A Night Visit

by Feedbacker

A Night Visit

Twilight closed and locked the door as she walked into the room. Finally, all of her chores and tasks were done. Books organized, her scholarly reading done, library cleaned, friends socialized. It had taken most of the day, but she could finally settle down with her new book. The author had supposedly taken a radical change of pace with this novel, and she couldn’t wait to sink her teeth into it.

She trotted over to her bed, plopped down on it, and set to work. Let’s see… She had filed it properly under “Brae,” so it should be on the shelf to her left-

Twilight’s mind was torn from the book when she saw the shadow on her balcony. There was definitely somepony there – Or something. It was far larger then a normal pony.

“Hello?” Twilight called. That… Wasn’t the smartest idea, she thought immediately afterward.
“Hello.” A rather dull voice sounded back. Okay, so it was a pony. And familiar, too. In fact…

Twilight’s suspicions were only confirmed when the figure’s horn lit up, revealing a familiar white princess. While this proved to Twilight that she was not in physical danger, it didn’t do much to help her nerves. After all, her teacher could possibly be visiting to inform Twilight she had failed some sort of test and would be immediately released from Celestia’s care. Why else would she drop in at ten o’clock?

“I thought I’d visit,” Celestia mumbled. Well, that was certainly better then “You’re a failure of a student, leave this library and go to the coal mines.” Still, why would she do it this late?

“That’s nice, princess!” Twilight responded, brightly. Even though she was nervous, she always loved it when she got a chance to talk with Celestia. “Come in.”

Celestia stepped inside slowly, closing the door behind her. Twilight raised an eyebrow slightly. Celestia did not look like the regal princess she normally was. There was something about the way she walked, how her mane flowed, the fact her crown was slightly off-center… Something was wrong.
The princess acknowledged this. “I’ve had a bit of a rough day. Week. Month. You get the picture. So I just thought I’d relax here for a bit.”

She bent her legs beneath her and layed down.

“Get away from the hustle and bustle, you understand, right?”

Twilight nodded, and they sat in silence for a few moments.

“So… Any specific reason for you deciding to leave?” Twilight muttered, in an attempt to make conversation.

“Well, it’s…”

Celestia exhaled sharply.

“I just, gets to me, Twilight. Sometimes. I need a break.”

Another few minutes of silence.

“Life at the palace… It can be stressful. Running a country and keeping an image – Not to mention raising the sun – Is difficult. My subjects expect me to be many things. I am a competent ruler, yes, but the stress can get to me.”

Twilight considered this. She got stressed when she couldn’t find a book. She couldn’t imagine how bad it must be to have an entire country to keep track of.

“And after that whole mess with the changelings, I… I’m beginning to doubt my abilities a bit.”

Twilight shook her head. “Princess, you’re the most powerful creature in all of Equestria! That thing with the changelings – She just got lucky!”

Twilight’s lies were transparent. She had been worrying about this exact thing ever since it happened. Discord and Nightmare Moon were one thing, but Crysalis didn’t control any major elemental forces. She just had an army of shapeshifters. Celestia shouldn’t have lost to her.

“It’s not just big things like that, though. My relationship with Luna hasn’t been the same. We used to be so close, but now… There’s so much distance between us. I thought it would go away over time, but I suppose a thousand year exile is a hard thing to shrug off. Still, it would be nice to really feel loved by somepony.”

Twilight started to say something, but cut herself off.

“I dunno.”

Celestia leaned forward and put her head in her hooves. Twilight had never seen her act this casual.

“I’m getting older, I suppose.”

They sat in silence for a while.

“I don’t – I don’t think I’ll be around much longer.”

Upon seeing Twilight’s reaction to this, Celestia backpedaled.

“Oh, no, not like that. A few thousand years, at least. But, for me, that’s not very much time.”

More silence as Twilight digested the information. The princess seemed to have been around for forever. Twilight couldn’t remember reading a history book that didn’t involve Celestia in some way. The thought of her dying… What would that mean for the country?

Worse still, Celestia had always been there for her. Not quite a mother, but certainly a teacher, a mentor. Somebody to learn from. Twilight could still remember learning to levitate small lead globes and reading her first spellbooks with the assistance of the princess. She probably wouldn’t live long enough to see the princess die, but the thought of her not being there… She couldn’t even consider it.

“I just… Hope that, y’know, somepony-“

Celestia shook her head.

“No, nevermind. Well!”

Celestia stood up.

“I had best be going.”

And, without a word, she walked to the door, opened it, and flew off.

