A year after Pipsqueak loses his brother in an accident, he is now living in Ponyville and approached by the CMC to join their Camping Crusade for cutie marks. Despite his apprehensions, he joins them, while the memories he and his brother shared plague him. Can Pipsqueak get over the pain and have fun with his new friends? And when danger approaches, will he have the strength to get himself and the CMC to safety?
Recorded reading by Aramande here! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIF0cVOvS_o&feature=youtu.be)
A/N: The huge inspiration for me writing a Pipsqueak story came from reading Pipsqueak the Valiant (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/4532/Pipsqueak-the-Valiant). If you did enjoy this story, jump on over to the link and give it a read. A must read for all Pip fans!
Last note: I understand that in DawnFade's story 'Eternity,' there is a character named Patch. As much as I enjoyed that story, the Patch in this fic is not a direct reference to his story. I actually had this story up before his, but due to my extensive editing, it shows that this story came after his. Also, his Patch is not a reference to my Patch, this was just a case of freaky coincidence. Do read his story too, (www.fimfiction.net/story/6295/Eternity) it's another great Pip story that you are sure to love!
My name is Unicron and I approve of this
*eats*
Not bad, not bad at all.
Beautiful, glad to see Pipsqueak's getting more love
I second Dayland's motion! Awesome; tracked!
108633
And five stars of course.. Eh heh...
yes i agree very well written!!!!! so beautiful i almost cried!!! thats how good it is
fluttercry:
This is a good start and I really want to see it do well. You really get the idea down that the adults know he needs to talk about the incident to get over it, but the youngster doesn't understand it yet.
However, I have one minor concern. I worry that Pipsqueak is going to come off as too sad. I know that's because he's being thrown into situations that remind him of what happened, but I feel like if he doesn't show a brief smile or something soon, the story's gonna go into "Batman Meme" mode. You know the one.
I don't really rate stories until they're mostly done, but right now, this is definitely in the 4.5-5 star range. Keep it up.
Awww, poor Pip. *Hugs*
I've been in Pip's hooves. It sucks royal.
Good Chapter. So this takes place after Lesson Zero but before Nightmare Night Correct?
111531 Indeed. The idea popped in my head midway through typing this chapter out.
109725 Glad you're enjoying it so far! I'm trying my best not to keep Pip in a total depression. I'm midway through chapter 3 already so I'll definitely keep that in mind while I'm working.
Track+5 Stars.
This story is too legit to quit.
Sorry, but this is just jumping out at me.
“Maybe I should do as that dragon that was holed up in that mountain!” Scootaloo proposed. The do should be go. I don't know why, but it just really stuck out to me.
Other then that, great chapter.
112964 I missed that during my proofread. I went ahead and made the correction. Thanks for pointing that out!
Never a problem good sir!
Moaaaaarrrrrrrrr!
aww, poor Pipsqueak, almost had a manly tear fall for him
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This is a fantastic story definitely tracking now
Confound these emotional pony tales. They drive me to cry manly tears T_T
I'm one of the writers from Pipsqueak the Valiant, and I'd just like to say your story is inspiring ME to write some more fanfics, keep up the good work bro, I'm really enjoying this story
. That being said.... MOAR NAO
!
Ah, my old nemesis... Cliffhangers...
Excellent work friend, looking forward to the next chapter
Manly tears were shed at Pip's flashback
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I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you were so close! You could've ended it there and it would have been a perfect story. The emotional punch was excellent, you got me into Pip's story, it was believable, well-written, in character, you resolved the conflicts perfectly!
And then the wolves showed up out of nowhere. I'm not gonna call it a complete shark-jumping moment here, I don't know how you're going to handle and resolve it, and it could be great. The way the rest of this story is, I would be shocked if you didn't pull it off. But from a pure storytelling perspective, you didn't need to bring the wolves into the picture. You had a conflict, a resolution, a conclusion, you had it. I'm curious to see what happens now, but to me, it's not needed. You had a great emotional drama, and now we have an unneeded action sequence. It's a complete 180 in tone, and it doesn't work for me.
