Yucala
Joined 19th Mar, 2012 ·
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WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/039/9/8/dat_plot_by_sanryn-d4p1i8z.png
I am liking it in my mind it is a good story I will keep an eye on this
i see disikes ppfffttt i dont see why i personally love this story so far. i look forward to another chapter with the utmost anticipation static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png
1500769
Yeah, I don't understand the dislikes. I wish I knew why. Not mad or anything, just don't understand. Well I'm glad someone likes it and i'll keep working on the second chapter. ^.^
1501322 you best hurry im running low on stories atm there all to slow to update (witch happens) or finished 0.o (witch also happens) and i look forward to your story casue dash is best pony (least i think so) so i love any story that has her in it, and well spitfire and soarin are also faves of mine ;3. and humm what will spectrum do (evil bitch) static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowhuh.png man the possibilities.
ps need story ideas proof readers editors ect. message il help however i can
1501465
*giggles* I'll try my best :P I don't really have a favorite pony per say, but my mind always turns to rainbow dash for sure. That is kind of why i made spectrum. Supposed to be somewhat of a negative RainbowDash. Anyway i'll get too it :D I'm pretty fast at writting.
1501691 i did like the spectrum idea anti-dash (evil bitch) ;3 but seriously i thought it was good and i hope your chaters continue to be roughtly the same length casue i keep finding stioris with really short chapters but good ideas and it kind of ruins the read for me. static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightangry2.png
1502848
yeah i hate it when they have like ten chapters but all of em are only thousand or so words a peice.
1503952 you know it man
1501322 My guess, the dislikes are coming purely from your writing style. For a first story, you have good plot and execution. It's simply the grammar (mainly tense) and sentence structure that's letting you down. Don't worry, you'll learn it with time.
For example...
“What's wrong hun?” Spitfire asked with her own concern.
Spitfire had known Propel wasn't one for hangovers, the lucky girl. However, she did know something was bothering her, “I didn't hear any sexual noises if that is what you are worried about?”
...would be better written as...
“What's wrong hun?” Spitfire asked, her voice flowing with concern. She knew Propel wasn't one for hangovers — the lucky girl — which meant that something was bothering her. “I didn't hear any sexual noises if that is what you are worried about.”