Rocinante
Joined 7th Oct, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Metal Pony Fan · 56k words · 185 13 · 5.7k views
- SparityLoveisForever · 26k words · 96 18 · 4k views
- Crowquill Symphony · 9.3k words · 200 10 · 11k views
- mouse222 · 13k words · 78 10 · 1.9k views
- Grenazers · 2.4k words · 66 9 · 3.4k views
- The Notebook · 4.7k words · 40 4 · 2.3k views
- Shrapmo · 9.1k words · 112 5 · 3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.22 seconds
Total duration
1,011 users online
150,776 hits today, 2,151,698 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Potential? Check.
Speed? Fail. Slow down, partner. Open the moments. Get me situated into the story before you whisk it away.
I have to agree with Inky Swirl. The potential is there, you hit all the marks, except for pacing. Take your time to explain things, and make sure that the reader can keep pace with what you're telling us.
By the way, going right into the group. About time a new one was made anyway.
1426904 Thank you.
This is my first attempt at writing anything other than little vignettes, So I'm aware that my pacing is to fast. It's something I'm working on. What points do you feel suffered the most from the pacing?
1427011 "By the way, going right into the group. About time a new one was made anyway."
I don't understand you. EDIT: Now I see, you added me to MacDash. thanks again.
manscreed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/im-listening.jpg
It's sad this has gotten so few comments, but not surprising. For some reason this fandom strongly prefers same-sex pairings.
Anyway, the idea is good. There isn't a ton of straight Rainbow Dash stuff out there. But things are moving way too fast. I was in the middle of reading the first chapter and literally thought "WTF, the sex is starting already?" In fact, I had to read it twice to make sure I was reading it right. You also need to be a lot more descriptive when it comes to the actual positions, feelings, and actions during the sex. I'd recommend going over the story a few times and adding a bit to it. That should make it shine. Not to bash your work or anything, but maybe keep it in mind for future writings.
1430279 "Not to bash your work"
No by all means, your comments are exactly what I'm looking for.
The original seed of this story was just the spring house scene, with a little prologue setting things up. The rest of the story just sorta gestated in my head and I had to write it out. Not having the forethought I should have, I built the story up after the encounter. I'm currently trying to get more development in between the start of the story and when the cider comes out.
MacinDash I'd best ship!
I like were this is going...yeah the paceing is a good idea (dont take me too seroius im not a writer XD)...i would like to see more but i think i know where the "flame" part is going and...well...its your desicion...keep it up :D
1430279
Got that Right. FIMFiction really needs an M/M, F/F and M/F filter in the clopfic section.
Definitely got some potential.the sex seemed a bit rushed, but overall, good job.
Ch1 got a MAJOR overhaul. Just posted Ch4.
1439410 good i thought the sex scene in chapter 1 was a little lacking... if you know what i mean
.... but keep up the good work
The story is good, but you jump to the sex a bit fast and the spelling errors.
Twilight would not be happy with you if she saw how many were in this story. Other than that it's pretty good. Keep up the god work.
1441049 My spelling is atrocious. If it was not for spell check I would be helpless. I'll preen my spelling again.
I shall
" Keep up the god work."
1439683 How do you feel about the re-wright?
1442527 chapter 1 clop 7.5/10 of
that being said chapter 4 clop 8.5/10 of 
not bad for a start if thats what your aiming for.
and I've read over about at least 54 clop fics( what i keep in my clop file). and have a very good idea what makes a clop fix good..... chapter 1 clop was better after the rewrite much better
I've read clops fics that where ranging form 0 to 10 of
1442971 As I have said before, my normal writing-doodles are very short vignettes. The last thing I wrote that was over 2,00 words was for a ISO 9000 program. This is not only my first attempt at putting down a story, it's also my first adventure in writing erotica.
Thanks for the feedback, it really helps.
1442527 I would be perfectly okay wiith being one of your editors if you like. If you're not sure about something to do with grammar I can help you with that.
Btw ignore the rest of thi comment I'm testing something
1442527 I would be perfectly okay wiith being one of your editors if you like. If you're not sure about something to do with grammar I can help you with that.
1445731
Btw ignore the rest of this comment I'm testing something
My test is a success
Last chapter up. Not too pretentious I hope.
It all needs one last grammar / spelling scrub. Looking forward to clicking my first completed button. Then I'll dig into the PG story hammering about my head.
Octavia, so committed to the job.
1462673 it was funny. Very early in writing down the action scene I envisioned her playing through stoically.
Good work my friend, I often peruse the mature section for gems like these. Im a fan of stories that dont need to censor things like sex, makes them feel more adult, more realistic (minus the colorful flaming ponies).
It is spelled Z"e"cora not Z"a"cora the quotes just make the letters stand and out.1463382 You also spelled vein and chaos wrong. You did vain instaed of vein and chos instead of chaos.
