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Discord's Daughter

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Comments ( 4 )

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DaemoN67

DaemoN67 #1 · Jan 24th, 2013 · · ·

Well, alright so far. You'll need to touch up on the grammar a bit, but apart from that, it's fine.

Appaloosa

Appleloosa

Sagacity

Sagacity #2 · Jan 24th, 2013 · · ·

2011980
Of all the corrections that need to be made, that's the one you go for?
Start with the first sentence:

Mayhem a bad luck prone stallion dreams he is to meet someone important's daughter.

And fixed:

Mayhem, a bad-luck-prone stallion, dreams that he is to meet the daughter of someone important.

DaemoN67

DaemoN67 #3 · Jan 24th, 2013 · · ·

2012040
I already pick on grammar too much, but that's more of a 'ponyspeak' mistake, so I thought I'd help you out there, and just say that you has bad grammar.

PinkPearl