their quitting their 'free choice' and thus ineligible for any benefits of any kind - the slackers! The losers! Stupid peasants with homes and communities and family obligations and relatives and lack of resources to move at the drop of a hat!

    It was evil, but damn clever. Force people to have to quit because moving is not possible for most people. Brilliant. Dirty as hell, of course, but cunning.

    That still left tens of thousands of people flooding into a fairly small region, Hillsboro. It was sheer luck we found an overpriced house at all - there is a huge bubble going on as folks gouge the hell out of the influx of Intel folks. House-flip-a-go-go! Gold rush!

    Bottom line? It is impossible to get a contractor to fix a house or turn a garage into a room. And that is a problem, you see, since the entire plan was to convert the garage into my room. For me to live in. That isn't happening. It's so massive an issue, that the guy that set up our internet? He is part of a small army of folks brought in from Colorado just to hook up internet here in Hillsboro. They're letting him go back to Colorado for a week to see his family, then it's another month of hooking up folks like us... the Intel Invasion. They don't have enough native cable guys here to do the job. Consider that.

    My family is hoping that maybe by October or November, it might be rainy and miserable enough that the contractors here might be unable to work outside - or unwilling to work outside - and it might be possible to get some to do interior work at last, and thus finally build me a room to live in. It's a hope, anyway.

    Until then, I am the empress of cardboard boxes that I can't get into... because there is no place to unpack them. I have six pieces of clothing, my shoes, my computer and monitor, my 360 and PS4, a chair, my toothbrush and the medicines I have to take, one garbage can, and my purse with my ipad in it. This is my world. This is my life. I am slowly going through some of the mis-labled boxes, checking them, resealing them, and writing their contents down (the packing crew did a random job, just insane) to find, well, things. More clothes to wear. Even one game for my PS4 to play. But, it's rough going - the house is chock-a-block with boxes. We were entirely depending on having my room done, so that my stuff could get unpacked, so there would be room to unpack other things. That isn't happening. We also expected that the boxes would be correctly labeled too. Nope.

    If I had thought, even for a moment, that everything would be lies and bullshit, and that it would all turn out to be a clusterfuck... I would have done some things differently.

    So, here is my big lesson to you, in case you have to move:

    Expect that nobody is telling the truth about anything, that everything will be fucked no matter what, and that nothing and no man can be trusted. Prepare accordingly: take enough stuff you need to live normally in the car with you, and don't let said stuff get packed up on the moving truck. Even if you have to make six or ten five hour trips back and forth to do it, do it. Keep what you need close to you. Because it will all go horribly wrong. When it does, you will have all of your necessities with you in your fortress of cardboard boxes, and you will be alright until things eventually become rational again.

    I didn't do the above, so now, for the next many months, I must peer at a monitor stacked on six shelf boards balanced on two incomplete drawer shells and type from my lap.

    Because, in hell, there are no desks.

    Anyway, we are in a new house, there is a lot wrong with it, but it will get fixed in time, and maybe in enough months, I will have a room again. And a surface to type on. (In the mean time, I am experimenting with using boards across my chair arms, tilted boards balanced on the edge of my monitor base, and pillows with boards on them as ways to get that 'desk feeling' back. Something will work, eventually. Surely.)

    When I get used to my new keyboard (this one is USB! Huzzah! I am finally in the new decade!) I will continue with my writing.

    So, for the too-long, didn't read crowd: I am down and (relatively) safe, the move is sort of over, and I am the empress of cardboard boxes, all hail me in my palace of cardboard!

    Lastly, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and kind to me during this fairly awful situation. You are wonderful, and I am grateful for you.

    All hail Cardboardia!

    May your boxes never crush

    A land not unlike Minecraft

    Someday the toilets will flush

    All hail the Empress

    ensconced in cardboard wall

    one day the mythical contractors

    will build her unicorn stall

    All hail Cardboardia!

    who knows what's tucked inside?

    Intel and life and human greed

    will ever take us for a ride!

    When you gaze upon a cardboard box, remember: the empress gazes back at you. (No, she doesn't. She's too busy feeling sorry for herself. The stroppy bint.)


    - Petal Chatoyance

    39 comments · 473 views
  • 15w, 5d
    This week and the next is moving.

    And I am in hell.

    Please, Celestia, CelestA.I. - I want to emigrate to Equestria.

