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ColdGoldLazarus

Joined April 2012
123 followers

[Look Down, Look Up, You're A Brony] This primate, in all their years of bashing their fists (and occasionally, their forehead) into a keyboard, has yet to produce something intelligible.

Stories (9)

  • Clover's Disappearance
    Well into the modern age, Researchers, Historians, and Crackpot Theorists alike have remained baffled by the mysterious circumstances surrounding the dissapearance of Clover The Clever.

    1,958 words · 1,469 views · 142 likes · 1 dislikes
  • Of Responsibility
    Luna offers Chrysalis a second chance to save her people
    8,888 words · 3,383 views · 293 likes · 6 dislikes
  • Keep On Trying
    Trixie has a heart-to-heart with Raindrops. A Lunaverse Story
    2,208 words · 1,847 views · 126 likes · 2 dislikes
  • Maniacal
    Nopony was there to help her. She’d taken the shift alone, despite all the rumors. She’d dismissed them as pure nonsense – and now she was to pay for it with her life...
    2,498 words · 892 views · 57 likes · 0 dislikes
  • Destiny Is Magic
    7,367 words · 2,613 views · 52 likes · 2 dislikes
  • The Test
    1,143 words · 1,889 views · 117 likes · 12 dislikes
  • The Atlantis Scenario
    2,534 words · 569 views · 30 likes · 2 dislikes
  • Room Three-Fourteen
    2,260 words · 171 views · 13 likes · 1 dislikes
  • Coldy's Cutting Room Floor
    6,325 words · 564 views · 6 likes · 2 dislikes

Blog Posts (457)

Source

Actions have repercussions, and Trixie wants to make sure certain negative ones don't come through.

Takes place between chapters 4 and 5 of Griffin Over The Line, loosely set in RainbowDoubleDash's Lunaverse.

First Published
1st Dec 2012
Last Modified
1st Dec 2012

Comments ( 38 )

#1 · 86w, 11h ago · · ·

Aw...this was really, really sweet,

...but...

...well, I don't think a scene like this could happen before "Tales of Ponyville." While Trixie certainly considered Raindrops a friend before then, she was also scared of her, and I don't think that even drunk she'd seek out Raindrops.

...but this is really sweet...ah, heck, I'll make it webisode attached to "Griffin" anyway. As long as Emeral approves, in any event.

#2 · 86w, 11h ago · · ·

>>1711530 Yeah, like I said, I wasn't entirely sure about the characterization here. Unfortunately, I don't think this could happen at any point across the timeline, as any later and Trixie would have been around long enough to know Raindrops works this stuff out on her own anyway.

I guess if nothing else we can stick this in the 'not canon unless specifically stated' section. Idunno.

Either way, I'm glad you liked it!

#3 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

It would be sad if all of this would have to change in about 11 hours....

#4 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1717850 Good thing it won't, what with the AU and all! :P

#5 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

I like this story. While I guess I agree that it doesn't work as much in the canon, I think it makes a splendid tie-in or fanfic. Nice going!

#6 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1717862 I'm glad! :twilightsmile: Yeah, I kinda got caught up in things there. And thank you!

#7 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

Wow!  I had no idea you were writing anything like this.  Was I really paying so little attention to you these past few days that I missed this, or were you intentionally holding this back to avoid overloading me?  Either way, I'm sorry to have been such a trouble, and my most simple response is that I like this fic.  For a few more detailed notes...

>>1711530

I think this could work before Tales of Ponyville, I don't think Trixie was so afraid of Raindrops she'd never do something like this.  Also, as that fic demonstrated Trixie fears losing her new found friends even more potential physical rebuttal.  As for placement, thematically I'm just fine with attaching this to Griffin Over the Line as a webisode; I really do like how it addresses some of the emotional aftermath.  There are, however, a few sticky spots that this fic or mine would have to address to make that work as smoothly as possible.

First and foremost, Ch4 ended with Raindrops resolved to go home straight home and just collapse in her bed from exhaustion (mostly of the emotional variety).  So it's a little odd to me, that Trixie would instead find her wandering aimless about the town.  To resolve that this fic might need to move in either place or time.  One solution to be switching the location to Raindrops house (either her room or the roof), though that would require quite a bit or rewriting of this fic.  Alternatively it could be set the following day, which Raindrops would have spent most of doing manual labor as best she could to help fix the damages, while dipping into her own savings to pay for materials and any professional services needed.  She'd likely still be pretty melancholy and introspective after all that, maybe even more so than the first night now that she'd have had the chance to take stock of the damage she'd cause and access the reaction form the ponies of the town.  Between the first too options the second would require the fewest changes here (mostly that Trixie would have already pranked Rainbow Dash), or the even simpler rewrite would be for me to go back and tweak the last few lines of Ch4.  I'm not strictly opposed to doing that, but I'm understandably hesitant to do so, as I prefer the idea of her turning into bead early in a combination desire to just sleep off the resdiual anger and so she'll be well rested to get an early start working to start fixing stuff the next day.

