Featured In7

More Stories6

  • E Boast Busted: the Lost Tales

    Lunaverse: Twilight lectures a group of so called "sirens".
    3,601 words · 2,589 views  ·  156  ·  3
  • E A Final Crisis of Conscience

    Lunaverse: after the events of CO2E, Twilight is finally ready to turn her self in to the authorities, but can she really bring herself to take that final step?
    1,381 words · 1,353 views  ·  128  ·  3
  • E Sergeant-at-Hooves

    Lunaverse: Cheerilee goes overboard when trying to prepare for the fight against Corona.
    3,789 words · 864 views  ·  60  ·  2
  • T Elements of Insanity

    Lunaverse; Twilight plans to prove herself superior to Trixie by forming her own Elements of Harmony
    48,156 words · 3,215 views  ·  128  ·  9
  • E Of Wands and Wizards

    Trixie becomes lost in a world of wizards and witches. Also involving an odd fellow with blue box and his wall-eyed companion.
    8,200 words · 1,121 views  ·  100  ·  8
  • E Broken Tiara

    Lunaverse: Diamond Tiara makes a stunning confession, but is her heart's desire smitten by another?
    1,861 words · 1,222 views  ·  39  ·  3

Blog Posts18

  • 13w, 3d
    Blast From the Past

    So, over on the Lunaverse forms, a few of us were discussing alternate realties and such, during which one of the old conceits that we all use to joke about came up again.  That being the notion that the entire Lunaverse is written as though it were the actual show on some parallel earth, with the show we known in our world being the fanfiction over there.

    Anyway this reminded me of the first ever "contribution" I ever made to the Lunaverse, long before there really was a Lunaverse as we now know it.  This was regretfully though a post made on the comments thread for Boat Busted over on EQD, and somewhere along the line (presumably during a site upgrade) they seem to have purged all the older comments.  Fortunately I once reposted it to the Lunaverse forums, though unfortunately I had no idea where.  Which is a problem as the Lunaverse has one of the largest and most active forums on all of FiM fic.  With a little digging and a lot of luck, however, I finally found it and can now repost it in a more easily accessible place for posterity.

    As a preface, in this review I pretended to be a brony living on an alternate earth where Boast Busted is an episode of the show, while Boast Busters is a fanfic.  Also, please keep in mind that this was all written before LNLD, meaning it's no longer an accurate reflection of how the Lunaverse actually turned out.


    Ooh, I remember reading this back when only the first chapter was up. It was loads of fun, but I forgot to ever check back on it, so I was quite pleased to see this pop up here giving me the opportunity to finish it.

    It's kind of neat how the author manages to take background ponies like Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack and even the one-shot 'villain' Twilight Sparkle then recasts them as the mane characters. It is kind of weird to only get minor references to our actual mane-6, though seeing Trixie cast in such an obnoxious role is even weirder. Sure she's always had issues with pride and ego, but this author dials them up to 11, though you can easily see how he still had to stretch to make her a convincing antagonist by resorting to using Snips and Snails to do the legwork with the ursa.

    Now I hear he's going to go back and rewrite the first episode, awesome. I've seen plenty of takes on an evil Luna; Black Umbra, Eclipse, Midnight Shadow; so I can't wait to see what he does with this Nightmare Moon. Also it will be interesting to see how such an unhinged bookish snob like Twilight could ever make friends, until then I'm not sure I'm entirely buying the author's too modest to show off her magic interpretation. I wonder how much of that has to do with that baby dragon the author gave her? I know a lot of readers will probably try to call him out on being a poorly conceived OC self insert, but I personal found him amusing enough.

    Then there are the author's choices for the elements of laughter and kindness. Pinkie Pie was an all too obvious choice, what with how her wacky background antics in the actual show are always a riot, probably why despite her being the mascot of our fandom he left her out of this story since it could have easily overshadowed any other plot. At least I hope that's why as I'd hate to think it had anything to do with the whole iTunes censorship fiasco. Fluttershy though will prove something of a wild card, as she's such an underused background pony who hardly anyone ever seems to write about.


    Anyway, I left this post wholly unedited from it's original form.  Though, looking back I really should have referred to something like Zune instead of iTunes, just to sell the idea of the world itself also being weirdly reversed.

    8 comments · 109 views
  • 36w, 2d
    Review-like Thingy: "Simple Ways" -- (SPOILERS, duh...)

    I don't normally do the whole episode reviews thing.  Well not explicitly at least.  I don't write blogs of my own, but some of my replies to other blogs or vlogs can be nearly as detailed.  One such blogger I routinely engage in such comments with is my good friend InsertAuthorHere, arguably it's how we became friends in the first place. (…oh, and while someone of his famed renown hardly needs my meager endorsements, I'll implore anyone reading this blog that doesn't already follow his work to GO AND FOLOW HIS WORK!  Seriously, he was one of the authors that helped inspire me to make my own feeble attempts at pony fanfiction)

    Anyway, IAH was apparently of the opinion that because of my status as an unabashed worshiper of the one and only BEST PONY that is the fair lady Rarity, that I'd be driven to the war path by this episode (I guess for steeling my "waifu" or something like that, as if I'd ever be worthy of her affections).  While I certainly had my reservations about it, after-all clichéd romance was supposedly one of those girly tropes that this show explicitly didn't cater too.  Still, I was committed to keeping an open mind, but now that I've actually seen it with my own eyes, what's the verdict?  Is the episode a worthy tribute to the goddess, or is it time for me to bust out a doomsday device or two and teach the world a lesson for daring to besmirch her flawless grace… let's find out.

    Oh, and just as a final reminder, there will be SPOILERS!!!


