This is a 'what-if' story? As in, 'What if they didn't forgive Spike for what he did?'. That's why everyone is OOC.
Spike's rampage through Ponyville has left the town in ruins, and made the townsponies realise how dangerous he will become as he grows up. Even Twilight and the other Elements are distant. They send him away while they repair the damage he caused.
With everypony seemingly against him, Spike feels alone. But he soon finds an ally in a certain mailmare — somepony who knows all too well what it feels like to be in everypony's bad books.
AUTHOR'S NOTES
I got the idea to write this from someone I am following on Twitter. They asked 'How is it even possible to ship Spike and Derpy?'. To which I thought 'Challenge Accepted'. Of course, they didn't say what kind of 'ship' it had to be. So why not friendship?
I've tried my best with this, I really have. But bearing in mind that the characters have never even interacted in the show, it was hard to write. However, I did my best, and now leave it to you, the reader, to decide how good it is.
Oh, and just because Derpy is clumsy... that doesn't mean she's not smart.
I hate spike x anything but twilight or rarity but i'll give this a go
I liked the idea of somepony giving Derpy a personality other than what they usually do, so... early thumbs up.
The Mane 6 were a bit out of character but the rest of the story made up for it
It reads more like a friendship than a romance. But it was good, as always. Keep up the good work, my Scottish friend!
*looks at title*
First thing that popped into my head.
Not bad but I think mane 6 and spike were a little out of character.
Sorry, but everypony was being a bit of an ass towards Spike. I understand they're not too happy with what he did, but for the Mane 6 to not be there? That's just terrible.
{SPOILERS}
I don't think they were all OOC, at least not the 5 of them, but Twilight on the other hand... She did try to redeem herself, but only barely.
The other 5 were a bit shocked as they should be if say something like this were to ask for their immediate responses. Still, it's strange that they would roll with every pony in Ponyville and put Spike in such a scarring situation, especially considering the fact that even though he is a dragon, he is still a baby and can get very emotional very easily at that age.
Yeah, I'm kinda disappointed in the mane 6 actually. It felt more like they helped in giving Spike a capital punishment rather than a lesson.
Even then though, I have to say that Spike is pretty mature isn't he? I mean, he is a baby, but in here, I don't know whether I should hate or like this! I kinda like it I guess, but I still don't get it and I don't understand why I don't care that I don't get it.
Still, I have to give props though for this new direction for the ending for Secret of my excess, as in some regards it felt very well thought out. As much as I hated how the mane 6 acted, I have to say that the rest of the characters were spot on + surprising in some situations, like Mayor Mare. Seriously, what was that? whatever it was, I liked that idea of a mayor!
Another thing I have to praise is the direction. You probably know this too since you've written the story this way, but slowly backing off from that harshness and cold blooded intent felt rather genuine! I didn't want the story to go all the way through with Spike being forever exiled and I'm glad it didn't go that way, because even if he screwed up royally, it still wouldn't fully justify the sentence that the more mature ponies would pass onto Spike for his actions.
{SPOILERS}
Great story overall, liked + fave. The issues I said suddenly become nit picking since this story is focusing more on Spike and Derpy rather than the mane six and I like that. I like emotional Spike scenarios, especially the ones that involve his species since they feel quite appropriate to address and can be very interesting if executed right.
right in the feels man, right in the feels..
Hm... while I think this was good, to an extent, it just seems... unfinished? As they say, he is a dragon. Can't be that easy to forgive, especially in the cases of Twilight -whom raised him- and Rarity -whom he gave his feelings to at the end of the episode.
I dunno why I type this. Maybe some part of me is vindictive toward minor treachery. Who knows?
Still, it was a nice oneshot.
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I forgot to mention that this is a 'what-if'. As in, 'What if nobody forgave him?'. Hence their attitudes.
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In my opinion, as the writer, it reads like the beginning of a potential romance. Given how they were at the end. But thank you anyway, my German chum — I will indeed keep it up!
Except for how the Mane 6 act this is a great story, Derpy gave a good reason for Rainbow though so I guess the rest would be my only problem, although Rainbow would have acted differently if the rest had acted appropriatly. But all in all I did enjoy the story.
