The One and Only Chapter
“Come on, Fluttershy. You can do this!” The butter yellow Pegasus sighed as she stared at her reflection.
“No I can’t!” She cried.
“Yes, you can!
"No!
"Yes!
"No!
"Yes!” This went on for several minutes, stopping only when Angel hopped in front of the pony holding a watch. With a gasp, Fluttershy looked at the time. “Oh, no!” She whispered. “I’m late for my spa date with Rarity!” She took off, flying out the door to town.
“Hello, darling,” Rarity purred as her panting friend bust into the spa. “Why are you so late today? I don’t think you have ever been late for one of our spa sessions before.”
“Oh, um, I… Um… I was…” Fluttershy cast around for a reason to excuse her lateness, but to no avail. “Um… I’ll tell you later. If that’s OK with you, I mean,” she whispered, hiding behind her mane.
“No problem at all, dear. Now let’s get started, the sauna is all warmed up for us,” the white unicorn said, getting up from where she was sitting by the door. Fluttershy nodded and followed her friend. The spa was almost empty; other than the spa ponies, Rarity and Fluttershy were the only two. The latter kept looking at the door in hopes another pony would enter. She wanted to have a private talk with Rarity, but it was almost impossible with the spa ponies always catering to them and no other ponies. On the outside, Fluttershy looked just as she always did as the two friends went along their usual spa session, but inside a battle was raging.
Tell her! Now!
No, I’m too scared!
Do it!
No!
Do it!
NO!
DO IT!!
“NO!” Fluttershy cried out in an uncharacteristic volume. Instantly, every pony was looking at her. “Oh, um… sorry,” she whispered, almost silently as she ducked behind her mane in terror.
“No what, dear?” Rarity asked, looking at her friend.
“Nothing,” the shy Pegasus whispered. Tell her! Fluttershy demanded herself in her head. Now! You’re almost out of time! It was true; the spa session was almost over. The two mares were sitting in the big hot tub, as they always finished. I can’t! Fluttershy argued with herself.
And why is that?
Because Aloe is standing right. Over. There!
OK then how about this, the more assertive part of her compromised. If another pony comes in, then Aloe and the others would go see them, not us, right? Right. So how about if that happens, you tell Rarity.
OK. I think I can do that.
Good. It’s a deal then?
Yes. Fluttershy nodded at the agreement she had made with herself. She then blushed, realizing that she had just done something strange for the second time that day. She gave Rarity, who was again staring at her, a sheepish grin.
“Are you feeling OK, Fluttershy?” The unicorn asked, tilting her head to one side.
“Oh, yes. Thanks Rarity, but I’m fine. I’m-” Fluttershy broke off with a squeak. The door had just opened and a group of 5 walked in. Aloe looked at the mares in the tub and spoke.
“Will you girls be OK?” she asked.
“Yes, yes,” said Rarity, waving the Earth Pony off. “We can finish up ourselves. Thank you for a wonderful treatment, you never cease to amaze me.”
“Not at all,” replied the Earth Pony as she walked off to great her newest costumers.
“Now,” Rarity spoke again, turning to her friend. “What was it you were about to say?”
“Well, um. I um,” Fluttershy started. “Well, I. Um.”
“Come on, spit it out,” Rarity said, getting exasperated.
“Well, I,” the Pegasus stammered one last time. Then she sighed. “Can you keep a secret?” She asked.
“Well, of course darling!” Rarity cried. “Why, this one time Rainbow Dash told me-"
“FOREVER!!!!” cried Pinkie Pie, bursting up from under the water. “Ever, ever, ever, ever,” she echoed as she slipped back under the water, going back to whatever party she had been at only moments ago. Rarity sighed.
“OK, so maybe I’m not that great at keeping secrets,” she admitted. “But you can see that I will never be able to tell anypony, what with Pinkie Pie around and all.”
“I guess…” Fluttershy murmured, looking unsure. Then her eyes lit up. “Pinkie Pie Promise,” she demanded.
“Oh, must I dear?” The pompous unicorn asked. “I would, you know that. It’s just that it is a tab bit foolish to do something so… odd… in a public place.”
“Yes, you must,” Fluttershy spoke with determination. “You must and you will, if you want to hear what I have to say.”
“Well, you are rather assertive today, aren’t you?” Rarity sighed. “Fine. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” she murmured as she did the corresponding actions. “There, will you tell me now?”
“Um, yes,” Fluttershy whispered. “Well, you see… I um. I like somepony and-” Fluttershy was cut off by a large squeal of delight from her friend. Fluttershy ducked behind her mane once more as all eyes turned to the two of them, drawn by the sudden sound. Rarity, however, remained oblivious to the attention.