    So after a functional, but mostly expository open, the episode proper hooks me right away with Rarity's newest dress, a prefect reflection of the styles I associate with her character and something her last focus episode failed to deliver on.  Rarity's tastes aren't fashionable just because they are edgy or unconventional, but because they are a true artistic expressions of the soul that reflect her personal inspirational muse -- most often expressed by gratuitous use gemstones.  

    Now then though, we come to the episode's controversial new character, Trenderhoof.  When Rarity first drops his name my reaction was similar to the rest of her friends; it just seems so out of left field, not to mention why should a celebration of Ponyville town pride need to in any way impress this pony.  Still, to the episode's credit Rarity quickly explains how his reviews have put other towns on the map, and so for a brief instance I get my hopes up that this episode is actually going to focus on Rarity trying to impress him not for her own sake, but for her desire to enhance the reputation of Ponyville... and then she starts fawning like a school-filly.

    Now admittedly, this isn't really anything new for Rarity, but I'll be upfront about it; Trenderhoof's design out right sucks.  He's awkwardly lanky, with a bland color palette, a too cool for rules soul patch, and don't even get me started on his wardrobe.  He bears no resemblance to any of the previous ponies that Rarity has idolized, romantically or otherwise.  Hoity Toity, Fancy Pants, and even Blueblood; these were all ponies that could be readily identified as individuals of sophistication and class at a glance.  Trenderhoof though, no, just no.

    He's really seems more of a hipster by design, which is seemingly reflected in his pension for liking things before they are cool.  This is practically the antithesis of Rarity and the types of ponies she has previously admired who are all TRENDSETTERS.  Admittedly there is a superficial overlap, but the key difference if that a trendsetter thrives on promoting their passion so that others can appreciate it too (or at least to enhance their own fame), as opposed to the hipster mentality that almost abhors the notion that the things they like could be corrupted by the masses.

    Sigh… and then we get to the train station which is a scene that gives me very mixed feeling.  Rarity is nervous, to the extreme, which might work if this was an episode just about town pride and/or her career.  We've seen Rarity get nervous about living up to the expectations of her idols and likewise seen her embarrassed about the rusticness of her hometown.  Unfortunately this scene frames it all "romantically", which is something Rarity has never really been shown to falter on.  Compared to her forwardness with trying to woo the affections of Blueblood… well, technically she did still have to work up the nerve to first introduce herself, but in this episode that aspect is overplayed and it gets old fast.

    Still, expectations can be a real nerve-racker, and once she does get over them her interactions with Trenderhoof are everything I've come to expect from Rarity, even if I still don't really get what she finds attractive about him, physically or intellectually.  Of course then we get to the even bigger controversy of this episode, the love triangle… but you know what?  I actually like this part.  I mean I still don't get Rarity's half, but Trenderhoof's attraction to Applejack makes more senses.  As I mentioned before, he seems to me like a hipster archetype and so for him the appeal of AJ would be in the "exotic".  Now admittedly one might think he's met farmers before, but AJ isn't just a farmer; previous episodes have established that she is genuinely good looking and cleans up real well, so I can believe that the combination of such contrasting aspects would sucker Trenderhoof.  I even adore his initially inane attempts to woo AJ with things she could care less about.  I also like how AJ is clearly not oblivious to his advance, she's just not even remotely interested and has got better things to do.

    Oh, and along the way we get some amusing lampshades in regards to Spike's one-sided crush on Rarity.  They never really go anywhere, but they are still no less fun.

    Now then, we have Rarity's first attempts to emulate AJ and prove that she can be just as rustic, in her best jewel incrusted work-duds… and I absolutely love every minute of it.  I mean, yeah, it's painfully embarrassing and reeks of the most shallow superficial facades imaginable, but that's pretty much the entire point.  Then failing that, she takes it all even further with an insultingly over the top hick style redress of not just herself but the entire theme for the upcoming festival… and that accent, my god that forced country accent.  I. just. LOVE. It! Beyond that I think what I enjoy most about Rarity's bald-faced attempts to go "simple" is that she embraces it with ALL her normal flare for the elaborate, and in so doing completely misses the point.

    Admittedly, I half expected Applejack to be rightfully infuriated that this is how her supposed "friend" sees her, but to AJ's credit the whole scenario is just too absurd to do anything other than laugh.  Besides, why get angry when you can get even, which brings us to the elegant Miss Applejewel.  Now the shoe is on the other hoof and I love it all just as much, and even if AJ is actually trying to help, I like to imagine her taking at least a little satisfaction in it as well.  Admittedly AJ's choice of dress does clash with her own natural colors, but that's kind of the point; Rarity sucks at being rustic and AJ is equally bad at being fancy.  Though one minor complaint, her vocal affections in this scene were disappointing; I really wish that they'd used her Manehattan accent from Cutie Mark Chronicles, but I guess AJ's just out of practice after all these years.

    So after a bit mudslinging --literally-- the conflict is resolved and all is right in the world again, plus we all get to have one last laugh at Trenderhoof's expense… and may it truly be the last as if I never see him again it would be too soon.  Seriously, I'll take more of Blueblood's pompously inflated self-important flank any day.  Now I will say that I was a little disappointed with the closing montage of the actual festival.  I don't much care for all the blatant recycling of Canterlot character models which seem too fancy for Ponyville even under the auspicious supervisions of Rarity.  It all feels more like she just went and replaced everypony in town rather than gussying them up as best she could.  Still, for just these short few scenes I guess we couldn't expect them to budget the expense of anything new.