Again, I don't want you to feel insulted. This has been a great story so far, and I've loved it. Just take it as a bit of constructive criticism for the next time you write a story. Sometimes, when you think it doesn't feel "epic" enough, that's kind of a trap. Not all stories need to have an epic action moment, and to me, this is one of those.
PipBloom shipping? *Checks tags again.* Dang'it!
120857 I know you mean no kind of insult at all. I do appreciate you keeping up with the story thus far, as well as the constructive criticism. It is something that I will keep in mind in the future rather than go forth all barrels blazing or M.Night Shyamalanin' it. This is my first published story in a good 6,7 years, and before that I was doing all action stories (fights, blood, swearing, all that rot). This is the first primarily emotional fic I've ever written, but it seems to be a huge step forward than how I normally had written in the past.
I have had this fic planned out from start to finish before I even started writing it, and I do intend to finish it as I had thought it out. Hopefully, the conclusion will clear up any disappointment I had caused you, but rest assured your advice will be kept in mind for the future. Again, thank you for your praise and the advice!
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I actually shed tears at patches death
... Why Patch, why?
And for the record: CURSE YOU CLIFFHANGER
!
manly tears were shed, an excellent chapter
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I'm also annoyed that despite me clicking 5 stars, that it somehow drops from 4.8 to 4.7... dumb math. You got 5 from me even if the website says otherwise
So much dawwww.
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even "MAN TEARS" cannot describe how good this fic is. I applaud you sir/madam
Wonderful story, really well written and executed.
Excuse me for a second...
Thank you for this chapter I really mean that. I was in somewhat of a quitter's slump earlier, and then I read this. This completely 180ed all of that pessimism and now I just want to create. Thanks for this.
Sorry, it just popped out at me but “Ah’m really glad ya’ll can make it, Pipsqueak.” Apple Bloom said as she walked over to him.The apostrophe should be before the a (Y'all) not after it (ya'll) and it should be you anyway. (Y'all is you all so thus isn't used for one person)
Other than that I'm realllly enjoying it!
133481 You'll see it quite a bit then I'm afraid... I tried to catch the Apple Family dialect into this fic, and up until now I never used the words "ya'll" or "y'all" in any form of writing. I'll be brushing up on other fics before I start the next one to get a better idea of how it should be typed in situations like this. Glad you're enjoying it! Thanks for the comment!
That was a beautiful story. You really expanded on Pip's back story and family, which was amazing to read. The whole tale was tragic, sweet, and wonderful to read. I'm still amazed as I type this. Seriously, 4/5 stars - 5/5 if you go back and fix some of the problems. This has honestly been the closest to tears a story has brought me too in a long time. Just incredible. I'll look forward to seeing this on EQD.
137572 I am in the process of getting this on EQD and had a pre-reader help me out with some suggestions of how to correct my work. I just finished fixing up the story a bit so hopefully it won't be long until it'll be on their website!
This is the most I have cried in years... Not lying... And I can't tell if it is from sadness or happiness or the bittersweet taste of bittersweetness...
I don't know why and I don't know how, but someone fics just don't seem to get man tears out of me, though this one came close.
No, I'm not lying. Stop looking at me like that
xD j/k
You did a really awesome job here. I hope you keep writing, you've got talent!
Manly tears.
They have been shed.
That was stupendous.
So far it's a winner ^.=.^
I didn't cry during My Little Dashie. I cried during this. Congrats.
That was pretty awesome internal angst and coming of age right there. Bravo.
That said... I kinda feel like the "ghost/memory of Patch" was overplayed. Less is often more, and I think one or two key moments where the ghost helped would have been a more powerful story - because Pip could look back later and realize he'd done something amazing, just like Patch knew he could. As it stands, his overreliance on the ghost makes the coming of age diluted.
But overall...
Well dayumn!
I know I cried when he was telling Apple Bloom about when they found out about Patch. Ah, the heroic sacrifice. Nothing more noble, and nothing more heart-wrenching. Beautiful piece.
It's well-written and all, but Pipsqueak being totally unrecognizable from the character on the show kills it for me.