“Well, this is wonderful!” She exclaimed in full-on gossip mode. “What does he look like? How old is he? Do we know him? Is he an Earth Pony? Or another Pegasus? Oh, you like a unicorn, don’t you?! OOO, this is so wonderful! What does he look like?!” Rarity demanded once more before finally giving the cowering Pegasus a chance to respond.
“Well. Um. They’re an Earth Pony. I think you might know them. They have beautiful green eyes and they’reamare,” Fluttershy finished quickly and near-silently.
“I’m sorry, but I did not quite catch that last part. What did you say?”
“I said that the pony I like has beautiful green eyes?” Fluttershy said slowly, hopefully.
“No, no, after that part.”
“Oh that. Um, I said that the pony I like is a mare. OK I’m done,” Fluttershy finished from behind her mane.
“Come on, Fluttershy!” Rarity said, clearly tired of the game. “Stop murmuring and speak up!”
“Oh. OK then. Well, what I wanted to tell you is that… Oh, would you look at the time? Our spa session is over. We better get out now!”
“Oh, dear. It appears you are correct. Well, we better dry off then.”
Fluttershy nodded, hopping out of the hot tub. With speed to rival Rainbow Dash, she dried off and headed for the door.
“Just wait a second, could you darling?” Rarity called from where she stood, drying her own fur. “I believe we were in the middle of a conversation.”
“Well, I do really have to get going,” Fluttershy protested, backing away. She froze at the death glare Rarity was giving her. “… but I guess I could stay a little longer.”
Rarity smiled. A few minutes later, the two of them were walking to the unicorn’s house. Once there, the white mare invited her friend inside, but the Pegasus refused.
“I’d rather not. I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said.
“Well, will you at least tell me what you wanted to,” Rarity protested.
“Fine, I will,” Fluttershy responded. Taking a deep breath, she spoke several things in one go. “TheponyIlikeisRose. YesRosethemare. YesIknowthatsheisstraightbutIlikeheranyway. NowIhavetogoIwillseeyoulaterBYE!” Fluttershy finished loudly as she ran off. She took to the sky after a few moments of running, leaving her shocked friend behind her. Once she was home, Fluttershy fled to her room. “Oh dear, oh Celestia, what have I done?” She asked herself. “Maybe I should go talk to her. Oh, what if I scared her? Oh what did I do, why did I do that?!” Fluttershy curled up, hugging a pillow sadly. She decided that later she would go talk to Rarity. Just what she would say could be figured out later. Exhausted by fear and a stress let-down, the Pegasus fell asleep.
*************************************************************************************
Rarity looked at her three friends that had gathered at her boutique. Rainbow Dash was flying in circles above the mares, clearly bored. Twilight was sitting patiently on a plush cushion, waiting for Rarity to speak. Pinkie Pie was bouncing up and down, up and down, down and up. Rarity peaked out the window, looking to see if Applejack had finished washing the mud off her hooves yet. Once the orange pony was inside, Rarity called for her friends’ attention. The four of them stopped moving, all except for Pinkie, who never really stops moving. The four of them looked at their friend expectantly. After several long moments of silence, Twilight spoke.
“So, what is the urgent news that you called us here to tell us about?” She asked.
“Today Fluttershy told me something I think you should know. Fluttershy told me that she is-”
“Oh, wait a minute!” Pinkie cried suddenly. “Somepony is about to break a Pinkie Promise! I’ll be right back!”
“Pinkie, wait!” Rarity said, but the pink mare had already poofed away.
“FOREV-” Pinkie stopped dead, clearly confused to be in the same place. “Wait, what?” She asked. “Rarity, are you about to break a Pinkie Promise? Tsk tsk, that’s twice in one day I had to stop you.”
“Yes, Pinkie. I am about to break a Pinkie Promise, but for a good reason. What Fluttershy told me today I really feel you all should know,” Rarity looked at her friends.
“Rarity, I’m not sure this is a good idea,” Twilight said slowly. “I mean, this is one way to ruin a friendship-”
“FOREVER!” Pinkie cried in her usual Pinkie Pie-ish fashion. Her cry was so loud that none of the mares noticed the soft knock on the door or the quiet voice asking if anypony was there.
“Yes, yes. I know this,” Rarity said. “But I truly think that you girls need to know this.” All eyes were glued to the white unicorn so not one of the ponies noticed the door to the fashion boutique open.
“Hello?” Fluttershy asked as she stepped inside. “Anypony here?” She stopped talking as Rarity spoke again.
“I truly think you girls need to know what Fluttershy told me when we were at the spa today.”
“No,” Fluttershy whispered. “But, you Pinkie Promised!” Her voice was still too soft for the others to hear her.
“Well, spit it out already!” Rainbow said impatiently. “I have tricks to practise.”
“Very well then. Today Fluttershy told me that she likes somepony,” Rarity hesitated, unsure of how to go on.
“Well, Fluttershy likin’ somepony is nothin’ to hoot at. If that’s all you got to tell us, I better get goin’ I got apples to buck,” Applejack said.
