A little story of joy found in fallen autumn leaves.
Chapters (1)
Martian
Joined 8th Oct, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Martian · 2.4k words · 112 0 · 1.8k views
- smileyfacer · 5.1k words · 65 2 · 4k views
Featured In22
One-Shots18,905 stories ·2,369 members
- Cheerilee's class!574 stories ·214 members
Cutie Mark Crusaders4,485 stories ·1,745 members
Slice of Life8,152 stories ·1,460 members
Scootaloo3,262 stories ·2,569 members
Short Stories5,069 stories ·547 members
Twilight's Library6,257 stories ·4,834 members
Seattle's Angels1,255 stories ·2,656 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.129 seconds
Total duration
975 users online
141,949 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Scootalove always gets all of my upvotes.
This was a very good short read. The perfect length for me to peruse while avoiding my homework. Now, back to that essay...
Awwww, that was nice.
could make for greta fun
impress rainbow Dash
Very cute! Scootaloo deserves all the love in the world!
Short and sweet. Definite thumbs-up.
Is the Round-Up before or after the Winter Wrap-Up? (And does it really matter?)
Adorable! Your writing style bares a loose resemblance to mine. I'm going to have a lot of fun reading this given the fact I also wrote a short story about scootaloo playing in the season's weather, only mine had a rather upsetting end.
I don't want to sound annoying but:
1) Space the blasted paragraphs!
2) Break up the paragraphs into just a pawful / handful / hooful / whatever of sentences, avoiding walls of text!
3) Watch your sentence structure!
>The bright and vibrants greens that had been the forest finery had been exchanged for amber and gold and ruby some weeks ago, and now only a few of the most miserly trees still clung desperately to their treasure, losing bit by bit as the cool wind caressed them, leaving them naked to reach towards the skies with skeletal fingers, as if begging for the Spring to return again soon.
Note that you probably meant "vibrant" and not "vibrants". Also, that whole thing is just one sentence.
4) Watch your grammar!
>Scoot sat in the grass, turning to look out over Ponyville, wide eyes picking out a few tiny details far off before settling on just seeing the big picture; her home all in gold and red.
You're misusing the semi-colon there.
Those are just examples. Anyways, this doesn't seem like my thing (so I didn't upvote it), but I feel like you should really re-edit this because it would look so much better mechanically.
P.S. I didn't downvote, either, since I have a strict policy that things only deserve downvotes if there's something seriously wrong (beyond just "I didn't like it"). Don't worry there...
Nothing like a bit of Scootalove to brighten ones day.
1465063
Whoops, thanks! And glad you enjoyed it. :D
1465107
Whoops! Wrap-Up, my bad. Fixing! Glad you enjoyed it!
1465689
Hey; I'm one of those people who takes criticism WELL! I will be fixing, so thanks very much!
Excellent work, Martian. Seriously - the first phrase had me riveted to the very end. Your works are reminiscent of the finer literature I've come to love and enjoy - also Scootaloo is awesome.
Despite its length, this was a wonderfully executed story and it leaves me wanting to see more from you - how about now? Or NOW? Okay, I'll wait. It'll be worth it.
Keep up the pony words Martian! You're seriously awesome! You have to be - Dusty Sage is a good indication.
1465107 - Hey you!
1467445
Awww, you,
Ask and ye shall receive. I have a second short waiting to be approved, starring Octavia.
Love the descriptive terms.
Why haven't I star this yet?
I'm currently in the middle of the "Super-storm" Sandy-----BRING IT ON BIATCH!!
Your grammar was far better than some people on here, but there were some mistakes that may not have been fixed while reading out loud. One thing: run-on sentences. You had quite a few on your long, wondrous descriptions. You get an upvote.
You might want to get a proofreader for next time to get those little grammar mishaps fixed up. You would've definitely been featured by now.
1543442
It was my first time, I was nervous and maybe not entirely focused...
I should probably go back and give it a good scrubbing.
1543442
How about now?
1543450
Awesome!
I remember my first stories. Sometimes, I still get nervous, and I write all the time.