1463437 good eye. I'll fix those tonight.
1463286. Thank you! I was really nervious about posting this.
Calling this more or less in the can.
If you read the first chapter before the 15th give it another read. Its had a major rewrite since then.
So are you gonna make a sequel? It doesn't really feel finished, Twilight hasn't read the book and we haven't got to see where Rainbow and Mac are headed. are we gonna see a little Zap Apple running around the farm?
, the Creation story and the fire ability was Awesome 
! but the story was pretty short. I liked the interactions between RD and the Apples everything felt in character or at least what you would expect the characters to respond ( I don't know why some people have Aj get angry or freak out in Mac ships 
)
Overall I enjoyed the story, the sex at the beginning escalated kinda quick but I blame the Cider
Anyways... fav'd, Thumbs up, and hoping to see it in MacDash fiction soon
1492339 "are we gonna see a little Zap Apple running around the farm?" That is amazing. you made my day.
Yes, actually that is on my to do list.
I do intend to stay inside the "Red Fire" universe. I have a whole series of shorts planned around Twilight and that book. Something akin to the old Storyteller series.
At this moment(literally) I am trying up a story(E for everyone) revolving around the Scootaloo and an OC.
1492411 Awesome looking forward to it!
update damn you!) 
(couldn't resist)
Zap Apple seems to be the popular name for a MacDash foal, I think Bronius Maximus did a "what would you name their kid?" thing in between chapters of Breaking Barriers (
If Mac has anything to say about it we're gonna need about 2 more names
next thing you know Equestria will have Apple farms in the Sky, after all Big Mac proved you can plow a Rainbow
haha after reading tou comment on my wall i looked to see if there was an updated and here it is...at first i tought..."he's to gonna make a sequel right?"
glad you said you are going to hahaha...still a pretty good job. A fine love story like this is something to be in awe XD
Good luck and hope to see more of your work
ps: i knew where the fire part was gonna be HA!...sry massage to the ego :P
um remember that whole Zap Apple comment, well I got bored and made this today th06.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/298/6/7/zap_apple_by_tbone11-d5iy10k.png
Hope you like him!
1499017 "ps: i knew where the fire part was gonna be HA!...sry massage to the ego :P"
Well, it was a pretty obvious use of "chekhov's gun". I'm happy it didn't come across as too cheesy.
1501620
Nah it was at a perfect time like a short cliffhanger
Gotta say well done on the Zecora lines.
Octavia!!!
1549294 Thank you. I spent the better part of a day mumbling to myself to get that passable.
After so much thinking for a review. This was all i can think of:i.imgur.com/CeWQS.jpg five RD out of 5 BM xD
Wait.... I'm confuzzled.
1566695 What confuses you?
that must be some pretty awesome pay she's gettin
Well, I gotta say this is, (I think, I might be mistaken!), the first story I've read that gives an explanation to what
happened to their parents.
So this is why Dash didn't freak out and left with the doctor. And now I'm curious, are you going to do
a story for each of them, but have them all connected to each other? Because that would be awesome!
1665123 There are a few. "Need" takes a much braver approach to the story. I lost my own parents at a young age in a farm accident. So I have to admit some projection into the narrative. Which is also why I killed off their parents somewhat fantastically. Though I didn't realize that till after I read "Need". I don't think I could do a Pinky story. Rarity would be interesting, if I found the right gimmick. I already have a Twilight story in the works, but I'm not going to really start in on that till "Clastic Glow" is done.
In a random note: I was out on the farm today for the holiday and I took a picture of the spring house that started the whole story. I was just staring out the window last winter and daydreamed the seed to chapter one. Here is the the spring house
1665448 Oh well, that's a shame. I think you could do a good job for all of them. (Certainly much better than I could!!)
I don't mean along the same lines as this one, but more like the one with SoarinShy.
And random is good. Being random makes people keep their wits about them, or so one of my training SGT's told me when I came out
with bits of random information!!!
So here a random note from me: For some reason, lately I have only been reading shipping/romance stories that are doing at least the
mane 6, and some background characters as well.
But it is your choice and I respect and understand that. Here, have another stalker.......WATCHER, I mean watcher!!!
1555261
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4rcfrbvJb1qfxifr.jpg
Reminds me of how the classical music kept playing in that one scene in Avengers, even when Loki started to rip someone's eye out
1885365
Octavia: If that orchestra of limeys were immortalized just for playing while their boat sank, I'll serenade the Ragnarok from atop the gates of Tartarus.
I think we found out the reason that he called 'Big' Mac
Eris was the Roman God of Love
)
So technically it was the fire of Love not passion (wait passion and love are the same thing
It kinda reminded me of this song
[youtube=zNpeK7sDLzE]
MOAR??
1981683
if you know what I mean
1981885 The name you're looking for there is "Eros", and he was Greek, not Roman. "Eris" was the Greek goddess of discord.
Can't wait