“That is not all she told me. She told me who she likes. You know Rose? The florist?” Her friends nodded.
“Yes, but what does that have to do with Fluttershy?” Twilight asked.
“Ah think she means that Fluttershy likes Rose,” Applejack said, honest and blunt as ever.
“WHAT?!” Rainbow cried, dropping to the floor in surprise. Pinkie Pie felt her chin hit the floor as she gasped in shock.
“Oh. Well then. Is this right, Rarity?” Twilight asked.
“Yes.”
“Like, as in likes-likes?”
“Yes.”
“As in Fluttershy is…?”
“Yes. Fluttershy is a fillyfooler,” silence followed Rarity’s words for several moments. Then the silence was broken by Rainbow Dash.
“BWahahaha!!! Oh, oh good one, Rarity! I never knew you liked pranks! Hee hee!” Dash looped in the air, trying to work off the laughter.
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity shouted. “I assure you, this is no prank.”
“But it has to be! I mean there is no way I am friends with a fillyfooler. No. Way.”
“Well, unless Fluttershy has found an odd sense of humor recently, this is no prank. And judging by the way she was so reluctant to tell me and how quickly she spoke and ran off once she had told me, I’m going to say it is not a prank. I’m just not sure what to do!”
“I’m not sure we need to do anything,” Twilight said. “I mean, is this a bad thing?”
“Is this a bad thing? Is this a bad thing!?” Dash cried out. “No, not at all! This is just one of the worst things that could happen!”
“Eeyup,” Applejack agreed bluntly.
“Why, yes!” Rarity cried dramatically.
“See, this is why nopony liked her in flight school!” Dash shouted. “Everpony said she was a fillyfooler, but I defended her! Gah, I was such a fool! Fillyfoolers are not welcome here. There is no way I am going to be friends with one,” The Pegasus stomped her hooves irritably as even Pinkie Pie nodded agreement.
“I’m still not sure why this is a bad thing, although I admit it is a little… unusual. Abnormal. Strange. Offbeat. Queer. Irregular. Un-”
“Get to the point already and stop muddlin’ our minds with your fancy talk!” Snapped Applejack.
“Weird,” Twilight finished. “I will feel strange around her from now on, I’m sure.”
“Wait, you still plan on hanging out with her?!” Dash cried, indignantly.
“Well, yes. Why wouldn’t I?”
“’Cause fillyfoolin’ is sinful,” Applejack remarked.
“And so dirty and wrong!” Added Rarity.
“And just so weird!” Pinkie Pie piped in. “I mean, come on! Think of all the times she has seen us without clothing! How can we know we can trust her?”
“Oh, I never thought of that,” muttered the purple unicorn. “Oh wow, now this is awkward. I’m not sure what to do anymore.”
“Well I do,” the colourful Pegasus spoke again. “We lose her. Get her out of our lives like AJ bucks rotten apples off her farm. Stop talking to her before word gets out and everypony hates us because we know her. I know that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Ah’m with ya there, Dash,” the orange pony said. “No way in hay am Ah bein’ round such a bad crowd, even if it is only one pony.
“Come on you two,” Twilight tried to reason with her friends. “Fluttershy is still our friend, even if she is a bit… different. What about using the Elements?”
“Well, Ah still fit mah element. Ah’m just being plan honest with y’all.”
“But what about you, Dash?” Twilight turned to her friend. “I thought you were loyal.”
“I am! Just not to a fillyfooler.”
“Girls, I think we should change the subject now,” Rarity interrupted the argument.
“Why is that?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head to one side.
“Because Fluttershy is standing by the door listening to our every word,” the unicorn replied. All movement stopped, even Pinkie managed to cease bouncing. Then, as one, they all turned to face a tearful Fluttershy.
“Hi Fluttershy!” Pinkie cried happily. “What ‘cha doooing?”
“Do.. do you all really feel like that?” Fluttershy stammered, ignoring the pink pony’s question as tears feel into an ever-growing puddle on the floor. “Do you all really hate me?”
“I will never be friends with a fillyfooler,” Dash said once more. Looking straight into the yellow mare’s eyes, she spoke with a cold sureness. “Never.”
“I’m sorry, but I just do not feel comfortable around you anymore, dar-, er I mean Fluttershy,” Rarity added.
“AJ?” Fluttershy asked painfully. “Pinkie Pie?”
“Eeyup.”
“Yup!” exclaimed the easily excitable pony.
“Twilight?” Fluttershy looked at the only pony she felt might still be a friend. “Twilight, do you hate me?”
“I… No. I do not hate you,” the unicorn said. Fluttershy felt her face light up as hope filled her. “But,” the purple unicorn continued, “I don’t think that we should hang out anymore. Or talk to each other much. At least not for a little while. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I told Rarity and ruined all of our friendships. I’m so sorry. I’m just going to go now. I’m so, so sorry,” Fluttershy murmured as she turned and ran out the door, leaving a river of tears behind her.
