The Wild Card

by Tyrant

Of PBJ'S and Pink Manes

Damn the sun, in this world or the next. It’s one thing to awaken with it gently shining in the room blocked off by curtains and blinds, it’s another with you cracking an eye open and it literally invades your oculars causing temporary blindness. Holy hell that stings!

“Ugh.. What time is it?”

“Oh hey, good morning Ziggy.”

“Spike? Ugh, my head.. My neck.. My ribs.. My me all over!”

“What?” Spike stared at me, obviously confused by my expressions. Standing up with a few pop and crackles from my bones I started to stretch feeling my senses awaken. Ugh, that damned unicorn kept me up all night. I thought I’d seen curiosity before, but she was trying to fill an encyclopedia on humans with just what I knew. Sheesh! I might have given the human race a bad image with half the knowledge I put in her head, though she didn’t seem to mind. Whew.

“So where is Miss Sparkle?”

“You mean Twilight? I think she’s still asleep.”

That would make sense, I passed out right after she asked me my opinion on technological advances between our worlds. It was actually funny to see her ears twitching when I pulled out my mp3 from my pocket and played a few songs for her. Ugh, but finding a power source to recharge this sucker is going to be a drag. Whatever, when in Rome, no?

“So I take it you're used to Miss Sparkle being that.. excited when she is in research mode?”

“Buddy, you have no idea. And why do you keep calling her ‘Miss Sparkle’? You know her name is Twilight right?”

“Well, see the thing is she hasn’t told me otherwise and I don’t want to seem overly-familiar.”

“But you called me Spike.”

“That’s ‘cuz you told me to last night. I started with Mister Spike but you made that face and just asked to be called Spike, remember?”

“Oh yea. Huh, sorry must have forgot.”

Waving my head dismissively I started to stretch my neck ‘till the familiar pop could be heard and I sighed in relief. Ugh, I’m not opposed to sleeping on a floor if need be, but a wooden floor offers little comfort to a carpeted one. Bending to place my knees on the floor I started to pick up the pillow and blanket offered to me last night and fold them properly.

“So Spike, would you like help making breakfast? Or is it already past that point this morning?”

“Well I already ate for myself, but if you are hungry I suppose you could go to the kitchen to fix you up something. Just try to clean up your mess, please? I already got a work load today, and I hate having more to do.”

“Lemme guess, she has a whole schedule made for your entire chores for the month?”

Nodding glumly Spike opened the supply closet and came out with a hand-broom and dustpan. I looked on amused for a moment since I felt a wave of nostalgia from the scene before me. My childhood ladies and gentlemen, me being forced to clean by a control freak. …sorry mom, that was mean.

After putting away the pillow and blanket in the supply closet I headed to the kitchen my stomach growling in urgency. Easy you damn beast, I’m getting’ there. Shuffling through the cupboards I found a loaf of bread and began to smile knowing at least I could make a damn sandwich in this world. Hell, Sandwiches are now universal in my book. Now if they… oh.. Thank you cosmos…

“Glorious peanut butter and jelly!! Glorious ‘cuz of it’s peanut butter goodness! All hail the peanut!!” Forget first good impressions. Forget first contact regulations. Forget all that crap, I found out this world also shares my passion for peanut butter flavored things. Hell yes this was the greatest discovery since the goddamned telephone. Well, greatest discovery that two worlds can share the same opinion on cuisine. Honestly though, I didn’t think ponies would find the taste buds for it, but here I am getting proven wrong. Whoo-hoo!

“You like peanut butter?” Spike eyed from the door obviously wondering what the big deal was. Oh my little dragon, if you only knew the power of peanut butter back on my world, well, maybe an overstatement. Whatever, it was peanut butter, I was starving, and I had the solution in my hands spreading it across the bread.

“Why, you don’t? It’s actually my favorite thing back home. Fact is we put it in a lot of things. Cereal, snacks, ice-cream, and we use the spread on a lot of things too. I’ve even made a peanut butter s’more before. Highly addicting.” I shuddered remembering my peanut-butter s’more addiction, never had a jar of peanut-butter disappeared from my house so quickly. I think two bags of marshmallows were required too.

Grabbing a glass and pouring some of the apple juice from last night I started to walk to the table mouth watering for that holy sandwich. Halfway through I heard a knock from downstairs and looked to Spike curiously. “Was Miss Sparkle expecting guests today?”

