Well here it is my first every story.  Never figured my first posting would amount to a fanfic of a fanfic, but inspiration is what it is.  I'd ask that readers be gentle with any critiques, but I'll never learn if folks pull their punches.

For those familiar with the Lunaverse, I'll put forward that this story was originally conceived and written to take place some time in the spring prior to the events of Boast Busted, however, that timeframe seems to have become a little crowded since then.  As such, I'm considering making revisions to adjust it's chronological placement, though crowded doesn't mean impossible to fit, and given my tendency to plan and re-plan till I've over-planed yet accomplished nothing, I figured I'd best get at least the current version out the door.  Edit: Placement has now been finalized, it comes after the as of yet undocumented Winter Wrap-up, but before Fizzy Orange's File Under 'I' for 'Impossible'.  If you haven't already read that go do so, NOW!

Fun Fact: When I typed this story I had to fight very hard against the constant escape effort of my  'n' and 'm' keys.  I really need to fix/replace my keyboard.

Adding to favorites... but I will read later. Sorry.

DAAAAASH! that griffon is a BAD influence.

I can't wait to see where this goes.

Also I suggest you get a proofreader to help out, there's a few typo here or there. It's 'route' not 'rout' and 'fury' not 'furry'. For exemple.

Wow. Dash's pranks are alot more dickish in this universe.

Raindrops needs to layeth the smacketh down upon Gilda.

Chaos and Mayham abounds... I guess this shows the difference of Dash/Gilda pranking vs Dash/Pinkie pranking.

This is the first lunaverse fic to really show Raindrops implied 'attitude issues' and though justified things could definitely get ugly. Trixie is tertiary thus far because she hasn't be pranked and thus not really her problem, easy to see... at least until the complaints start to roll in and the forms pile up haha. Also it's good that Ditzy's 'friend to all' aura includes bees... that one could have been nasty. Good work capturing the universe thus far.

>>655981655981

Yeah, I'm all too aware that I should get a proofreader, even went over to the main proofing group to look into the matter, but their system of pick a name off a giant list and start asking/begging is a bad system for me.  I don't do so well making arbitrary decisions like that or at making requests of perfect strangers, even if they are openly asking people to do just that.  I could have easily spent the next three or so days trying to invent criteria on which to base a choice, than another day or two working up the nerve to actual ask, and well like I said I was really feeling the need to just get this thing published while the motivation in me was still strong.  Anyway, fixed those two typos.

>>656164656164 >>656332656332

The dickish pranks were basically the main premise that this fic grew out of.  In the show it was Pinkie Pie who taught Dash that a good prank is one where the prankee laughs just as much as the pranker, so in a world where they were never friends and where Gilda gets to be the role-model such as it were, well things don't go nearly so well.  Raindrops became the obvious focus character based on the events of LNLD; her frustrations with Dash's slacking and her later threats to "murder" Trixie over the whole weather mercenaries incident.

Also glad to see the prank on Ditzy seems to be going over well enough.  That to me was the weakest part of the montage.  I knew I wanted her to walk away unscathed and seeming unaware, both to frustrate the pranksters and to show off that she's possibly all too used to such attempts, but coming up with the actual prank was rough.

Let me see if I can find...

Ah, here we go.

Image: http://marcamos.com/ha/this-is-gonna-be-good.gif

I've been looking forward to a Raindrops story, and you seem to have a good grasp on her personality. While reading I could feel the anger just beneath the surface, and I'm going to admit to being surprised that chapter 2 didn't begin with Ponyvile's population having decreased by one (or at least begin in a hospital with Gilda, Dash, and Raindrops all getting patched up).

>>657167657167

LOL, that image.  Well now that I've got the lord almighty of the Lunaverse setting up his own personal throne in the front row I guess I'm obligated to deliver.  Anyway, thanks for confirming that I'm on something of the right track with Raindrops persona. That was definitely a part that worried me and kept me double guessing whether I was making her out to be too much of a barely restrained rage-oholic or giving her too much self-control and letting the other characters walk all over her.

As for the lack of murder/hospital, there wouldn't be much story to tell if we skipped right to the payoff.  Though I did consider adding an imagine spot, when she snapped during the Carrot Top incident, where Raindrops brutally eviscerates the pranksters and baths in their blood (well not quite that extreme) along with an imaginary Pinkie Pie then proceeding to lead the entire town in a joyous chorus of Ding-Dong the Bitch is Dead and wrapped up with the mayor presenting Raindrops the official "Prize Pony of Ponyville" award.

