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One day, Nurse Redheart is tasked with taking care of a patient that is far too normal – and that's the problem.
Proofreading help from Pascoite. Unmarked spoilers are in the comments! Cover art is #2300657 on derpibooru. This is an entry for the Barcast's Halloween in April contest. Reccomended in a spoiler-filled review by PresentPerfect! Recommended by The Red Parade in his spoiler-filled review! Contribute to the TVTropes page! Featured on Equestria Daily!
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Very nice. I enjoyed the way you placed Redheart into this role, and that really shined through with her interactions. I liked the concept, and I liked the way you presented it through Redheart; it's really form-fitting how she plays off of the other staff members.
Hey there! Thanks for the entry, I look forward to reading it.
10195030
Thank you, Odd. Horror as a lone genre is one where I sometimes doubt my writing ability. I usually prefer to weave it with something else, and that usually ends up being mystery and drama. I wanted to keep this subtle to see how well it worked with the build-up required for mystery and atmosphere and tension for horror.
10195332
Thank you for hosting the contest! It gave me a chance to write an idea I've had for a while.
*blink*
10195402
Might not wanna blink or the spooky nurse pony might get you.
10195404
I did not need new reasons to avoid hospitals right now.
10195411
I don't think anyone does.
Shoulda seen her going that way when she started talking about "the thrill of the control of someones life".
10195664
That and like, bitching about everypony like a huge meanie pants.
10195667
I mean she could just be a massive prick, and for some of it I thought she had some anger issues regarding her skill being wasted as a nurse, or was just feeling burnt out.
I think you hide it well, she just seemed over it, if a bit overly mean.
10195696
Thanks! I tried to convey it well.
10195696
There were moments like how she was thinking of the Rich family. Or how she was so very bitter with her that she didn't even care to read her chart that would've let her off to know about the Citrus allergy.
The fact that she was nice the entire time but she was thinking along the lines of "That snobby, rich, bitch" the entire time is big red flags.
10195720
True, I was just genuinely surprised, which is not common for me, even though this isn't a uncommon suprise.
10195754
I like writing surprises.
HMMMMMMMM
Nice story.
10197342
Thank you very much for reading and the compliment!
At first, this story had me genuinely confused. I could see that Redheart despised, no, hated this patient without a logical line of reasoning. She just takes one look at her and then decides that she hates her patient since she's snobbish and rude when in reality the patient had barely done anything at all. And then I move onto the next chapter and there it is. Boom, your patient is dead.
But then I thought this over and realized that Redheart killed one of her patients.
The signs were there: hating the patient so much, unlike her usual kind nature, missing the part in the patient's papers where it was said that she was allergic to citrus (this is a huge thing in hospitals, as they wouldn't want to kill their patients), her being infuriated and disgusted with the situation she's in while scrubbing the bedpans.
The fact that this story is confusing at first glance, and that even after you understood the plot you're dumbfounded at what the protagonist has done, makes this an excellent, yet subtle, mystery and horror story. I'm still dumbfounded at what she did; guess the notion hasn't fully sunk in yet.
Good job writing this, this is one of the better horror stories I've seen here. Have fave for it.
10198166
Thank you for reading! I haven't written a mystery in a while so it was fun to have that kind of a build-up again.
Nice. I enjoyed this story quite a bit.
10204141
Thank you very much! I don't usually write horror but I'm glad my forays into it have such positive reactions.
I hate it when I have too much pizzaghetti.
10206640
Of course you would find the real horror in this story.
*googles*
Oh...
10394700
Isn’t vocabulary fun? :)
A review of your story has been posted in the My Little Reviews & Feedback group. I hope you find it helpful.
This shit so tight I bought a sandwich at Arby's today and thought, "This shit so tight but damn, could it be as tight?" I and thoughts about its and decided this shits is tighter.
You've had one review, yes, but how about another? Thanks for picking me as a reviewer and I hope you found what I had to say helpful!
Dunno how to feel about this. On one hand, or hoof, it's well written and is set in a rather niche character situation. Really interesting to see as a writer. On the other hand, I've taken care of patients as a hospital volunteer and saw multiple people die in just one shift. So like... kudos for bringing back memories?
10473008
I’ve actually gotten feedback similar to this before from another user who worked in a hospital. It’s actually starting to get concerning. I know trying to achieve realism is a fine writing goal, but I had no clue this story would be hitting home for anyone that way.
Sorry for that, dude.
10473243
I don't think it "hits home" differently, I just think when you've worked in healthcare, especially emergency care which can get quite intense, you just see things differently.
10473445
Both you and the other unnamed user said that the story was especially disturbing for someone who worked in healthcare, and I'm wondering if I should take that as "Hey you created and effectively scary story" or "Holy fuck Ice Star" y'know?
10473481
There's nothing wrong with how you've written it, and I wasn't trying to say that my reaction was any different from the rest of your readers. I'm able to separate my experiences from what I'm reading. But, at the same time, it's like seeing someone write about your place of work. You could have written an extremely positive and flowery story set in the Ponyville hospital, and I would have still stepped back and put it into the context of what I do and don't know.
10473552
Well, that's a relief.
Odd error here...
That would put this 93 years before the start of the show. You later mention Diamond Tiara, so even Ponies living long enough that Granny Smith is hundreds of years old would not cover that.
10508592
Whoops, thanks for catching that. It's fixed now.
Damn. I love how the first chapter very gradually rolls into "oh shit, she's an angel of mercy, isn't she?" territory. :)
10554167
That build up has to be t h i c c
Having watched more than a couple Forensic Files episodes about "angels of mercy," I picked up on what was going on rather quickly. The signs were subtle, but well-sprinkled throughout the story. My correct assumptions didn't stop it from being horrifying. Not one bit. Abuses of power make my skin crawl, and Redheart definitely fits the bill of "someone who got into medicine solely to play God".
Eeesh. Damn. Earned that horror tag, bro.
10648211
How dare you not be as naive as most of my readers you checking gosh-darned consarned meanie-pants! Think of all the twists that your knowledge straightened!
No, but seriously, good to know I still have the bloodless horror touch.