Spike shook his head and placed the broom and dustpan down, deciding to check who was at the front door as he descended downstairs. I heard faint voices coming from the stairway as they approached closer and a slight feeling of panic washed over me. Spike emerged first atop the stairs and turned facing whoever was approaching.

"Now don't freak out Fluttershy. Twilight talked to it.. I mean him last night. He's harmless but we're just watching him, maybe you've seen one of these before."

...Fluttershy? What the hell kind of name was that? Great these ponies are really creative when it comes to names. I thought my mother was odd, hah! ...Wait, what is that?!

She ascended the stairs not by climbing them but by hovering over them, I noticed wings first. The yellow coat second, and that pink mane finally. Now I've seen a purple unicorn and a yellow pegasus. Yea, dreams over, reality kicks in. My life sucks, but I'm starting to notice I'm staring straight at her and getting nervous by the minute. My mouth is starting to dry up and I'm staring more intently at her eyes.

"Oh my... uh, I've never seen a creature like him before Spike."

She cautiously starts to step toward me eyeing me with as much curiosity as I did her, only I feel my pulse quicken at each step she takes and I'm getting really nervous. Thank whoever is watching me from the cosmos she stops a good mid-distance from my seated position at the table and just watches me for a moment before her eyes curiously scan my body. Than her eyes lock with mine again and she finally speaks.

"Hello, I'm... Fluttershy. What's your name?"

Curse you all to hell!! Okay maybe I'm not good with the ladies back home, okay, fuck you. I'm horrible with the ladies back home. Was that her voice? I swear it sounded like the wind chimes I hang back home, I always loved the sound they'd make as I'd lay in my hammock in the backyard. Good news is she wasn't afraid of me, bad news is I don't think my mouth is coordinating with my brain right now.

"Siegfried. My name. Meet you is nice."

...Congrats, the award for dumbest introduction goes to me. Hurrah! I hear her giggle and I lower my head to the table groaning into my arms folded on the table. Great, now she's laughing at me. Ugh, someone just send me in to the moon, I hear it's great this time of year.

"I've never seen a creature like you before Mr. Siegfried. Are you new to Equestria? Are there more like you? How do you like it here in PonyVille?"

Spike thankfully saves me from her questioning and responds to Fluttershy. "He just got in town last night Fluttershy. He's really new to town, he came from another world. Can you believe it?"

I hear Fluttershy respond with a small "Oh my" but feel her eyes never having left me. Risking a glance I look up to see her still staring at me and bury my head into my arms again. Stop staring, please stop staring. I'm not good with women of other species either, great. Well, so much for first impressions. When I meet this Princess that Twilight mentioned last night I'm sure I'll fuck that up too.

"So he's far from home. Oh the poor thing." Feeling an odd sense of hooves touch my hand I lift my head up to see she closed the gap and is smiling softly at me. My cheeks heat up quickly at the sudden touch, turning my head I eye Spike who seems to watch on with an amused grin. SOMEONE, ANYONE, get me outta this situation!

"Good morning Fluttershy. I see you've met Siegfried."

Thank you Twilight Sparkle, you beautiful mare you. Great timing. I release a held breath and glance as Fluttershy trots up to Twilight.

"Good morning Twilight, yes I did. He seems nice. I returned that book you lent me on animals this morning and was wondering if you wanted to head to Sugarcube Corner together?"

"Yea, I'll be right there Fluttershy. Just give me a minute." Twilight turned to look at me and I saw a stern expression cross her face. I know that look, it's the same one I get when being ordered what to do for the next few hours.

"Siegfried?"

"Yes Miss Sparkle?"

"I need you to stay here for a bit, is that a problem?"

"No Miss Sparkle."

"I've been thinking about that 'Miss' business, could you just call me Twilight, please?"

"Sure thing Twilight. Am I correct in assuming you want me to stay here and out of sight for the time being 'till you send that letter off to the Princess and we find the root of all this?"

"Wow you are a sharp one. Yes, if you could help Spike or help yourself to some reading I'd appreciate it very much."

"Not a problem Twilight. Just one question, if the tree suddenly bursts in to flames and we can't stop it, can I leave the tree for the safety of my own life?"

"WHAT?! Why would the tree burn down?!"

"Well, you do have a baby dragon living in a tree. Dragon breathes fire. It's simple physics almost."

