• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

deadpansnarker


"Be good to yourself, because nobody else has the power to make you happy."

E

Ponyville Hospital is about to get a very important visitor. Why is she there, though? The full harrowing details are about to be revealed... Set just after Twilight's Kingdom.

Written for the Thousand Words Competition. After MANY edits, and LOTS of bellyaching... I finally got there in the end. :moustache:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

So, if I read this correctly, a colt was severely injured during Twilight and Tirek's battle?

11619777
That was the point of the story, yes… he got caught in the crossfire. It was labelled ‘Sad’ for a reason… :pinkiesad2:

11619779
I see. No wonder Twilight felt guilty.

11619779
how did he survive? How is there more of him than jelly?

11619790

Impact injury from the force of the blast. Put it this way: How could you unleash half the force you saw in the episode and NOT injure somepony?

11619793
Ok, I thought under a direct blow

RB_

I feel like I’ve gotten emotional whiplash a little bit, here. I’m a big proponent of mixing in bits of comedy into darker or sadder stories; it makes them hit harder. Here, though, most of the story is written in a comedic way, even some of the sad parts, and that just feels… weird? It also came across as kind of melodramatic to me, overall. I’m afraid, for me, it just didn’t work. Regardless, though, best of luck in the contest!

11619807
Okay, well not every sad story has to be 100% depressing, and not every comedy has to be 100% funny. And a bit of melodrama is quite common with this genre. I wouldn’t change anything about it, but you’re entitled to an opinion (obviously). Bye for now!

11619793
i didn't get anything other than twi visiting a kid in the hospital. no feelings or really any understanding of what this was. felt like the focus was on a young nurse redheart being unprofessional / unprepared

11619938
Obviously my story didn’t have enough ‘resonance’ for you then. :raritywink:

I might’ve hoped it was easier to read between the lines than that, but every reader is different. Thanks for checking it out anyway. :twilightsheepish:

11619793

How could you unleash half the force you saw in the episode and NOT injure somepony?

Maybe by confronting him outside the city and shooting her blasts the opposite direction? Exactly what she did in the show?
Not saying there wasn't a chance of something like this happening, but that would've been a freak accident, not an inevitability.
Twi probably evaporated more critters than Shy has tears to cry, tho.

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