J-Devil
Joined 12th Jul, 2012 ·
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Kill this monstrosity. With fire.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png
1487530
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs6/3393576_o.gif
it started out really good, but i don't know how i feel about the ending...
HAHAHAHAHA I UPVOTED IT!
...
I have no life
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/619/Untitled-1.jpg
1487530 kill that oc. WITH FIRE!
Adult content?
i284.photobucket.com/albums/ll36/Bigsteve87/Gifs/DidntReadLolYellowShirt.gif
...
or at least, not right now.
I'm busy.
However,
lememe.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/1256020794436806.jpeg
1487658
Really?
someone tell me the summary, im too lazy to read oclight (wtf?)
1487805 Yeah, I have no life at all.
Arrgh! I gets the strangest feeling that this story be written by more than one person.
But it be written poorly by more than one person. Pegasus shows up, gets hit, gets healed then rapes Twilight. The end.
Neigh, this be a bad story.
will read later
One question? Why hasn't TWE showed?
One question: Who the hell added this story to EVERY SINGLE DAMN FOLDER in the Writer's Group?
1487858 who?
The grammar is atrocious, the OC is atrocious, the story is atrocious, the general idea is atrocious, the word "Atrocious" is not atrocious.
1487858 They're coming. Give them a moment.
1487865
TWE = Train Wreck Explorers. They basically collect FIMfiction's worst stories and sometimes help revise them... if they're revisable.
1487863 was not me
1487884 is it really that bad? i tried to help a friend with this. and it came out worse? i feel ashamed.
1487870 Im sorry D': tried to help a friend
i tried to be a bro 
but i failed him 
1487857 dont bother its not staying up long. im feel really bad about this
1487936 If you delete this, it makes you a pussy!
Any story that is deleted by its creator makes the creator a sad, undeserving author!
k
1487942 this story already makes me sad
1487952 LEARN FROM IT!
1487952
Almost everypony has had a bust. Don't feel bad. Just move on.
notbad.jpg
Once again.
Other than your spelling errors, this wasn't bad. I liked how fast it all escalated and the fact you made an EQ Guard a blank flank. Even more exciting was the fact she worked under Shining Armor and has a very dirty mind. I give you...an upvote!
notbad.jpg
1487952
Don't be discouraged. Don't give up. Learn from your mistakes and improve your writing.
1487978 Does this count as good OC?
dont do that, we all make mistakes, and we will have to learn from them, leave this up, and learn from it, buld on your other fics, and learn from this mistake. later you will look back on this and say, haha, that was pretty bad. but at least i learned from it. all im saying is, keep it, live with it, learn from it.
i think Raubtire know wat tho do: låt napalmen regna ned!
1488289 im sorry but WAT
1488555
You forget the changeling queen was female, so I'd assume so.
1488670 Right, and this might fit into future chapters.
I'm the author, and this story will get better.
With time.
Fair warning: Alicorn OCs will make lots of readers jump in your face. I'm not one of those, but I wanted to give you a heads up.
However, an alicorn and a blank flank? When obtaining a cutie mark is commonly stated to be an inevitable part of pony maturity? That smacks of Mary Sue.
You'll need to give a very, very good reason for why Moonshine is what she is; one that goes beyond simply making her as 'special' as possible. Even if you yourself don't think she was designed with that goal in mind, please take an honest look at the character: Her background, her feelings, and her motivations, and whether her being an alicorn or a blank flank is vitally important to the plot. If not, drop it.
Transparent horribly coloured hair, weird arse wings and a snout that makes her look like she was licking out a coal monster?
N N O O O P P P E E E !
N N N O O P P E !
N N N O O P P P E E E !
N N N O O P E
N N O O O P E E E !
1488748 shes not an alicorn shes a pegasus pony
1491563
So she is, she also has tiny horns, a see-through mane (and skin apparently) and bizarre wings. All these things are warning signs like the bright colours on a sea snake.
1491563
Even so, as NobodyPro wrote, it leaves a host of other issues unadressed. Also, currently, Moonshine's description ends with this:
"and on on top of her head it looked like...a horn. "
A horn, on top of her head. Maybe I am nitpicky, or petty, but I'd bet there's a number of other readers who'd take her written description over the title picture.
My initial point stands: Please think about why Moonshine has to be so incredibly anomalous. Is it crucial, or even important, to the plot? If it doesn't have too much of an impact, then I'd still suggest dropping it. Even Luna's bat-winged entourage didn't have horns, tiny or otherwise.
It's not what bothers me the most anyhow; that would be her being a grown up pony without a cutie mark. Even so, there might be an interesting explanation for that, but it's on top of everything else making her special. It's taxing on our suspension of disbelief, and at some point, people will simply tune out.
*sees the horrendous like:dislike ratio*
Woaaaaaaah.
Looks like your other stories came out better. maybe I'll read one of them after exams.