“Should one of us go after her?” Twilight asked as she watched her ex-friend flee.
“Nnope,” Dash said in sync with Applejack. The five ponies stood in awkward silence as they listened to the pony they thought they knew ran away.
*************************************************************************************
Several weeks later, Twilight was walking around Ponyville. She had not seen Fluttershy since the ugly encounter at Rarity’s boutique; nopony had. Twilight was still not sure that they had made the right choice about what they told Fluttershy. It must have been though, it was the truth. The truth is always best, right? Twilight sighed, allowing herself to get lost in thought. She wandered through the town for a while, too busy thinking to watch where she was going. She was just wondering if she should go check on the animal-loving Pegasus when she stumbled upon a small lump of fur. Looking down, the unicorn let out a gasp. Huddled at her feet there lay a starving bundle of fun and bones.
“Angel?” Twilight asked. “What happened to Fluttershy? Oh, never mind that, we have to get you to the vet!” Gently picking up the dying bunny with a haze of magic, Twilight ran off.
A few days later, Angel was well enough to mime what had happened. Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rainbow Dash all got together at the library. They sat in a circle with the unwell bunny in the middle. After a few hours that seemed like days, the ponies managed to piece together what had happened after the talk in the boutique.
Fluttershy had gone home, crying harder than she ever had, even harder than the time Gabby Gums had spread gossip about her in the paper. She had opened up all the food she had for all of her animals then kissed Angel gently on the forehead. After that, she had walked out of her hut into the Everfree Forest. Angel had waited for as long as he could. Although it did not look like it, he truly did care for his owner. Finally, he and the other animals had run out of food, yet Fluttershy had still not returned. All the other animals left once there was no more food, but the bunny had tried to wait. Eventual, he saw far too hungry to survive, so he had gone to town and that is when Twilight found him.
Once the bunny had finished his tale, the 5 mares sat silently. Finally, Twilight broke the silence.
“I think we need to look for her.”
“No,” Dash objected. “Why should we? She is no friend of ours. Why should we risk our necks trying to save her? Besides, she probably just is staying a Zecora’s.”
“Ah don’t think so, Dash,” Applejack shot back. “Why would she leave her bunny behind? Somethin’ musta happened to her.”
“So?” Dash growled. “What does it matter to us? Even if something happened to her, why should we help her? She lied to us for all those years. She must have known before she told Rarity.”
“Dash, stop it,” Twilight said. “She may no longer be our friend, but that does not mean we shouldn’t help her. We need to help everypony that needs help; that is what it means to be an Element of Harmony!”
“But-”
“No buts, Dash,” Twilight cut across. “We leave now. No arguing. Let’s go.”
Unwilling to waste anymore time, Twilight started off, leaving the others no choice but to follow her. As they neared the forest, the temperature dropped noticeably. It was nearing night time; the darkness seemed more cruel than usual. Even brave Rainbow dash was reluctant to enter.
“Maybe we should wait until morning. You know, when it is light?” The Pegasus suggested as they stood at the edge of the path.
“No. We need to find her now. How knows what kind of trouble she had gotten herself into by now?” Twilight said.
“She’s right, y’all,” Applejack spoke up. “Ah don’t like it either, Dash, but we gotta do what we gotta do.”
Pinkie Pie and Rarity nodded their heads, fear plainly viable in their eyes are the stared into the shadows.
“Right then, let’s get going,” swallowing her fear, Twilight lead her friends into the darkness. After about an hour of fruitless wandering, Twilight let out an exasperated sigh. “This is taking too long!” She shouted into the night. “Dash, you fly ahead, see if you can find any signs. But stay within earshot, OK?”
“Yeah, whatever,” Dash said before flying off. Several minutes of wandering later, the four ground searchers hear a shout. They froze, frightened by the fearful shout they heard from Dash.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight shouted. “Can you hear me? Come back!”
“I-I can hear you Twilight. I’m coming back, wait where you are, I’ll find you.”
“OK,” Twilight called back. As the ponies waited, their imaginations took over. Each mare stood lost in her own mind, wondering what Dash had found. They all jumped as the blue Pegasus burst from the trees.
“I found Fluttershy,” Rainbow said softly.
“Is she OK?” Twilight asked, clearly frightened.
“No. She's- no. You- you better come see for yourselves.” Without waiting for a response, Rainbow turned and forced her way through the undergrowth. Exchanging terrified glances, the others followed. Several moments later, they emerged into a clearing. It was beautiful; the moon cast a peaceful glow on the grass. The trees did not seem as frightening as they did outside the clearing and the light illuminated several bushes of bright blue leaves near the center of the clearing. None of the ponies noticed the beauty of the glade; all of them stared at the one thing that seemed to suck any magic from the area. In the middle of the grass lay Fluttershy. She had several dried berries in her hooves and dried juice crusted on her lips. It was clear that she had eaten the berries. She lay without moving, although weeds had sprung up around and on her. The long tendrils of the plants had crept up onto Fluttershy over the weeks she had lain without moving.
