Chapter 9
Chapter 9
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"Oi! Stay awa' frea me!", this, accompanied by short choppy barks and the thud of something large falling over, resonated from the smithery.
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"Sonuvafuck! Doon dumb dug!" Big Macintosh hefted the wood chopping axe before poking his snout inside.
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The big brown Scotstallion was practically prancing about his work area, mainly circling the big pile of embers in the middle that was his smithery oven. As a Timberwolf of the smaller variant chased after him. Both lumbering four legged creatures knocked over projects off the shelves to further clutter the path. The blacksmith was taking no offensive measures whatsoever, keeping his (or at least trying to) distance away from the gnashing jaw and slicing claws.
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Big Macintosh stood there in the doorway, mouth agape and axe on the floor as he watched in shock, the stallion bigger than him run away from the smallish Timberwolf.
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The red farm stallion watched for a moment before shaking his head and yelling out, "Just hit the damn dog!" He raised a hoof as he prepared to march in and take over from Celtic Slew, before his next comment made him stop walking in general.
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"Can't! No innocents have been harmed at all!" Celtic threw this over his shoulder at Macintosh.
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Macintosh cocked his head to the side in confusion, "So? Shouldn't be stopping ya from hittin' it."
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The black smith flashed him a sheepish looking smile, "Curse, vow, dumb promise, call it what ya will. But be reminded I'm only pacifist for a limit."
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Suddenly, he stopped running and came to a full stop, letting the wolf slam into him. Celtic's ears pricked at attention and angled out the window, picking up a wounded cry from somepony.
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The Timberwolf, still stumbling from running into the rock hard Earth Pony, was picked up by it's throat and then was locked in the eyesight of a now great angry Scotstallion.
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"Somepony's been hurt, all bets are off now," said the blacksmith with a malicious grin. Fore hoof kept outstretched, holding the Timberwolf aloft, Celtic turned and slammed the Wolf's face into the glowing hot embers of the forge. The wolf howled in agony as the wood that made up it's face charred and burned.
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Smoke curled above the howling beast as the scent of burning pine wafted through the air.
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After what felt like an eternity to the Wolf, Celtic picked it back up and threw it bodily into his spare arms locker. The brown heavily built pony shrugged his shoulders after the debacle while the farm pony was appalled at that he just witnessed.
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Celtic turned to face Big Macintosh, "What? Even Pacifistic Highlanders have their limits, mine just happens to be innocents."
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The black smith reached under a counter and retracted a spade headed shovel, walking out the front door, "Come on laddie, bitches await."
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Working quickly as the sound of baying Timberwolves and the roaring of the Ursa Minor acting as great incentive, Celtic slammed the spade repeatedly into the ground with his hooves and mouth. Voraciously digging down a foot before striking something solid.
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Slew reached in and grasped a wooden box with his mouth, yanking it out, "Oh yea, baby. Ah'm back."
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He opened the wooden chest revealing many things but he only pulled out four things. A bundle of cloth that looked as if plates of metal was sewn into it, a black watch saddle bag, and two octagonal hammers set on short handles. Short being a foot and a half. The hammer heads themselves were over a foot long in length and the 'diameter' of the octagonal faces of the prism hammer was roughly six to eight inches.
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The Scotstallion unraveled the cloth and adeptly wrapped it around his waist and hind legs, revealing it to indeed be an armored kilt. He cinched the belt on and then threw the saddle bags over his barrel of a body and tightened it as objects inside it clattered around. Celtic looked at Big Macintosh, then the axe held loosely in his mouth, and then back to Macintosh.
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"Ah am not going in town while you have a weapon as unclassy as that, wait one," the big brown pony trotted back into the shop and soon trotted back out, hoping a generic double bladed battle axe swinging loosely in his mouth.
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"Here, now we can kill bitches," he said as he tossed it to Macintosh.
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The red stallion finally his voice, "Just like that? Ah walk in, and not a moment later you're set and ready to kill things."
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Now the big brown Scotstallion was confused, "What d'you mean laddie? Hot mares are in danger, and you know what hot mares like more than being saved by a sexy, albeit sweaty, Scotstallion swinging great lumps of metal around?" He hefted his dual hammers. "Really though, I have no idea what they like more than that, if you know, do share," With that, Celtic Slew began to wander off.
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"Hold on, there's a violent horde of Timberwoles, a freaking Ursa Minor and you're gonna march in there because of hot mares?" Macintosh grabbed Celtic's saddle bag to slow him down.
