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An innocuous trip into the Everfree Forest for Twilight Sparkle quickly turns into much more, leaving our heroine caught between bloodthirsty monsters, an ancient conspiracy of evil, straining friendships, and the maddening effects of a certain blue unicorn...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Glad I found this! I have a guilty pleasure for Twilight and Trixie stories and this one looks promising.
I like how you've set things up and the explanation for the Nightmares. Kinda chilling how a pony can become one. Not to mention how to cure them.
I also like some of the themes you are exploring, especially how to purposely make a friend out of an enemy. Twilight's got some fancy finagling to figure out.
Not sure what to make of the criminal OCs just yet. Obviously, they will play a part but so far I haven't seen them do much to move the story forward. Also, be prepared for some grumbling from other commenters on your flame-maned pony. That's the type of thing readers facehoof over, even if it's done well. I'll hold my judgement until more is revealed.
Great start! Hope to see more soon!
Nightmare... I'll call him Flame for now, seems to remind me of the Mayor from Buffy.
That is a good thing.
They're rather leaping to conclusions about it being Trixie, though it probably is. "Middling talents" is probably inaccurate as well, since she can beat Rainbow Dash at weather manipulation (which, now that I think about it is better evidence she's Nightmare Storm, since that seems rare for unicorns). "Above average but not a freak like Twilight or her less flexible but powerful brother" would probably be more accurate. But then, Celestia wasn't there for that episode, so she wouldn't know.
You know, King Sombra seems to fit your theory on Nightmares now that I think of it. He's a weird looking unicorn (he even has fangs) and he's clearly embraced evil.
Not a bad fight! The characters used their strengths to the fullest.
One thing to keep in mind when writing action scenes is to try to make it flow. I saw a lot of "then this happened", "and then suddenly this", "and with that". Language like that interrupts the sequence of events, making it somewhat disjointed. This is not an easy thing to fix but with enough practice, and reading through other stories with a similar premise to get some examples, I think you'll get it down.
Other than that, nice work!
Nice chapter, keep up the good work!.
Quite happy with this story and were it is going so far. I can't wait to see the next chapter and regret that this doesn't have the amount of likes it should have. : )
Good chapter, I am curious to see how all of this turns out. It also makes me curious to see Trixie's responses to Twilight and the others as this progresses. : )
Pinkie's speech was wonderful.
"No, the other time."
Poor Trixie, well, and poor Twilight having to deal with her in that mood.
Cant wait for the next chapter.
Things went about as well as to be expected. Meaning, everything went wrong!
Twilight's certainly got a lot to deal with. Trixie. Her friends' protectiveness, Spike's comments, lost magic and so on. I couldn't think of a better mare for the job!
I'm liking where things are going and I look forward to more!
Really enjoying this story so far. Looking forward to the next chapter soon and how Twi deals with Trixie(Here's hoping for Twixie in the future)
I'm becoming impressed with
See-Saw'Nightmare Flame's ability to think rationally. It's fairly rare in a cartoon villain. Though, I suppose this isn't technically a cartoon at this point.Heh, loved the Monty Python bit at the beginning. Surprisingly, I don't see many of those in fanfiction despite being one of the most overused movies to quote from.
A new mane 6? Not too bad and the villain seems to have his marbles all in one bag. Let's hope for dramatics sake that he keeps them.
Twilight better keep the midnight oil burning if she wants Trixie to warm up to her. The way you've laid it out, it's gonna take a while.
Nice work! Keep it up!
Well, I was going to start reading this for the potential SpikexTrixie shipping, but from the looks of it, it's just another Twixie. Perhaps next time you ship some characters, try a more unique couple rather than a pair that everyone and their grandmother has done. Now that would be interesting.
Few! Another lengthy one, but worthwhile none-the-less!
The pacing is a little slow at these parts, where Twilight is slowly whittling away at Trixie's heart, but going any faster would lose the impact of the monumental effort necessary to win Trixie over. The questions of how to make friends with your enemies and trying to understand them are well handled here and I'm looking forward to how you answer them.