    So then, my final evaluation? :raritycry: :raritydespair: :raritystarry: :raritywink: :duck:

    The episode has its flaws.  It really should have kept the focus of Rarity's desire to impress Trenderhoof on her career rather than heart.  The attempt at a love triangle is woefully forced and arbitrary to the point of contrivance.  That said, the sheer absurdity still made me genuinely laugh in between attempts to palm my own face off to make the embarrassment stop.  Even at their worst in this episode though, the characters remain relatable and likable.  I cringe not because the episode is "bad", but because I pity the characters self-inflicted misfortunes.  So in the end I like the episode, I really and truly do.  It can't compete with any of my top three favorites of this season, but it easily beats out most everything else, including Rarity's other episode this season.

    Granted, Rarity Takes Manehatten had a better premise (and earns bonus points for world building), but it stumbled on a forced and grossly superficial execution.  By contrast, Simple Ways has a dreadful premise, but for the most part shines in execution.  For all that I still don't see why Rarity would have a crush on Trenderhoof in the first place, for the rest of the episode she's in nigh perfect form, even as she compromises everything she believes in to impress a pony that in no way deserves the effort.

    Anyway, Sorry if my lack of fury disappoints, but for good or ill the world shan't be ending today, at least not by my hand.

    20 comments · 238 views
  • 59w, 6d
    Re: What Applejack and Rainbow Dash's Elements of Harmony Should Have Been

    This blog post is something of a response to Digibrony's latest video.  My apologies to my meager subscriber count for wasting time on this instead doing the thing you're all supposedly following me for in the first place and getting a new chapter out in one of my overdue fics.  Anyway, to make sure anyone reading this knows what I'm talking about...


    So, let's cut to the chase.  I can't really agree with this at all.  The idea that AJ and Dash are somehow the wrong way around is just a gross misconception of what their elements mean, both to themselves and in the greater context of being components upon which friendship is built.  It might make for an amusing joke or parody, but shouldn't ever be indulged as having any serious merit.

    ...

    Let's start with Applejack and the concept of Honesty — in the context of MLP this is about more than just telling the literal truth, but about being a truthful individual.  When AJ says she's the most dependable pony it's because of that honesty, because once she makes a promise she always keeps it, because failing to do so would make her retroactively a liar.  This was the main conflict in both Applebuck Season and Last Roundup.  It's also likely why she doesn't charge more in SSCS6k.  Given the length of the lines she could easily charge 3, 4, or even 5 bits per mug while still selling out every day, and a profit minded entrepreneur would do just that.  AJ, however, isn't profit minded, but rather honest minded; 2 bits a mug is all her family needs to make enough profit to see them through the winter, so that's all she's going to charge.  It's also why she refuses to "cheat" in the competition by lowering quality standards, because even if it let them make more cider it wouldn't be the genuine product.

    The idea that she is somehow exceptionally more loyal than honest is just silly because her qualities of the former are built out of the latter.  More so though, when the chips are down and shit hits the fan, she's really not very loyal at all.  The most prominent example perhaps being Swarm of the Century, where when the parasprites start devouring all the food in town, AJ abandons her friends and the rest of Ponyville as well in order to safeguard her own farm first and foremost.  Sure one could argue that she was just thinking about making sure everypony would still have food after the crisis, or just choosing loyalty to kin over friends, but that's not really how the scene plays out, and AJ doesn't even make a pretense of apologizing before leaving her friends high and dry on their own.  Likewise, she shows a distinct lack of loyalty in Last Roundup, where she up an leaves behind everypony in Ponyville (including her family) just because she's too prideful to admit she wasn't able to deliver on a promise.

    While yes, it could be said that AJ's episodes are more about loyalty than honesty, they are such always only in so far as AJ herself learning to be more loyal and/or less stuborn, whether it is to others or to herself.  This is precisely why she couldn't be the Element of Loyalty, at least certainly not in the first episode.  To wield the Elements of Harmony is to be an exemplar of that quality, and AJ still has a lot to learn about Loyalty.  Contrast say Rarity, who despite being inarguably vein and occasionally even a little greedy, she is never lacking in generosity, in the willingness to give of herself for the sake of others.  Yes, she occasionally misjudges what it is those around her actually need most, but she is still always giving and no episode has ever been about her learning to be more generous.  Even in Sweet and Elite she is clearly torn between her old friends in Ponyville and her new contacts in Canterlot, with the linchpin that causes her to temporarily make the wrong choice being when those Canterlot ponies first beg her that they absolutely NEED her to attend their various events, that is to say, when they impose upon her generosity.

    Now, I will admit that the way AJ demonstrated her element in the pilot was pretty poorly executed, but that seems mostly the fault having to cram six such trials into a mere 22 minute episode.  Even at that, while it seems silly for AJ not to just tell Twilight outright why it's okay to let go (because Dash and Flutters are there to catch her), the idea still works in that the reason Twilight can trust AJ is because she's honest.  Friendship is built on trust and that trust is built out of honesty.  That said, AJ did much better job of proving this quality, not in the Everfree Forest, but in the Ponville Library when she was the one that told all the others they should both give Twilight the chance to explain and believe what she had to say.  So perhaps AJ's element should have been more accurately called something like "Trust" or even "Faith", with her honesty just being the reason why others can always trust her.

    Still, what AJ really is at the core of her character though, is an archetype for the supposed concept of "good old-fashioned country values", which rightly or not are often considered more honest than modern urban values.

    ...

    Now for Rainbow Dash and the concept of Loyalty — she perhaps says it best in one of her earliest lines, "I would never leave Ponyville hanging," and yet despite this bold declaration it's sort of hard to take her at her word.  Not only is Rainbow Dash kind of lazy, but also very self-centered.  At first glance she seems very much like the sort who only cares about herself and would without hesitation abandon others to pursue her own ambitions, which is in fact how Nightmare Moon later tries to tempt her into betrayal.  Actually, I think it could be quite telling that Dash's trial comes last (discounting Twilight of course who had to discover what the sixth element was in the first place) and is the only one where NMM is actively attempting to subvert the pony's future element; it suggests she'd become aware of what was happening and was now taking active measure to prevent the last piece from falling into place.  Anyway though, were Dash the Element of Honesty, she'd likely have rejected the Shadowbolts on the grounds of not wanting a free handout, preferring to earn her victories for herself, but that not what she does and instead jumps at the opportunity completely buying into every bit of ego stroking she's fed; instead it is only when she is forced to choose between her ambition and her friends that she chooses the latter and proves herself the Element of Loyalty.