Seriously, Scootalove gets me every time.
This was a little too short I feel, you could have done with some more interaction.
Overal though, not bad.
1599182
Well, it was the first fic to test the water. I see what you mean and I feel I could expand quite a bit on this now, but... that would be too much like changing the story.
No, better to leave it as it rests and move onto to new ones.
1599241
Then write more! much like with the Apple siblings example there's so many heartwarming moments you could think of between Scootaloo and Dash. (though this was a good start)
awww. Sweet.
nice work!! just love every one of them!
That was short, sweet, and pretty solid. The one thing I noticed was an excessive amount of colons and semicolons. I don't think you're using them correctly
That aside, nicely done.
2434237
Without a doubt.
It was a first fic, with the problems that come with such things. I feel little need to edit it though; it shall remain, a testament to my first tip-toe into fic writing, and an archeological treasure for everyone to wonder at after I an long dead and ridiculously famous.
Great job
I could totally picture Scoots secret place...reminded me of one of mine
I love
that Dashie came by at the end to share a moment with her biggest fan
I hope to read more of your works.
Short and beautiful. I loved your descriptions, vivid and dynamic.
Sweet Celestia, is all your stuff this good?
tinyurl.com/mbho6go
I'd have trimmed some words here and there, and there are a few grammatical errors, but I envy your knack for vivid, imaginative descriptions. Plot-wise, this is more like a test run than a story, but that's okay.
3238222
Wonderful mood piece. I don't know how you can make me nostalgic for a time of year I've never particularly enjoyed, but you did.
Either you've fixed this up a bit since publishing, or you have a lot of incredible pedants filling up your comments section. You do a wonderful job building atmosphere with interesting and non-repetitive vocabulary, and so far as I saw, pretty solid grammar. I don't know if this is post Sleepless in Ponyville, or whether this kind of Scoots fic has just been assumed for a real long time now, (Probably both) but it's an excellent example of how to not get heavy handed with writing about the CMC. It reminds me a bit of Hot Chocolate, though that was a bit more, eventful.
images.wikia.com/shakeitup/images/2/2b/Why_cant_i_hold_all_these_feels.png
That was beautiful, really touching and sweet and full of feeling and nostalgia. I adored this!
Sweet heaven, it's like a Calvin & Hobbes comic written by Ray Bradbury. There's not quite as much emotional depth in here as there is in that respective series and author, but you write said emotions in a way that's far, far easier for me to relate to. Words can't possibly describe how this made me feel because you hoarded them all.
Just two fixes:
This was... rather difficult to read (in a bad way). And I have a hard time remembering what exactly happened. The problem with that, though, is that nothing really DID happen. There was a lot of filler narrative that sort of led up to... nothing.
As for the narrative itself though, this is what makes it difficult to read: a WHOLE lot of adverbs, very few verbs, and overly descriptive paragraph-length sentences. There's a point at which description is good, and a point in which it's a bit over the top and leaves nothing to the reader's imagination. Shorten your sentences, and use some verbs! Make things happen! Adverbs are, as much as I myself like to use them, boring in large quantities.
I'm afraid that's all I can say, other than the fact that you should go learn proper use of a semicolon. Props for trying, but I'm not sure I ever saw you use it right.
rating:
you committed 0 of the 7 mortal sins of writing mlp fanfiction.
This comment is brought to you courtesy of my Weekly Watch! This is my third week so I'm still working on the feature, but if you're interested in supporting me (or you just want to read the best of what I've read every week) then go ahead and join my group! I'd appreciate the tartarus out of it!
Ees cute, jaa. I like.
Loathe,
Your Antagonist
this was beautiful I can honestly picture the whole scene in my mind, I'm actually a little jealous of Scoots little piece of nature.
I rather liked that. As others have said, it does suffer a bit from excessive purpleness in the prose, but I identified with Scoots in terms of having a place, maybe nothing much to look at, that's special to you. Also, Scootalove is always good.
Your story was submitted to theGood Grammar Directory, but failed to qualify.
If you wish you can PM me for the reasons. I will edit this if the status changes