Well, let's see how this one develops.

I'll read this later.

A notice a lack of periods in places, and missing capitalisation on some words.

I have to admit, though, that doesn't really matter. Where are you taking this, though, hmm?

Hmm, it looks like you could use a proofer or editor to help a bit with narrative formalities. There isn't much drescriptive naration in some scenes that could probably use a little bit more. Some transitions are very sudden and ponies or things seem to "appear out of now here."

Other then that, the premise seems very promising, and it makes for an interesting read.

I hope there comes more

"...and a month ago when you accused Tempo of not being herself..."

himself, maybe?

Wow, really well written, must admit I like this story so far, good first chapter.

Good job.

Really enjoyed the characterizations and, well a lot of fun to read.

Oh god...this is so TRACKED

Off to a great start story wise and the quality was far better than I had anticipated. I'm not sure where you plan to go with this since it has the adventure tag, (which I usually skip) but despite this uncertainty you have my thumb, star, and rapt attention!

this

MORE?! please? and soon. this is good  

Insta-tracked!

Also, in case is two words, and overreacted is only one.

“And I almost let him rip you from your friends!”

I thought Eris was a girl.

Not when you saved Ponyville from being warped, and a month ago when you accused Tempo of not being herself, I walked away from you.

That end...I demand MOAR!

MOAR, MOAR I SAY

More!  Curiosity demands it!

Yes. Just... Yes.

Also, if you'd like a proofreader..... : )

Eris...

I think I know where that's from.

Nice story, now give more of it.

Btw a thing i noticed in the story was that Dusk always called the Prince by his name while Twilight always says Princess or Princess Celestia.

Was this intentional?

>>15435981543598

The relationship is not going to be completely the same. The relationship here is between two stallions, not two mares.

I also think it flows better

>>15432051543205

Haha I was about to squeeze this into the description too

first off, I'll have to say I love the premise. Lots of questions to be answered, decent intro, and it's cohesive.

BUT, to a grammar Nazi (I am borderline) some of the punctuation mistakes and typos just break the flow of the story.

Sorry if I sound whiny, but that's just me. PEACE!

>>15437491543749

I'm sorry

I am going to let a pre-reader and editors go through further chapters.

Oh, this could be interesting.

Artemis: Greek goddes of the moon

.....ICWYDT

Wait, in one paragraph, it's Bubble Berry, then one line later, it's Berry Bubble. Which one is it?

>>15439751543975

I fixed it. It is Bubble Berry

>>15439951543995

Maybe you know (or maybe I should ask Trotsworth, he's the guy who's often credited with creating the male Elements of Harmony, especially their names), but what's Bubble Berry's full name?  (Pinkamena Diane Pie is naturally shortened to Pinkie Pie; does Bubble Berry's name follow approximately the same pattern?)

*One reading later*

Oh my~. This is gonna be good.

This sounds an awful lot like On a Cross and Arrow.

Cool!

Cool!>>15442241544224

Of course it does! That's rule 63 for you!

>>15442361544236

Image: http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20071230221913/en.futurama/images/5/5a/212.jpg

>>15437711543771 If you're looking for pre-readers, I would be more than willing to help.  I'm a bit picky sometimes, and it really does look like someone needs to pick at it a little bit.  For instance, your last sentence in your story description is:

This is a story about how my life flipped upside.

Besides that, I can say you've left a lot of paths open for this story.  What will Celestia's reaction be?  How will Dusk react?  Just what will happen to him?  Will he meet Twilight?  Is this in the same storyline as in "On a Cross and Arrow"?  Did anyone else get sent along with Dusk?  The opportunities are almost endless here, so I will read on (and possibly pre-read, if you're willing to have me).  Good luck, and may we meet again soon!

Just incase anyone cared Atremis, in greek mythology, is actually female...just thought I'd point that out, not that it really matters.

>>15442241544224

That story is my inspiration, but just because it is rule 63 doesn't mean I'm trying to copy him

>>15441731544173

Bubblini Davinci Berry  

You misspelled "Shining" at the part where Celestia inadvertently calls Dusk Shine in. Other than that, great start!

I am looking forward to more of this!

An editor, some attention from a grammar Nazi, and this story will be very interesting.

For some reason I am a sucker for Rule 63'd Equestria.

>>15432051543205 Read description, 1st thought was that.

Life + flipped+upside down = Bel-Air, simple as.

Hmm... this looks like it's going to be very good, Dusk seems well developed and thought out.

Have a fave

Oh, another Rule 63 story. I'm usually all sold on stories of this kind, so like and tracking are in order.

This is going to be awesome... I hope

- i can see it now, the rest of the mane 6 possibly fawning over Dusk,

OR

dusk meets his alternate self, Twilight Sparkel dun Dun DUUUUUN

Not a bad start.

...I made so many random sounds when I reached the end of this chapter. I'm hoping the new chapter is coming soon. Sooooooon.

“This is too much to take.” It really was.

“Heh, you’re telling me.”

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/f/2509/

I realized that I should have been looking where I was going when I my horn bumped into something solid

That line needs to be fixed... dank yous!

