I'm nobody! Who are you? Are you nobody, too? -Emily Dickinson
Fluttershy has had a secret for a long time, but now she thinks she can tell her friends. Although she thinks her friends will still accept her once they know it, she fears that they will shun her. She tells one of her friends her secret, who then tells the others.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Yup. Not sure what to say here. Well, if you see any mistakes or have any hints, tips, or constructive criticism, please let me know.
Oh and to anyone who is sitting there going “Silver Moon! Get back to work on Flutterdash: Never Leave Me!” I will be getting back to it soon. I just have a short attention span and therefore cannot work on only one story at a time. But fear not, for the next chapter will be long, followed shortly by a short epilogue that I have already finished.
Basically, if you like this story, good for you. If you hate it, I do not care. I wrote this for me, to try and get some of the feelings I have out and on paper (or rather, a computer screen), not for anyone else. I posted it because I can and because I noticed a lack of stories in which not everypony is tolerant.
So, that’s it. All I have to say. Please comment and let me know what you think. Or don’t. I don’t really care.
I re-edited this a bit. Luna, I cannot believe I forgot the italics for thoughts!
Oh well, fixed now. If any of you see any other mistakes I missed, do not hesitate to point them out!
1556019
your comment totally spoiled everything
now i have no real purpose in reading
Well, aside from totally urinating all over the characters' personality and the staunch refusal to double-space throughout the whole piece, yeah....
Yeah, thumbs down.
I liked it.
I have mixed emotions about this.. No thumb is going to be raised up or down so... meh.
wow
Duke Nukem: I have balls of steel!
seriously I have read SO many depressing stories and no tears
on an important note: this was really well done a good 8/10 on the depress-o-meter
Just some things
Pinkie okay with making a pony sad?, hating a friend because what she is?, and even okay with her dead? do you now the characters at least?
Twilight would definitely protect Fluttershy if not Celestia would kill her
I can undestand Rainbow and Applejack If you stretch a lot you can make Rarity in a hater, but the other two are way off the character.
You did good. I don't usually critique other people but all I must say is that there may have been some grammatical errors. I'm 14 so I don't really know that much. This made me sad and I expected the ending...not the berries part, the suicide part. I was thinking that she would hang herself in her home. Me, personally, I would have her hanging herself in front of the whole city. But that's because I'm not normal.
1548450 That's how I feel. I don't care what the rest think, I wrote the story for me, not them. I have a short attention span as well. You should see how many unfinished stories I have.
1556110
Maybe that's because I'm mentally unstable...
Same here, read many depressing stories and never cried. My soul is just not there. I don't feel sadness. I do not feel mental anguish.
This can relate to closet bronies, if they say they are a brony at e.g. School they may get bullied and abandoned even if they are very popular and like just becuase they watch a tv show that was ment for young girls.
and is a reasons why I am a closet brony myself
It's sad really
Afraid what will happen if people do find out
1556217 but now here come's the odd part: I watch one marketing advert for some stupid playset and a tear rolls down my face
1556464
becomes 
or 
. That's because, in fear of sounding repetitive, mentally unstable.
I've lost my soul. I wish I could cry but I can't. My sadness become anger. All feelings that should make me sad make me angry. So this story pissed me off basically. ASPCA? Pisses me off. Suicide? Pisses me off. All
1556019 Exactly what I was thinking.
1556348 I'm a closet brony but my three friends I told about this I have turned into fellow bronies
that is why I rock
1556493 wow... play a truly depressing game love to see your reaction
1556217
>I'm 14 so I don't know much
>14
Bitch please.
1556659
Not a good idea. When I get pissed, I throw shit. Like the TV I threw. I hope he's ok....
That's so wrong in all way of cruel.
1556663
Nigga shut the fuck up. I'm 14 and I'm 20% cooler than most of the bitches on here.
You stole my shit bitch!
Shut up before I rape your ass like I did Pinkie.
Sorry!
Please....don't do that again. It still hurts.
Then when I say to sit your ass down, you sit your ass down.
1556668 then play Ratchet & Clank 1
1556762
Played the whole series. Just another Jak and Daxter thing. And what they think could replace Crash Bandicoot.
Calm down love.
Oh, hey honey. What are you doing here still?
A god wife is always there for her husband.
Stop saying that out loud! They won't believe it!
