• Published 18th Nov 2012
  • 3,975 Views, 64 Comments

Love Me When I'm Gone - Inferno demon Dash



Loving a Goddess is not rare, but for the Goddess having the same feelings, is a blessing in itself.

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Eternal Memories

To be a princess or prince was a golden opportunity never to be touched upon ponies barely lucky enough to even meet royalty. For the ponies that inhabited Celestia's empire, there was no greater gift than a crown and the Equestrian throne.

Of course, the ponies that actually wished to be the next ruler in line were missing two key details to even try to rank themselves among the Princesses themselves. One was, for obvious reasons, that they had to be an alicorn. No mortal pony could ever live nearly the amount of years that such eternal ponies could—unless one was a dragon who lived the proper amount of time to maybe take the throne (if they didn't already have their own kingdom, that is).

The second was that one had to be of Royal blood.

As harsh as it seemed, even if a creature was able to live as long as Princess Celestia and Luna, that creature couldn't take the throne unless they were a descendant of either Princess or another of their blood alone. This really slimmed many other chances for so many ponies, of different royal blood, of completely different countries or not.

No creature was allowed to take the throne from either of the heirs if they weren't proper Royal Equestrian blood. The kingdom would never allow it.

So Celestia was caught completely off guard when Luna appeared in their throne with, a brown and white spotted stallion beside her. This brown eyed stallion was Pipsqueak, Luna's coltfriend.

Celestia sighed loudly, shutting her eyes and rubbing her forehead. She was doing whatever she could to not send the sun crashing down on all of them because of her sister's question. Granted, it was one of extreme pleasure for an older sister to hear, but not one needed to be told in front of a mortal and, well, normal pony.

“Y-you wish to do what again, dear sister?” Celestia asked, praying to her mother and father above that she had heard wrong, or that Luna was playing a cruel, ridiculous joke on her...again.

“Thou—I mean, I wish to ask, dear sister, if I may be wedded to this young stallion, a friend of myself that you've known for twelve years now, Tia,” Luna, co-ruled of Equestria and Goddess of the moon and night sky itself, begged. She looked her sister in the eyes.

The male in question nervously pawed at the rug before him, not sure what to say and just allowed the two female rulers to talk it out. Not being sent to the moon would be a nice bonus, as well.

Pipsqueak really didn't know how Luna even talked him into this. All he wanted was to talk a walk around the Canterlot gardens with her in her realm of the night; it was their third date. Then, suddenly out of nowhere, she thought that he had asked her to marry him when he was just trying to get a thorn out of his hoof.

Maybe she had a bit of a rebellious streak, or she tended to jump to everything a little faster than mortal ponies, but she was not one to wait.

She grabbed him by the shoulders, then teleported him to Celestia's bedroom at midnight. She had begged her sister to have them married...which somehow led them to now, in the Royal Canterlot throne room. A very tired Goddess of the Sun was glaring at him now, and his knees buckled under him, but one look in Luna's eyes strengthened his resolve...for now.

Celestia grunted, and Luna looked at her older sister with a smile. That smile fell, though, and as a habit, she could no longer wait. She pulled out a carton of Diseased Stallion from her right wing and took a cigarette out. The princess placed it in her mouth, lighting it, and breathing in a lungful of the nicotine. She blew out the gray smoke, which made Pipsqueak wince.

Luna had taken up the habit of smoking when she came into Ponyville on Nightmare Night, when Pipsqueak was seventeen years old. She caught Rainbow Dash and Spike, with his marefriend, Scootaloo, smoking outside of a Caramel apple booth. When she asked what it was, Rainbow, ever the loud mouth, told her it was a stress reliever and asked Luna if she wanted one. The night princess agreed and took one.

After a coughing fit on her first, Luna eventually grew used to them, and now it was rare to see her not with one. Whether it was casual, or in this case, a more stressful event, she needed one.