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Celtic Slew huffed, "Nope, that was just a joke. Ah'm a Highlander, Ah gotta save bitches."
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He said this with such serious conviction that both stallions burst out laughing after a short period of tense eye contact, "Sheesh Mac, of course it's for the hot mares!"
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"Now hold on, there IS a small army of them! What makes you so confident about just marching in!" exclaimed Big Macintosh.
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"Looooong damn back story, and we ain't got time.
All you need to know is that Ah'm a badass
Ah've trained badasses.
And that Ah was so badass Ah had to leave my home land for fear of my loved ones as nopony could touch me but could harm them."
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He turned away from the farm pony and glared at a random point in the air, saying to nothing in particular, "And Ah'm not OP, go bug the writer for the rest of the story."
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Acting as though nothing strange had just happened, he turned back to Macintosh who had an inquisitive look on his face. "Just a trick Ah learned by watching Pinkie, don't think to hard about it or you'll get a headache," said Celtic as he began to trot off.
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The red stallion shook his head and began to trot after him. "Game plan?" mumbled Macintosh around the axe handle.
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"Ah dunno, Ah'm just wingin' it, bitches like that," with that, Celtic Slew loped off towards Ponyville.
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()()()()()()
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Both stallions arrived in the center of Ponyville after their brisk trot. The red stallion had insisted to charge immediately for Twilight Sparkle's treehouse but the Scotstallion said this was more tactically savvy. Amid all the chaos and confusion however, both armed stallions went by unnoticed. Ponies ran pill mill and so did the Timberwolves. A few fires seemed to have started in various parts of the village for smoke started to spread around. Ponies yelled and screamed while Wolves growled and howled, adding together to create a cacophony of noise with the loud roar of the Ursa Minor as the bass back up.
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They exchanged worried glances as the Ursa Minor continue to rampage around, and the Timberwolves studiously ignored them to run amuck and terrorize ponies.
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"Don't hate me," was all the warning Big Macintosh got before Celtic Slew unfolded a large plaid thing out of his right saddle bag. He snapped some pipes from his left bag before holding the sagging lump of pipes and cloth up and placing a thin reed between his lips.
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The noise that spewed forth from the strange lump frankly hurt the red stud's ears. It started relatively high before dropping down an octave or so and bouncing around between notes very rapidly before stabilizing out into a swift heroic sounding tune.
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The strange noise made Big Macintosh want to do two things. Either to destroy the infuriating noise, or, the more liable of the two, to destroy every evil being currently in this village with extreme prejudice. Macintosh was pumped.
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Unfortunately, all movement around them stopped. The Timberwolves had highly tuned ears that now almost bled from the horrendous noise. A herd's worth of eyes narrowed into glares, teeth were bared and low growls emitted from the horde surrounding the two stallions.
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Macintosh was twitchy, he kept moving. Understandable as he was surrounded by Timberwolves who are all pissed at the stallion next to him. Thanks to the level of adrenaline being pumped through him, he almost launched himself into low orbit when Celtic quietly whispered in his ear, "Granted, not mah best plan..."
"But at least we got their attention."
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The farm stallion steadied himself, "What now?"
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"Hmm, you know, it's kinda a good thing we're surrounded," the Scotstallion said this as if he was a third party looking in on this from above, not as if he was about to have his throat ripped out.
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Macintosh whipped his axe near a Timberwolf that tried to edge closer and it slunk off with a growl, "And what good is that?"
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Smiling with a cheeky grin, "We're surrounded, that simplifies things!"
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"How can you be so damn cheerful! We're surrounded by more than a score of bloodthirsty wolves!"
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"Yeah, those poor bastards," Celtic Slew reached to his waist and tightened his belt. With absolutely no warning or sign, the brown power house was leaping full up into the air and pouncing for the Timberwolf closet to him with the blood curdling war cry tearing from his throat.
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"FAUGH A BALLAGH"
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Ah hail was all Big Macintosh thought before he launched himself at the mass of Timberwolves with the raging Scotstallion.
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Celtic held his dual hammers somehow in his hooves, and as he came down, his right hammer struck with all his muscular strength and the momentum of the jump, right on a Timberwolf. A direct hit where the base of the neck met the torso. Shattering the entire wolf on the spot.