>>657346657346

There needs to be a picture of that.

>>656469656469

Ah, my. At least Rainbow Dash is consistent in that she totally fails to understand Ditzy in this timeline as well. Dashie'll never, EVER get it but Ditzy can read her like a cheap novel; she won't do anything about it because she doesn't resent her (much) and knows that a certain jasmine-colored melee Pegasus will deal with the idiot post haste.

Yep, that's a cut above canon!Rainbow's usual level of pranking, at least outside the confines of Nightmare Night. You've captured Raindrops's frustration very well here.

How did I not notice the second chapter on my first reading? Oh well!

This is great! The string of pranks is cleverly written, and I really, really loved the bit with Ditzy Doo and the bees. Ditzy does have an awful lot of patience.

If you want a proofreader, why not ask in the Lunaverse group itself? I'm sure somepony would be willing to help. I'd be willing to proofread, but I couldn't guarantee how quickly I could get through a chapter.

Rainbow, you bitch.

Kick her ass, Raindrops!

... Okay, that's a bit worse than usual from Dash.

*Hands Raindrops a modified shotgun* Here, for your hooves.

Man, those were some nasty pranks. And yeah, as others have said, keeping in line with how Dash would be without Pinkie Pie to hold her back.

About the only thing that might get RD to see reason is seeing Gilda prank one of Ditzy's friends:

Were that to happen, she'd join the melee Pegasus in dismantling her pal.

You didn't describe what Trixie ordered.  Was it pinecones?

>>671034671034

To be perfectly honest, I never decided.  I might add that into a future revision, or not.  Raindrops is the perspective character and she really doesn't quite know what's on her plate other than that Trixie claims that it's delightful.  If it helps your imagination,  the café was supposed to be French (or fancy as they say in ponyville), something I apparently neglected to make as clear as intended.  Also, also given Lunaverse Trixie tastes in other stories, the food is probably a mix of two or more dishes that don't normally go together.

>>671915671915  Ah, café food, where you pay 8 dollars for 8 grams.  It's a shame that yuppies only dine somewhere if there's a wine list.

...Okay, now I'm starting to rant here.

Good opening! There's a slight run-on sentence in the second paragraph, but otherwise I didn't find any problems. Good Trixie, and I think it's best if the identity of the 'food' remain ambiguous.

"Okay maybe, but did the rest of the town deserve to have to put up with two hours of whining at a pitch so intense that it insured no pony within a three block radius could sleep in?"

ensured. Resuming now.

>>671959671959

Well it's also still ponyville, which is still something of a backwater nowhere town, so I'd imagine that the cost to weight ratio is probably a little more favorable.  Aslo, while the café is [i[Fancy, I don't think it's anywhere near the crème de la crème of the Ponyville dinning scene such as it were.  Upscale, probably , but certanly not top of the line.

If this takes place before "I for Impossible," Maybe the knife-at-face trick could be the one Trixie practices on Moondancer.

At the front of the room paced a plumb colored mare

Take out the 'b'

A see green unicorn mare, made to enter a candy shop when, she suddenly found herself spun about in a whirl as a flash of colors whizzed past her.

Sea, and the commas are unnecesary.

Ditzy Doo merrily continued down the road, one eye fixed ahead, as the other tracked a pair of unaware would be pranksters as they flew away.

Awesome, and while this isn't as big a deal as the others, I'd recommend adding dashes between the selected words, IE "unaware would-be-pranksters" Also, second comma is unnecesary.

Not at Carrot Top, too whom they had recklessly inflicted who knows how much property damage while nearly drowning the poor mare in the process.

To, and maybe add a comma between 'damage' and 'while'

Her eyes locked briefly with Raindrops own.

This is a tough grammar thing, but when a proper noun ends with an 's,' simply add the apostrophe to the end of the word: Raindrops'

The pair of pranksters where off in a flash

Were

They probably thought themselves to be cleverly shaking off any would be pursuit.  They clearly didn't understand the nature of the fury they had brought upon themselves.

Not vital, but perhaps merge these two with a semicolon in between, (pursuit; they) rewording the start of the second, (pursuit, clearly not understanding) or something along those lines.

probably start planning there next act of vandalism

Their

So let them run, it will only make them all the easier to handle when she catches up.