Pipsqueak didn't mind when she smoked, but when she tried to kiss him after she had one, then he minded. Celestia, on the other hoof, hated to see her sister get addicted to such a disgusting habit that poisoned her lungs. She tried to do what she could to get her off it, to no avail.

“No smoking in the throne room Luna! You know this!” Celestia screamed.

Pipsqueak cowered to the floor, his hooves covering his face. He closed his eyes while Luna merely rolled her own. She levitated the cigarette out of her mouth, extinguished it out on the carpet beneath her hooves, then put it behind her ear to smoke later.

“NOT ON THE CARPET! THAT RUG IS OLDER THAN THE TWO OF US COMBINED!” Celestia screeched in horror.

Luna had had enough. “Damn it, Celestia, pay attention. This is important... please, sister. You know how much I love him,” Luna said softly, tears brimming at the corner of her eyes.

Celestia sighed loudly, her voice mournful, almost pleading. “Luna, he is a mortal pony. Even if were to overrule the ancient laws of which mother and father have passed down to us upon our coronations, he would still die in a hundred years, even less. I do not wish to put you in that heartbreaking position, little sister. I would never forgive myself,” Celestia whispered.

Luna, knowing how serious her tone was, looked down to the floor, swallowing the spittle in her throat. Her mind raced with the harsh reality of Celestia's words. She was right; no matter what they both did, what laws they had to overpass, Pipsqueak, with all his strength, passion, charm, and witty, smart mouth remarks to those who disapproved of them, was just a mortal, Earth pony.

But second to her beloved sister, he was the most important pony in Luna's entire life...all 1021 years to be exact.

Her heart raced as she looked into his eyes. Her hooves would feel awkward when she was walking with him, and her body felt as if it would melt when he spoke his honest, loving, and passionate words. Luna knew that she could not, nor ever meet, any other stallion that would ever create such feelings for her body.

She cursed under her breath of these damned ancient laws of the throne. She swore if the Gods—well, other than her and her sister, of course—would be able to bypass these laws, she would spend as much time as she could with her true love before the Reaper Pony had to take his soul away from her with his scythe. She would even resign her crown, her immortal body, and spend the rest of existence with him whenever and wherever his soul was whisked away from her; she simply could not lose him

With a deep breath, and boring her eyes into her sister's, she spoke carefully and with such softness that she had only ever used once on her sister. That was when she was given the crown and asked to be the Goddess of the Night, right after she was given her Cutie Mark

“Please sister...I love him,” she whispered, her eyes showing how far she'd go for this stallion. She knew how much she couldn't live without him

Celestia knew, too, that Luna would never get so serious, unless it was truly necessary. With a deep breath, and knowing her sister would go to extreme measures, if she had to, Celestia made her choice. She knew it would change Equestria itself...hopefully, for the better.

“Very well, Luna-”

“Oh, thank you, thank you! THANK YOU SISTER, THOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS! WE SWEAR!” Luna screamed, accidentally slipping into her Royal We. She blushed and hugged her sister tight.

Celestia chuckled, but coughed as she felt winded by the sudden assault. “But...you must quit smoking if this is to be done,” Celestia demanded, but still chortling

Luna glanced at her sister, somber. “Never,” she replied, dropping on all four hooves again. She trotted out of the throne room calling out to her soon-to-be husband.

“Come along, Pip. We have a wedding to prepare!” she squealed, starting to skip out the door.

Pipsqueak turned, then bowed before the Sun Goddess with a small smile. “Thank you, Princess Celestia. This means a lot to us.”

He spoke with such honesty that she was touched by his words. But as a big sister, there was still a single matter at hoof.

“Call me Celestia now, Pip. You are family now...through no choice of your own,” she said, laughing, knowing Luna would have made it so he had no choice, anyway. But she knew how much Pipsqueak loved Luna, just by how they stared at one another, and he would never be against her plans—even if they landed him in trouble. It reminded her of how Scootaloo always got her dragonfriend, Spike, in trouble through her... actions.