    Even more so though, this notion that she's somehow the most "authentic" of the mane-six just doesn't bear out, because if anything she's the opposite.  All of her ego, all of her grandstanding might make it seem like she's made out of confidence, but as seen in episodes like Sonic Rainboom, she is anything but confidant; it's all just a mask she wears to hide from her own insecurity and fear of failure.  This compared to Fluttershy who knows she's something of a coward who'd rather runaway and hide than stand up for herself (even while being still quite capable of standing up for others), or Rarity who has no illusions about her own vanity and so makes no false pretenses at modesty and really does feel that she deserves to be treated like royalty, or Pinkie Pie who genuinely does just want to see everypony smile.  There are no pretenses with the other mane-six and they all wear there souls bare and in plain sight; it's really only ever Rainbow Dash who hides from herself and is afraid to admit things because for fear of how others might judge her.

    As in the preceding section it could be said that Dash has more episodes about honesty than loyalty, but again that's because she already is an exemplar of loyalty and so doesn't have much more to learn on that front.  Conversely, in episodes like Read it and Weep she learns that it's okay to both like books and to admit that having a diverse range of interests doesn't have to detract from her core self-identity as an athlete.  She still gets to have episodes about Loyalty though, which is the key conflict in Wonderbolts Academy.  Dash initially goes along with Lighting Dust's recklessness because Spitfire seems to believe in her and Dash believes in Spitfire, or at least she wants to.  The conflict is finally resolved not because of honesty but because of loyalty; Dash wants to be Wonderbolt, it's all she's ever dreamed of, but her loyalty comes first to her friends and perhaps more importantly to her own morality, and if those are values which don't matter to the Wonderbolts than that's not something she can be part of.

    Some people like to use examples where Rainbow Dash speaks her mind as an example of honesty, such as when she said that Rarity kind of was a laughing stock in Suited for Success, or how she was the first of the mane-six to openly voice an opinion on the first set of dresses.  Neither was a particularly good example of being honest though, but rather just being blunt, superficial and inconsiderately tactless.  She's not saying these things because she thinks Rarity needs to hear the truth, but because she never stops to consider how hurtful that truth might be.  Dash might always speak her mind, but it's not because of honesty, but because she just has a bad habit of speaking the first thing that comes to mind without ever stopping to consider the consequences; she's a speedster, not just in her actions but her words as well.  This superficiality, and complete lack of authenticity, is also the driving conflict behind Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, where Dash gets completely sucked into her own hype and forgets that it is her deeds that make her a hero, not her popularity.  Fame can be a fickle and fleeting thing, it's a poor way to define one's own self-worth, and Dash suffered for it when the next big thing came along and she mistakenly felt like she was no longer a hero without all the adoring fans to cheer her on.

    ...

    Bring this all back together, I think it's also telling to look at the mane-six's cutie mark stories.  Each of them not only involved discovering their talent, but their future element as well.  Rainbow Dash didn't just prove her speed, but did so while in her own words 'defending Fluttershy's honor'.  She wasn't racing for her own sake but as a way to stand up for someone else.  Whereas AJ found her talent not just in going back to her farm and family, but in finally being able to admit to herself that it was where she truly belongs, the city having been just a false dream she was never really happy with and where she had to pretend to be something else just to fit in.

    If the words LOYALTY and HONESTY seem ill-fitting or lacking when describing these two ponies, it's only because they are just singular words being used to define complex characters and concepts, but they don't have be the only words we use, and we get some good alternatives in Magical Mystery Cure, where Celestia describes them over a panning shot of the character as "charity, compassion, devotion, integrity, optimism, and of course, the leadership".  So really the important thing is to not get hung up on words, but to see past those words to the meaning underneath.

    Because really, if we get hung up on words, would not generosity just be a subset of kindness?  Are not the great lengths Pinkie Pie goes to brighten everyone's day while asking for nothing but a smile in return an expression of generosity? Was not Fluttershy's admission of her own insignificance and humility when Discord tried to first turn her against the others an expression of honesty, or what about Twilight who wouldn't just except the existence of Pinkie Sense and instead tried to find the truth behind it?  Or just as much, how Twilight is unfalteringly dedicated and loyal to the princess.  The fact is that all of the mane-six are good upstanding ponies and as such they all possess aspects of all six Elements of Harmony, just not in equal measure.  Rather than mince details over the exact words used to describe them, we should instead take it as a given that they are the exemplars they already proved themselves to be when first defeating Nightmare Moon and then later Discord.  Instead of trying to define the ponies by the elements, we should define the elements by the ponies.

    ________________________________

    Oh, and special thanks to Empty-bee for posting a link to this this on Reddit's MLP analysis community.

    10 comments · 368 views
  • 76w, 2d
    Sometimes the Friendship Really is Magic

    So, I finally got the chance to sit down with my younger cousin, and watch the season three finale.

    She went into it completely unspoiled, not knowing what would happen, and when it came to the moment of truth with Twilight and Celestia in the astral void, well... initially she seemed more focused on cracking some jokes about the poses not looking very natural for an equine body shape.  However, the moment Twilight started rising into the air, glowing with inner light, my cousin's eyes lit up just as much and she was a flurry of, "Oh my gosh, what's happening!" and all I could do is smile as I watched her watch Twilight.