Maybe insert 'she' between 'so' and 'run,' replace the comma with a semicolon, and make the other two past tense.

she heard Carrot Top call out from bellow

Below

The now embodiment of righties fury slowed her ascent,

Maybe replace 'now' with 'new?' I dunno, that whole phrasing is a bit awkward. Also, righteous.

but was any pay back, no matter how deserved, worth her friend's livelihood.

Replace period with a question mark, and maybe add 'well' between 'how' and 'deserved.'

but what kind of friend would Raindrops be if she left while there was still a chance to salvage the situation.

Ditto.

Sorry to nitpick; aside from the grammar issues, this was another great chapter! I loved the prank montage in particular. :)

>>672055672055

Fixed

>>672086672086

That was the idea, though when I wrote the line it more specifically referred to the trick as seen in Boast Busted, but since that's what she's practicing for with Moondance, same difference more or less.

>>672223672223

More fixed.  Think I got those all, except were intentionally left for stylistic purposes, and thank you very much.  Don't put yourself down for nitpicking.  I asked for as much and I'm glad someone finally took me up on it.  Help like this could earn you first reading privileges when Chapter 3 is closer to done.

>>672894672894 I think the knife trick has pretty much become a running joke in the Lunaverse. XD Like a reverse Noodle Incident.

Really? I'll try to be as helpful as I can!

First up, I'd like to give a special shout-out to LDLUYAB who proofed this chapter, and boy did it really needed the proofing.  If you all found this chapter a smoother read than the preceding two, that's to whom all thanks is owed, so give 'em some love.

Now on a personal front, I'm somewhat impressed with myself.  I finished this about a day ahead of my original schedule, and after losing most of two days while I tried to catch up with paperwork at the office.

Anyway, for your continued reading pleasure I present the next installment in my humble attempt at writing.  Hope you all enjoy/enjoyed it.  Also, now that I've pinned down the continuity placement for this story,  I went back and made some minor expansions to the early dialog in Ch.1.  It's nothing that changes anything, just meant to add continuity and context.

Usefully Links For a Deeper Understanding of Details In This Chapter:

-- The Map!; post #38 or so: for more information on griffin society and culture.

-- Rainbow Dash: The Living Disaster!; post #1: for more information regarding how obscure Equestrian legal codes apply to this situation.

Fact: Bored Trixie ignoring her official duties is in no way serving as a proxy for me, her stage performance is in no way a proxy for this story, and the paddleball is in no way a proxy for me goofing off and writing a Twilight Sparkle "villain" song.  Anyone who says otherwise is a dirty liar.    Well, maybe that last one is true a little.

Seriously though, I actually did write that whole part before a massive 2,037 page document got dropped into my in-box, but the similarity of circumstance was not lost on me.  Probably some sort of karmic justice for inflicting the situation on Trixie in the first place.

I guess Cheerilee's freaky knowledge of the legal code is the parallel to Fluttershy's freaky knowledge of sewing?

>>690837690837

That was the notion I was trying to get at.  It might not have been intentional on his part, but Blackbelt can be credited for putting the concept in my head.

>>690892690892

I got way more excited than I should have when I got to that part of the story. I didn't even know I had made that into a thing, I wrote originally just for the sake of being funny.

Anyway, Trixie and Raindrops teaming up against Gilda and Rainbow Dash (and maybe Scootaloo? Would be funny if Trixie saw Scoots and recognized her) That should be an interesting meetup.

Oh, Dash, Gilda? You two better run! Man, Dash unleashed like this is... kinda scary. Good on Fluttershy still being her 'morality pet', as the saying goes. Boo on Gilda, though. *launches missile at her*

>>691119691119

Morality pet, indeed.  Though now I'm imagining some freaky Lunaverse version of the "Find a Pet" song along those lines.  BTW, no.  Despite what my recent reputation might suggest, I am not writing that.

>>691047691047

Scoots and Trixie probably won't come up again in my story.  It was basically just a one off joke to get Trixie to have a minor mental break.  If you feel like it though, please feel more than welcome to work something like that into you own upcoming fic.  Also, my assumption would be that Scoots was something of a patsy in all this.  Dash probably never told her anything other than to deliver the box.

Oh, and sorry for the secondary notification, accidental deleted the original while responding to striker

I noticed that somepony's name was beneath Trixie's notice. No blistering wonder Fluttershy thinks Trixie hates her....she can't hardly even be asked to remember her name!!!

As for Rainbow Dash being classified as a force of nature, that probably holds true in the Celestiaverse as well.