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Right hammer slammed into the ground, grinding bits of wood beneath it, another Timberwolf jumped at him. His right hammer still connected to the ground, he swung a vicious back hand swing with his left, catching its jaw and blowing its head apart into small bits.
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He paused and locked his stance, now separated from Big Macintosh and muttered to himself, "Surrounded by assholes, all alone...
Oh yea, Ah'm back. If only Steel Head and Shadowflash were here." He then launched himself back into the fray.
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Macintosh at first tried to keep up with Celtic Slew, but a sea of Timberwolves quickly swallowed the space between the veteran and the greener than grass farm pony.
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Acting solely on instinct, he barreled into one before slamming the heavy axe into its crown and through the head, into the soft ground underneath.
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Low growls behind him made him jump around, he bucked in midair with his hind legs. Pain spiked up his legs and the Timberwolf attempting to pounce on him was nailed in the chest. The wood shattered and Macintosh's legs shot through into the Wolf's body cavity, getting stuck.
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With his legs stuck in the body, the Farmpony decided to try and emulate Celtic, he spat the hammer into his hooves.
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Huh, I didn't drop it, that's weird..., sure enough, the Axe was being easily held on his right hoof, as though it was magnetic.
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His eyes caught a flash out of the corner of his eye as another Timberwolf made a move, he almost acted without thinking when the axe spoke.
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Yes, the axe spoke.
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Kick and thrash legs, roll under leaping Wolf's trajectory and violent uppercut, sounding relatively reasonable, so not hesitating, Big Macintosh scissored his legs apart, cracking and destroyingr the body entrapping his legs.
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He leapt into a roll as the Timberwolf pounced, it sailed over him.
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Cutting his role short, he sprang to his feet swinging the axe from the ground up with all his might. Slamming it into its chest.
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The Timberwolf simply collapsed all around him in pieces.
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Macintosh stood and regarded the axe with a confused expression, wondering what the actual hail was going on.
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Backwards roll, suddenly sounded in his head.
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Not hesitating again, Macintosh rolled backwards in time to see a Wolf leap through the air he was occupying earlier.
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Now the red monolith was startled, making the mistake of taking his mind off the fight and looking at the strange axe.
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From across the square came the distance Scottish accent, "Just trust the axe!"
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Big Macintosh looked up in confusion, Snap axe up to block.
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Once again acting before thinking, he snapped it up and presented the face of the axe with himself to provide the most cover area to block.
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Wooden claws raked over the steel in a ear splitting screech, startling him.
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Backswing, now, Macintosh twirled around, Axe swinging in a blurry haymaker. The sharp axe blade cleanly decapitated the rearing Timberwolf behind him.
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The axe talks, thought Macintosh, Alrighty then.
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Spotting a Timberwolf, the red stallion didn't wait for the axe to tell him what to do, he charged it. Barreling towards it, Macintosh went tunnel vision and locked onto it with an intense gaze, almost willing it to explode before he got to it.
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Simple Diversion ya dumb nut, swing right.
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The farm pony stumbled slightly as the axe's orders conflicted, his hooves caught traction again and he took off.
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To the right!
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This time, the orders rang more clearly in Macintosh's head and he tried to slow down and swing his massive frame to the right.
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Too late, don't say I didn't warn you.
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The charging Timberwolf slammed into Macintosh's side, raking its claws threw his skin and slicing down his side, creating three long slashes.
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Pain acted as a great incentive for action, more adrenaline flooded his system and blocked the majority of the pain. Warmth spread from the wound and down his side to seep down to his stomach.
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The new source of adrenaline also found his vocal cords, "AAARRRRGGGGGHH!"
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Macintosh snapped his around and used the momentum from the spin to slam the axe blade deep into the Timberwolf's chest. The axe blade buried itself deep in the chest, to the point that the entire head was inside the Wolf.
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Macintosh gave it a vicious twist and rotated the axe ninety degrees, before yanking it out to cause a gaping hole to form in the Wolf's chest.
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The Wolf stood there stunned, clawing weakly at the huge hole, before collapsing into a pile of tinder.
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Macintosh lowered into a crouch,l and darted his eyes around. Seeing nothing, he spun around to check the other side of the clearing, hot liquid ran down his side and flung off of him as he snapped about.
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The clearing was empty except for two things.
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A Timberwolf trying desperately to flee from an enraged Scotstalling.
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And an enraged Scotstallion hurtling his right hammer like a Tomahawk.
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The heavy, flying, chunk of metal slammed into the Wolf's skull with a tremendous *CRACK* splitting it and knocking it clean off.