    Then Twilight lands back in Ponyville to spread her wings for the first time and as she does my cousin was practically leaping for joy, which only doubled when Celestia showed up to proclaim that Twilight had not only become an alicorn, but a princess as well.  This is something my cousin had asked about way back when we first started watching episodes together last summer.  Even as early as the end of the second episode, my cousin thought Clestia must be training Twilight to become a new princess, so I knew she was going to enjoy this, but getting to see it all play out on her face was a real treat.

    For all the drama this finale caused in the older peripherals that make up those of us that call ourselves bronies, it was good to see that at least for one young girl --just a few years over the show's target demographics-- this epic event went off flawlessly... well, almost.

    She was very concerned that this meant the show was over, that there would be no more stories left to tell, so it was also nice to be able to assure her that a fourth season was already in the works.

    7 comments · 183 views
  • 91w, 6d
    Back On Track

    3 comments · 139 views
  • ...
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 3,827

Ever since Gilda the griffin came to town, Rainbow Dash has been slacking off from her weather duties even more than usual.  Worse still, the pair have been practically terrorizing the townsfolk with recklessly inconsiderate pranks.  Raindrops has been trying to take this all in stride, but when one prank goes too far, the temperamental pegasus must take it into her own hooves to teach the pair a lesson.

────────────────

-- This story is set in RainbowDoubleDash's Lunaverse.

-- Art elements by BananaMonsterrr and Alecza1234.

First Published
27th May 2012
Last Modified
20th Jun 2012

Well here it is my first every story.  Never figured my first posting would amount to a fanfic of a fanfic, but inspiration is what it is.  I'd ask that readers be gentle with any critiques, but I'll never learn if folks pull their punches.

For those familiar with the Lunaverse, I'll put forward that this story was originally conceived and written to take place some time in the spring prior to the events of Boast Busted, however, that timeframe seems to have become a little crowded since then.  As such, I'm considering making revisions to adjust it's chronological placement, though crowded doesn't mean impossible to fit, and given my tendency to plan and re-plan till I've over-planed yet accomplished nothing, I figured I'd best get at least the current version out the door.  Edit: Placement has now been finalized, it comes after the as of yet undocumented Winter Wrap-up, but before Fizzy Orange's File Under 'I' for 'Impossible'.  If you haven't already read that go do so, NOW!

Fun Fact: When I typed this story I had to fight very hard against the constant escape effort of my  'n' and 'm' keys.  I really need to fix/replace my keyboard.

Adding to favorites... but I will read later. Sorry. :fluttershysad:

DAAAAASH! :twilightangry2: that griffon is a BAD influence.

I can't wait to see where this goes.

Also I suggest you get a proofreader to help out, there's a few typo here or there. It's 'route' not 'rout' and 'fury' not 'furry'. For exemple.

Wow. Dash's pranks are alot more dickish in this universe.

Raindrops needs to layeth the smacketh down upon Gilda.

Chaos and Mayham abounds... I guess this shows the difference of Dash/Gilda pranking vs Dash/Pinkie pranking.

This is the first lunaverse fic to really show Raindrops implied 'attitude issues' and though justified things could definitely get ugly. Trixie is tertiary thus far because she hasn't be pranked and thus not really her problem, easy to see... at least until the complaints start to roll in and the forms pile up haha. Also it's good that Ditzy's 'friend to all' aura includes bees... that one could have been nasty. Good work capturing the universe thus far.

>>655981

Yeah, I'm all too aware that I should get a proofreader, even went over to the main proofing group to look into the matter, but their system of pick a name off a giant list and start asking/begging is a bad system for me.  I don't do so well making arbitrary decisions like that or at making requests of perfect strangers, even if they are openly asking people to do just that.  I could have easily spent the next three or so days trying to invent criteria on which to base a choice, than another day or two working up the nerve to actual ask, and well like I said I was really feeling the need to just get this thing published while the motivation in me was still strong.  Anyway, fixed those two typos.

>>656164 >>656332

The dickish pranks were basically the main premise that this fic grew out of.  In the show it was Pinkie Pie who taught Dash that a good prank is one where the prankee laughs just as much as the pranker, so in a world where they were never friends and where Gilda gets to be the role-model such as it were, well things don't go nearly so well.  Raindrops became the obvious focus character based on the events of LNLD; her frustrations with Dash's slacking and her later threats to "murder" Trixie over the whole weather mercenaries incident.

Also glad to see the prank on Ditzy seems to be going over well enough.  That to me was the weakest part of the montage.  I knew I wanted her to walk away unscathed and seeming unaware, both to frustrate the pranksters and to show off that she's possibly all too used to such attempts, but coming up with the actual prank was rough.

Let me see if I can find...

Ah, here we go.

I've been looking forward to a Raindrops story, and you seem to have a good grasp on her personality. While reading I could feel the anger just beneath the surface, and I'm going to admit to being surprised that chapter 2 didn't begin with Ponyvile's population having decreased by one (or at least begin in a hospital with Gilda, Dash, and Raindrops all getting patched up).

>>657167

LOL, that image.  Well now that I've got the lord almighty of the Lunaverse setting up his own personal throne in the front row I guess I'm obligated to deliver.  Anyway, thanks for confirming that I'm on something of the right track with Raindrops persona. That was definitely a part that worried me and kept me double guessing whether I was making her out to be too much of a barely restrained rage-oholic or giving her too much self-control and letting the other characters walk all over her.

As for the lack of murder/hospital, there wouldn't be much story to tell if we skipped right to the payoff.  Though I did consider adding an imagine spot, when she snapped during the Carrot Top incident, where Raindrops brutally eviscerates the pranksters and baths in their blood (well not quite that extreme) along with an imaginary Pinkie Pie then proceeding to lead the entire town in a joyous chorus of Ding-Dong the Bitch is Dead and wrapped up with the mayor presenting Raindrops the official "Prize Pony of Ponyville" award.