“Is she- Is she dead?” Pinkie asked, for once all joy gone from her voice.
“Yes,” Twilight whispered, nodding. “Yes, I’m afraid she is.”
“Oh, I feel simply horrid!” Rarity cried. Tears fell from her eyes, slowly climbing down her face. “Is she dead or almost dead? Is it too late to save her?”
“Yes,” Twilight said again.
“Are ya sure, sugercube?”
“I’m afraid I am.”
“How can you be so sure?” Dash asked, her voice thick with accusation.
“Do you see those berries she was eating?” The others nodded. “Well, I know about those. They are called Instans-Aeacus. It's Latin. It translates to ‘instant death.’ They are the most lethal substance on all of Equestria. And-and I think Fluttershy knew that when she ate them.”
“What makes you say that?” Asked Pinkie Pie.
“Because Fluttershy is the one who told me about them.”
An evil muteness filled the air as the four ponies looked at the dead body.
“What do we do now, Twilight?”
“I’m not sure AJ. Rarity, Rainbow, you two knew her best. What do you think?”
“I don’t care. One less fillyfooler on Equestria, the way I see it.”
“Rainbow Dash, how could you be so cruel?” Rarity shook her head sadly. In the beauty of the copse she could almost pretend the gentle Pegasus was asleep. Almost, if not for the scent of death that hung heavy in the air. Rarity sighed. “I think we should leave her here. She always liked nature and she looks so peaceful. I don’t think there is anything we can do here. What do you girls think?”
“I think you’re probabaly right,” Twilight said sadly. “Any objections?” When nopony responded, Twilight nodded. “OK then. We should go back to home now. There is nothing we can do. Goodbye, Fluttershy. I’m sorry,” Twilight said as a tear slipped down to the forest floor. There was nothing left to do so the purple unicorn turned and walked back to the path. Slowly, the others left until only Dash was left. She looked down at the cold, dead pony with hatred. As she stood alone, however, her gaze softened. She turned and walked to the trees her friends had disappeared behind. Turning to look at the Pegasus one last time, Rainbow spoke.
“I’m sorry, Fluttershy. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have been so mean. I’m sorry. I never should have laughed at you. So, goodbye. And, I’m sorry.
“I’m so, so sorry.”
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Yup. Not sure what to say here. Well, if you see any mistakes or have any hints, tips, or constructive criticism, please let me know.
Oh and to anyone who is sitting there going “Silver Moon! Get back to work on Flutterdash: Never Leave Me!” I will be getting back to it soon. I just have a short attention span and therefore cannot work on only one story at a time. But fear not, for the next chapter will be long, followed shortly by a short epilogue that I have already finished.
Basically, if you like this story, good for you. If you hate it, I do not care. I wrote this for me, to try and get some of the feelings I have out and on paper (or rather, a computer screen), not for anyone else. I posted it because I can and because I noticed a lack of stories in which not everypony is tolerant.
So, that’s it. All I have to say. Please comment and let me know what you think. Or don’t. I don’t really care.
I re-edited this a bit. Luna, I cannot believe I forgot the italics for thoughts!
Oh well, fixed now. If any of you see any other mistakes I missed, do not hesitate to point them out!
1556019
your comment totally spoiled everything
now i have no real purpose in reading
Well, aside from totally urinating all over the characters' personality and the staunch refusal to double-space throughout the whole piece, yeah....
Yeah, thumbs down.
I liked it.
I have mixed emotions about this.. No thumb is going to be raised up or down so... meh.
wow
Duke Nukem: I have balls of steel!
seriously I have read SO many depressing stories and no tears
on an important note: this was really well done a good 8/10 on the depress-o-meter
Just some things
Pinkie okay with making a pony sad?, hating a friend because what she is?, and even okay with her dead? do you now the characters at least?
Twilight would definitely protect Fluttershy if not Celestia would kill her
I can undestand Rainbow and Applejack If you stretch a lot you can make Rarity in a hater, but the other two are way off the character.
You did good. I don't usually critique other people but all I must say is that there may have been some grammatical errors. I'm 14 so I don't really know that much. This made me sad and I expected the ending...not the berries part, the suicide part. I was thinking that she would hang herself in her home. Me, personally, I would have her hanging herself in front of the whole city. But that's because I'm not normal.
1548450 That's how I feel. I don't care what the rest think, I wrote the story for me, not them. I have a short attention span as well. You should see how many unfinished stories I have.
1556110
Maybe that's because I'm mentally unstable...
