Soarin' has made a name for himself as a member of the Wonderbolts alongside his partner and team captain, Spitfire. Fame, however, comes with a price: with mares coming after him for his money, any chance of finding true love goes out the window. One day, while seeking time to be alone to lament his desire for a mate, he meets who just might be Equestria's most beautiful pony. He falls in love with her almost instantly, but there is so much more to this mare than meets the eye.
This is my first published fan-fiction so commentary and opinions are appreciated!
Warning: This story contains sensual sequences that may not be appropriate for younger readers. Use of alcohol exists but is infrequent. Strong language also exists in moderate frequency. Reader discretion is advised.
I get the distinct feeling this is ganna go good, alright, strange, bad, alright, then take a dive into O SHIT.
cant wait to see
You've got my attention, let's see where this goes.
I'm of scottish and irish ancestory and oh dear I think I know what is going on. Oh s*** is right. Would be if he human. Wonder if it applies to ponies.
A siren, eh? Well, hopefully this will all turn out for the best.
What a flirt she is. Although I do hope this is not one of those stories in which no conflict whatsoever happens between the main characters, is story is really good right now. I will sit here and wait patiently for further chapters. Good job, mate.
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You'll just have to keep up for future chapters and see!
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Oh yes it does.
Gah, there is something fishy afoot. I can only think of a faerie though, sadly I am not well versed in mythology of any sorts (Dragons are my only forte)
Also, great writing, you definitely got me hooked.
I like it
As long as it doesn't go ULTRA grim-dark it will be a great story no matter what this "mare of the lake" turns out to be.
Ok, I'm game. Let's see what you do with this
Soarin', remember when she takes you under water to drown you...
Shoo-be-doo!
Shoo-shoo-be-doo!
Well done Gordon, much better than I came in thinking it'd be. I didn't see anything the first time through, but I'll reread and see if I see any nessicary edits.
Are any of the other OCs gonna show up or will it just be Dulset?
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Danke!
And yes there will me more OCs, but not many.
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Are any of the other OCs possibly ones that I had a hand in creating? :3
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I know with 100% certainty I will be using (CENSORED) and (CENSORED). I MIGHT use your older OC, (CENSORED), but there's no guarantees. Way to early to call it.
Great job! I'm really enjoying it so far!
This is based on the lady of the lake right? If so then does that mean sorarin is merlin or arthur?
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LOL NOPE. It's actually loosely based on an RP series from Ponychan featuring Dulset as the main character.
SIREN!
Ohhhh ok
think branch met his face at high speed
^you mean thick? CHANGE IT!
-Your editor
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>scrolls down in text editor to spot where error is
>it stops at where *WHACK* is written
>won't go further because Android
>can't make change
.........
FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>realizes change can be done tomorrow on a library PC
Okay.jpg
Saw it coming, though I thought it would take longer.
And reaction to her, "O poor me! I tried to eat that guy and now he thinks I'm a monster! Woe is me!"
lmao!
Siren? No
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelpie
Makes a lot more sense then a siren really.
Wow............
that was a fast reveal
Not sure what could happen next to be honest.
Unless this story was never about Soarin in the first Place.
(AWESOME red herring plot is awesome )
Finding out more about this "Creature" could make for an interesting read.
Does she feel guilt?
Who has she Killed?
Why is She there?
What is She?
The answers to these questions and others could make for a very good read.
Lets see what happens in chapter 3 shall we
I
This story is going to be really really sad isn't it
I really like this, but I can't feel sympathy for a creature that's killed and devoured hundreds if not thousands of innocent souls. I feel bad for Soarin' all he wanted was a nice relationship and it turns out his girl is a "monster" who tried to eat him. Even if she and him get back together, there is still that aura of WTF. However, part of me wants it to work out for them. Soarin is unconscious, either she nurses him back to health and mends their relationship or chews his face off.
"I'm nothing but a monster..."- No shit, here I thought you were Mother Teresa in a clown suit. If something wanted to naw off my head and eat my eyeballs like deviled eggs, I'd be less likely to go out with it. It'd be like sticking your d*** in a blender.
Peace Out.
Now Soarin, That was uncalled for. Just because she's a siren and was trying to take you under water, drown you, and then devour you, doesn't give you the right to call her such names. Look, now you've made her sad. I hope you're happy.
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>sticking your d*** in a blender.
Last time someone did something like that, he got a Darwin Award.
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Parts of it are gonna get sad, yes.
>Thinking about his Words
FAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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Keldeo is a Pokémon. Your argument is invalid.
Attracted my attention. I will track this. As for a rating, I'll wait a couple chapters.
ME TRACK ME WANT MOAR
Just FYI for those tracking this fic, chapter three is coming, but school and writer's block is being a pain in the ass right now. Within reason, expect it within the next few days.
Sorin' wakes up at Zacora's house and doesn't see Dulcet again until the Ponyville show. Call it.
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I won't spoil too much, but Zecora will be featured in the next chapter. It's also being rewritten atm.
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Just a few days. *looks at time message was posted* Damnit. another interesting fic DIW
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I know, I know. I've been really busy as of late with school and writer's block is being a bitch. I swear I'm working as hard as I can on this fic and it will be continued. For now, ignore the "once per week" goal and assume it's done when it's done.
257653 One good way to beat writer's block is to try and not beat it.
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Backwards, but noted!
258726 That and relaxing along with watching the episodes and PMVs and reading fics.
Can't wait for the next chapter!
It's been about 60 days, I think it might be safe to call this one. Too bad, creative start.
Will be there another chapter to this story?
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But I promise you, there will be more. Expect more in a few weeks. I hoped to have more out, but it didn't work out in my favor. Again, I apologize. I'm glad to see that people are still reading this story and giving generally positive feedback. Thank you to all of you out there!
I'm really sorry guise. It's been a really busy semester and the recent health issues with family have been making life more complicated for me.
Yay! I'm glad this isn't dead. I almost took it off my favorites list but figured I'd keep it on just in case.
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I told you there would be moar!
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You'll have to forgive me for worrying a bit
.
I'm glad it's back, still one of the more unique concepts out there.
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I forgive you. Like I said, I should be the one apologizing for not having this out sooner.
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Life happens, just glad that when you climbed out of it enough that you still felt like writing this. I'll have to reread the whole thing soon. Give it a good look after many months of fiction and editing.
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I will be going over each chapter later on to make fixes along wiht JuyUnseen and Kamunami. Now to brainstorm for Chapter Four...