>>691263691263

I'd expect Trixie can't be bothered to remember most pony's names, unless they are in a prominent political position, let alone a hermit who lives past the edge of town and who she only ever met once ── Wait I forgot Trixie's scene in Family Matters, she knew her name then.  Whoops, plot whole.    Wait, no, keep it together, you can do this Emeral can do this.  In all the panic and excitement of that story Trixie's brain was getting an extra jolt of adrenaline that kicked her name recollection ability into high gear.  Yes?  That makes perfect sense, right?

Anyway, I'd agree that Dash as a registered living disaster would be cool in the maneline too, though I'm uncertain who could have possibly filed such paperwork.

>>691423691423

I should think that she had help remembering Fluttershy's name along the way. Said help is slightly angrier at Ditzy than Amethyst is and is currently berating her reflection for the excesses of her misspent youth.

Time for me to finally ask a question I should have asked a while ago. You've said the story is set between Winter Wrap-Up and File Under 'I' for 'Impossible', but where is it set relative to Family Matters? My current storage method for Lunaverse fics involves chronological order, and I don't know whether to place this between The Night After and Family Matters or between Family Matters and File Under 'I' for 'Impossible'.

"What!?  I've been in my office all day.  Whoever you thought you saw, it wasn't Trixie!"

I am now curious as to whether or not Trixie may have actually done something recently.

>>691423691423

She may know Fluttershy's name in "Family Matters" only due to Lyra suggesting that Fluttershy has chickens only a few minutes ago from her perspective.

>>690837690837

Cheerilee had an...interesting...time in her teenage years, or whatever the pony equivalent of those is, I think. Suffice to say that she had ample opportunity to learn about the Equestrian legal code.

Oh my. Trixie and Raindrops versus the winged jerks. This should be good.

I really like the idea of RD being a literal registered natural disaster. Of course, there's probably something in the law about the Night Court rep. being empowered to fight and resist natural disasters. Sure, usually that means they hire extra weather patrollers to break up hurricanes, or they set up bucket brigades to put out fires, but I can see Trixie using that mandate to basically outlaw Rainbow Dashiness anywhere in the city limits.

>>692413692413: And now I'm seeing a sunglass-wearing Cherilee smoking a cigarette and spraypainting the Manehattan library. "Studying is for squares!"

>>692260692260

I could be wrong here, but last time I checked I thought Family Matters was set in Winter, or at least it starts there.  Either way, this one comes after that.

>>692413692413

Ah, good point, about Fluttershy's name.

As for the line, my personal opinion would be that Trixie is always up to something or another, especially when she's bored.  Not always something bad, in fact, usually pretty harmless, though probably nothing she wants Raindrops knowing about either.  Even when she hasn't actually been up to something, she is so often enough that immediate denial has become something of an automated response, especially when she is panicking at the sight of being confronted by a pony that seems to have been consumed by a cold murderous fury.

As to which of those above scenarios applies to this specific instance?  I'll choose to leave that to the individual reader, or to any author that decides they want to use it as a hook.

>>692619692619

An interesting premise, but the codes for dealing with such things weren't really ever meant to be applied to sentient beings. From a strictly legal standpoint, banning Rainbow Dash from ponyville would be like trying to ban a storm that formed over the Everfree, or to use more familiar terms, it would be like trying to repeal the law of gravity or legislate the value of pi.

The previous representative probably had to pull some serious legal shenanigans to get the classification put in place.  Probably no overt lies, but plenty of intentionally avoiding or obscuring the specific details.  I suppose that since Dash actually is a pony one could try to make laws against her, but doing so would probably only serve to draw attention to the fact that the original laws had been abused in the first place, thus revoking her disaster status, and leaving the citizens of ponyvile stuck with the bills, and no one want's that especial Silver Scroll, think of all that lost MONEY.

Also, you might note that not even Raindrops, who is on the weather team knew about this, and Trixie only knew because of Cheerilee specifically.  Despite Dash and Gilda running amok all over town, no one seems else have come to Trixie about it, at least not with financial concerns.  It's not important to this story, but the way I see it the mayor normally fields all the complaints against Dash for property damage, files the disaster relief claim on behalf of the city, pays out the minimum to the effected citizens and then puts the rest into the towns coffers, or depending on how cynical you want to be, her own pockets, though I prefer to think that she's only "cheating" the individual citizens for the benefit of the entire town as whole, especial as Cheerilee is implicitly fine with letting her get away with it.