    30 comments · 439 views
  • 17w, 4d
    It looks like we have a house.

    A little update on my life, it looks like we have a house to move to.

    Over the past... however long... we have been negotiating for a home in the Portland area. Hillsborough. We are just about to sign - this weekend, actually - and then we will own a home about six minuted from the Intel campus.

    It will need a little work - in order to provide me with a roughly equivalent 'Uniplex' room - the common place where my family gets together to watch or play, and the place I do everything in - the garage will be turned into a finished room with a proper floor and insulation and nice walls and skylights and suchlike. A replacement Japanese soaking tub will take a little longer, but it is in the plans.

    The house we are getting has some upsides and some downsides. It has enough rooms for a polyamoric family of four, which is good - one thing we have learned about being in a group marriage is that having enough private space is really a vital thing. People need some alone time. So a house for us has to have places where family members can just isolate if they need to. Say to work on something without interruption, or even just to chill out.

    The house is quirky, which is good. It appears to have been several houses, in a way. A house that was built on, then built onto again. The stairs are crazy in it, short stairs mostly, but strange in placement because of the haphazard way the place sort of grew over time. It has a moderate yard in the back, decent for gardening in, and a very nice front yard with a mature cherry tree. Mmm. Cherries.

    On the negative side, it is not very isolated - it is in the middle of Spielbergian Suburbia. It is next to the distant outer yard of a gradeschool, hopefully that will not be too awful. We are not 'kids' people, and we don't like noise and screaming and people breeding all over the place. Also, there is an airport nearby, somewhere. We have no way to know if we are on a flightpath that will be hell to suffer under. I guess... we'll find out.

    I tried packing some of my little, fragile things, and I broke down in tears. It was also hard on my stamina. Ever since my heart attack about a decade ago, my stamina has not been great. I'm going to need help packing, a lot of it, and I'm not sure how that is going to work out yet.

    But... the plan is that in three weeks or so, I will be living in a new house. When the shit hits the fan, it happens fast.

    That is the update, for those that care.

    I will keep working on my novel with dedication, but because of circumstances, I cannot promise, nor hope to always manage a chapter a day. I am sorry. I hate this unfortunate fact. I was really hoping to perform like I used to. But... life. The real world always gets in the way of ponies, and that is why real life is always inferior! :derpytongue2:

    Oh, how I wish that the Bureau Mythos, my own Pony Singularity, or the Optimalverse was real.

    But then, I doubt I am alone in that.

    - Petal Chatoyance, July 25th, 2014

    28 comments · 311 views
  • 19w, 21h
    Error Correction

    16 comments · 267 views
  • 19w, 2d
    Adrift Off Fiddler's Green: a new story is coming!

    We have a lead on a house. If things work out, then we may own a new place to live by the end of the month.

    This has cheered me enough that one day, I woke up, and... I wasn't completely sad. I had some energy. I had just a little joy in me. The bright day wasn't shining with despair anymore. I almost felt happy.

    And what powers my ability to write is feeling joy. Even just a little.

    And that translates to:

    Adrift Off

    Fiddler's Green

    A     C o n v e r s i o n     B u r e a u     S t o r y

                                                                  By Chatoyance

    It's coming. The first chapter is even now going through approval. It's a sort-of follow up to HUMAN In Equestria, and sort of it's own novel. It stars, with permission, a reporter character courtesy of Midnight Shadow. Why? Because while it is trivial to just invent a character, using his newfoal 'Frontpage' from 'Midnight's Tail' makes me feel, just a little bit, like the old days, when I was part of a community of writers all sharing the same mythos in joy and friendship. That sort of feeling is precious.

    A note on HUMAN In Equestria. For months and months, it has sat there, unfinished, a blot on my perfect record of always finishing every story. So, I set out to finish it. That was my initial goal. But... stories have lives of their own. Stories are living things, and what happened was that in doing more chapters of HUMAN, I realized an astonishing thing.

    I had already finished the book perfectly ( just as some readers did, in fact, point out at the time ) and I had failed to notice it. Or believe it. I think I didn't want that particular ride to end, really. But... it is complete. The 'new chapters' proved that to me. The book had a perfect, happy ending, plus an epilogue that tied everything up. It was complete, I was just unwilling to admit it. Silly, stubborn me!