If they don't then they do not have to. If they can't handle the truth, they can stop asking for it.
But they didn't ask.
But the truth is always wanted. They did not verbally ask, but it was in their heads.
Oh Woona, you always know what to say.
Are you still good for tonight?
Of course I am! You're mine!
Okay love, I'll be right here next to you.
Thank you. I love you, you know that, right?
Of course I do and I love you too. I always have and always will.
Oh you...
1556793 1 Ratchet & Clank came out before Jak1 and has much better controls, bosses, jokes, story, characters and guns 2 wtf who the other person (please make it clearer
1556700
Um, wow. Here's the moment where the old lady here feels awkward and uncomfortable at the language used in this comment.
So not cool.
1556854
Crash Bandicoot. PlayStation One. And a little bit of Two. Look it up on the net dude. He was the best adventure game ever. Came out before my birth in 1998 but I still played.
1556793
>totally misinterpreted what I said
>sad face
1556980
I'm mental. Everything is interpreted as an insult or sexual remark.
I don't know....I feel like this could have been so much better. First off, everypony was completely out of character. Rainbow Dash, the element of loyalty, completely shunning her friend? Even after the death they all seemed utterly apathetic.
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1371_small.jpg
Poignant, but not fitting for fan fiction, for the simple reason it's impossible to write this whilst keeping everypony in character, which you didnt manage to do....
As a story, it comes across as a bit ham-handed and out of character. As an exploration of personal feelings, it's necessary and interesting.
I find it tragic that us humans have a hard time separating sex from love; that we think fluttering hearts means mashing genitals. I also find it interesting that the reverse is true; that we think physical arousal is a radar for life's One True Love. Most people remember both their first orgasm and what caught their eye / had a hold of their heart at the time, and many mistake it for Pure Genetic Destiny, when it might just be a matter of a weird dream or the first time in a public locker room. The binary nature of unexamined gender also makes people forget that bisexual is a thing.
All I'm saying is, be careful with your heart and your body, and who you tell what. And don't decide too quickly; google the journies of discovery of people who had experiences like yours, and see what choices they made, even the choices that might seem at first glance to be giving in to culture or religion.
This story is worthwhile to read, for the inverted example of how these six friends weather everything through discussion and openness. An example of bad ponies.
1556904 yeah I've played 2 of his games while I've played 6 Ratchet games and personaly Crash and Ratchet are barely alike
1557233
Exactly. They tried to replace Crash with those two? Idiots!
Nice try, but it was so OOC I couldn't finish it without laughing. Sorry.
sry... but no. just no.
I mean sure it could go with others, but was to OOC for me. They would never have left her for such petty reasons. I have most in mind to give thumb down, but I have been in a good mood lately, so I just continue and pretend this fic doesn't exist.
Sweet Luna, what has happened? In a little over 6 hours, 37 comments?!?
I just do not know what to say.
So now I will attempt to reply to most of them. Here we go.
1556019 Oh, Luna, is this really what can happen when people come out? *gulp* As for the Dash part, I have a mini-speech about that I will put at the end of this comment. And yes, I agree. Her death was beautiful in an odd way.
1556054 Comments usually contain spoilers. There is nothing anyone can do about that other than suggest you read the story first next time.
1556057 Thank you for the feedback. I am aware that I may not have gotten the characters' personalities down pat, particularly Rainbow's. Again, please see my mini-speech at the bottom of this comment. As for your issue with the double-space (or lack thereof) I must suggest that we agree to disagree. Personally, I dislike it when there are many double-spaces. I find that I spend too much time scrolling the page. However, that may be just me. You are fully entitled to your own opinion. Every piece of feedback I get helps improve my abilities as a writer, so I thank you again for your comment.
1556090 Thank you.
1556107 Thank you for your honesty. To be truthful myself, I have mixed feelings about this too.
1556110 8/10, you say? 80%, I get a B!
1556208 Yes, they are a bit out of character. Pinkie I have no excuse for; but if you wish to see my reasoning behind RD"s betrayal, see my mini-speech at the bottom.
1556217 If you see any errors, even if you are not sure about them, please feel free to point them out. I'm not much older than you, so I fully admit that I might have made mistakes. On top of that, none of my friends watch the show, so my only editor is Word.