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The rest of the Wolf's body continued running before crashing into a building's wall and turning into a heap of kindling.
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Despite himself, and the serious situation, the Farmpony let out a short snort of laughter.
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The Scotstallion seemed to calm back down from his rage and went to retrieve the thrown hammer, he then sighed in exasperation.
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Trotting over, "So talking axes?"
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Exasperation fading, Celtc smiled, "Yeah, Ah make 'em and an ol' buddy of mine enchants them for the newbies being thrown straight into combat."
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"Remind me to not piss off you or any other Highlanders."
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"Trust me, you won't need a reminder for that."
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Celtic looked around the clearing before narrowing his eyes in anger. "Sonuvafock," he threw that with a short bark of annoyance.
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Macintosh looked at him in confusion, "What's the problem?"
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The big brown blacksmith smiled thinly at the smaller stallion, "First off, save for that pile of new kindling, we're alone in this square now."
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"No we're not, there's all the Timberwolves around here..." Macintosh trailed off as he looked around. Celtic was right, all the wolves had reformed and fled. Save a few small piles that seemed to have been hit too hard to reconstruct, "Luna damnit."
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"Exactly mah sentiments, should have spread this stuff as Ah fought. Ah probably could of but mayhap wouldn't come out completely unscathed," Celtic Slew withdrew a small canister from his saddle bags.
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Trotting over to the pile of fresh wood, hammers swinging from straps attached to the bases of the handles and looped up to Celtic's elbows(?). Gently squeezing the canister with his teeth, it let out a dark and viscous fluid, covering the Wolf.
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"Uh, Celtic? What is that?" nervously asked the Farmpony.
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Not answering him directly, "Ah, Ah love the smell of Napalm," he pulled a match out side of his bags and struck it across his hammer. Before flicking it at the pile of Wolf.
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"That oughta kill it, no reforming for that bastorwd," Celtic Slew smiled maliciously into the rising flames, "Now, to find the others."
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He walked off, while Big Macintosh stared dumbly at the flames, "B-b-but, that was a living creature!"
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Not stopping, Celtic shrugged, "Not anymore!" he said in a cheerful voice.
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"You killed it!" Macintosh yelled accusingly as he turned away from the flames and trotted to catch up to the deadly Scotstallion.
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"Yeah, and now we got one less to worry about," he didn't even glance over at Macintosh as the red stallion caught up to him.
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The Farmpony tried to stop Celtic with a hoof on his shoulder, "That's just wrong, it was a innocent Timberwolf!"
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"HA! Innocent," now Celtic stopped and locked eyes with Macintosh, "If ya had given it a chance, it would have ripped out your throat with nary a second thought." He began to walk off again.
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Macintosh held his ground, "That's what makes us different from animals. We care."
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The Scotstallion spun around, now with anger in his eyes, "Well too Lunadamned bad! It's kill or be killed, or kill or they kill others. No more of this peaceful bovine excrement."
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"Just do it, Ah nary care about their little feelings. A dead enemy is better than a your self conscience staying clean! Kill an enemy when you get the chance, or pay the price for 'innocence'." He sneered the last word out.
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"But it--"
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"No buts, welcome to the way of the Warrior. It sucks, but if we do it, others are spared the suffering of it," Celtic seemed to soften a tad, "You've already been whacking away at them with an axe, Mac. With the intent to kill."
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Macintosh almost wanted to throw the 'evil' axe away in disgust, but something stopped him, "Fine, let's go get the rest of those sorry sons of female doggies."
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"There we go! Not exactly mah choice of words but that's the idea!" Celtic clapped him on the shoulder and began trotting off again.
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Shaking his head to clear it, Macintosh quickly followed him.
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Following the conspicuous track of clawed feet away from the square, the battle duo reached the mark where the mass of paw prints separated into two tracks. Ponies sprinted past them, some carrying items or foals, all sprinting somewhere, anywhere, who knows where. A pony almost collided with Celtic, who looked after it as she bounded away. His face read, Really mare? Working stallions here. Or at least that was the expression on his face. He looked back at the path, now two separate paths.
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"Well jobby, well, one set goes towards close to Town Hall and the other goes..." Celtic trailed off as he looked up from the path.
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Which led straight to the library on the edge of town.
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Glancing at Macintosh, "Ah know which path we're taking then."