Same here, read many depressing stories and never cried. My soul is just not there. I don't feel sadness. I do not feel mental anguish.
This can relate to closet bronies, if they say they are a brony at e.g. School they may get bullied and abandoned even if they are very popular and like just becuase they watch a tv show that was ment for young girls.
and is a reasons why I am a closet brony myself
It's sad really
Afraid what will happen if people do find out
1556217 but now here come's the odd part: I watch one marketing advert for some stupid playset and a tear rolls down my face
1556464
becomes 
or 
. That's because, in fear of sounding repetitive, mentally unstable.
I've lost my soul. I wish I could cry but I can't. My sadness become anger. All feelings that should make me sad make me angry. So this story pissed me off basically. ASPCA? Pisses me off. Suicide? Pisses me off. All
1556019 Exactly what I was thinking.
1556348 I'm a closet brony but my three friends I told about this I have turned into fellow bronies
that is why I rock
1556493 wow... play a truly depressing game love to see your reaction
1556217
>I'm 14 so I don't know much
>14
Bitch please.
1556659
Not a good idea. When I get pissed, I throw shit. Like the TV I threw. I hope he's ok....
That's so wrong in all way of cruel.
1556663
Nigga shut the fuck up. I'm 14 and I'm 20% cooler than most of the bitches on here.
You stole my shit bitch!
Shut up before I rape your ass like I did Pinkie.
Sorry!
Please....don't do that again. It still hurts.
Then when I say to sit your ass down, you sit your ass down.
1556668 then play Ratchet & Clank 1
1556762
Played the whole series. Just another Jak and Daxter thing. And what they think could replace Crash Bandicoot.
Calm down love.
Oh, hey honey. What are you doing here still?
A god wife is always there for her husband.
Stop saying that out loud! They won't believe it!
If they don't then they do not have to. If they can't handle the truth, they can stop asking for it.
But they didn't ask.
But the truth is always wanted. They did not verbally ask, but it was in their heads.
Oh Woona, you always know what to say.
Are you still good for tonight?
Of course I am! You're mine!
Okay love, I'll be right here next to you.
Thank you. I love you, you know that, right?
Of course I do and I love you too. I always have and always will.
Oh you...
1556793 1 Ratchet & Clank came out before Jak1 and has much better controls, bosses, jokes, story, characters and guns 2 wtf who the other person (please make it clearer
1556700
Um, wow. Here's the moment where the old lady here feels awkward and uncomfortable at the language used in this comment.
So not cool.
1556854
Crash Bandicoot. PlayStation One. And a little bit of Two. Look it up on the net dude. He was the best adventure game ever. Came out before my birth in 1998 but I still played.
1556793
>totally misinterpreted what I said
>sad face
1556980
I'm mental. Everything is interpreted as an insult or sexual remark.
I don't know....I feel like this could have been so much better. First off, everypony was completely out of character. Rainbow Dash, the element of loyalty, completely shunning her friend? Even after the death they all seemed utterly apathetic.
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1371_small.jpg
Poignant, but not fitting for fan fiction, for the simple reason it's impossible to write this whilst keeping everypony in character, which you didnt manage to do....
As a story, it comes across as a bit ham-handed and out of character. As an exploration of personal feelings, it's necessary and interesting.
I find it tragic that us humans have a hard time separating sex from love; that we think fluttering hearts means mashing genitals. I also find it interesting that the reverse is true; that we think physical arousal is a radar for life's One True Love. Most people remember both their first orgasm and what caught their eye / had a hold of their heart at the time, and many mistake it for Pure Genetic Destiny, when it might just be a matter of a weird dream or the first time in a public locker room. The binary nature of unexamined gender also makes people forget that bisexual is a thing.
All I'm saying is, be careful with your heart and your body, and who you tell what. And don't decide too quickly; google the journies of discovery of people who had experiences like yours, and see what choices they made, even the choices that might seem at first glance to be giving in to culture or religion.
This story is worthwhile to read, for the inverted example of how these six friends weather everything through discussion and openness. An example of bad ponies.
1556904 yeah I've played 2 of his games while I've played 6 Ratchet games and personaly Crash and Ratchet are barely alike
1557233
Exactly. They tried to replace Crash with those two? Idiots!
Nice try, but it was so OOC I couldn't finish it without laughing. Sorry.
sry... but no. just no.
I mean sure it could go with others, but was to OOC for me. They would never have left her for such petty reasons. I have most in mind to give thumb down, but I have been in a good mood lately, so I just continue and pretend this fic doesn't exist.
Sweet Luna, what has happened? In a little over 6 hours, 37 comments?!?
I just do not know what to say.
So now I will attempt to reply to most of them. Here we go.
1556019 Oh, Luna, is this really what can happen when people come out? *gulp* As for the Dash part, I have a mini-speech about that I will put at the end of this comment. And yes, I agree. Her death was beautiful in an odd way.