>>657346

There needs to be a picture of that.

>>656469

Ah, my. At least Rainbow Dash is consistent in that she totally fails to understand Ditzy in this timeline as well. Dashie'll never, EVER get it but Ditzy can read her like a cheap novel; she won't do anything about it because she doesn't resent her (much) and knows that a certain jasmine-colored melee Pegasus will deal with the idiot post haste.

Yep, that's a cut above canon!Rainbow's usual level of pranking, at least outside the confines of Nightmare Night. You've captured Raindrops's frustration very well here.

How did I not notice the second chapter on my first reading? Oh well!

This is great! The string of pranks is cleverly written, and I really, really loved the bit with Ditzy Doo and the bees. Ditzy does have an awful lot of patience.

If you want a proofreader, why not ask in the Lunaverse group itself? I'm sure somepony would be willing to help. I'd be willing to proofread, but I couldn't guarantee how quickly I could get through a chapter.

Rainbow, you bitch.:rainbowhuh:

Kick her ass, Raindrops!

... Okay, that's a bit worse than usual from Dash.

*Hands Raindrops a modified shotgun* Here, for your hooves. :flutterrage:

Man, those were some nasty pranks. And yeah, as others have said, keeping in line with how Dash would be without Pinkie Pie to hold her back.

About the only thing that might get RD to see reason is seeing Gilda prank one of Ditzy's friends: :fluttercry:

Were that to happen, she'd join the melee Pegasus in dismantling her pal.

You didn't describe what Trixie ordered.  Was it pinecones?

>>671034

To be perfectly honest, I never decided.  I might add that into a future revision, or not.  Raindrops is the perspective character and she really doesn't quite know what's on her plate other than that Trixie claims that it's delightful.  If it helps your imagination,  the café was supposed to be French (or fancy as they say in ponyville), something I apparently neglected to make as clear as intended.  Also, also given Lunaverse Trixie tastes in other stories, the food is probably a mix of two or more dishes that don't normally go together.

>>671915  Ah, café food, where you pay 8 dollars for 8 grams.  It's a shame that yuppies only dine somewhere if there's a wine list.

...Okay, now I'm starting to rant here.

Good opening! There's a slight run-on sentence in the second paragraph, but otherwise I didn't find any problems. Good Trixie, and I think it's best if the identity of the 'food' remain ambiguous. :twilightsmile:

"Okay maybe, but did the rest of the town deserve to have to put up with two hours of whining at a pitch so intense that it insured no pony within a three block radius could sleep in?"

ensured. Resuming now.

>>671959

Well it's also still ponyville, which is still something of a backwater nowhere town, so I'd imagine that the cost to weight ratio is probably a little more favorable.  Aslo, while the café is [i[Fancy, I don't think it's anywhere near the crème de la crème of the Ponyville dinning scene such as it were.  Upscale, probably , but certanly not top of the line.

If this takes place before "I for Impossible," Maybe the knife-at-face trick could be the one Trixie practices on Moondancer.

At the front of the room paced a plumb colored mare

Take out the 'b'

A see green unicorn mare, made to enter a candy shop when, she suddenly found herself spun about in a whirl as a flash of colors whizzed past her.

Sea, and the commas are unnecesary.

Ditzy Doo merrily continued down the road, one eye fixed ahead, as the other tracked a pair of unaware would be pranksters as they flew away.

Awesome, and while this isn't as big a deal as the others, I'd recommend adding dashes between the selected words, IE "unaware would-be-pranksters" Also, second comma is unnecesary.

Not at Carrot Top, too whom they had recklessly inflicted who knows how much property damage while nearly drowning the poor mare in the process.

To, and maybe add a comma between 'damage' and 'while'

Her eyes locked briefly with Raindrops own.

This is a tough grammar thing, but when a proper noun ends with an 's,' simply add the apostrophe to the end of the word: Raindrops'

The pair of pranksters where off in a flash

Were

They probably thought themselves to be cleverly shaking off any would be pursuit.  They clearly didn't understand the nature of the fury they had brought upon themselves.

Not vital, but perhaps merge these two with a semicolon in between, (pursuit; they) rewording the start of the second, (pursuit, clearly not understanding) or something along those lines.

probably start planning there next act of vandalism

Their

So let them run, it will only make them all the easier to handle when she catches up.

Maybe insert 'she' between 'so' and 'run,' replace the comma with a semicolon, and make the other two past tense.

she heard Carrot Top call out from bellow

Below

The now embodiment of righties fury slowed her ascent,

Maybe replace 'now' with 'new?' I dunno, that whole phrasing is a bit awkward. Also, righteous.

but was any pay back, no matter how deserved, worth her friend's livelihood.

Replace period with a question mark, and maybe add 'well' between 'how' and 'deserved.'

but what kind of friend would Raindrops be if she left while there was still a chance to salvage the situation.

Ditto.

Sorry to nitpick; aside from the grammar issues, this was another great chapter! I loved the prank montage in particular. :)

>>672055

Fixed

>>672086

That was the idea, though when I wrote the line it more specifically referred to the trick as seen in Boast Busted, but since that's what she's practicing for with Moondance, same difference more or less.

>>672223

More fixed.  Think I got those all, except were intentionally left for stylistic purposes, and thank you very much.  Don't put yourself down for nitpicking.  I asked for as much and I'm glad someone finally took me up on it.  Help like this could earn you first reading privileges when Chapter 3 is closer to done.

>>672894 I think the knife trick has pretty much become a running joke in the Lunaverse. XD Like a reverse Noodle Incident.