She smiled before her mouth fell into a serious frown. “But know this, Pipsqueak,” she added in a very serious tone that could only come from a sister who loved her blood very much. “If you shall ever, for ANY reason, break my sister's heart...I swear by my crown that I will throw you into the sun myself. Understood?” she demanded.

The stallion bowed as low as his body would physically allow, a shiver touching his spine. “Yes, Celestia,” he replied. Without another word, also aware that Luna would get annoyed if he kept her waiting any longer, he galloped out of the throne room. The back of his mind kept whispering to him that he was now royalty.

Celestia sighed loudly once more, wanting nothing more than a glass of red wine. “I hope for all our sakes, Luna...we have not made a mistake.”

The royal wedding: the greatest ever made, even surpassing Captain Shining Armor and Cadence's, was one that would never be forgotten by Equestria.

For Pipsqueak, a simple Earth stallion from Trottingham, was to be wedded to Princess Luna herself, to many shocks and horrors of thousands of 'noble' families. It even brought up surprise and joy to the Elements of Harmony.

It was a nightmare for Celestia, Luna, Pipsqueak, and somehow, the Elements of Harmony, who helped with the wedding. They had to overstep many, many...many modern rules, ancient laws and regulations, and even the fact that Pipsqueak was not an Alicorn.

Though it took many years, though, it was worth it. Equestria had finally accepted Pipsqueak to be the third co-ruler.

Shining Armor was offered to be a co-ruler, and would have been the first ever as a mortal pony of any sorts. He refused, however, due to the fact he was Captain of the Royal Guard, and that his wife was the Crystal Princess, where the two ruled outside the boundary of Equestria.

Even though he was a mortal pony, Celestia, after getting drunk on seven bottles of wine with her sister and the Mane Six, finaly admitted that their live was worth the entire headache. She openly welcomed him to the family.

*Twelve years later*

Prince Pipsqueak sighed loudly as he settled into his wife's throne. Listening to the nobles of Canterlot complain about one thing or another, in the back of his mind, he was quite glad he was only an Earth pony and not an Alicorn; he didn't know how he could deal with so much whining his wife and sister-in-law had for a thousand years or more.

As the last royal 'noble,' who requested a new settlement of a large house for his family, before him lifted his nose and trotted out, Pipsqueak rolled his eyes. He denied the request easily and found no remorse over the stallion's disappointment. Instead, he simply called out for the next pony in line.

Seven years ago, Luna had wondered why he had not wanted a throne for himself. He had smiled, kissed her nose, and told her that he didn't need one to help rule their kingdom. Another part of his mind, however, whispered darker thoughts to him, told him he wouldn't live long enough to truly enjoy this rule. It would shatter Luna's heart every time she looked upon it, and maybe even cause her to do something drastic, which he would never want.

So Luna, with her sister's permission, allowed him to use her throne when he wanted her to take a break or wanted to help ease her share of tasks upon the land. She was really grateful for this, and Celestia commented the same, jokingly asking if he could do the same for her own throne, making the three laugh long and hard.

Pipsqueak grinned at the memory when a small, blur furred pegasus rushed into the throne room. He could not be stopped by the guards, and the colt jumped into the Prince's lap. Pipsqueak chuckled.

“Pipsqueak, help me! A rainbow monster is chasing me,” the child screamed.

The colt's mother, Rainbow Dash, flew into the large room, breathing hard. She glared at her son, glancing at the Prince of the Night, as he had been called upon his wedding day.

“Sorry, Pipsqueak. Little Fire Ball here just thought he could fly all over the castle like he owns the place. Kids, huh?” the mare said.

Her husband, Soarin, came behind her. He bowed before Pipsqueak and trotted toward his life. Fire Ball looked around, with curious green eyes, at the large room. His interest, though, only lasted for a second before traveling to his mother and her angered glare. The colt cowered into the Earth Pony's chest fur, to which Pipsqueak laughed again.