Also I have to say that I enjoyed most of it. However, the sister/brother chat was a little awkward. I know that's probably what it was suppose to feel like (seeing as how it's an awkward moment) but I think some insight into Dusk's mental thoughts/state would be a good thing to do right there... anyways... I'll be watching this story...

A new fanfic with Rule 63 characters? Great, it has been a long time since the last.

...go on.

READ IT WHEN IT HAD 1000 WORDS

GOML

Unfortunately, there were quite a few mistakes here and there. For example, capitalization.

It is debatable whether or not one should capitalize titles like President or King when referring to a certain President or King of a country, however, it is much more common to do so. Using "president" or "king" is usually meant for a general usage, like "A king sits on a royal throne.", so, since we're just referring to a very specific prince (Prince Solaris, in this case)...

It doesn't make it wrong, per say, but it does leave me a bit iffy.

Although, something that isn't debatable is the capitalization of places, like Ponyville or Canterlot. Even longer ones, like the Canterlot Castle, Sugarcube Corner or the Everfree Forest.

Also, apostrophes.

I looked out over the chariots edge.

Should be:

I looked out over the chariot's edge.

After all, the edge belongs, in a way, to the chariot. It is part of it. There are a few exceptions, like the "it's/its" difference. "Its" referring to something belonging to it and "it's" being the abbreviated form of "it is".

A yawn forced it’s way out and I chuckled out loud to no one.

A yawn forced it is way out and I chuckled out loud to no one.

Another is the "lets/let's".

“Lets go for a walk.”

Should be:

“Let's go for a walk.”

Commas.

You haven't failed me prince.

You haven’t failed me, Prince.

“It’s good to see you too Solaris.”

“It’s good to see you too, Solaris.”

All in all, awesome idea (we really need more stories like this), characters that feel alive (as odd as that may sound), but an execution that leaves a lot to be desired. Nothing that can't be fixed, of course, with the help of a pre-reader or two.

Really though, please get a pre-reader.

Please.

In the words of whoever started this meme: Dis Gon Be Good.

>>15445541544554

Thank you, and I will.

posts like these make me sad though because I realize how stupid I can be.

The input is very much welcomed though

>>15445671544567

Constructive criticism makes you sad?

...Well, would you have preferred me to pat you on the back and say "Good job~!"?

"The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn't.".

>>15445801544580

No, I'm sorry. Don't get me wrong, the criticism is welcomed. It makes me sad at myself for being so stupid to miss it in the first place

Why is Luna's opposite Artemis, the Greek Goddess of the hunt and wilderness? I know this is nitpicking a little, but still seems like an alternate name for Luna instead of a gender swap version.

>>15445881544588

Oh, don't beat yourself up for that. We all do these kind of things.

>>15446041544604

I think the name fits nicely.

Artemis isn't exactly a gender biased name

>>15446041544604

"Prince Artemis" is the fandom-given name for R63's version of Luna. Wasn't the author's choice, I'm afraid.

It's probably "Artemis" because "Luno" would have sounded incredibly unoriginal.

>>15446261544626

Yeah to be honest, I didn't make most/any of these names up myself. I got them either from the fandom or from On a Cross and Arrow

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Before I even read, I wanna say HURRAY!!  This looks like FUNN~!!!

this is to weird not to fav lol

>>15447181544718

Thanks?

O I've been waiting for someone to write a story like this

Ah'm just here for the plot.  :)

I can feel it. Impending chaos. Glorious chaos.

>>15432051543205

Thank you.

This is the first thing I thought after I read the description

You realize Artemis is a Greek goddess, right?

Great story. I eagerly await more.

Image: http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/248/8/e/fluttershy_wants_moar_by_alexgoestrollandlol-d5dqge6.png

>>15449171544917

Refer to earlier made comments

Finally a Dusk fic gets featured, and it's fucking first person? Are you fucking kidding me?

>>15449201544920 Oh that makes sense. But Artemis is not very fitting for a prince of the night.

Nice job, let the insanity begin.

>>15449231544923

sorry?

>>15432051543205

My first thought upon reading the description

Also, the reason I am going to read this fic.

>>15432051543205

I immediately thought of this, as well.

Until I got to the end, I thought this was going in a completely different direction.

Can't wait for more!

This was quite good.

MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twilight remains in this world right?

cool, I'll be watching

>>15442811544281

except your using the same names he is using in a very similar setting to the story. so yanno what contact the writer let him give a brief once over of your story and let him say ok this is different enough that i'm not gonna report you for copying my fucking hard work.

you don't even acknowledge On a cross and arrow in your description (i got my inspiration from this i am doing a spin off of this ) get permission before copying from other people.. down voted. possibly a report if i don't see some credits.

>>15449231544923 apparently not the same dusk just using names which he has no permission for.

Oh, this gonna be goooooood!!!

First thing i wonder if how did he end there up in his sleep? I bet it´s Eris fault.