Really? :pinkiegasp: I'll try to be as helpful as I can!

First up, I'd like to give a special shout-out to LDLUYAB who proofed this chapter, and boy did it really needed the proofing.  If you all found this chapter a smoother read than the preceding two, that's to whom all thanks is owed, so give 'em some love. :heart:

Now on a personal front, I'm somewhat impressed with myself.  I finished this about a day ahead of my original schedule, and after losing most of two days while I tried to catch up with paperwork at the office.

Anyway, for your continued reading pleasure I present the next installment in my humble attempt at writing.  Hope you all enjoy/enjoyed it.  Also, now that I've pinned down the continuity placement for this story,  I went back and made some minor expansions to the early dialog in Ch.1.  It's nothing that changes anything, just meant to add continuity and context.

Usefully Links For a Deeper Understanding of Details In This Chapter:

-- The Map!; post #38 or so: for more information on griffin society and culture.

-- Rainbow Dash: The Living Disaster!; post #1: for more information regarding how obscure Equestrian legal codes apply to this situation.

Fact: Bored Trixie ignoring her official duties is in no way serving as a proxy for me, her stage performance is in no way a proxy for this story, and the paddleball is in no way a proxy for me goofing off and writing a Twilight Sparkle "villain" song.  Anyone who says otherwise is a dirty liar. :twilightangry2:   Well, maybe that last one is true a little. :ajsleepy:

Seriously though, I actually did write that whole part before a massive 2,037 page document got dropped into my in-box, but the similarity of circumstance was not lost on me.  Probably some sort of karmic justice for inflicting the situation on Trixie in the first place.

I guess Cheerilee's freaky knowledge of the legal code is the parallel to Fluttershy's freaky knowledge of sewing?

>>690837

That was the notion I was trying to get at.  It might not have been intentional on his part, but Blackbelt can be credited for putting the concept in my head.

>>690892

I got way more excited than I should have when I got to that part of the story. I didn't even know I had made that into a thing, I wrote originally just for the sake of being funny.

Anyway, Trixie and Raindrops teaming up against Gilda and Rainbow Dash (and maybe Scootaloo? Would be funny if Trixie saw Scoots and recognized her) That should be an interesting meetup.

Oh, Dash, Gilda? You two better run! Man, Dash unleashed like this is... kinda scary. :twilightoops: Good on Fluttershy still being her 'morality pet', as the saying goes. Boo on Gilda, though. *launches missile at her*

>>691119

Morality pet, indeed.  Though now I'm imagining some freaky Lunaverse version of the "Find a Pet" song along those lines.  BTW, no.  Despite what my recent reputation might suggest, I am not writing that.

>>691047

Scoots and Trixie probably won't come up again in my story.  It was basically just a one off joke to get Trixie to have a minor mental break.  If you feel like it though, please feel more than welcome to work something like that into you own upcoming fic.  Also, my assumption would be that Scoots was something of a patsy in all this.  Dash probably never told her anything other than to deliver the box.

Oh, and sorry for the secondary notification, accidental deleted the original while responding to striker

I noticed that somepony's name was beneath Trixie's notice. No blistering wonder Fluttershy thinks Trixie hates her....she can't hardly even be asked to remember her name!!!

As for Rainbow Dash being classified as a force of nature, that probably holds true in the Celestiaverse as well.

>>691263

I'd expect Trixie can't be bothered to remember most pony's names, unless they are in a prominent political position, let alone a hermit who lives past the edge of town and who she only ever met once ── Wait I forgot Trixie's scene in Family Matters, she knew her name then.  Whoops, plot whole. :twilightoops:   Wait, no, keep it together, you can do this Emeral can do this.  In all the panic and excitement of that story Trixie's brain was getting an extra jolt of adrenaline that kicked her name recollection ability into high gear.  Yes?  That makes perfect sense, right? :twilightblush:

:facehoof:

Anyway, I'd agree that Dash as a registered living disaster would be cool in the maneline too, though I'm uncertain who could have possibly filed such paperwork.

>>691423

I should think that she had help remembering Fluttershy's name along the way. Said help is slightly angrier at Ditzy than Amethyst is and is currently berating her reflection for the excesses of her misspent youth.

Time for me to finally ask a question I should have asked a while ago. You've said the story is set between Winter Wrap-Up and File Under 'I' for 'Impossible', but where is it set relative to Family Matters? My current storage method for Lunaverse fics involves chronological order, and I don't know whether to place this between The Night After and Family Matters or between Family Matters and File Under 'I' for 'Impossible'.

"What!?  I've been in my office all day.  Whoever you thought you saw, it wasn't Trixie!"

I am now curious as to whether or not Trixie may have actually done something recently.

>>691423

She may know Fluttershy's name in "Family Matters" only due to Lyra suggesting that Fluttershy has chickens only a few minutes ago from her perspective.

>>690837

Cheerilee had an...interesting...time in her teenage years, or whatever the pony equivalent of those is, I think. Suffice to say that she had ample opportunity to learn about the Equestrian legal code.

Oh my. Trixie and Raindrops versus the winged jerks. This should be good.

I really like the idea of RD being a literal registered natural disaster. Of course, there's probably something in the law about the Night Court rep. being empowered to fight and resist natural disasters. Sure, usually that means they hire extra weather patrollers to break up hurricanes, or they set up bucket brigades to put out fires, but I can see Trixie using that mandate to basically outlaw Rainbow Dashiness anywhere in the city limits.

>>692413: And now I'm seeing a sunglass-wearing Cherilee smoking a cigarette and spraypainting the Manehattan library. "Studying is for squares!"

>>692260

I could be wrong here, but last time I checked I thought Family Matters was set in Winter, or at least it starts there.  Either way, this one comes after that.