Twilight stared at the door for a while. There was obviously something more on the princess’s mind. She had came here for a reason, but decided against it.

Twilight looked down at the blankets on her bed, thinking. The princess probably had wanted to ask her to… Decrease the frequency of her letters, so she wouldn’t be as stressed. That had to be it.

It couldn’t be…

No, of course not. Celestia would never…

Twilight sighed and stared up at the sky. She had always found the stars beautiful, but she preferred the dawn…

Comments

[Feedbacker]

First story on this account. Written entirely to warm up my pony-writing muscles.

It's probably terrible, but it is a warm-up. So, go ahead. Critique it!

[Steben]

Try to avoid using words like "dunno." Things like that make it look like you got lazy when writing this. In some ways Celestia's dialogue felt choppy, as if the fluency could be improved. It was a good first attempt.

[Shumiry]

Interesting...

“I just, gets to me, Twilight. Sometimes. I need a break.”

This is probably supposed to be "It just, gets to me[...]

Honestly, that's about it. I personally found the use of "dunno" and "y'know" fit the bill for the mood you were setting. It struck me that Celestia was supposed to be acting very un-princesslike, and the slipping of her normal proper etiquette into more informal colloquialisms hammered that impression home.

I do feel that Twilight's musings at the end are a little too spot-on. For me, many romances involve the parties in question jumping to that conclusion too easily. Were I in Twi's position, I would probably be more under the assumption that Tia is lonely, feeling isolated from her subjects and her sister, and is looking for somepony who will treat her like a normal pony. Like she needs a friend.

Whether or not I misinterpreted those thoughts of hers, and what I suggested is, in fact, what you were aiming for, the point remains that the impression I got is that Twilight is considering the possibility that the Princess is looking to see her in a romantic light, which, even as a possibility, seems like a bit of a stretch.

Other than that, I enjoyed this! Like I said, I liked the way you represented a haggard and weary Celestia, and the comment about her impending, albeit far-off by pony standards, death, opens many possibilities for future conversations and hijinks. I'll definitely be looking for more.

Edit* Wait a minute. There's no romance tag on this story. Did I just completely misinterpret the end? Man... talk about shipping goggles. Well, if I'm completely off-base and partially insane, just ignore the stuff about the romance.

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

[Feedbacker]

1364679
"Death of the Author" is all I really need to say.

[TheHylianBatman]

I like it. There's some errors here and there, but meh. I'll live. You, sir, get a like.

[Shumiry]

1364702 Point taken and well made!

[dancingmad]

But the reason Chrysalis defeated her was because she was feeding out From Shining Armor's love for Cadance.Chrys was even struggling and was surprised she won.I don't think it would change your story,though.I just wanted to point that out.

I liked it it by the way.I wish you could explore and expand it a little bit more,but that's only if you feel like it.

[QuantumFire]

This gets a like and fave. You should think about expanding on this, as there are so many paths to take from this.

[Feedbacker]

1365912

Due to the fact this is really just a warm-up, I don't think I'll expand this particular one.

You may see some themes present in this - and possibly even the scenario - present in other things I write. I'm undecided as of yet.

[Favo]

1365928
It's certainly a one-shot, and a short one at this. I don't think that this story, not can't, but shouldn't be continued.

Don't get me wrong though, it was pretty good. Congratulations if this is your first story!

[secondaryspine]

Formatting needs a lot of work. Dialogue attached to speakers and such. Also the pacing is poor, I have no real context of how to feel about whats going on, and the complete tag makes me feel like I kinda just wasted my time cause... Nothing happened. At all.

[Exaecatio]

Besides some of the other things, I feel like this story is missing some things.
Mainly it's the fact that the characters don't change at all. Maybe Celestia feels very different after getting this off her chest, maybe Twilight has decided that she will try to something about Celestia feeling sad, but we don't get to see anything of that. I think that the ending is not fitting for something like this at all - it would work wonders for a longer fic, but here, it's an open ending for a 1k word long story. In my opinion, open endings work only when the story has established some facts and has gone somewhere, but here, nothing is established, so we can't know where it could go, making the story forgettable.
What I like the most about your writing is the dialogue, it seems very fitting for the characters, though here, "y'know" and "dunno" might be a bit too much even for the more laid back princess.

[fallen starr]

It's a decent one shot. I love the idea behind it, but I really feel like two should have said something to celly, instead of just letting it fly off. That would probably fix the feeling of something missing that people have. Still, it was a nice story and I think, if you ever feel like it, you could take this concept and work wonders.