>>692619692619

cheerilee during the time in question:

Image: http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q531/ADemonicPresence/cherilee.png

Oh, Scootaloo, would you jump off a cliff if Rainbow Dash told you it would be cool?

>>693838693838

What do you think RD's "flying" lessons with the kid consist of?

An interesting start, but it could use quite a bit of proofreading. I'd be happy to help, if you'd like to polish this story, as well as any future efforts on your part.

>>719736719736

Well, I've already implemented a fair amount of proofing advice that another reader gave me for chapters 2 and 3, but who didn't seem to have as much to say about chapter 1.  I'd love to get any additional opinions and insights you have to offer though so that I can make this fic as good as it can possibly be.

>>719754719754

"yet it seemed even these months later..." Awkward. Perhaps 'even after all these months'

"It had seemed reasonable enough at the time, Trixie..." replace the comma with a semicolon.

"... if it had even been written in equestrian..." Equestrian in this instance is being used as a language. As such, it is a proper noun.

"she interrupted the azure coted mare.." Dropped a letter. Should be coated.

"Is that not plainly obvious" needs a question mark.

"...almost justified slapping her upside the head any way." Justified in slapping, and anyway, not any way.

"Trixie chuckled with that distinctive trill of hers, "but don't you see..." Comma should be a period. But should be capitalized. You do the same thing in the next paragraph with Raindrops speaking. Also 'then added in a muter', mutter has two t's.

"I've lived in ponyvill long enough..." Ponyville is a proper noun, and is capitalized. Also it has an e.

"And then this mourning---" Wrong morning, dear.

"So focused on her goal as she ascended..." Should either be 'She was so focused...' or 'So focused was she...'.

"No she had more important...' Should be a pause between No and she. No, she had more important matters...

"...in her second favorite pass time, napping." Should be pastime: napping.

"Rainbow Dash!" she bellowed, "so this is where..." So should be capitalized.

"yeah, yeah. I'll get right on that..." First yeah should be capitalized.

"...from having her nap disturb, still, if it meant..." Should be 'from having her nap disturbed. Still, if it meant...'

"She place each of her..." should be placed.

I may have missed some, as I am somewhat tired from a long day. But that should make things much easier to read.

>>724548724548

Excellent, and thank you very much.  I kept a few things as is.  I'll claim stylistic preference as my excuse, but overall this was very helpful.  Just in time too, as RDD put up a Lunaverse continuity blog post that could mean this fic might be picking up traffic in the near future.  So again, thank you.

SCOOTALOO! Y U do that?

The RD being a natural disaster is SOLOL! Trixie should band RD from entering city limits ( What me no be a meniepants anymore?) (She deserves it!)

O yah, the story's great! Lunaverse RULES!  

>>728388728388

The story might not make it clear, but as I see it Scoots is really just a patsy in all this.  This is the first and only time she's been involved in the story, and she doesn't even get name dropped.  Rainbow and Gilda are the ones who got Trixie's cloths from the cleaner and dyed them, then they just gave the box to Scoots to deliver it, taking advantage of her always eager to help Dash attitude, and never letting the filly in on the prank.

As for Banning Rainbow from Ponyville?  The laws really aren't set up to work that way.  I went into more detail on the matter in an earlier post (>>692747692747). Maybe, I should put up a blog of authors notes for that part or something.

Other than the annoyance of Gilda automatically jumping on a shipping angle for Dash's friendship with Fluttershy (I'd expect her to eventually use that as a tease, but not jump right to it), this is quite good.

Gilda jumping the shipping angle is supposed to be annoying, so I'm glad it bothered you as much as it did Dash.  Matter is resolved though now.  According to my interpretation of griffins (as detailed on the Lunaverse boards, post #38 or so), once a griffin backs down they don't ever bring up the subject again.

I am quite amused. Defeat Means Friendship is one of my favorite tropes, and you use it well.

Final done and turned out a little less bloated than I'd feared.  Final word count for this story is just over 13,000 words.  Heavier than I thought after chapter 2 came in under budget, but still well within my original allotment.

Have some Authors notes

-- Originally Trixie played a much different roll in this fic.  She and Raindrops didn't team up, but rather each operated independently.  With Raindrops trying to corner Dash and Gilda only to become the unintentional victim or otherwise screw up Trixie's attempts to prank back the pair.  It would have been hilarious, it was also way outside my talent zone.  I had enough trouble in the chapter 2 montage.  Doing it again with overly complicated screw ups just wasn't going to work.