"Spike has never caused a fire in the tree. So I don't think that will happen. Just try not to do anything that will get you in trouble while you are in PonyVille please? No one has ever seen you before and I don't want there to be a disaster while we try to get you an audience with the Princess."

"Okay. I'll do my best."

"Thank you." And with that Twilight turned to Fluttershy and they both headed out. I noticed I couldn't stop staring at Fluttershy and she looked back, gently waved and smiled at me before they both descended. Hearing the door close I buried my head in my arms again and groaned again. "Oh my god! Siegfried. My name?! What the hell was I thinking?!"

"Surprised you actually didn't just run out the room after that. Man, I thought I had it bad, your almost hopeless."

Turning to the dragon I almost glared at him but just shot an indignant stare. "What does that mean?!"

"Dude, you totally just screwed up introducing yourself to Fluttershy. I know a crush when I see one."

"I'm a human! She's a pony! That can't even work!"

"I'm a dragon and I like a pony. So it's not like you aren't the first to like outside your species. Let me ask than, if you think it can't work why did you keep staring at her?"

Damn you little dragon. I know why I kept staring. Hell I was wondering myself why I continued to look at her. The entire time I was staring I heard that song pop in my head. The one that's always in my head when I fall for a girl at first sight. 'Somewhere my Love', that damned melody always pops in my head when I see a pretty girl. Only this time I had it in my head while I stared at a pony.

"I haven't even been here twenty-four hours and already I've fallen for one of the locals. This is.. absurd."

"Well you are stuck here for the time being. Also you don't know if you can even get home. Why not?"

Because it's wrong? Because I'm here and I shouldn't be falling for a pony that fast? Because.. I always liked pink on a girl. A highlight, not so much that it's her entire outfit. Just that highlight complimented with other bright colors that only few girls can pull off. And a pink mane really does highlight that face with those blue eyes. That yellow coat was really great to look at and those wings. That's life isn't it? I just landed in another world and I already fell for a local girl.. pony. WHATEVER!

Comments

[Ralfil]

This is a good story. The actions of the human involved are genuine enough, yet unique when compared to most other HiE fics. I can see someone acting like that if they are rational enough. Even if it is unrealistic to some it's not over the top. Good job.

[High_Wind]

zipmeme.com/uploads/generated/g1325733801329294146.jpg

[Awsomo 40]

Always been a sucker for HumanXFluttershy
Never any good ones out there, y'know?

[CaptainFabulass]

So later I'm in Ponyville, in my batman shirt
And this dragon comes up and he's, like, "you have a crush!"
I'm, like, "yeah, WHATEVER!"

[kotor511]

I think the story is developing good so far.
It's nice to see different types of poeple landing in Equestria, else every HiE would be boring.
The thing is that each individual human beeing has a different attitude to deal with things, therefor their actions/thoughts alternate as much.
You can't say this and that action is unrealistic for a person, some may act neatly while others rampage over the place, there is way to much of a grey zone in human behaviour to give a definite answer towards how a human might act if he ends up in Ponyville and contacts the locals. Depending on those characteristics is also the possibility of a guy falling for one of the 'female' pony habitants. One may need several days, weeks or even month, to realize what's going on with their mind and feelings for those girls, while another may only need a few minutes to get enamored with one of them and of course there are also those who may deny that kind of relation entirely (which I honestly can't comprehend, but who am I to judge...Shy-chan gets me everytime anyway). Point is that there is no telling how one may act if he or she ends up there, neither their thoughts, that decision is to be left for the author.
I for instance like comedy and romance in a HiE fiction, but also a bit of action (Chase scenes, some brawling/fighting for rediculous reasons, competetive racing etc), vulgar language Is also not a problem if not exaggerated (should serve the comedy, not slander the Image of the story), but I am not much of a fan of gore (Human slayes evil beast is the exception) and dark storys, though I won't avoid to read one if said content is reasonable within the bounds of the story (see 'What Came Before and Beyond' by Squid-hoof or 'of War and Friendship' by DocDelray). I also hold no grudge against clopfics and I welcome the idea of mature topics in HiE fictions, especially if it's about the "estrus" cycle. (Love the comedy of 'Beating the Heat' [Not HiE] by Talon and my all time favourite Chapter 8 of 'To Run a Hundred Miles in The Heat' by Klondike, dude that chapter was hilarious with the chase and all!).

[brax001]

Just sees a yellow Pegasus and suddenly has a crush? Seems forced