“It's fine, Rainbow Dash. The Elements of Harmony are always welcomed within the castle. That includes their family. How are you both?”

“We're good, ya know? Just flying around, hangin' with friends. Just the usual-”

Rainbow cut herself off by coughing harshly in her hoof. Blood spotted onto her hoof when she glanced at it. She wiped it on her chest, ignoring the stain of red on her fur with a grimace. Rainbow Dash's sixteen years of smoking finally caught up to her in a very cruel way, giving her body lung cancer.

According to the best doctors in Canterlot and even Zecora herself, had told her she only had up to a year left to live, much to the grief of her friends and family. Dash, however, being the prideful mare she was, was not going to sit in a hospital bed and die with her family around.

Much to the frustration of her husband and sorrow of her son, she still flew around as much as she could. She swore the day she would die peacefully in bed was the day she would eat her wings...which would never happen.

Strangely enough, Scootaloo, upon discovering what years of smoking did to her idol and was slowly doing to her, quit a month after she received the news. Her dragonfriend, though, didn't, which caused them to get in a large argument, ending it in burning down the Cutie Mark Crusader's former club house. They almost ended their relationship, but with the agreement that Spike only smoked four times a week, they stayed together. Their love for the other stayed, much to the joy of those all around them.

“Good, ya know?” Rainbow Dash laughed humorlessly.

Soarin narrowed his eyes at her, but she ignored him. She smiled at her only child, just seven but able to fly. Strangely, he was afraid of heights, much to the disappointment of his parents.

Pipsqueak nodded. He placed Fire Ball on the floor, then looked at him with wide eyes. The colt asked a question that only an innocent foal could ever ask:

“Prince Pipsqueak,” he began quietly. The earth pony looked down at him with a slight smile, “what will happen to Princess Luna when you're gone?”

His parents' mouths dropped in shock, and Pipsqueak frowned.

“FIRE BALL! How dare you ask him that! It's time to go home...now!” Dash shouted. She grabbed, ignoring his cries of protest. With a powerful flap of her wings, but low enough for her son not to feel fear, flew out of the throne room.

“I'm sorry, Prince Pipsqueak. My son just says things without really thinking them through. I promise-” Soarin said, but he was stopped by the Earth stallion's left hoof.

He had a grim smile on his face and chuckled monotonously. “It is alright, Soarin. Children will always speak their minds without giving it thought. I think that's why I prefer to listen to their options sometimes more than their parents. It is amusing.” His smile grew sincere.

Soarin bowed, and not even giving the stallion a chance to reply, for fear of being punished or embarrassed, turned around. The Wonderbolt left the room, not taking flight until he was outside.

Pipsqueak sighed loudly. He rested a cheek on his right forehoof, thinking hard of the colt's question. If he was honest with himself, he was thirty-two years old, and his love life with his life was as amazing and perfect as the first night they spent together. He knew, however, that his life wouldn't last forever. He has known such for a long time.

Still, ever since he was but a colt, he always admired the Princess of the Night. From when he was ten to as he grew older, he always spent time with her, getting to know her. As the years grew longer, by the time he was eighteen, he did not even have the courage to ask her out on a date. Only when Derpy Hooves herself did so by accident on one of her late night mail runs did it happen.

Pipsqueak blinked, his eyes slowly running with tears he hadn't even noticed. He chuckled once more.

He may be nothing more than an awkward, slight rude pony to others. However, he was the one true love of Luna's life, and if he ever did anything to cause her pain or break her heart, then he failed as a husband.

As the last line repeated itself through his head, Luna herself came strolling through the room. Her mouth held a lit Diseased Stallion. She blew out the left side of her mouth, and Pipsqueak just rolled his eyes. Even after all these years, she still never stopped smoking, but it was only one annoyance he could tolerate for his love.

“How did the night rule go, Pip?” his wife asked with a raised brow.

He looked over her face and smiled an honest, heartwarming smile as he replied, “Nothing new, my love.”

