The elements of harmony did not posses emotions, despite what many thought. They were simply a weapon to be used against evil and disharmony, they were black and white when it came to their use. They cared not for what lead one to evil or why. When used they reflected the users desire and were open to interpretation to what the users wished for them to do. In her desire to destroy the evil that corrupted her sister. Celestia did not realize the elements would interpret it as a desire to kill!
Thanks to everyone that looked over the story. You guys rock.
Chapters (1)
You killed her, Celestia. You killed your only sister.
And the final reality from the time spell has been realised.
Beautifully well done.
7770743 Meh... you can always have another.
Is it wrong that I now want a story where an unlikely human ends up in Equestria and is then made into a consort-slave to this tyrant celestia?
And really? 2 People gave me thumb downs just for thinking of an idea? Seems like people don't like thinkers here.
Hmmmm.
Why is it only a one shot?
It would have so much more potential as a story with a few more chapters. Or a sequel that plays somewhere in the future.
Anyways, great story nonetheless.
Hmm wouldn't the "Alternate Universe" tag fit this as well its an alternate universe where Celestia killed Luna instead of banishing her?
Nice short story regardless. Would be nice to see more, maybe Celestia learning dark magic to bring Luna back to tie it in to the main universe? (considering we learned that she can do dark magic
)
The End.
This is sad but interesting short story. I do believe it would have been great if you had continued and made it a full story if you had the the time.
>>Distorted Flair
Hey, I don't know if feedback meant some proofreading, but here are my recommendations.
I LOVE the story though. Very well written and amazing concept.
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"..she was secure as silently, I prayed to..."
I think nopony is spelled like nobody.
Maybe seperate the last sentence into two sentences. Feels long, but personal preference.
Somepony is like somebody, I think.
"...Equestria night, yet still ponies..."
"Surely with their assistance, I could have..."
"Delicately, I carried..."
"Countless times, my sister and I..."
"...limb to repel diamond dog raiding..."
" "They did not deserve to her" I am not sure what you mean by this.
"...passing moment, my anger grew..."
"...mentally fumed. 'Had we not..."
"...put others before myself? Why had the..."
"What reasoning could the gods have..."
"...in the end driven my sister into becoming the nightmare."
"...tug of my horn, I mananged to wrestle control..."
"...within the Everfree, allowing the moon's rays..."
"The deed finished, I looked down..."
"In that moment, everything was unleashed..."
"Fire coated my body, snuffing out..."
You said "beneath me" twice. "beneath me the grass withered beneath me"
"I screamed, the sound shaking..."
Capitalize "They made me do it."
"As my world was shattered, so shall theirs burn!"
What makes a tyrant? Just one bad day.
People make tyrants.