    So, now I had two chapters and no book to put them in.

    That is remedied as of now... or rather, when the new novel is greenlighted and online. Soon, I expect.

    Please look for it. I would love to tell you a story, if I may.

    A story of the deepest secrets of Equestria... like what it actually is, what the princesses (and Discord) truly are, and... the little issue of what happens in my Equestria after ponies... and other creatures... die.

    Because an event, with a little Snow Bunny, from HUMAN In Equestria, needs to be followed up.

    Because stories, have a life, of their own.

    I guess... I'm back!

    - Petal Chatoyance

      July 12, 2014

    34 comments · 738 views
  • ...

Persuaded by Pinkie Pie to loosen up, Twilight Sparkle uncharacteristically deviates from her routine and finds a street that does not exist on any map, a street that should not be there. Down this road is both a threat, and an answer, one that may help us all reconcile the troubling inconsistencies between Season One, and all subsequent seasons of MLP:FIM.

As Featured On Equestria Daily!

First Published
11th May 2012
Last Modified
15th May 2012

Excellent Typography!

Alpha-Twilight in Beta-Ponyville? Looks interesting...

Also, I apologize for faving before reading but truth be told, I've yet to see you write a story I didn't want to follow. To make up for it, I only gave a thumbs-up after reading this. You, and this story, deserve both.

(for those who don't get what I'm talking about, read Chatoyance's guide to the ponyverses)

Well. This is definately going somewhere. I really like this.

Featured bar here we go!

I :heart: this so much. The trouble with kids' shows is that main characters can't be consistently polysyllabic, even when it fits their characterization perfectly.

Now this definitely looks interesting, can't wait to see more!

Awesome, let's see where this goes.

Now this sounds really interesting. I definitely love the way Twilight is characterized in this, and Pinkie and Dash were also done very well; I love how Twilight made some minute distinction in just how much she was annoyed by the two of them. I'll keep an eye on this one.

Edit after reading more chapters: Nope, this is becoming way too preachy and negative for my tastes. Even the excellent characterization can't save it. It's basically just a massive treatise about how much you hate Season 2 presented as a story. At times you have valid points, but just as often you seem to complain about something being different in Season 2, even if it's not necessarily worse, while being strangely forgiving of Season 1 episodes in which similar things happen.

Where'd you get the map?

Experimental parameters set for maximal whimsy!  That line made my day.:twilightsmile:

The premise is sound an I'm curious as to how Twilight will react given her measured and reasoned thought processes so far.

Great story. I mean, if the rest if the story is like the first chapter, one of the best stories I've read. I applaud you! :pinkiehappy:

Also, in before featured.

Now the real question is how she's going to react to beta-Twilight :twilightoops:

Hmm, this looks very interesting.

Of course, the real reason there's a sudden hill (that's not big enough to be called a mountain, really) in Ponyville is because it was plot-convenient to the silly children's show. :derpytongue2:

But still, this might be a fun exercise in parallel universes and multiple copies of our favorite ponies. Consider my curiosity aroused.

So.....what happens when Alpha-Twilight gets rescued by Beta-Rainbow Dash?

So I guess we ignore the fact that in s1e2, an episode directly overseen by Lauren Faust, their first instinct was to attack the manticore?

If you ask me, this is taking it a bit too far. I dont think I will be reading this.

This is good. :pinkiesmile:

But as I'm sure Picollo from TFS would say in response to how descpritive this fic is "NERD!" :twistnerd:

My Head A Splode from the sheer ingenuity and awesomeness in this story.

Definite UPVOTE.


What? Manticore? Throwing Faust at me randomly? What the hell?

Are you even responding to this story, specifically? This story is called 'Around The Bend' and it exists to examine and solve the problems of a lack of continuity. It involves a street and walking. There are NO Manticores. There are NO battles. There IS an impossible mountain. I don't even have a clue what you are going on about.

From my perspective, you just said "Machine Blueberry isn't Gooball Squart, therefore I am not reading this story!" My response is WTF?

Less drinking, more thinking. Stat.


She probably drew it herself.