The Princess laughed and took another drag of her cigarette. She blew the blow through her nose. The cloud of gray smoke brought a fit of coughs from the stallion, and he waved it away.

“Luna?” he asked shyly.

Her glance from her moon shifted over to him. “Yes, dear?” she said.

“What do you say...we turn in for the night, and have some...time to ourselves?”

Her smile widened into a sexual smirk. He winked at her. Luna's heart started to pound in her chest. By the Gods, she loved when he got her body going so quick. Pipsqueak was still the handsome devil she knew him as after all these years.

“I would love that very, very much, my love,” she answered slowly, taking another puff of smoke before blowing it out her nose.

Pipsqueak snickered. “Oh, I know you would. But for tonight, you have to quit smoking,” he whispered into her right before. He kissed her nose.

She giggled and looked into his eyes with deep lust. “Never,” she breathed.

The prince got her off the throne, and with their tails intertwined, they went to make love. They eyes were filled with lust, their hearts filled with nothing but love for their partner. Pipsqueak thought that, yes, he would not live as long as he wished for his life. But he would be damned if he didn't enjoy every second of what life had to offer. He knew that, even when he passed onto death, Luna would never leave him.

Author's Note:

Very, very speical thanks to Miss Dark Angel, my amazing editor, she did a very great job at this and I'm so proud of her.

Comments ( 59 )

Hope you enjoy. Please be honest in your reivews and tell me of any errors you see, friends.:pinkiehappy:

LUNA AND PIP IS MAH OTP

Curse you for giving Equestria cigarettes. I like how you skipped the whole "dating" part where they try to come to terms with how they feel for eachother and blah de blah blah and went straight to "they love eachother and area married" part.

Oh god cigarettes are ruining so many pony's lives

1637021 Best news I heard all day.

1637058:rainbowlaugh: To each their own but your right....maybe I should add a date to them...got any ideas? Pip has known Luna since he was a colt (I'm thinking around ten years old) until he was twenty one and did not start dating her till he was eight teen.

1637139 True that, but they are grown they can do whatever they want. Plus Luna's a Goddess.....I don't think it's a good thing to agrue with an all powerful Princess about her habits:rainbowlaugh:

ok i am srry but there is absolutly NOOOOO way i can like this if u downgrade luna with somking

Good day sir

1640956 She's grown as well as every other creature in this story and I see her as one to do such but hey, to each their own, good day:twilightsmile:

1650001:rainbowlaugh: Thank you for the video my friend, I really enjoyed it...I'm guessing you liked the story then?:unsuresweetie:

1770726 :rainbowlaugh: Hope you like it, this pairing is rare but very enjoyable to read even if it may have a very bittersweet romance to it, so sad....:fluttershysad:

1776800 Thank you for your honestly, Ink ,means a lot to me. And not everyone smokes :rainbowlaugh: Only, Spike (who for some reason in my stories always does, I have no idea why either he just seems like the type I can really see smoking), Scootaloo (do I really need to say it?) Rainbow Dash, and Luna (I fit her persoanlly as one of a rebal, she does what she wants and enjoys doing it)

As for improving, your right, my only problem is that I'm so bad a speller and editor that half the time I have to repeat words over because I don't know another way to say them.

Really bucked up tro be an author (published even) if I can't do any of that shit, you know? Thank you though for your honest review and I'll try, I'm working on another of this pairing with a friend called Fur stained with Sin.

1776958 it was orginally Fur stained with Blood but we both thought that with a Griffion war with Equestria mixed in that stained with sin would sound more better and by the gods, you have bad jokes and my mind throws itself into the gutter, the buck is wrong with us?:rainbowlaugh:

Pipsqueak and Princess Luna, a pairing that I find very interesting, but also sweet and possible if it would ever happen. Another great fanfic relating to real life issues, such as how there are certain rules based on who can rule a kingdom, or run or government. Also, how smoking can drastically reduce the timeline of life. i think when Pipsqueak saw RD cough up blood, that is why he asked Luna to stop smoking. Great fanfic though.