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A sharp scream of a mare air cut through the rest of the chaotic noise of ponies clambering about.
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From the direction the other path led to.
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"Um, uh, oh, hmm, huh. Shit," the Scotstallion looked at Macintosh, "Sorry, just ran through a half dozen plans and there's only one logically for maximum effectiveness.
We gotta split."
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"Ah got this set," said the red stallion as he pointed on the direction of the Library.
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Celtic smiled at the stallion, "Of course you do, Ah got dibs on that Ursa though, Ah could use a nice fur blanket or rug. Now, may you see the sunrise. Or die trying."
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With those cheery words, Celitc galloped off away from Macintosh, who spun the axe in a quick, readying, circle before taking off towards the library.
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He kinda went off the wall with this one...
3410012
Who, me?
Added this to few group, should help attract some more viewers :D
3410120
Hot damn dude, I didn't even know half of those groups existed.
3410041 This whole thing just feels out of place for this story. And why do you have Farmpony uppercased? It's not a nationality, it's his job. Also, just Highlander? Really? Why not Haylander? Horse puns, remember? The cursing is a bit off too, it just seems out of place with Celtic referring to women as bitches and Macintosh using any sort of bad language. It was an interesting chapter, but felt like it should belong in a different story.
Reading romance and suddenly action. Wut?
What in the..................This.......is not what i expected....Dude.....This came out of NOWHERE.
Well that was........ um............ good?
I must go with them on this. 3410234>>3410267>>3410012
Totally not what was expecting of this story.
Also, one pony breaking the forth wall is enough, I don't think we need another one. So yes, I think that's OP.
welp just read all these in one go...
now i wait for more...
i must know when the next one will be posted
Didn't care for this pointless action in my romance.
what the buck, I didn't order this shit, I came her for a sweet little romance story, not....This!
god this makes what I did in Her Royal Suitors look like a simple mistake, this came totally out of left field and left me fucking confused....hope you can rectify this in the next chapter.
My... my corrections..... all the grammar and rhetorical devices.....
WHERE DID THEY GO?!?!?!?!?!?!
-stares- What the fuck is this shit?! The action scene came outta left field, as did Twilight's coma! Let's stick to the romance and that she seems to be pregnant with Big Mac's child!
3411289 I agree with this dude, what the hell's going on?
What... the... buck...?
Did you suddenly change your mind about the kind of story you wanted to write, or something? Because this really reads like you just arbitrarily decided somewhere along the way that you didn't want to write a sweet romance anymore, and wanted to write an action story instead. The last three chapters do not fit together at all with the first six.
The 'Source' for your fic's cover art loops back to the story itself.
3411289
Agreed.
Just so you know you have a friend. Im not completely against the action I just prefer a lot more cohesion to my plot twists. What if any of what twilight imagined is false? Why is braveheart smith such a big deal now? Since when is mac a scot?I can stand to wait to find out why twilight entered her coma but I think details should given to at least infer what is going on with twilight rather than leave us thinking we clicked a bad link. But now that you have gone there dont turn back, just please dont use the cliché "they were only dreaming", I can only stomach so much
Loving the TwiMac, and I definitely want to know what's going to happen with Twilight's pregnancy.
Unfortunately, this action sequence doesn't really seem necessary to the story. Neither does Celtic Stew, I'm afraid. Sad to say, this is one OC I don't really care for.
I mean, if there's a reason for it, great! Problem is, as others here have said, it comes completely out of nowhere with no explanation
What happened to Twilight!? Why was she in a coma!?
I'm trying to figure out what happened to this story... It was going so well until it went from romantic drama to WTF!
Seriously, to me it seems you started out this story with different intentions then what your writing now. Like you decided part ways though the story to completely change what you doing.
It started out so well, then you go and turn it into this 4th wall breaking nonsense!
I hope you're happy of your own self destruction.
The only way this will actually work if it turns out to be some sort of fever dream or something...
3411915
Even if it turns out to be some sort of dream, that's still..
I don't know..... cliché-ish or a bad cop-out.
But I really hope that it turns out to be some sort of illusion or something.
The story was going great until these last couple chapters.
I'm afraid I have to agree with the last few posters. You had a nice little romance going for the first few chapters -- and then suddenly, you pull a bait-and-switch in chapter 7, and the whole story goes off the rails with Twilight waking up from a coma, a brief suggestion of some vague secret conspiracy, then two chapters of action-movie mayhem with timberwolves rampaging through Ponyville and Big Mac going into battle alongside one of the most absurdly over-the-top and ludicrous OCs I've seen in some time. None of this was properly set up or foreshadowed in the previous chapters, so it comes off as a pointless diversion that's not only not advancing your plot, but is driving a wrecking ball through it.