-- After I paired Trixie up with Raindrops, they really were going to go through with a series of pranks that would make Dash and Gilda each think the other was out to get them.  I abandoned that idea quickly though; 1) because it would require another montage; 2) because it would have turned out too much like Griffin the Brush Off; and 3) because it was just a plain jerky thing to do.

-- Finally Trixie was originally going to lure Dash and Gilda with a regular magic show, but that seemed a bit too typical, plus she was pushing Raindrops out of focus.  So I decided to go with one of Trixie's other talents, using her magic to tell a story.  And while we didn't get to see much of it, all foals got to see Raindrops pull off an illusory Rainboom.  Snails has never been so proud.  It's no Family Matters, but I hope that bit managed to touch a few hearts.

-- About Trixie's carpet, after coming up with that idea I immediately deleted it, trying to come up with something else.  Partly because giving flight to characters that don't otherwise possess the ability is always on of those dramatic pit falls.  I couldn't come up with anything better though, and turban-Trixie on a carpet was just to cool a mental image.  To avoid any possible problems though here's a few rules as I see them; 1) it's an artifact, not a spell.  If Trixie doesn't have it close at hand she can't use it; 2) It still runs on an active magic source so only unicorns can use power it, maybe Pegasi, but why would they need to?; 3) It can't be used over long distance, for any number of reasons such as its tiring on the user, too slow, has a limited daily range based on time/distance; 4) Gilda might have damaged it, making future usage finicky, also after that fall Trixie might be hesitant to use it again.  That last one is very much up to any future authors to decide.

-- I never planned to have an actual fight scene when I started, but everyone seemed to be looking forward to it so much, I just couldn't disappoint you all.  Story is probably better for it anyway.

-- As said before, at one point Trixie and Raindrops were going to ruin Dash and Gilda's friendship.  The story was going to end with Dash torn up inside staring at the horizon.  Raindrops would apologize from behind, but never see the single tear Dash was shedding.  BLEKH, touchy feel is all well and good, but I like this ending better.  Leaves us open for more interesting fun with Gilda in the future as she comes back to hang with "Dropsy" some more.  BTW, if it isn't clear Raindrops REALY hates that nickname, she's not too fond of Dash calling her "Drops" either.

-- More if I think of them, so check back, or not.  Your call.

Awww. You're welcome, EB!

Though, correct me if I'm wrong, but did "Dropsy" just get herself latched to RD's broken Loyalty stub?

Well, okay, how to put this lightly.... I didn't really like this ending.

After all the crap those two troublemakers did, to have Gilda just fly off with a few bruises, that she is totally ok with, seems... Disappointing. I can't tell you how much I was waiting for Gilda and Dash to get the crap beat out of them, and then everyone just walks away with a chuckle? Unacceptable.

Ultimately, I feel the "push them apart plan" would have been better, but while that is my personal opinion, any form of retribution that hurt the two would have been better.

HA! Perfect ending, I think, with Raindrops wondering what the buck just happened. Griffins are weird.

Well, all's well that ends... well?

Okay, good ending and explanations there. And... does this continue the 'villains getting away at the end' tradition? Or does Gilda sorta not count there? And I'm glad she and Dash are still friends so she can show up again.

>>779163779163

Aw... but what fun would that be.  End result would be far too mane-line, Gilda runs off either never to be seen again or come back looking for revenge.  This way we can eventually put Raindrops through an even worse torture, friendly Gilda.

>>779174779174

At least the most important voice of all gets it.

>>779194779194

Maybe.  I suppose it depends on who you consider the 'villain' of this piece to be.

Very nice, and I honestly feel that Raindrops berserker rage was fully justified after Gilda pulled the rug out from under Trixie.

It's like they say, 'it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt' and Gilda not only almost hurt someone in a very deliberate manner, she showed no remorse whatsoever over the action.

Wow. I did not see that coming. I like it though, it's the first time I've ever seen an extra layer added to Gilda, it makes her a lot more interesting.

Also, that little moment where Raindrops hears her brother bragging about how awesome she is was just perfect.

>>779249779249

Well she did sorta apologize, at least by Griffin standards.

"What, that loser was one of yours too?" then shrugged, "My bad.  Didn't mean to cause you any more trouble."

It might not seem like much, but it's an acknowledgment that she respects Raindrops and her 'flock'.  Also, I probably should clear things up a bit in the actual story, but Gilda didn't expect the fall to kill Trixie.  Break a leg or two yes, but not kill.  She's a jerk, not a psychopath.