The other bit would be that I think the part about hurting some pony that got to close to the fight.  Rainbow Dash did so three times, but Raindrops did little more than raise her own voice.  Now granted there should still have been fear on Raindrops part that it could have been worse; if someone tried to physically break up the fight, or simply if a pony had failed to get out of the way in time during one of the instance one of the two combatants got hurled into something.  Things are mostly fine as is just maybe some minor tweaking might be in order.

#8 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1718157 this was in the 'heyo' PM. I just figured you were busy, so I didn't really pester you about it after that.

I guess I'll admit it's been a while since I read GOTL :twilightsheepish: I guess we could fix things up; I think it would be a fairly simple matter to switch things to the next day; all I'd have to do there is get rid of the line about RD near the end, as Trixie would have already done that by then. After that, the opening scene I think could use a bit more description anyway; I could talk about the efforts earlier in the day fixing things up there, since they might pass through the damaged sections during the wandering. (My original thought, having forgotten about 'Drops heading home, was that she went to that one clearing in whitetail to vent the last of her frustration, and Trixie starts following her as she's heading back out. That can easily be switched to taking place after the repairs; something big as a week of stress doesn't just go away, and seeing the damage she and Gilda wrought probably brought the issues back to the fore anyhow.)

#9 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1718184

this was in the 'heyo' PM. I just figured you were busy, so I didn't really pester you about it after that.
Great, so I was ignoring you.  Now I feel triple lousy on top of screwing up the promised help with  SC. :unsuresweetie:

I guess I'll admit it's been a while since I read GOTL
Really?  Cause you just sent me that one new correction a few days ago, though I guess you were only looking back over Ch5.

As for the rest, the way I wrote Raindrops was mostly based on my own experiences with losing my temper.  On occasions where I totally lose, once I recover my senses the last thing I want to do is vent any more anger, partly because I don't feel like I have any anger left to vent, but also because my embarrassment and shame are just to high and I wouldn't want to risk going off on anyone else, so I'm mostly incline to basically want to find a rock to hide under.  Venting is all well and good to avoid losing my temper in the first place, bur when I lose my temper, really lose my temper big time, my first and foremost desire is to reassert control not lose myself again so shortly there after.

That's why I had her go home and to bed, rather than off to some field to punch rocks (that and the existence of said field hadn't yet been revealed).  She just wants to shutdown and even if only briefly forget any of it ever happened.  Of course she knows better.  Raindrops is a responsible pony and when she makes a mistake she owns up to every last consequence of her actions, but in the short run, with her temper still running a bit hot, she'd be frightened of what she might do if she even tried to do anything else without basically performing a full reboot on her personal operating system.

Small Character Detail:

You know how some businesses keep those signs that say "X number of days without accident"; I imagine that Raindrops keeps her own personal such signpost in her room or something in regards to how long she's managed to go without losing her temper.  Not sure if that's a useful idea for this fic;  maybe something with Raindrops waking up the morning after to the old shame of that big ZERO mocking her, and/or a sense of renewed commitment when she comes home the following evening to flip the first card of the sign to ONE and start counting fresh.  I'm sure that both scenes happened, but It's up to you if either is chronicled here.

#10 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

Interesting. I may have to read up on this 'Lunaverse' thing.

Also the first paragraph isn't indented.

#11 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1718254 Indeed; it has it's issues, but it's still one of the better AU settings this fandom has made, if you ask me. :twilightsmile:

Yeah; I don't know what to do about that; it seems to be a glitch of the editor.

#12 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

that. was. just beautiful!!! :raritycry:

I loved this fic and everything that happened therein! :yay:

Sorry I'd offer a more critical review with lists and the like, but I'm to overwhelmed :scootangel:

#13 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1718245

Great, so I was ignoring you.  Now I feel triple lousy on top of screwing up the promised help with  SC. :unsuresweetie:
I don't know how to impress this on you, but it's okay. You were understandably busy with your work on Wands, and seemed to have yourself in a similar situation to my whole TAS deal in the weeks leading up to S3. I wouldn't ask anyone to put my stories above their own, and I could be patient. I only posted this before you could get to me on it because RDD put it on the Lunaverse page and I was shortly after fending off a few PMs from people who wanted the password.