It also comes off, to be honest, like a writer who either didn't sit down and plot out his story before he started writing, and now has no idea how to get from point A to point B -- or, one who's gotten bored with his own story and doesn't really want to continue it, but doesn't want to just give it up and start over either, so he's decided to try to jam the square peg of the completely-different story he'd rather be writing into the round hole of what he's already written, and hope the audience doesn't notice. Believe me -- we've noticed.
(As for your Celtic Slew character... really?
Seriously? 
That character alone is worth a downvote.)
I have completely lost track of this story, unfortunatly. I will keep following it, however.
3412005 i agree with you good sir on many parts, though i like the scotstalion, not the right character for this story but still an interesting character.
3412005
Agreed on all counts. These past few chapters came so far out of left field I wondered if somebody else actually took over writing this thing. The writing style feels different (like the period between EVERY LINE OF TEXT). This story needs serious retooling--most people came here for a romance between Twi and Mac--not...whatever the hell this is.
Wow. I have never SEEN a comment section so 100% agreed upon a bad direction of a story before.
It's uncanny. I don't think I even need to write a review because everybody has already said what's wrong with these last three chapters.
Usually well over 50% of commenters will try and stick up for the new direction and claim it's still the best thing they ever read, but not this comment section. I like all you guys. You guys are smart.
As for the story itself... yeah I'm not feeling it anymore. It's completely skewed off in a direction unbecoming of its original intent. The original romance was kinda sweet, if a bit underdeveloped. And the situation of having kept it a secret for so long and having backed themselves into a corner, combined with the predicted reactions of Applejack and Shining Armor, not to mention Twilight's pregnancy, was plenty of drama already to carry a story. This all just feels... superfluous, tacked on, and pointless. And not even particularly interesting. I think the final straw was this blacksmith OC who honestly strikes me as rather mary-sueish. I can't even really say because I lost interest in this particular chapter about a fifth of the way in. After the last two chapters, my patience had just run out and introducing a character who is "the biggest stallion in all of Equestria even bigger then Big Macintosh who is also a badass highlander blacksmith usually-pacifist-but-fights-for-the-innocent-when-necessary" THING was too much. It was... tolerable when he was just a one-time side character, but once I saw that THIS was the character Big Mac went to for help... yeah that just went too far.
Sleep allows sanity. SANITY, IS FOR THE WEAK!! While I understand why the action may throw readers off, the dialog based on action in this helps to build on celtic slew's character, it also helps us understand the thoughts on how Mac feels on violence, and can be played into him toughening up more and understanding that it's not all daffodil sandwiches and apple pies. I enjoyed reading it, and eagerly await the next chapter
3415179 I believe you are the only person who has actually defended this chapter so far
3410041 3412005 To be honest, I kind of completely forgot the plot of this story before I gave the secondary ok for this chapter. If I am remembering correctly though, this will all tie in to the latest chapters and everything will make sense again
3410041 I feel like trolling you, so be wary
3415179
Leaving aside the fact that the character is about the most offensively-stereotypical racial caricature of a Scot imaginable, Celtic Slew constantly using the degrading term "bitches" as a term for mares tells me all I need to know about his character, thanks. He's a bastard whom any self-respecting mare would give a swift applebucking square in the wedding tackle to.
3410222>>3410234>>3410267>>3411289>>3411393>>3411698>>3411915>>3412005>>3414905>>3415104>>3415836
Well holy tits
This chapter wasn't totally left field with the previous two... Like really guys
Do you guys even want me to finish this now? Because the way you guys are describing this is that I really screwed the pooch. So really.
I had been plotting some action for these two for who knows how the ferdinand long and sorry if I've gotten a little disconnected since I take for freaking ever to post. You try that one.
I know the posting problem is my fault, and it's horrible.
So, should I scrap and start over? Or should I just continue on (where there will be answers to quite a damn bit but y'all seemed to get really annoyed that they weren't answered THIS chapter)
And Celtic Slew? I addressed that one in the story, just forget him for now, I'll go into his backstory later then. He was supposed to be a fun character, and quite a few find him pretty nice. And his diction? When he said 'bitches', he, almost every time, meant the Timber Wolves. It's supposed to be a funny scene, others have laughed at it, I don't know if those jokes flew right over you guys or if they're really only a military style of humor.