2070239 You make a very valid point, I did my best but I'm no politic you know? Anyway you make a real point, but Luna is the Goddess of the Moon, as well as Dreams, the Night sky and the Stars, so she would not be as affected by smoking as a mortal pgasi would, you know?

Very glad you enjoyed it though my friend:twilightsmile:

This isn't actually sad really. More wistful.

Anyways, moving on.

THIS WAS AWESOME. I love one shots like this.

BUT I must say you repeat yourself a lot. Especially with Shining Armor. We're told he's the husband of Cadence at least three times.

But besides that, I think it's awesome.

And damn that lung cancer.

Ironically, my grandfather died of cancer when I was 7 and he smoked these beautiful big Cuban cigars (he was Cuban). He actually died of prostate cancer and NOT lung cancer.

Life's weird like that.

I miss him.

Great now I'm sad. Well done my friend.

2094702 Very true, and thank you my friend, I'm glad you liked it so much:ajsmug: I'll admit that I do, mainly because I have such a hard time trying to come up with a new word and can't spell it:facehoof: Damn bro, I'm sorry, I did not know that. That's harsh:fluttercry: I would kill to have one of those cigars :rainbowlaugh:

It is indeed and sorry bro, thanks for taking the time to read and give your honest thoughts on it though:twilightsmile:

2094834 You're welcome.

And it's okay, we had many good times together and I was very close.

Now I feel all nostalgic. Good times we had.

2094875 I'm very glad to hear such:twilightsmile: Nor what? :facehoof:

Sometimes one sentence would take up a whole paragraph. That felt like you were rambling a bit.
You did try to make Equestria grittier, but for some reason it just didn't seem to work. The smoking thing seemed overplayed and there was quite a bit of tell and not show (esp. with Spike and Scootaloo's relationship).
I dunno.

1771902 the pair ain't rare! so overused, how could you do it too! [no, I am not trying to rhyme, no matter how it sounds]

Okay I read this and I have to ask is english your first language?

2143841 Do you want the asshole review or the plain review?

2143913 Eh, I can deal with both, better to be honest and a jackass then cover it with lies and rainbows, right? And keep in mind I don't have an editor for this one, though I will be sure to get one.:twilightsmile:

2143952 Be warned the asshole review is INCREDIBLY biased, rude, vulgar, picky, INTENTIONALLY insufferable, and VERY over bearing.

2143985 Great, I'm glad to know you can be a jackass just like me when it comes to reviewing stories....bring it on:yay:

ASSHOLE ENGAGED!!!

All right I read the first chapter and I ran into a shit ton of problems.

To be a Princess or even Prince (if one was lucky enough to marry a Goddess) was a golden opportunity for many, many, many ponies, there was no equal in Equestria’s Kingdom for the creatures that dwelled there, none

This line gave me cancer from the very beginning. I understand what message your trying to send, yet I find myself reading it over and over again trying to get a better idea of what I'm reading. "To be a princess or even a prince was a golden opportunity for any pony lucky enough to even MEET royalty. For the ponies that inhabited Celestia's empire, there was no greater privilege than a crown and the Equestrian throne."

This sounds a lot better than the original. The message is clear and the story moves on a lot more smoothly.

“Oh thank you, thank you, THANK YOU SISTER, THOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS, THEE SWEARS!” Luna screamed, accidently going into her Royal WE before she blushed and hugged her sister tight causing her to chuckle and cough as she was winded by the sudden assault

This is another bit that has a slew of grammatical errors. The dialogue has an overload of commas and it seems as if it's two sentences mashed together. Accidentally going into her royal WE? What does that even mean!? I don' think I would be choking and coughing at the same time either.

"Oh thank you thank you THANK YOU!" Luna squealed, catching the chuckling Celestia with a tight hug. "THOU SHALT NOT REGRET THIS DEAR SISTER!"