Two things though:

I found it a bit to dramatic to say Dusk would have lost all his friends due wrongly accusing that Prince Tempo (which we all knew was correct) cause i really doubt Spines, Solaris or Dusk friends would have stopped caring, loving and enjoy spening time with him just cause of one mistake (as embarressing and wrong it was for them back then before knowing that their crazy purple Unicorn friend had been right).

Second:

Why is that i d'aaawww each time Celestia/Luna and Twi nuzzle each other but when Solaris/Artemis and Dusk does so my first thought is gaaaaay followed by "why did i just thought that instead of d'aaaww"?

I dunno maybe cause it doesnt seem very ya know, manly or it does seem very feminie, mostly cause we mostly see that happening between females in the show and hardly/never between males. I would expect a hoofbump between Artemis and Dusk instead of a sweet nuzzling or something different like a short strong hug or a wing draped shortly over his back etc.

Can´t wait to see Celestia´s reaction to a male Twilight Sparkle.

I´m sure she won´t hate it tough.

Same for Luna.

And ofc the rest of the Mane 6.

And then there´s Twilight Sparkle who will meet Dusk Shine, that meeting gonna be the eggheadest meeting of all time.

Oh my...

I'm liking it so far.

Fave and a thumbs up to you!

Can't wait for more.

LOL, I LOVE IT!!!! alternate universe  

Twilight Sparkle-Dusk Shine

Princess Celestia-Prince Solaris

Princess Luna- Prince Artemis

Spines-Spike

Rainbow Dash-Rainbow Blitz

DISCORD is still DISCORD! Need anypony say more? Well I should say Eris is Discord now that I have gone back over it but STILL........ DISCORD is still DISCORD! no matter the universe.

Liked, Favourited and followed so when can we expect chap two?

now to a very important question (or several) DID Twilight and Dusk switch places or did Dusk just hop over and now there is both a male and female Twilight Sparkle

IF they switched was Twilight at Canterlot thus right in the same wonderful experiance that Dusk is going through or is Spike well Spines going to warm her rump?

>>15445881544588

Well, if you like criticism...

You consequently forget commas before addressing someone. It's 'Hello, Solaris,' not 'Hello Solaris.'

You also seem to occasionally use a present tense instead of a past tense, even though the overall tense is past.

Also, you seem to have a bit of an apostrophe problem. You see, an apostrophe is never used with genitive pronouns or plurals. However, you always have to use an apostrophe in possessive constructions, and when you leave something out. For example; ''tis' is written like it is, because 'tis a contraction of 'it' and 'is,' with 'it''s 'i' left out. See what I did there?

Mmhmm~!

One, or both?

favorited and liked from just the description.

Many of the names seem weird, and many of them seem overly forced.

Genderbender Genderbent? What is this witchcraft?

Thumb and star. This looks interesting, I await future updates, but in the meantime I took the liberty of noting a few things that you might consider changing.

It has been almost a month since the incident and can likely cause for any post traumatic stress

This sentence is off, if I had to guess I would say you meant to change if from one thing to another and got distracted halfway through the change. As a psychologist in training I know what you are going for with PTSD, but mentioning it that way sounds odd and it breaks the flow of the sentence. Also....

You have NEVER proved me wrong Dusk Shine,

I know what you are trying to say, but wording it this way makes it sound like Dusk has never proven Solaris wrong, not that Dusk has never failed Solaris. I would just replace Proved with Failed, and take out wrong; and them maybe change Solarises "I ignored you" to I failed you. That would fix the problem and get a little rhetorical repetition going on. But its your call.

All in all I like the story and can't wait to see where this goes.

I like where this story is going.

Looking to the future fir this, but you probably should have run it through an editor first, you put some mess ups in there, a taken-out space, random quotation marks instead of a comma, that sort of thing. You best be careful. But I must say.. Either the unofficial male pony names for the main six are all of these names, or you are a CERTAIN author on FanFiction.net too... Does the name On a Cross and Arrow ring any bells? Whatever, I think  the names for Luna's male form seem a bit forced. Nightterror? Really? If I made the name it'd be Necro Nebula instead. I don't really care either way, you got a star and a thumbs up, so I wouldn't worry much.

Owate, i just did a research. On a Cross and Arrow is a fanfic here too. NEVERMIND!

Faved, thumbed etc etc, you know the drill.

Anyway! Congrats on getting featured, you deserve it. This looks like a very promising, well written story with plenty of potential; I'm looking forward to seeing how this pans out.

Well done!

>>15452671545267

Oh, pull out the stick. Dusk Shine and gang are generally accepted names and widely used in what limited R63 fics that exist.

As far as "oh st I ended up in R63 universe!" goes, yes, this is similar to On a Cross and Arrow. However, even the lack of the rest of his friends is a big enough difference to point this fic in a HUGELY different direction. Walking straight up to Celestia also means Dusk can't even attempt what Twilight did in OaCaA (hiding from the citizens of Ponyville until her magic was recharged enough to return home). With the given description and only a single chapter it's almost impossible to determine what direction the author intends to go with this, but it's also almost impossible at this point for the fic to become a clone of OaCaA.

Hmmm... nah.

Sounds interesting.