There, hope that tides y'all over.
3418957
No no...don't start over. I apologize for me acting like an ass in my post. Just...we go from Big Mac asking Twilight to marry him, and then suddenly she's in a hospital, and then suddenly monsters everywhere! It feels very disjointed, and this whole plot really did feel like it wasn't at least alluded to before bringing it to the forefront. It just seemed...strange.
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It wasn't this chapter you lost us at. It was when Twilight decided to go into a coma and (seemingly) woke up in a diffrent story. The plot didn't derail, it stoped and all the characters got on another train deciding they would rather go east rather then north...
(I'm not going to get into the problems with THIS chapter, I'll let everyone else do that)
The story was good, GREAT EVEN, right up until that switch at the station. But, I digress... This is you story and you write it as you see fit. If this is the direction you wish to go it's not like we can stop you. (those who dislike it will just stop reading)
That being said, if I was writing this story I would have just stuck to the funny romantic drama. (Which is what I liked about this story)
3418957
The previous two chapters weren't very good either. I sat down yesterday and read through this story from beginning through Chapter 9, and while I liked most of what came from chapters 1-6, chapters 7-9 were not engaging.
To answer your question, yes. I'd like to see it finished. But it might be a good idea to drop the last three chapters and reorient the direction of this story. Because as-is it's just going way off into whatthefucksville. And it doesn't matter if you planned this from the beginning or not, it's just a poor choice of direction period.
As I said, you had plenty of material to make a decent romantic story out of this fic. The awkwardness of having kept the secret from everybody for so long. The potential animosity between Twilight and Applejack and the potential animosity between Big Mac and Shining Armor. The questionable ethics of going to great lengths to use a mental spell upon Shining Armor JUST to keep the secret. And Twilight's pregnancy topping everything off.
That's TONS of stuff to build drama around. That's plenty of material to keep a good, character based story going. This action stuff and an implied conspiracy is all unnecessary, and if you had mentioned in previous chapters that the story would be going in that direction, then I think people would have advised against it.
Way I see it, you should reevaluate what you want out of this story. If you want to make a romance story, then scrap the last three chapters, fix your outline, and reorient your direction so that you make a ROMANCE story. You know, like the one suggested in the tags and the title.
If you want an action/romance story then that'll be trickier to pull off. Now, action doesn't HAVE to be mutually exclusive from romance, but the way the story was set up for the first six chapters sorta suggested that the only 'action' we might ever see would be mild scuffles between AJ and Twilight or Big Mac and Shining. If you want to have a hybrid action/romance story, then, yeah, you'd basically have to start over from scratch and edit the entire tone and focus of your story onto one more balanced between both action and romance. You'd have to take great care how much of each you put in, when and how you put it in, and make sure it's balanced correctly. It's a bit tricky, really. That's why there are so many action movies with romantic subplots that fall flat and are completely meaningless because the romance simply isn't pulled off well. But it CAN be done.
Still, if you were to try and do it, I'd say you need to scrap pretty much everything you have now to properly accomplish it and start over from scratch.
But what you really CAN'T do and expect people to buy, as the comments have plainly shown, is make a good, fluffy, lighthearted romance story... and then stick a random action scene into it. That's jarring and unwanted. It'd be like splicing four minutes of "300" into the middle of "Pretty Woman."
It just doesn't work.
And whatever you choose to do, I'd suggest dropping that OC. Nobody particularly likes him, he's incredibly OP, he doesn't have anything particularly interesting to keep him afloat, he comes off as a Mary Sue, he feels tacked on, what little character attributes he has are incoherent, and he is almost downright offensive.
That's my take on it.
3418957 I still enjoyed the chapter, it just felt strange for this story. But no I want you to keep going, I'm still interested to see what all happens. I didn't mean any offense.
3418957 Oh no, man..I just get confused easily. I mean..these recent chapters came outta left field as a whole...Maybe adding the Adventure Tag might help..?
3418957
I'm just shocked at how quickly things changed. Mood whiplash is not necessarily a bad thing, but it would have been better served shifting to drama over Twilight's coma and the reveal that she and Big Mac are engaged, and that she's carrying his foal.
3418957
Pretty much what 3419063 and 3419072 said, yes.