1556054 Comments usually contain spoilers. There is nothing anyone can do about that other than suggest you read the story first next time.
1556057 Thank you for the feedback. I am aware that I may not have gotten the characters' personalities down pat, particularly Rainbow's. Again, please see my mini-speech at the bottom of this comment. As for your issue with the double-space (or lack thereof) I must suggest that we agree to disagree. Personally, I dislike it when there are many double-spaces. I find that I spend too much time scrolling the page. However, that may be just me. You are fully entitled to your own opinion. Every piece of feedback I get helps improve my abilities as a writer, so I thank you again for your comment.
1556090 Thank you.
1556107 Thank you for your honesty. To be truthful myself, I have mixed feelings about this too.
1556110 8/10, you say? 80%, I get a B!
1556208 Yes, they are a bit out of character. Pinkie I have no excuse for; but if you wish to see my reasoning behind RD"s betrayal, see my mini-speech at the bottom.
1556217 If you see any errors, even if you are not sure about them, please feel free to point them out. I'm not much older than you, so I fully admit that I might have made mistakes. On top of that, none of my friends watch the show, so my only editor is Word.
1556348 I'm a closet brony too! Or a Pegasister. Whatever the female version is. Anyway, you shouldn't be afraid to tell you friends. If they are truly your friends, they will accept you no matter what. If not, they were never really you friends. Now if only I could take my own advice. Sigh.
1556499 Is that a song? I think I might have heard of it...
1556608 Yup, helplessness is one thing I cannot stand. It is a horrible, consuming thing. As for Dash, I direct you to the bottom of the comment.
1556656 You, my friend, are skilled.
1556695 Yes, this is a cruel tale. That was kinda the point. It is cruel; it is wrong; it is life.
1556700 Please do not use that offensive word around me. Although I thank you for the defense you have given me, I simply will not tolerate discrimination.
1556867 I agree. There are only a few words I will not tolerate. N***** is one of them.
1557012 Thanks for the feedback. I am swear that they are rather out of character. However, I have reason for RD. Please see my rant at the bottom of this comment.
1557091 Why, yes. Yes I did. Now, I gather from this picture that you are less than pleased by my story. Would you be so kind as to explain more so I can tell you why I wrote what I did?
1557124 I am aware that I failed to keep them all in character. If you feel that Dash was especial not in character, please see my rant at the bottom.
1557228 Wow. That was really wonderful. Thank you for the advice and the review. And fear not, I am always careful about who I tell what. I have no plans to give my heart or body to anyone in the future, near or far. I am perfectly content to watch from afar, in a non-stalker-ish way.
1557233 You two are getting a little bit off topic. I cannot force you to leave, but I can ask you move this conversation elsewhere.
1557248 You two are getting a little bit off topic. I cannot force you to leave, but I can ask you move this conversation elsewhere.
1557678 Thank you for the complement. Although I am inclined to disagree with the adding of a "dark" tag. I read the section on tags in the FAQ's and I feel that the story does not fit.
1557785 Yeah, it is rather out of character. If you wish to see my reasoning behind RD being like that, please read my rant at the bottom.
1557876 Thank you for the feedback. Yes, I did make them abnormal in relation to how we normally perceive them. If you would like an explanation on why I made RD so very unusual, see below.
There done! Now for my mini-speech/rant/explanation.
*hem hem*
Well, hello there! Did you come because you are one of the many people I told to come here, or did you happen upon this and decide to read it to see just why I did what I did? Well, either was it matters not. So here it is, my reasoning behind it all. In three versions, so that those of you who have short attention spans do not have to listen to/read my whole rant.
Why I made Rainbow Dash so against Fluttershy.
Short version: Because I can.
Slightly-longer-but-still-short version: Because she is the Element of Loyalty.
Long version: First of all, did I confuse you with my second reason? If not, please get out of my head, you mind-reader.
OK, moving on. I can hear you sitting there. I hear you saying something along the lines of this:
"If she is the Element of Loyalty, shouldn't thank mean that she is the most accepting? Shouldn't that make it so she would defend Fluttershy against the others?"
Well, in a normal situation, yes. This, however, is not a normal situation. If you read my first comment, you would see that this is based on fears that I have. Now, as any of you that have ever had a bad fear would know, fear is not a rational thing. Many fears are based on things that can never happen, or have such a slim chance of happening that being afraid is a foolish thing. Fear makes people do things that they would never do normally.
Dash's reaction was based on two fears; her own fear of a "fillyfooler," as Fluttershy is in the tale, and my fear of what even the most loyal of my own real-life friends would say or do if/when I tell them.
So, it was because that she is the Element of Loyalty that I made Dash the most cruel. Because, in reality, even the most loyal of friends might turn on you if they learn all of your secretes. Friendship is a fickle fiend and fake loyalty is only one of its many traps.