Also liked how, completely by accident, Twilight was able to strike up a conversation with Trixie with magic. I guess the way to that mare's heart is through her horn.
So the villains make their move next time? And Luna's going to be involved? Looking forward to it!
I knew something was off about Seesaw. He always gave me a bad feeling, moreso in this chapter...though I wasn't expecting him to be that.
. Anyway, looking forward to seeing how Trixie handles the news. Assuming of course they calm her down again...
Just wish this chapter wasn't so short
Would like to say that I was surprised by Seesaw's revelation... but I saw that coming almost since he was first introduced. Still, it was affective in keeping other characters in the dark and that's the important thing.
Tragic Trixie Past, #43!
I see the action is picking up! I don't know what Storm's going to be able to accomplish with Luna around but I guess we'll see!
Lovely!
i.imgur.com/RffT9.jpg
I cant wait for the next chapter
One step forward, two steps back seems to be the theme for Trixie lately. Though, now it seems she's on borrowed time if Luna has anything to say about it. Looks like this battle of attrition is coming to an end soon.
Once again, I enjoyed things. The characters are really struggling with emotions here and not just the obvious ones. Rainbow Dash has some soul-searching to do before the end of this.
I noticed a couple of inconsistencies with pony anatomy here and there, such as using arms when it should be legs or hooves. Nothing major, as I do the same thing, but just keep a watch out for those types of things.
Lovely work!
This deserves more upvotes than it currently has. It looks like Trixie starting to move forward, though she better watch it. And why do I get the feeling I know why Rainbow Dash is upset?
This story is really good so far and it really deserves more love then its currently getting.
I also have a strange feeling that i know why RD is feeling this way.
But i guess i can only wait and see for now at least.
Ether way i am looking forward to the next chapter this fic have great potential
Really hoping this updates soon.
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argh. sorry, i've had school come down on me, and i've got other relatively time-sensitive pony non-fanfiction projects too. :c
Ah! I remember that huge Super Bowl picture! That was awesome! Great work!
And great work with this. A more subdued chapter, which seems to be a theme with this story: Big action, falling action, big action, etc. It works, as it allows us, the readers, to take a breath and follow along with the thoughts of the ponies. And with romance keeping in, these characters have a LOT to think about.
Now the Big Bad has popped in, with no princesses around to help. Looking forward to it!
Weird, this didn't show up as updated on my favorites list...
Anyway, this romance is progressing naturally, and I love it. And now the villain...
Looking forward to more. And your comics are awesome!
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it didn't show up as updated in my favorites list ether odd..
Anyway keep up the good work this fic is moving along nicely.
Im looking forward to the next chapter!
Sometimes I wonder why Celestia doesn't have all of them wear the Elements of Harmony all the time. With all the threats they get into, you'd think they would want to be prepared.
So, Trixie finally has a reason to go on. Her Nightmare is almost done!
Final showdown? Looking forward to it!
I love the story and hurray for the start of a relationship.
Im looking forward to the next chapter
Also why is this story so under rated its really good and it deserves more love
You know, it's hard not to think of Celestia and Luna as some chessmasters moving pieces around at a whim when they displayed the same type of attitude in the show. Just what are they up to?
And now we begin the glorious awkward stage of the relationship of Twilight and Trixie! As if it weren't awkward enough!
And now a greater evil is being revealed? How ominous...
Great stuff! Keep at it!
Why's part of it in all italics?
I'd have to say that both Trixie and RD are at fault here. Obviously Trixie shouldn't have tried baiting Rainbow, but by rising to it, Rainbow only made things worse.
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derp. fixed. >>
Forgot to mention this last time, but Spike's really showing some surprising insight on things. I guess writing all those friendship letters rubbed off on him!
It's good to see Trixie able to move now. Her laying on the bed all the time was getting repetitive.
Rainbow Dash and the Friendship Crisis! Stay tuned for relationship rekindling reconciliation!
It's a wonder Rarity or the others ever get anything done with all their adventures. Rarity should write a book on time management.
The drama is getting heavier and the Nightmare (both of them) are still out there. Looking forward to how this turns out!