Really?  Cause you just sent me that one new correction a few days ago, though I guess you were only looking back over Ch5.
Yeah, like the random selection of threads earlier, for some reason I felt like reading through Chapter 5 again without touching the rest of the story. I can be weird sometimes. :shrug:

As for the rest, the way I wrote Raindrops was mostly based on my own experiences with losing my temper.
That actually makes a lot of sense. (I guess my thought was that after the abrupt end to her fight with Gilda, 'Drops still had some unreleased tension, so she went off to the clearing to let the last of that out before she felt she could do a full system reboot. Changing things around to accommodate for GOTL would be fairly simple; right after the fight she was too exhausted for that to be an issue, though when she wakes up the next morning, it's resurfaced. She keeps it under control though the repair work, and then, first chance she gets, goes off to Whitetail to let it out as mentioned before.) Idunno, we can figure this out over the stream later.

You know how some businesses keep those signs that say "X number of days without accident";
And that, I think, is brilliant. :pinkiehappy:

#14 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1718554 Thank you kindly. :twilightoops:

#15 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

so cute.....

#16 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1718687 Thank you!

#17 · 85w, 6d ago · · ·

You sir have just made #3 on my all time favorites! I must say though, my opinion of Trixy has changed. I now believe she was just misjudged and deserves another chance.:pinkiesmile:

#18 · 85w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1718826 It helps that this isn't the canon Trixie we're talking about here. :twilightsmile:

Anyway, thank you!

#20 · 85w, 5d ago · · ·
#21 · 85w, 5d ago · · ·

Well, I liked this one. It really feels like a nice coda to the main events of "Griffon Over the Line," and anything that helps build on Raindrops' character is fine by me. It also helps that it works perfectly with the story I'm going to be working on...:twilightblush:

Good work, man. :raritywink:

#22 · 85w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1724041 I'm glad you liked it, and really?

I am considering making some minor edits to make it fit in with GOTL's continuity better, but hopefully those won't affect the heart of the story.

Thank you! :twilightsmile:

#23 · 84w, 1d ago · · ·

ALL THE FEELS. :fluttershysad:

Maybe it's just the state I'm in right now, but I needed this. Thank you.

#24 · 84w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1789419 State? But glad you enjoyed it, and, um, glad I could help? :pinkiesmile:

#25 · 84w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1790107

I'm getting stressed out trying to keep someone I care about from giving up, and I was feeling on the verge of giving out, and this helped. Thank you.

#26 · 84w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1790293 Ah. I hope all goes well for them, and I'm glad that I was able to be of assistance to you. :twilightsmile:

#27 · 84w, 13h ago · · ·

Wow, this was great! Good on you, Trixie! We need more of that with her in the Lunaverse.

#28 · 83w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1797305 Glad you enjoyed!

And yeah, that would be nice to see. :twilightsmile:

#29 · 77w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

This story wasn't so much sad a somber.  I like it. :moustache:

#30 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2051679 Indeed. And glad you enjoyed!

#31 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·

I already made a comment in the Griffin fic, but it's worth mentioning here, too, since it's a different author: As someone who grew up having to deal with temper issues and learning how to control your emotions to prevent these sorts of dangerous outbursts from ruining your life or hurting others, I find myself deeply sympathetic to Raindrops here. Good job.

#32 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2456952 I'm glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

#33 · 61w, 5d ago · · ·

I loved it :raritystarry:

This definitely ties into my feelings which I wrote in Griffin over the Line...that Trixie and Raindrops both truly care for each other, and don't just see each other as caricatures -- Raindrops is more then just a volcano ready to burst at any moment, and Trixie isn't just a vainglorious waste: they truly respect and care for each other, and that's what makes them work so well.

It really was just a sweet story, and I love moments like this where we get to see Trixie's tenderness and love for her friends :trixieshiftleft:.

#34 · 61w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2595959

that Trixie and Raindrops both truly care for each other, and don't just see each other as caricatures -- Raindrops is more then just a volcano ready to burst at any moment, and Trixie isn't just a vainglorious waste: they truly respect and care for each other, and that's what makes them work so well.
:twilightblush: Indeed.

Thank you!

#35 · 61w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2596550

I really wanted to say something more worthwhile, but the words wouldn't come out :ajbemused:.

Just know that it was a really cute and endearing story :twilightsmile:

#36 · 61w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2596734 Oh well

Glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

#37 · 35w, 4h ago · · ·

Don't worry Trixie, you're not nearly drunk enough... you're not speaking Prench or asking others to call you Lulamoon...

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