• Member Since 8th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 21st, 2018

Eliyora


Guess who's back! I'm gonna try to return to my writing.

E

Twilight has become an Alicorn, moved to Canterlot, and begun her new life as the princess of magic. Back in Ponyville, there are those who miss her greatly, especially one shy farm pony who regrets never admitting his feelings.


Thanks to ICCUWAUSIMTOI for being my editor!

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 109 )

So a post ascension TwiMac...

2169147 I know right? I was waiting for it

:twilightsmile::heart::eeyup:
on read later since I am stilling catching up from the 2 days it took me to re-read The Immortal Game :facehoof:

2169156
Sweet... I got it read and added before the Admin of the group, damn I'm good.

I do look forward as to were this will go... and perhaps give me ideas for my planed Macestia/Celetosh fic.

I'm a total newbie to this site, so that might explain it, but I don't think I've ever come across this pairing before. It's interesting to hear a story from Big Mcintosh's perspective!

2169176 there every where

2169194
still love doctor who
you would since im in your head
shut up doctor

2169147

Well, shit.

I am re-writing my first chapter to better line up with canon...

2169207

There are plenty of writers of it on here. For teen, I would suggest A Canterlot Courtship.

For Everypony. Old Traditions and Sparkling Cider.

For Mature... Well, there aren't enough really good ones on here, but my own has done pretty well...

Though I shan't link it here because that would be inherently wrong.

Yes! Been waiting for this!

2169194 Somepony was gonna do it eventually. I just figured, "Why not me?" :pinkiehappy:

2169585

You beat me to the punch...

I feel sad, now.

2169494 I hope I don't disappoint. :twilightsmile:

2169585
2.bp.blogspot.com/-jt-hDpWv71M/T4n8Vu73_CI/AAAAAAAABu8/Zl1rF4IOJpw/s1600/21826-fair_enough.jpg

what the fuck...i typed "fair enough" into google to see if i could get any decent pics....

and i get a bunch of daria images
lipmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/daria-glasses.jpg

oh god, i love google:applejackconfused:

2169604 FUCK YEAH! I love Daria!!

2169591 Sorry I made you sad, but you can still write your story. I won't stop you! In fact, I shall await eagerly! :raritystarry:

2169688 OTP, dude, OTP!:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

2169714 Oh yeah! I got my own TwiMacVerse of stories. Since I'm 3 in though, it doesn't feature Twilight becoming an alicorn.

2169658

Chapter one is still in the group.

2169761 I know. I have all three favorited, and am eagerly awaiting the birth of the TwiMac foal! :twilightblush::heart::eeyup:

2169397 Finding a friend and family matters are too pretty good twimac fics :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

2169845 Glad to hear! That will be happening in my current TwiMacVerse story. But that won't be the end of this series, not by a long shot. :twilightsmile::heart::eeyup:

That moment when you realize that you are going to enjoy a story. I'm having it.

This. I like it :eeyup:

An excellent start! Definitely favoriting this :twilightsmile:

Mac's thoughts here pretty much went how I'd imagine it, so you've captured my attention :ajsmug: Twilight's side was a bit more of a :twistnerd: but not an unpleasant one. I want to see where this goes :yay:

2169211 :pinkiegasp:

I'd been wishing for some time that there be a TwiMac Group. My wish has been granted :twilightsmile:

Long before I knew it, apparently :twilightsheepish:

2175717
It is MAGIC *raises hands and wiggles fingers while going OoooOoooo*

You might want to get an editor, or a pre-reader. You're formatting could use some touching up.

2176533 I know. I'm looking for one right now, actually.

I'm Still Me

The character tag says otherwise. *wink wink*

2177731 lol Yeah, well, she is a princess now, after all.

You've got my attention, this is a really promising start. I'll be keeping an eye on this.

2177650

Well, you might just have one, then.

The set up is nice and I always enjoy a good TwiMac fic. But this seemed a little short, even for a setup chapter.:rainbowhuh:

I'll fav and watch none the less.:twilightsmile:

Pretty good. I like Twilight/Macintosh. I don't read enough of those fics. And your writing is good.

Some critique: I never like it when people feel they have to begin their chapter with their title and chapter number/title. This website especially does it so much better just above the start of the story than a little line inside it. And yours isn't even at the beginning, it's underneath the intro. It's kind of irksome and distracting (for me, at least. I can't speak for anyone else) and more than a bit unnecessary.
As for the writing, it's impressive. No errors were there, glaring at me to mention them. Lol. There's this part, though.

Twilight made time to write to them each day, with Spike happily sending them. She missed actually hanging out with them though.

In which you have too many 'them's too close to each other, and the 'them' that refers to letters is probably a bit ambiguous as to the subject of it. Also, comma before though.

So thanks for submitting such a cute and well-written piece of TwiMac :pinkiehappy:

this is a great start to what I hope to be a great story

I like how you have hooked the reader by having a character(s) with a problem/ issue. The desire/ yearning being strong, perhaps into the territory of obsession? The regret, the insecurity of Macintosh, and even Twilights (belated?) realization that she's thinking of him as more than a friend.
One thing to consider is time passage, which will impact the strength of the characters feelings, because if it's only a short amount of time, not enough tim/e will have pass for a true sense of "loss" to settle in, namely Twilight not being there. The more time that passes, the stronger the feelings come across, as the sense of "loss" gets stronger. As it is right now, we don't really have a grasp on the passage of time, since Twilight's become a Princess.
Another thing to consider is the change in relationship dynamic. Like the other five Element Bearers. While they might not get to see Twilight as often as they used to, I highly doubt that they'd "cold turkey" her. Maybe they'd go visit her once a week, or every couple of weeks, maybe even once a month. If they don't or can't, it needs to have a viable reason for separating them. Financial hardship, new friendships, romantic interests, illness/ injury/ (death?).
Hope this feedback was helpful for you.

NO BAD ELIYORA! you do NOT just leave a cliff hanger laying in the middle of an awesome chapter :flutterrage: now go to your room and think about what you did.

lol all joking aside I loved the chapter I believe you have earned a:moustache:.

Another good chapter. Please don't leave us hanging forever for the next part please! MUSTACHES! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Deja Vu? Huh, weird.

Deja Vu? Huh wei...wait a minute.
Also I can totally hear this playing when Big Mac lays eyes on Twlight:

Just try and tell me this music doesn't sound perfect for that scene. I dare ya!

A new chapter for "I'm Still Me"?

WHEN I'M ABOUT TO GO TO BED NO LESS :flutterrage:

Nearly twice the size of the previous chapter? Yes! :yay:

Such a cute chapter, so good to see this updating :twilightsmile:

Twilight's back! I wish I could be there to welcome her :raritywink:

Time for Pony Hugs all around, because Faust declares it! Hmm, what will happen with Big Mac? :ajsmug:

It still could use more development. More things could happen before the end of the chapter.. This would greatly benefit the story itself.

2242752>>2242668 WHEEEEE!!! I got MUSTACHES!!!

2243918 I know, and I'll try to make the next chapter better. I just hit a wall whenever I went back to add more.

2243676 Sorry it took so long. I meant to update last week, but began working with an editor and realized the chapter needed work. I'll try to have the next chapter up within a week.

2244296

If it makes you feel better, I have been working on a chapter for several months that I promised by the end of December.

2244290

And that is why you have me. All you needed to do was contact me and let me know that you hit a wall.

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