Short sweet and to the point. I also don't like how the main antagonist in this fic is those nasty ass cigarettes. They are doing more damage than any villain has done in the show. I understand that its meant to throw a darker twist in an otherwise pleasant little fic but it's definitely a little overkill. Plus, Spike is a dragon. Why couldn't he just make his own smoke? Is that really how Rainbow Dash goes down? Shes an athlete! Most athletes are health nuts and I figure she would be more worried on achieving her dream rather than smoking it up.

Celestia grunted as Luna looked at her older sister with a smile but then frowned, and as was habit when she could not wait longer then she had to pulled out a carton of Diseased Stallion with her magic from her right wing, took one cigarette out, put it in her mouth then lit a match with her tail which in turn lit the cig and inhaled a lungful of the nicotine before blowing the grey smoke out of her nose making Pipsqueak wince.

What the hell!? I dont even :facehoof:... When you want to say cigarette just say cigarette. Not cig. Who the hell is lighting the cig!? Celestia? Luna's ass!? What the hell is happening!? I know you don't have an editor but holy hell this doesn't make any sense! RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRR :flutterrage:

Overall it was a pleasent read, but It's not a fic I'm gonna remember. I didn't feel sad when Rainbow was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I didn't get a darker feeling from the fics story, and I don't really see the problem a royal marriage would bring. Who would really be so petty as to care about a proper wedding? Love is love! Get a damn room.

Asshole rating: 6 out of 10
I love the idea this fic was based on.
I dislike the grammatical errors, the cigs, and the lame ass death of Rainbow Dash.

2144165 Well at least your honest and to the point, its true Spike does not need them but I can always see him smoking when he is older, it just how I see him. He likes the flavor and texture though of it, plus it helps calm him down if he is stressed. I'll be sure to get n editor and change a few things, most people would be pissed at getting such a reivew but your's made me laugh and understand I have some errors that really need to be fixed, thanks:ajsmug:

Well, well, I can't say I have seen much of this pairing around. And I like it.

So, in basic summation, it's the immortal love story, but it's not Twilestia... thank you. Haha, it's just nice to see something different. I doubt this is the ONLY story with this pairing, but it's the first I've seen. And while it's pretty short, kind of just getting right to the point, it executes it well enough for it to at least be an enjoyable read. Of course, aside from the grammar/mechanical problems; once I get to the two other chapters you gave me, I can probably get to this whenever you want me to. :raritywink:

Rainbow Dash's revealed illness is pretty odd, random because it just pops out of nowhere, but after consideration, I think it's a good idea. It kind of highlights how life is short and can change at any time. Pipsqueak could very well be considering this when this happens, so it's not that bad. It brings the point of the story to life; love sucks when immortality is brought into the mix.

Overall, it's a good story. However, have you ever considered expanding this story? There's a lot you can do with it. I don't mind that you skipped right to them being in love and skipped the marriage too much, but that doesn't mean it isn't something important to consider. There's still plenty of a story here, if you ever thought of doing more. I get that you have other stories to do, but keep something like this in the back of your head as well, at least, because from them falling in love to the wedding itself, this could be a great tale. It's good on its own, sweet and heartwarming. Rather than dwell on the inevitable, he decides to take the moments he has with Luna and cherish them. That's always a nice way to end it. Still, there's so much to cover that can make it even better. But that's always up to the author.

Yarrrrrgggg! I absolutely loved how the romance between pip and luna played out! we need more pipXluna fics that are both dark and romantic, good fic and I can say after all they went through some peace and quiet is what they deserve.............if you know what i mean

Just as good as I remembering reading it the first time you sent it to show me :rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh:

This was the first LunaxPip story I've ever read, and I liked it.

It was short and sweet. And, if I'm honest, funny in places (the idea of Luna smoking... I just find that hilarious).