Huh.....I actually like this endng better than how the actual show resolved it....

>>779368779368

Actually, that line right there made me want to hit Gilda the hardest. It implies that she has no respect for Trixie's, or in fact anypony's, well-being outside of her/their relationship with Raindrops.

Not bad. I like how you expanded a bit on Griffin culture in this, makes it nice and different from how ponies interact and form friendships, but nothing too over the top. So, I'm guessing that Dash and Gilda had a similar dust up at some point in the past?

I like this ending a lot better than the mentioned ending that involved the relationship between Dash and Gilda being ruined.

>>779616779616

Don't be silly.  She also cares about the well being of Rainbow Dash's friends and relations.

More seriously though, yeah, Gilda is a jerk and a bit of a racist, or rather speciesist.  Not really trying to justify her actions, and you should feel like punching her.  Course one shouldn't give Raindrops a free pass either, Gilda was legitimately backing down before the pegasus attacked her.

>>779660779660

I suppose such a dust up might have occurred, but probably not.  Dash certainly seemed to be treating this fight as all kinds of serious trouble.

>>779698779698 That is a good point about Dash's reaction in the story, if she went through the same thing when she got to know Gilda originally then she probably wouldn't have been trying so hard to stop the fight.

>>779698779698

Oh, no. I'm just saying that I fully understand Raindrops' feelings on the matter. More than a few characters in her position have had the presence of mind to tell their friends to hold them back when they feel themselves losing control, but at that point it was a foregone conclusion that if someone didn't physically stop her, Raindrops was going to pound Gilda's face in.

I really wonder what's going to happen when Gilda comes back now, lol.

In other news, you forgot to mark the story as "complete" even though you completed it. Unless there's a secret epilogue which you haven't hinted at or something like that.

There is another point after thinking about it... but this does parallel "Applebuck Season" in that the Bearer of Honesty shows considerable Loyalty.

>>779907779907

Curses, you found me out.  I did actually drop a small hint or two, though apparently not enough.  Anyway, I was going to wait a bit longer, but I guess you just unlocked the achievement for everyone.

>>779913779913

I don't follow.  Raindrops really isn't so much standing up for her friends as venting a whole lot of anger.

And you all thought it was over, that you could just get up in the middle of the credits and walk out of the theater?  Well, get back in those seats cause here's one last little stinger.

HA! Brilliant. Overly complicated, too. Very Trixie. Kind of surprised that Dash just stood there and let it happen, but then I suppose she was basically a deer caught in the headlights, and didn't expect anything bad to happen to her.

hahahahahaahahahahahahahaha that was ritch

Heh.

I agree. A very Trixie, and very funny, thing to do.

>>780079780079

Basically.  Call it whatever you like; naive ignorance, distracted curiosity, or just rule of funny (that last one guarantees that even if she had stepped aside it would only be to put her in the real line of fire).

Meh. I'll be honest here and say I wasn't actually all that fond of the ending. You're right in that the 'splitting up their friendship' thing would be bad if not worse, but by nearly killing Trixie, whether or not she expected her to survive the fall, felt like a minor Moral Event Horizon for Gilda, and seeing her get off more-or-less scot-free from that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, if it were Corona doing that for whatever reason, I'd understand; ('cause she's blatantly evil and all) but this situation is different. Idunno.

Well, off to the epilogue.

>>780178780178

Do remember that M!Gilda pulled close to the same stunt on Pinkie's copter'ma'baba'wa'hoo'zit.

Okay, I'll admit that was pretty funny, and brightened my mood from the last chapter! The rube-goldberg device was very, very Trixie-esque, too.

(Even if I think the target is misaimed.)

>>780205780205

Well Gilda got away, so Trixie will just have to wait to pay her back.  In the mean time she still owed dash for rainbowifing her hat and cape.  De-rainbowifing the pegasus's mane seems an apt turn about.

>>780188780188 True, I guess, but...

>>780223780223 Oh; I forgot about that. Derp.

VENGEANCE! Best served ironically.

>>780125780125

I'm pretty sure Dash was watching all of this and thinking something synonymous with 'WTF?'

We've all had those moments where we see something so unexpected and bizarre that, unless we're in immediate physical danger, we have to stand there for a few moments while it plays out and our brain reboots.

In this case, the whole rube-golbergian aspect is part of the prank in that it distracts the target from the fact that they are in immediate danger.