You have to remember, not everyone has been reading this one chapter at a time since you first started; every time you post a new chapter, that's a chance that you're going to attract new readers who'll be seeing it pop up in the "updated stories" box for the first time, and who will then be reading the entire story in one sitting. So, just because you're getting comments on the seriously WTF? direction the story has taken now, doesn't mean that we were fine with chapters 7 and 8 when they were posted back in August and that we're only saying chapter 9 feels disjointed from the rest of the story.
I, at least, only discovered this story on Sunday evening when you posted ch.9, and read the whole thing in one sitting -- and after reading chapter 7, I was already left feeling like I'd gotten up to go to the kitchen for a snack during a commercial break, and when I came back, for some reason the TV station was now showing a completely different movie. So it's not just that chapter 9 feels disjointed from the last two -- it's that chapters 7, 8, and 9 feel disjointed from 1-6 as a whole. There was no foreshadowing in chapters 1-6 to set this up, so the result is like biting into a jelly donut and discovering that it's filled with spaghetti sauce instead. They just don't go together.
Dusty's advice is sound. You need to sit down and decide what kind of story it is you actually want to write. If you want to write an emotional romance, or a romantic comedy, in the vein of When Harry Met Sally, Pretty in Pink, or Sleepless in Seattle, your best course of action (IMO) would be to scrap the whole "suddenly, an action movie appears!" thing, go back to the proposal scene at the end of chapter six, and go forward from there, using the elements you've already established (the possible reactions of Twilight and Big Mac's siblings, Twilight's pregnancy, etc.) as sources of dramatic conflict instead. Then, any conflicts (and even a "how dare you get my little sister knocked up!" fight scene between Shining Armor and Big Mac, if you really want to go there) will flow naturally out of what came before, instead of being artificially tacked on.
If you want to write an "action/romance" -- pick up a copy of Romancing the Stone. That's an example of how to do it right. Unfortunately, you'll have to do a lot more re-tooling; you'll pretty much have to unwind everything back to the beginning and start over, so that you can weave the action elements into the story as it progresses and give the reader enough buildup that by the time the Epic Battle finally occurs, it feels like it flows naturally out of what came before it.
Either way -- the character of Celtic Slew either needs to be scrapped, or seriously toned down. As currently written, he's not likeable at all; he's a mishmash of cliches and stereotypes amped up to a ridiculous level -- and having him break the fourth wall to claim the audience wouldn't think he's overpowered if they knew his backstory doesn't take the curse off it. "My ridiculously cliche and overpowered OC is different from everyone else's ridiculously cliche and overpowered OC because reasons" doesn't work.
3418957
Looks like Pheonix, Dusty, and Equestron have covered it pretty well, so I won't pile on any more, except to say that I completely agree with them. I, too, came into this story only a couple of days ago, so my remark about the whole thing going pear-shaped was applying to chapter 7-9 as a whole vs. 1-6, not just chapter 9.
3418957
My suggestion would be to write a short chapter (1-2k words) that serves as a bridge between the previous chapter and this one. That way it doesn't come out of the blue and you can keep this chapter up.
3418957
thanks. i read this all at once so i wasn't bothered by the update rate and i shouldn't be in the future (there are other fics to read ya-know). don't scrap this, it has great potential. also, Celtic is a lovely character, I appreciate his diction and everything. but he is suddenly getting main character focus as a background OC honestly the talking weapons is what did it for me. that was too much, some might even say it was too much when you gave him a name but now he is a major supporting character, it would just be nice to keep him from being such a big deal during the Twi-Mac ship. I don't suggest going back, you've made your story and you should stick to it but the switch from the library proposal to the apocalypse is very jarring. if you could stand to go back and clear up those gaps before or while you move on (soon) it would be appreciated.
I like the Scotstallion.
I like the Scotstallion.
3557104 Yes, those are good reasons. Now, if only the story had shown them...
Yea, I don't even think I need to say anything. What you had began setting up in 1-6 had tons of amazing potential to create a fantastic story, but then it just kind of derailed. Now, not to say you should quit the story, absolutely not, because it's got loads of potential! Use what you set up in 1-6 and have it flourish from there. But, who am I to judge, it's your fic.
I have to agree with 3585811 on this. The first six chapters were excellent. these last three... To be brutally honest, combine to form one giant clusterfuck. What happened?
Is Mac explaining to Twilight what happened? I'm confused
Wasn't this a TwiMac romance? What happened and where did this shitstorm come from?