There's something weird going on with this story. New updates don't always show up in my 'unread favorites' list. They're still visible when I look at the story in my 'view all favorites' option but, as you might expect, I don't check that as often.
I don't suppose you know who I should complain to about this?
Well, the updates themselves are enjoyable once I track them down.
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i'm not sure what's going on there, really. i don't see any options on my end that might have anything to do with that. maybe try un-faving and re-faving it? something might have gotten screwed up over the course of the past two site updates.
This is one of those cases where Rainbow having made it clear she's not happy with Trixie pretty much every time they've seen each other has left her extra unhappy with Rainbow and then things escalate because they really are too much alike. Both being temperamental and prideful. It's easy for small stuff to add up when you have two people who rub each other the wrong way.
Heh, Trixie is beginning to experience the "joys" of friendship. It's enough to kill a mare.
Spike's inner monologue was amusing. He has been the adult here in a lot of ways.
It's also nice to see that Trixie is willing to compromise on her relationship with Twilight. I guess all that friendship crap is starting to rub off on her.
Nice to see this still continuing! Way to go!
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Have you tried reporting this to the site admins? I'm pretty sure you can report bugs like that. I missed the last two updates myself.
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i have not, but since you're the one experiencing the bug, it would probably work better if you reported it; that way you'd be able to provide browser information and whatever if that turns out to be important.
Follow the pony who is 'coincidentally' walking below your window, after her boss told you he'd be waiting for you around here?
No way that could go wrong!
Also, sheesh, Trixie, just pick a rotating circuit that looks like a bunch of interlocking rings all going through Ponyville for your shows. You don't have to be together every minute of every day.
Nightmare Inferno is amazingly jovial for an incarnation of hate and rage. It makes him fun to read.
Wow he is aptly named for his possible plan.
I'm seeing a dash of DBZ Abridged Freiza in Nightmare Inferno.
I approve!
Trixie was just full of snarky one-liners in this one. Much better than being mopey all the time, that's for sure.
You would think that Twilight would know better than to jump willy-nilly into semi-unknown territory without getting her friends first. She's smart but not always bright.
I feel the big reveal is coming up. Looking forward to it!
Said it before, I'll say it again-- it's a little frustrating that neither of them is bringing up the possibility of Trixie, say, touring part of the year and spending the other part with Twilight (winter's probably a miserable time to pull a wagon). Still, they both have opposite issues-- Trixie doesn't want to talk at all and Twilight over thinks everything, which seems true to the show.
I'm glad to see more of Inferno's plan falling into place and look forward to seeing this mysterious 'he' Inferno's been trying to free all this time who has something to do with the volcano deep within the mountain.
It sucks to be lovers in a world where the impossible happens on a daily basis. No time to get through a life-changing conversation!
I mean really, these villains have no sense of decency!
Anyway, another nice "cool down" chapter before getting into the actiony bits again. Let's see just were this all takes us!
I can't help but think that inferno is not the type to keep minions alive, Don't volcanoes sometimes have poisonous gasses in the vents?
A dragon? Nuts, and here I was hoping it would be Tirek...
I love how all the characters had their moments to shine in this part. Well, Fluttershy didn't do much, but she gave excellent moral support!
Very nice action and now we reached the main event! We'll see just how things go for our heroes next time!
Well, dragons ignoring the affects of lava is canon. Hopefully this one won't surrender just because Fluttershy glared at it... although that would be pretty funny as far as derailing Inferno's plans.
You handled the team split up well and now we've gotten to see not only Inferno's plan but his true name. Sadly I do feel a bit like his past identity is a little bland, since all he did in the past was the same things he did now (make Nightmares, use monsters to attack Celestia), it's like he hasn't changed at all so we didn't really learn anything new (other than that he created the first Nightmares in an attempt at immortality- which I suppose worked, so there is that at least). It just feels really impersonal. I was hoping that at least his colleagues had mocked his theories and called him mad.
Otherwise, good chapter, though. Nice job on the dialogue feeling true to each character and you managed to work a couple chuckles in without disrupting the action.
okay i feel that your taking lines from Hercules now