>>768118768118 >>780079780079 >>780205780205 >>780571780571

I'm really glad Bube-Goldberg prank has gone over so well.  I almost skipped it thinking, nah that's just to silly, even for Trixie, but I stuck with it and took a gamble.  Looks like I one this round.

As for being an intentional distraction.  I think Trixie would agree that was exactly her plan the whole time.  After all she's hardly the type of mare to get carried away and go overboard in a fit of poorly thought out passion.

Trixie, you set that up brilliantly. Emeral, are brilliant. Four hooves up!

Nice end. Dash looks kinda cool like Storm from X-Men, but I doubt she'll see it that way.

it was good ,but as a few flaws ,  the part with trixie and gilda in the carpet needs some work something  like it was at very near the ground and the trixie wouldnt be injured by the fall or gilda catchingher at last moment . also i didint see a lot of  raindrops i was hoping more of her character.  i would have liked a few more scenes about her  rainbow trixie and gilda steal a lot of her spotligth .

i liked this fic but it felt more like the first chapters of a greater fanfic than a story on its own

pd: i am glad that you didint choose the other ending trixie and raindrops trying to destroy a friendship would be like superman stealing banks .

>>781858781858

You're not wrong.  Trixie, really did start steeling the spotlight there, but then again that's kind her thing, so it works on a meta level.  As pointed out, that's not how I planned things originally the story just sorta mutated on me.  I did changed up the type of show Trixie put on just to make sure Raindrops didn't completely disappear for half the chapter, and I like to think it gave her just enough of a wow factor even if it was mostly off-screen.

I could almost consider a Gilda catches Trixie twist for a later revision, but I don't know?  Doing anything to lessen Gilda's 'reckless jerk' qualities would only cast Raindrops' 'vengeful jerk' qualities more harshly.  Think I'll stand behind the excuse that it's a cartoon, and that M!Gilda did more or less the same to Pinkie.

Rainbow didn't see it coming that was a nice little stinger hahaha.

Trixie went at it way too complicated, if she wanted to prove she could fly she just had to put on an illusion to make Raindrops appear as her! Then she could just hide with invisibility and throw her voice. At least she had the carpet and didn't just make an illusion of her flying appear, that would have been easy.

This was fun! Raindrops is dangerous

Nice illustration of Raindrops' anger problem! Especially the way she obviously knows that what she's doing is wrong, but she's just too furious to stop. It all wrapped up nicely in the end, too, so well done! Great story.

I don't know why people leave during the credits. I stay. I loved the stinger, and the moment the contraption started up, I could hear the Breakfast Machine music playing.

Also, thanks for putting my name in the credits. Your story was a joy to read, so of course I tracked it.

>>786567786567

No, thank you for having been among those who, large or small, helped support me and gave me the drive to actually finish this.

Hahaha! That was a great way to end the story, which in general was a lot of fun to read I can't wait for your next story!

And thanks for putting me in the credits.

>>787166787166

Again, it's you people I should be thanking.  Left only to my own devices I'd have probably given up when Ch4 started taking too long.

As for the next story?  Approval finally came through and it's in the queue.  Should be live in about another 2 hours or so by estimate.  Hope you enjoy it.

Great ending! The last prank was very karma-rific.

Well, the idiot had it coming. The odd thing is that Gilda is slightly more sympathetic than the screaming maniac with the bleached-white mane.

>>793211793211

Heh, honestly I thought it was that way in the real show too. I agreed her pranks WERE lame and childish and seemed like she got them all from the back pages of a children's comic book.

Then there was the hackneyed "Oh they were really meant for everyone you just somehow set them off" explanation...yeah I just didn't buy it at all. I'm surprised so many didn't agree with gilda, but then Fluttershy is the fandom woobie and all

Me, I woulda taken the opportunity of seeing a pegasus like Fluttershy as a gift from the pranking gods myself, and gone all Haunt the House on her. I know she's sturdier than she looks, she faced down a manticore! And a cockatrice!

If anything RBD is holding her back with her overprotectiveness!

<(LOL! Destroying peoples' livelihoods is fun!)

Lunaverse RD could use an arrow to the face.

Wow, what a jerk.

Putting the opening at the end of the chapter. That's new.

>>10758371075837

I tried to write this story like an actual episode.  Somewhere along the line, for flow and pacing purposes, I also decided to present the opening teaser and act-1 as separate chapters.  So it was a matter of placing the intro either at the end of Ch1 or the start of Ch2.