• Member Since 15th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 21st, 2013

RapeTrain-Express


Comments ( 30 )

story of my life

This seems vaguely familiar...

please continue

Well, definitely a disgusting story, but seeing as that was exactly what you were aiming for (I assume?), I gotta thumbs up. Well done.

There's no brakes on the rape train!

Well... That was grim. You need to work on the perspective. A few times I noticed you used 'your' as if I was Fluttershy and other times it was from a third person perspective. but still... +1 Thumbs up.

You seem to have a problem with tenses and POVs. It's clearly supposed to be 3rd person present tense, but you keep slipping into 2nd person, like here-

You notice a darker green horn protruding from the top of his head signaling he’s a unicorn.

And it slips from present to past tense at times.
Also, there were a number of grammar mistakes, such as the incorrect usage of 'your', it should have been 'you're'.

1418536
It's always been an annoying problem for me. I've written in 2nd person for so long that I'm still getting used 3rd.

1418454

It's pretty much a ripoff of the first chapter of this story, but without the emotional depth and potential.

Whoa :rainbowderp:
continue please

:flutterrage: HOW DARE YOU RIGTH THIS ABOUT FLUTTERSHY LOOK!
Fluttershy: :fluttercry:
WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A SWEET INOCENNT CREATURE GO THRU THIS!
YOU SHOULDBE ASHAMED OF YOUR SELF
Also I'll have a salad with a burger and fries...XD
BUT SERIOUSLY!
NO! NO! NO!
NEVER
WRITE
ANYTHING
LIKE
THIS AGAIN
wait why am i liking you :applejackconfused: FTW

that was actually, pretty good. as said above, there are many editing errors but other than that, I enjoyed it.

PLEASE CONTINUE

:fluttershysad: um... Excuse me? If it isn't too much trouble... Could you... Um... Write anouther chapter. If you don't mind, that is.

:scootangel:
So i spoke to flutters about it and we agree it would be best to have anouther chapter or two. What do you think?

:heart:

Meh, coulda been better. Overall I give it a good.

So, uh, after reading your stuff, I've been thinkng, and I have only one thing to say:


Go fuck yourself with a rust 20-foot pole.

1924276
excuse me
but i like rapetrain-express's fanfics
don't lump me in with those spineless pantywaists

1924322 0.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 etc.

1953786
Sorry dude
the parasite agree on his/her defeat

Grammar and typing mistakes still, and a slow start, but over all, I liked it!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/185/608/e7c.png

5972978
but author is dead, the mistakes will never be fixed.

5972987 Yar matey. At least my invaluable blurb in this story's comments will hopefully guide some readers' expectations. That's the only reason I leave comments on banned authors' stories.

This is sick, poor Shy

What are they going to do to the twins? :pinkiesad2:

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