1556348 I'm a closet brony too! Or a Pegasister. Whatever the female version is. Anyway, you shouldn't be afraid to tell you friends. If they are truly your friends, they will accept you no matter what. If not, they were never really you friends. Now if only I could take my own advice. Sigh.
1556499 Is that a song? I think I might have heard of it...
1556608 Yup, helplessness is one thing I cannot stand. It is a horrible, consuming thing. As for Dash, I direct you to the bottom of the comment.
1556656 You, my friend, are skilled.
1556695 Yes, this is a cruel tale. That was kinda the point. It is cruel; it is wrong; it is life.
1556700 Please do not use that offensive word around me. Although I thank you for the defense you have given me, I simply will not tolerate discrimination.
1556867 I agree. There are only a few words I will not tolerate. N***** is one of them.
1557012 Thanks for the feedback. I am swear that they are rather out of character. However, I have reason for RD. Please see my rant at the bottom of this comment.
1557091 Why, yes. Yes I did. Now, I gather from this picture that you are less than pleased by my story. Would you be so kind as to explain more so I can tell you why I wrote what I did?
1557124 I am aware that I failed to keep them all in character. If you feel that Dash was especial not in character, please see my rant at the bottom.
1557228 Wow. That was really wonderful. Thank you for the advice and the review. And fear not, I am always careful about who I tell what. I have no plans to give my heart or body to anyone in the future, near or far. I am perfectly content to watch from afar, in a non-stalker-ish way.
1557233 You two are getting a little bit off topic. I cannot force you to leave, but I can ask you move this conversation elsewhere.
1557248 You two are getting a little bit off topic. I cannot force you to leave, but I can ask you move this conversation elsewhere.
1557678 Thank you for the complement. Although I am inclined to disagree with the adding of a "dark" tag. I read the section on tags in the FAQ's and I feel that the story does not fit.
1557785 Yeah, it is rather out of character. If you wish to see my reasoning behind RD being like that, please read my rant at the bottom.
1557876 Thank you for the feedback. Yes, I did make them abnormal in relation to how we normally perceive them. If you would like an explanation on why I made RD so very unusual, see below.
There done! Now for my mini-speech/rant/explanation.
*hem hem*
Well, hello there! Did you come because you are one of the many people I told to come here, or did you happen upon this and decide to read it to see just why I did what I did? Well, either was it matters not. So here it is, my reasoning behind it all. In three versions, so that those of you who have short attention spans do not have to listen to/read my whole rant.
Why I made Rainbow Dash so against Fluttershy.
Short version: Because I can.
Slightly-longer-but-still-short version: Because she is the Element of Loyalty.
Long version: First of all, did I confuse you with my second reason? If not, please get out of my head, you mind-reader.
OK, moving on. I can hear you sitting there. I hear you saying something along the lines of this:
"If she is the Element of Loyalty, shouldn't thank mean that she is the most accepting? Shouldn't that make it so she would defend Fluttershy against the others?"
Well, in a normal situation, yes. This, however, is not a normal situation. If you read my first comment, you would see that this is based on fears that I have. Now, as any of you that have ever had a bad fear would know, fear is not a rational thing. Many fears are based on things that can never happen, or have such a slim chance of happening that being afraid is a foolish thing. Fear makes people do things that they would never do normally.
Dash's reaction was based on two fears; her own fear of a "fillyfooler," as Fluttershy is in the tale, and my fear of what even the most loyal of my own real-life friends would say or do if/when I tell them.
So, it was because that she is the Element of Loyalty that I made Dash the most cruel. Because, in reality, even the most loyal of friends might turn on you if they learn all of your secretes. Friendship is a fickle fiend and fake loyalty is only one of its many traps.
OK, that is all. Please feel free to tell me what you think. Or don't. Again, I only wrote this fic for me and therefore do not really care if any of you hate it.
1558631
you add the Alt. Uni. tag.
He's gone so that conversation is over.
Sorry about the language but when I get mad, I go off. I'm worse than Fluttershy when I get mad.
And I really shouldn't point out your flaws when I am more flawed myself.
And
NOW ALL OF YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITIES BEING OFF!
1558658
Lol. Dude, chill. I don't mind, really. All comments help make me a better writer in one way or another.
I like to think of it this way: If I never got a bad comment, then it would mean so much less when I got a good comment, like the ones you give me.