All in all you've done a good job with this. Congrats! :twilightsmile:

2467525 Thank you very much, I'm really honored. I love this pairing, despite the fact that poor Pip is only a mortal but it's still very sweet, I enjoy putting real world aspacts in Equestria:yay: I just very much enjoy having creatures smoke, the idea of Spike or others doing it seems real to me, you are welcome to use the Equestrian brand of cigarettes I created for your fics if you want. But I'm very glad you liked it, be sure to give the other Pip/Luna fics that catches your eyes a look over if you will.

My friend and I are thinknig of makng a long Pip/Luna fic together going to be titled Fur stained with Sin if you want to give that a look over once we get started on it:rainbowlaugh:

This is beautiful one-shot :).

2467634

My friend and I are thinknig of makng a long Pip/Luna fic together going to be titled Fur stained with Sin if you want to give that a look over once we get started on it:rainbowlaugh:

Can't wait to read this ^

2468660 Thank you very much, it means a lot to me, it's thanks to my amazing editor and best friend, Miss Dark Angel that it does not look like shit:rainbowlaugh:

Well, I sure hope so, we're hoping to work hard on the war fic:twilightsmile:

2467634

I'll certainly give that story a look when it goes up.

Also, none of the characters in my stories smokes, but if I decide to make them start then Diseased Stallion will be their brand of choice!

I must say this story has surprised me. When I started reading it I didn't think much of it but you have proven me wrong.

This may be a sad story bet you have written it in such a way that shows the brighter side of it all.

Pipsqueak may be mortal but he draws strength from his love for Luna, and even though Rainbow Dash is dyeing she stands strong and proud not only for herself but her friends and family.

I found this story to be cute, romantic and sad but I enjoyed it all the same.

Thank you Inferno Demon Dash and Miss Dark Angel Keep up the good work.

The Silent Watcher

Let me start off by saying: This is one of my favorite ships. I don't find enough of these shipfics. If anyone here knows a good one, please link me. :pinkiehappy:
I spotted no grammar or punctuation errors. :twilightsmile:
The question of mortal plus immortal was played to a near perfect degree, with Pip and Luna not worrying and just living their lives of love, yet with a dark spot in their minds saying it won't end well.
The smoking caught me off guard. From what I've studied, dragons probably wouldn't be harmed by smoke, and athletes like RD and Scootaloo would probably know not to pick up the habit.
And the part where you said Rainbow'll die in a year gave me feels.
As well as the fact Pipsqueak had only a good 60 years left before he passes, and Luna has the rest of forever. That would eat at my heart everyday if I was in either of their horseshoes.

8/10 :moustache:'s my friend. Keep up the good work

-Elijah

2470422 The story, Fur stained with Blood is up on Moonshine9012's profile if you wish to look it over, also don't be afraid to join the Pipsqueak/Luna group on his profile as well, can't believe there has never been made such a group:facehoof: Since you are a fan:twilightsmile:

2468660 The story, Fur stained with Blood is up on Moonshine9012's profile if you wish to look it over, also don't be afraid to join the Pipsqueak/Luna group on his profile as well, can't believe there has never been made such a group:facehoof: Since you are a fan:twilightsmile:

2550907 Your serious? That's a very big honor coming from you, it really, REALLY means a lot to me my friend, I love this pairing and you should join the Pipsqueak/Luna group since you happen to be a fan of said pairing. Shit, you know what, after I'm done with my major projects I may just come back to writing more of this, to see how I can create how they got together, how the wedding was and...something else, in my head canon Gods can't have children with mortals, it would very much effect the universe and is forbidden by ancient laws.

2552738 :rainbowlaugh: Well then I should get started on the big projects to finally come back to this one:twilightsmile:

While I didn't like the idea of Ponies smoking or swearing, I thought this story was moving.:twilightsmile:

2757781 It's honestly to each their own:twilightsmile: Personally I very much enjoy seeing a realistic side to Equestria then just sex, you know? But I'm glad you enjoyed it:yay:

2765958 Every single one of my stories is dark and realistic, well save for Shut the BUCK up!

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