Also, awesome story! :twilightsmile:


I drew this version of the map, but it is heavily based on the extensive work done by Aurebesh, who analyzed season one images and discovered that the town could be rationally mapped. That is true continuity in action. Here is his utterly impressive effort:

Aurebesh Maps of Ponyville

I took his work, expanded it myself, and then finished the result in the style of The Prisoner. I completed many things, such as the railroad, which he had not placed, and so forth. I am, however, indebted to his tremendous effort. Kudos should go to him.

I love this. I suppose random terrain and stuff showing up in Ponyville is a plot hole. It's brilliant!

Are you going to be addressing the dam?

Waaaaaait a second...

(72 kgrum - 20 kgrum) / 72 kgrum * 100 = 72.2% repeating less frustrating, not 20% :twilightangry2:

...Sorry. With Twilight offering the narrative perspective, I came out of this feeling awfully pedantic. In any case, I'm not sure whether I'm looking forward to more or if I should cite the MST3K Mantra. I'll settle for the former, though Twilight may not be the only one who should really just relax. Well, after she's left the Betaverse. She's got full license to panic while dimensionally displaced.

parallel universes. neat. i love to wrap my mind around those. but just to get it straight, the other city is also a version, albeit different, of ponyville?

Oh hoho, this is gona be goood :pinkiehappy:

Oh boy, industrial blight and wacky impossibly steep roads. You have my interest and your humor seems to work well here.

All I have to say is that this is a perfectly logical story to produce after your Ponyverses blog. Yes, perfectly logical.

This message is sponsored by the Twilight Sparkle Thought Filter™ (Registered trademark of Hasbro.) Yes, you too can think like the original Purple Pony: be logical and organized, mistreat your house-mate, worry about everything, overanalyse any situation and get into a panic over absolutely nothing! Yes, the Twilight Sparkle Thought Filter ™ will give you hours of anxious fun.  Available at all fine multiverse outlets.

>>577908 ... I don't even know why i'm surprised any more... Bronies sure are thorough


Like trekkies, there are many in this fandom that, in their hearts, truly wish for Equestria to be real. We would not have such a glut of stories about bronies dying and getting Equestrian afterlives, or falling through wormholes and ending up in Equestria, or, for that matter, Conversion Bureau stories were that not so.

Like every fandom of a fantasy where the readers or viewers secretly hope that their fantasy could be real somewhere, the fans try to MAKE it real by detailing every aspect, and checking the whole for consistency. Life is self-consistent, unlike dreams, so if the fantasy can be shown to be self-consistent, then the dreamers can enjoy the notion that, somewhere, somehow, their magic world really, truly exists. Equestria is heaven, it is religion.

Just like L. Frank Baum's 'Oz', I might mention. Baum had many readers convinced that 'Oz' was a real place. The readers, young and old, wanted so desperately to believe that they tried mightily to identify the exact location of Oz from every little scrap of information they could glean. They put Trekkies to shame. Eventually, Baum had to claim Oz had moved out into the ocean and become surrounded by an invisibility shield that was utterly impenetrable to all humans. Further stories were claimed to come not as letters from Dorothy and her friends, but as radio signals, the only thing that could penetrate the Great Barrier Of Oz.

Sound familiar? Great Barrier Of Oz... the Great Barrier of Equestria from the Conversion Bureau stories, far out at sea?

In it's time, 'Oz' was the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic of its day. Adults loved the stories more than the intended audience, and became obsessed with every nuance. They wanted, desperately, to believe that Oz was real, that there was a wonderful, peaceful fairyland ruled by a benevolent magical fairy so very, very much. This fandom is the sole reason Oz is even relevant at all today. Fandom is powerful, y'all.

The same can be said of several other works, but I site 'Oz' because of... many similarities... to Equestria. I am keenly aware of this connection with every story I write, and with every massive work I see other bronies do. We are treading in deep, respectable footprints, everypony.

Remember - the 'Oz' books were not considered classics in their day at all. They were considered to be crap for children, and it was embarrassing for adults to love and adore them. But they did anyway. Just like today, with MLP:FIM.

And that is why I am so adamant about the writers of MLP:FIM not screwing the pooch and destroying continuity.

Because continuity is the magic that makes fantasy worlds become eternal. And classics.

And it is what can make a brony analyze an entire season of images to construct an accurate map of Ponyville.

Or a silly woman in Olympia write over a half a million words on Fimfiction. :rainbowlaugh:

Hoo boy. This is definitely something new :rainbowlaugh:

This is incredibly intriguing so far. :derpyderp2:

This would probably get featured on EQD.