>>692413

Ah, good point, about Fluttershy's name.

As for the line, my personal opinion would be that Trixie is always up to something or another, especially when she's bored.  Not always something bad, in fact, usually pretty harmless, though probably nothing she wants Raindrops knowing about either.  Even when she hasn't actually been up to something, she is so often enough that immediate denial has become something of an automated response, especially when she is panicking at the sight of being confronted by a pony that seems to have been consumed by a cold murderous fury.

As to which of those above scenarios applies to this specific instance?  I'll choose to leave that to the individual reader, or to any author that decides they want to use it as a hook.

>>692619

An interesting premise, but the codes for dealing with such things weren't really ever meant to be applied to sentient beings. From a strictly legal standpoint, banning Rainbow Dash from ponyville would be like trying to ban a storm that formed over the Everfree, or to use more familiar terms, it would be like trying to repeal the law of gravity or legislate the value of pi.

The previous representative probably had to pull some serious legal shenanigans to get the classification put in place.  Probably no overt lies, but plenty of intentionally avoiding or obscuring the specific details.  I suppose that since Dash actually is a pony one could try to make laws against her, but doing so would probably only serve to draw attention to the fact that the original laws had been abused in the first place, thus revoking her disaster status, and leaving the citizens of ponyvile stuck with the bills, and no one want's that especial Silver Scroll, think of all that lost MONEY.

Also, you might note that not even Raindrops, who is on the weather team knew about this, and Trixie only knew because of Cheerilee specifically.  Despite Dash and Gilda running amok all over town, no one seems else have come to Trixie about it, at least not with financial concerns.  It's not important to this story, but the way I see it the mayor normally fields all the complaints against Dash for property damage, files the disaster relief claim on behalf of the city, pays out the minimum to the effected citizens and then puts the rest into the towns coffers, or depending on how cynical you want to be, her own pockets, though I prefer to think that she's only "cheating" the individual citizens for the benefit of the entire town as whole, especial as Cheerilee is implicitly fine with letting her get away with it.

Oh, Scootaloo, would you jump off a cliff if Rainbow Dash told you it would be cool? :scootangel:

>>693838

What do you think RD's "flying" lessons with the kid consist of? :rainbowlaugh:

An interesting start, but it could use quite a bit of proofreading. I'd be happy to help, if you'd like to polish this story, as well as any future efforts on your part.

>>719736

Well, I've already implemented a fair amount of proofing advice that another reader gave me for chapters 2 and 3, but who didn't seem to have as much to say about chapter 1.  I'd love to get any additional opinions and insights you have to offer though so that I can make this fic as good as it can possibly be.

>>719754

"yet it seemed even these months later..." Awkward. Perhaps 'even after all these months'

"It had seemed reasonable enough at the time, Trixie..." replace the comma with a semicolon.

"... if it had even been written in equestrian..." Equestrian in this instance is being used as a language. As such, it is a proper noun.

"she interrupted the azure coted mare.." Dropped a letter. Should be coated.

"Is that not plainly obvious" needs a question mark.

"...almost justified slapping her upside the head any way." Justified in slapping, and anyway, not any way.

"Trixie chuckled with that distinctive trill of hers, "but don't you see..." Comma should be a period. But should be capitalized. You do the same thing in the next paragraph with Raindrops speaking. Also 'then added in a muter', mutter has two t's.

"I've lived in ponyvill long enough..." Ponyville is a proper noun, and is capitalized. Also it has an e.

"And then this mourning---" Wrong morning, dear.

"So focused on her goal as she ascended..." Should either be 'She was so focused...' or 'So focused was she...'.

"No she had more important...' Should be a pause between No and she. No, she had more important matters...

"...in her second favorite pass time, napping." Should be pastime: napping.

"Rainbow Dash!" she bellowed, "so this is where..." So should be capitalized.

"yeah, yeah. I'll get right on that..." First yeah should be capitalized.

"...from having her nap disturb, still, if it meant..." Should be 'from having her nap disturbed. Still, if it meant...'

"She place each of her..." should be placed.

I may have missed some, as I am somewhat tired from a long day. But that should make things much easier to read. :moustache:

>>724548

Excellent, and thank you very much.  I kept a few things as is.  I'll claim stylistic preference as my excuse, but overall this was very helpful.  Just in time too, as RDD put up a Lunaverse continuity blog post that could mean this fic might be picking up traffic in the near future.  So again, thank you.

SCOOTALOO! Y U do that?

The RD being a natural disaster is SOLOL! Trixie should band RD from entering city limits (:rainbowderp: What me no be a meniepants anymore?) (She deserves it!) :pinkiehappy:

O yah, the story's great! Lunaverse RULES!  

>>728388

The story might not make it clear, but as I see it Scoots is really just a patsy in all this.  This is the first and only time she's been involved in the story, and she doesn't even get name dropped.  Rainbow and Gilda are the ones who got Trixie's cloths from the cleaner and dyed them, then they just gave the box to Scoots to deliver it, taking advantage of her always eager to help Dash attitude, and never letting the filly in on the prank.

As for Banning Rainbow from Ponyville?  The laws really aren't set up to work that way.  I went into more detail on the matter in an earlier post (>>692747). Maybe, I should put up a blog of authors notes for that part or something.

Other than the annoyance of Gilda automatically jumping on a shipping angle for Dash's friendship with Fluttershy (I'd expect her to eventually use that as a tease, but not jump right to it), this is quite good.

Gilda jumping the shipping angle is supposed to be annoying, so I'm glad it bothered you as much as it did Dash.  Matter is resolved though now.  According to my interpretation of griffins (as detailed on the Lunaverse boards, post #38 or so), once a griffin backs down they don't ever bring up the subject again.

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