OK, that is all. Please feel free to tell me what you think. Or don't. Again, I only wrote this fic for me and therefore do not really care if any of you hate it.
1558631
you add the Alt. Uni. tag.
He's gone so that conversation is over.
Sorry about the language but when I get mad, I go off. I'm worse than Fluttershy when I get mad.
And I really shouldn't point out your flaws when I am more flawed myself.
And
NOW ALL OF YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITIES BEING OFF!
1558658
Lol. Dude, chill. I don't mind, really. All comments help make me a better writer in one way or another.
I like to think of it this way: If I never got a bad comment, then it would mean so much less when I got a good comment, like the ones you give me.
Now, please. If you found any mistakes, please point them out. I cannot get better unless I know where I need to improve. If you are afraid of offending me, please know I will only be upset if you hold back helpful information.
Now, if you do not mind, I have a few stories to read, starting with Nightmare Night Story.
1558699
I'm going to edit it myself. I'll do my best to keep it the same but will have to change some words. I'll correct what I believe are spelling errors. I'll double space paragraphs. And just to let you know, thoughts should always be done in italics. I'll edit and PM you the finished product.
1558716
Right! Italics! I knew I forgot something!
1558658
I don't think "when I get mad, I go off" is a valid excuse on the internet. Sure, in real life, people tend to just blurt things out in the heat of the moment, but there really is no such thing as blurting things out when you're typing. You always have that second to reconsider before you hit "add comment" and you can always go back and edit/delete things.
I don't know if you think you seem tough or cool or whatever when you toss around words like "nigga" or casually mention rape, but really? Your immaturity is showing.
1558726
Don't worry. I only know because I'm a book worm...like Twilight. -_- I'm a nerd. Twilight: Humanized and sex changed. I'll do my best, I promise that I won't screw it up!
1558741
Lol, I know I'm immature. How can a 14 year old be mature? I might be a book worm, but I'm anything but mature. oh, and RAPE. Why? Because I'm immature.
1558756
A fourteen year old can indeed be mature. I have the feeling you're just trying to stir up trouble because you can. Age is not an excuse for poor behavior; by fourteen, you should know basic manners.
1558783
Yes, I should, but I don't. Know why? Of course not. So shut up and stop acting like you know what's going on because you have no idea.
1558783
1558792
OK you two. I'm stopping this fight before it gets anywhere.
Cranberry, boys are dumb and immature. Especially young ones. I appreciate that you are trying too keep the comment section clean, but I can do that. Please ignore the immaturity of others, for your own sake. You will be driven crazy otherwise.
The_Brony_Duelist, stop trolling. We already know you are immature, there is no reason to make a show about it. You should be more respectful to those older than you.
Thank you.
1558792
Hey, don't get all huffy at me because I called you out on your disgusting behavior. I'm sure you'll look back on it with regret someday, but today is clearly not that day. In any case, I said what I wanted to say and I'm done with this now.
1558818
If you knew why I do what I do, you wouldn't say that. But I understand what you mean. And another thing, she started it! I wouldn't have done that if she hadn't said anything! I'm not responding to any more comments until the edit is done so...that.
1558631
Well, with the alt-universe tag on, my objections are lowered slightly.
But let's see if I understood... Dash is Fluttershy's main antagonist (being the element of Loyalty notwithstanding), because in real life, there is no such thing as true loyalty?
Ouch... coughtruethoughitmaybecough but in real life there are no pegasi, either.
I suppose my issue was that you took already-developed characters, with personalities, and modified them so they could express your personal issues. Nothing wrong with that, per se--I found that I have expressed myself better through ponies than other methods--but the story just... for lack of a better term, it tasted wrong to me. It felt off and skewed (almost tainted?) and while the story was not bad enough for a thumbs down, I just didn't care for it much.
And I must give you major props for being so civil about all this.
I've never met anybody who would be that way about someone dying. Usually they want to help people who they feel are doing the wrong thing, not see them dead. There may be some people who would be that mean but I think even the vast majority of people who are against gay marriage would be disgusted by the callous nature of the characters in this story. I'm very conservative but when some of my friends told me they were bisexual or homosexual I didn't reject them. I don't have to agree with them acting on it but that doesn't make me hate them as a person and I can still agree with them on other things. I'm not ashamed to hang out with them or anything like that. Two people are never going to agree on everything. Think how different for example that Rainbow Dash and Rarity are from one another, and yet they are still close friends.
I think you managed to hit the spot here. In two ways.
First, at least you managed to emotionally touch my mind. This was good.
And secondly, you managed to gather a good load of audience! I mean, in such a short amount of time, you have managed to beat The Fall with the official view-count.
1548450
"What I am is a girl"
"a girl"
And I have been sitting here, referring to you as a sir. Sorry about that. I should never assume anything...
I congratulate you and look forward to your upcoming works.
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