Well, Season 2 was more...mature- than Season1. I wonder how S3 will be then. I'm excited.

Anyways, this was actually the first time I actually thought about the crane. Great job! I await next chapter.

what in Equestria? How'd they all become...evil? is that the right word?


No, the right word is 'Season Two'. That's all I'm doing here. Rewatch 'The Mysterious Mare Do Well' and 'Putting Your Hoof Down', as examples. I've used actual text from the scripts. That is the point of this story. I am having Season One Twilight meet Season Two Equestria and its denizens. But, I intend more than simply to point out that the writing has started to fail the show.

I have an answer, a no-prize, a convenient explanation - a way to cope coming. I have, I hope, a decent way to reconcile the paradise of Season One that captured our hearts with the increasingly meanspirited, cynical, and inconsistent bent of Season Two and likely, Season Three.

I am trying to save the sinking ship of writing on the series with a (hopefully) clever explanation. Let's sit back and see if I can do it, or if I just end up looking like a twit. Or a twat. I think I'd rather be a twat than a twit - twits are just stupid, but everypony loves a good... um... nevermind. Too much shipping stories, obviously.

"No, I am your brother"

"no..that's not true. That's impossible!"

Seattle is a city built in a hilly farmland area, like Ponyville. It totally has a death road with a cliff at the bottom. Two winters ago several buses went careening down it. :twistnerd:

That said, the lampshading of the death road does keep cracking me up. Especially 'death road'. I giggle every time I say it.

Hmm... is the mysterious explanation Discord-related? :pinkiehappy:

This... might be genius. Turning a gripe into a masterpiece, an objection into, if you may pardon the vernacular, a great big heart-felt fuck you that successfully uses that objection in an engaging, in-character metafictional romp of spectacular proportions.

Then again, haven't read it all yet. :heart: So here I am, preparing to set sail for Maximum Whimsy.

this was kinda depressing... but i don't understand, if it is season 2, why is granny smith behaving like that? i haven't seen that before.


I wanted to use a character other than simply the ones shown in the actual episode I was referencing. Why? I'm already using words from the actual original script, there is a point where reference becomes merely retelling. I wanted to avoid that. So I did a little mixing. Since the characters in that episode were... completely out of character - so to speak- it is beyond reasonable to expect that the author of that episode, Merriwether Williams, would have taken the same liberties with any given character. Continuity didn't matter to her, clearly, and the characters were just pawns in her script. I felt free to pick any pony at all.

I settled on Granny Smith because I felt that it was the most emotional choice I could make. In trying to show the shock of the discrepancy between the two Equestrias, picking emotional choices is an excellent tool. Think of my choosing Granny Smith as a kind of emotional italicizing so that the discordant experience Twilight is having would be especially felt by the reader. If that scene disturbed or unsettled you, then I succeeded. If you felt nothing at all, I failed.

>>580677 it was horrible... not the scene but the feeling. you did very good. and I understand what you mean... you have managed to make your point, at least for me.

Yep. Merriwether Williams indeed

I'm speculating that Pinkie Pie will be the same one -- in fact, perhaps there is ONLY one Pinkie Pie -- and she'll be, like, "Yup! I come here all the time! You mean you didn't know this place was over here? It's a great shortcut!"

Edit: Or perhaps the Twilight-Pinkie power-swap fic I'm reading is putting out too much influence. But whatever! :D

I will be honest: I thought this was just going to be a somewhat angsty, preachy story about how S2 messed with continuity so often - a topic that I acknowledge as having some grounds, but minimal merit or relevance.

It still kinda is, but it's damn entertaining to read, so I no longer give even one flying fornication.

Only thing that bopped me on the nose was the name "Carrottop". Usual practice is to stick a space in there, giving "Carrot Top". Other than that, I'm curious as to where you're taking this.


Interesting read, good sir or madam.


What this guy said. I still think there are better explanations and ways to route around differences in MWW (And apparently the wedding, although I've forgotten why) episodes than yours, but this is still kind of fun.

You know I don't think that the writing of Season 2 was bad, yes there were some things that seemed unnatural but no one ever said Ponyvillie was a perfect place. :unsuresweetie:


Hey, nothing wrong with a good twat :3

... I'll behave now.

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