Raining Embers

QuickFix

QuickFix #1 · Oct 25th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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I'm hesitant to read this because of my headcannon of Spitfire, but I'll give it a shot!

Edit: I'll be keeping an eye on this for updates. I'm still skeptical but I'll play along.

chaos2012

chaos2012 #2 · Oct 25th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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Hmmm.

Khaos

Khaos #3 · Oct 25th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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I like the premise...but there are several errors in the dialogue. This could be a wonderful story if you could fix the formatting.

"Hi Spitfire, What are you doing here?" Spitfire smilied. " Hi Twilight, I just want to talk to Rainbow." Twilight pointed a hoof. "She's over in her house." Spitfire smiled again. " Thanks Twilight." She started to fly to Rainbow's house.

After a character speaks there should be a break for another character to talk. That's basically the only error I saw multiple times, but it's a pretty big one. Have a good day sir, and enjoy your moustache for a good idea

EternalShadow54

EternalShadow54 #4 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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Hmmm... Let me see.

First off, a few grammatical errors here and there, much like what Khaos had said. You should break when another character speaks.

Nothing too major really. I didn't see any misspelled words, but I am a bit testy on one matter. I was always taught the general rule of never starting a sentence with "and" or "but". My suggestion would to be to just place a comma before the word and continue it on, possibly structure it a tad differently so it doesn't look like a comma splice. (Where a comma IS inserted rather than a period, trying to create one sentence where two should be.)

Now on the concept of the story, I like it so far. Not completely sure how Xias looks though. Maybe a bit more description perhaps? And describe all the characters like if the reader had never watched the show in their life. It seems unnessicary, yes, but a reader MIGHT NOT have ever seen the show, but just likes fictions. Ya never know.

As far as a rating, I'd give this a 5.5/10, but MY standards on stories is like....... WAY up there. (I've never given anything a 10/10, not even My Little Dashie, which recieved a 9.5.) Keep up the good work though. Looking forward to another chapter of this.

dracoantares

dracoantares #5 · Dec 8th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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To short. Make more!

confidentPrognosticator

confidentPrognosticator #6 · Dec 8th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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1763250 Don't worry, there will be. I'm just super duper busy, so expect the next chapter after Christmas. Sorry, I promise the next chapters will come faster.

confidentPrognosticator

confidentPrognosticator #7 · May 15th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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1989658 I have tried to fix the speaking errors. If anypony could be my proofreader, be my guest.

Herp-DerpyHooves

Herp-DerpyHooves #8 · May 15th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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Nice story! Just needs more...detail. You're hopping from one place to another and it's getting confusing. But it was good.

confidentPrognosticator

confidentPrognosticator #9 · May 18th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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2582272 I'm planning on making more sense of the whole thing next chapter.

Thanks everypony for your support!

An Absent Man

An Absent Man #10 · Sep 25th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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Is this on Hiatus or something?
Cause it's such a great story idea that u should continue

confidentPrognosticator

confidentPrognosticator #11 · Oct 1st, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: The Spark ·

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3253926 Aww, thank you!
Yes, it is on hiatus. My personal life has gotten really stressed. I just got out of a bad breakup, so sorry about the long wait.