Now, please. If you found any mistakes, please point them out. I cannot get better unless I know where I need to improve. If you are afraid of offending me, please know I will only be upset if you hold back helpful information.
Now, if you do not mind, I have a few stories to read, starting with Nightmare Night Story.
1558699
I'm going to edit it myself. I'll do my best to keep it the same but will have to change some words. I'll correct what I believe are spelling errors. I'll double space paragraphs. And just to let you know, thoughts should always be done in italics. I'll edit and PM you the finished product.
1558716
Right! Italics! I knew I forgot something!
1558658
I don't think "when I get mad, I go off" is a valid excuse on the internet. Sure, in real life, people tend to just blurt things out in the heat of the moment, but there really is no such thing as blurting things out when you're typing. You always have that second to reconsider before you hit "add comment" and you can always go back and edit/delete things.
I don't know if you think you seem tough or cool or whatever when you toss around words like "nigga" or casually mention rape, but really? Your immaturity is showing.
1558726
Don't worry. I only know because I'm a book worm...like Twilight. -_- I'm a nerd. Twilight: Humanized and sex changed. I'll do my best, I promise that I won't screw it up!
1558741
Lol, I know I'm immature. How can a 14 year old be mature? I might be a book worm, but I'm anything but mature. oh, and RAPE. Why? Because I'm immature.
1558756
A fourteen year old can indeed be mature. I have the feeling you're just trying to stir up trouble because you can. Age is not an excuse for poor behavior; by fourteen, you should know basic manners.
1558783
Yes, I should, but I don't. Know why? Of course not. So shut up and stop acting like you know what's going on because you have no idea.
1558783
1558792
OK you two. I'm stopping this fight before it gets anywhere.
Cranberry, boys are dumb and immature. Especially young ones. I appreciate that you are trying too keep the comment section clean, but I can do that. Please ignore the immaturity of others, for your own sake. You will be driven crazy otherwise.
The_Brony_Duelist, stop trolling. We already know you are immature, there is no reason to make a show about it. You should be more respectful to those older than you.
Thank you.
1558792
Hey, don't get all huffy at me because I called you out on your disgusting behavior. I'm sure you'll look back on it with regret someday, but today is clearly not that day. In any case, I said what I wanted to say and I'm done with this now.
1558818
If you knew why I do what I do, you wouldn't say that. But I understand what you mean. And another thing, she started it! I wouldn't have done that if she hadn't said anything! I'm not responding to any more comments until the edit is done so...that.
1558631
Well, with the alt-universe tag on, my objections are lowered slightly.
But let's see if I understood... Dash is Fluttershy's main antagonist (being the element of Loyalty notwithstanding), because in real life, there is no such thing as true loyalty?
Ouch... coughtruethoughitmaybecough but in real life there are no pegasi, either.
I suppose my issue was that you took already-developed characters, with personalities, and modified them so they could express your personal issues. Nothing wrong with that, per se--I found that I have expressed myself better through ponies than other methods--but the story just... for lack of a better term, it tasted wrong to me. It felt off and skewed (almost tainted?) and while the story was not bad enough for a thumbs down, I just didn't care for it much.
And I must give you major props for being so civil about all this.
I've never met anybody who would be that way about someone dying. Usually they want to help people who they feel are doing the wrong thing, not see them dead. There may be some people who would be that mean but I think even the vast majority of people who are against gay marriage would be disgusted by the callous nature of the characters in this story. I'm very conservative but when some of my friends told me they were bisexual or homosexual I didn't reject them. I don't have to agree with them acting on it but that doesn't make me hate them as a person and I can still agree with them on other things. I'm not ashamed to hang out with them or anything like that. Two people are never going to agree on everything. Think how different for example that Rainbow Dash and Rarity are from one another, and yet they are still close friends.
I think you managed to hit the spot here. In two ways.
First, at least you managed to emotionally touch my mind. This was good.
And secondly, you managed to gather a good load of audience! I mean, in such a short amount of time, you have managed to beat The Fall with the official view-count.
1548450
"What I am is a girl"
"a girl"
And I have been sitting here, referring to you as a sir. Sorry about that. I should never assume anything...
I congratulate you and look forward to your upcoming works.
i.imgur.com/x5GwX.gif