RapeTrain-Express
Joined 15th Sep, 2012 ·
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story of my life
This seems vaguely familiar...
please continue
Well, definitely a disgusting story, but seeing as that was exactly what you were aiming for (I assume?), I gotta thumbs up. Well done.
There's no brakes on the rape train!
Well... That was grim. You need to work on the perspective. A few times I noticed you used 'your' as if I was Fluttershy and other times it was from a third person perspective. but still... +1 Thumbs up.
You seem to have a problem with tenses and POVs. It's clearly supposed to be 3rd person present tense, but you keep slipping into 2nd person, like here-
And it slips from present to past tense at times.
Also, there were a number of grammar mistakes, such as the incorrect usage of 'your', it should have been 'you're'.
1418536
It's always been an annoying problem for me. I've written in 2nd person for so long that I'm still getting used 3rd.
1418454
It's pretty much a ripoff of the first chapter of this story, but without the emotional depth and potential.
Whoa
continue please
Fluttershy:
WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A SWEET INOCENNT CREATURE GO THRU THIS!
YOU SHOULDBE ASHAMED OF YOUR SELF
Also I'll have a salad with a burger and fries...XD
BUT SERIOUSLY!
NO! NO! NO!
NEVER
WRITE
ANYTHING
LIKE
THIS AGAIN
wait why am i liking you
Goddamn it.
that was actually, pretty good. as said above, there are many editing errors but other than that, I enjoyed it.
PLEASE CONTINUE
Ugh! My thoughts on it?
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7584-40e.gif
EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT!!!
Also:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1078_Twilight_Sparkle_dammit.gif
So i spoke to flutters about it and we agree it would be best to have anouther chapter or two. What do you think?
1761444
I'll think on it.
Meh, coulda been better. Overall I give it a good.
So, uh, after reading your stuff, I've been thinkng, and I have only one thing to say:
Go fuck yourself with a rust 20-foot pole.
1850846
1425026
1421941
RapeTrain-Express...
i think is time to
i920.photobucket.com/albums/ad47/Javatix/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-hater-gonna-hate-but-bronies-never-feel-it.gif1
1924276
excuse me
but i like rapetrain-express's fanfics
don't lump me in with those spineless pantywaists
1924297
mmmmmmm
but
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxlpmqhREg1r3k1m8o1_500.png
1924322
fair enough
1924322 0.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 etc.
1953786
Sorry dude
the parasite agree on his/her defeat
Grammar and typing mistakes still, and a slow start, but over all, I liked it!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/185/608/e7c.png
5972978
but author is dead, the mistakes will never be fixed.
5972987 Yar matey. At least my invaluable blurb in this story's comments will hopefully guide some readers' expectations. That's the only reason I leave comments on banned authors' stories.
Meh.
This is sick, poor Shy
What are they going to do to the twins?