Oh, and as for why so many feel Derpy isn`t intelligent does the sentence "I don`t know how this happened" ring any bells? (Not that I can't see Derpy being intelligent, it's just that saying that while also getting shocked by a storm cloud really does make it hard to see much intelligence)
Aww that was really sweet.
Having someone (somepony) offer you unconditional acceptance, after a major mistake, that just made me happy inside.
We all make mistakes, and that theme here from Derpy was really well done. :) Kudos mate, good work. :D
This story has tons of potential and could really be an epic in it's own right.
As a huge Spike fan I'm always stoked to see a new fic revolving around the little dragon, and bonus points to stories that put him in a rare ship/relationship. I'm also a good fan of stories that display Derpy in a good light.
You've probably heard this before from the other readers, but the mane 6's oc-ness kinda of make that first part stumble. We can all understand that they would be upset most likely, but jumping straight to the fact that they're all taking it out on a dragon that couldn't control himself seems a bit much. You did a good effort in making Twilight stand up for Spike (even if it was only a little) but you could probably do more along the lines of Twilight having to make a hard decision regarding choosing between her assistant and her other friends.
Derpy, and Spike's conversation as handled well, and I enjoy the pace that their could-be growing relationship is progressing. You've given them something to have in common so them becoming a couple in the future feels more believable, as well as open up several routes to take this story.
Sorry if that was a bit long-winded and if my harping on the mane 6 was probably no different than anyone else's thoughts on the matter, but jumping to extremes can weird out the reader. Especially if you intend to use those characters again sometime soon, that hostility will still need to be there till it draws away at a believable pace, or at least a good explanation is used.
Despite the negative tone to my rambling I really enjoy the idea you have here, and do look forward to what you'll do with this. It still receives a thumbs up from this reader.
Wonderful. Yup, called it.
Now that I have read the story I must say the mane 6 being a little off character is definitely made up for in the rest of the story. As always good job Geo.
This is a glorious thing. A glorious thing indeed.
Since this is a 'what-if' story, then I think you should also use the 'Alternate Universe' tag.
If anyone would like a fic (not mine) on what it would be like for Spike in a few years, please say I.
On the other hoof, great story.
I like it! Now we need more!
Woah, Woah, Woah. One-Shot?
THIS IS TOO GOOD To BE A ONE-SHOT.
if only I wasn't entirely concentrating on writing this damn story that just won't get out of my head. but I'll put this on Read Later and get to it soon.
this is how i think of todays society just cause your bad at one thing they label you because of it. and some people people don't deserve to be negatively labels
twas good...
I'm rather happy with this, it's nice to see a reasonably smart Derpy. She doesn't need to be a genius, but a case of wandering eye does not mean any sort of mental problem, it just mean you have a messed up ocular muscle, something you could be born with or that could be knocked loose from a hit to the head.
And it be a good ship ye sail on here, and I hope that, someday, you may sail it again. I'd Imagine Spike may be a big help in sending mail.
Ponyville is doomed. DOOOOOOMED!
Oh, but this was very cute. Me likey.
Very cute. It works really nicely. I especially like how you managed Derpy's character n_n I'd be curious to see more of how this plays out, if the town does eventually forgive and if Spike is willing to forgive the others.
Spike's behaviour kind of turned me off. Yes it's true that one mistake shouldn't ruin your life, but he has to see that this was a mistake that could've killed people - yet he never even once thinks about apologising. He never once thinks about the things he destroyed or the ponies he hurt. Instead he's certain Twilight will and should make it up to him. That's pretty selfish.
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*points at Alternate Universe tag*
That's why everyone is OOC.
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Yeah, I get that. My problem was more that his behaviour sort of undermines the point the both of them are trying to make. Yes it's bad that Rainbow Dash wasn't loyal, but on the other hand, he didn't show that he was actually sorry about what he did.
Here's an upvote regardless; it's overall a nice story, and the above point isn't enough to warrant a downgrade.
Very cute. I liked this.