Epilogue
A soft rapping was heard against Luna's bedroom door.
The noise pierced through the echoing sobs that racked Luna's entire being, perking up the alicorn's ears. Even though she couldn't see anything at all—she had made sure to leave the room shrouded in complete darkness—her head slightly lifted up in response to the noise, and turned toward the door. There was no way to tell who was at the door by any mundane means, and she definitely didn't want to try and use any spells to divine the culprit, for then she'd have to light up her horn, and her room in turn. That was the absolute last thing she wanted—the thought of looking into a mirror and seeing her own face left a disgusting taste in her mouth.
Therefore, with an angry yell, Luna screamed, “Go away!”
Her decree delivered, she curled her head back up against her belly, and continued to sob. She was thankful that she had decided to yell so loud, for the scream drowned out any choking sobs that she might have let escaped her throat otherwise. Right now, one of the last things that she wanted was to see or talk to anypony, especially in the state that she was in right now. All she desired was to wallow in her pool of tears, lower the moon from inside her room, and cry herself to sleep.
However, that wish would not be granted, for just a few moments later, the door to her room opened—bathing the room in the soft glow of the hallway lights.
Instantly, Luna stifled her sobs. The fact that whatever pony that came through the door was able to do so even though it was locked—let alone without setting off the hundred or so arcane runes she had placed on it—led her to believe that it was one of her loyal guards—one of the loyal, but stupid ones most likely, considering that they blatantly disobeyed a direct order. It couldn't have been anypony else, for nopony else was allowed through that door in any other situation... not even her own poor sister.
She could feel the guard step into the room, and as quietly as possible, close the door. Yet, even with the door closed, the room still glowed dimly from the light of a single candle. Those steps returned with all of their unwanted vengeance as they grew closer. She closed her eyes tighter as she attempted to just will the guard to leave her once more, yet it was foolish to think that just willing something to happen would change anything. Therefore, just a few seconds later, the guard came to her side, and just stood there.
Luna sniffed a few times, before speaking again—never raising her head from its protective position. “You do recall what the punishment for disobeying a princess' order is, correct?”
“Expulsion from the Canterlot Royal Guard, as well as dishonorable discharge from the Equestrian Army, though there are situations where a more severe punishment is warranted,” a familiar voice said in the most monotonous tone. “However, a princess' order may be refused if such an order is made under an unsound mind. If I may be so bold, I feel that this might be one of those cases.”
Sniffing once more, Luna lifted her head up from its curled up position, and gazed into the eyes of Vigilant Watch. It was hard to make him out, for the single candle in the room was left on a dresser by the door, but it was obvious enough who the stallion standing next to her was. If the stallion before her had been any other guard, she would've gone through with the expulsion, discharge, and possible banishment of him to a celestial object of his choice in a blink of an eye, but he was the exception. He was the only exception.
This was why she quickly leaned forward, and with a powerful grip, pulled the stallion into a deep hug, and cried.
The instant that she pulled him close, she felt every single muscle in his body tense up tighter than a pony facing down a hydra. It didn't matter to Luna though, for just the warmth of any pony that cared for her was enough, and allowed her tears to flow that much more freely. With every tear that fell, the muscles in Vigilant's body loosened just a little bit, until it was almost if he melted into her hug. It took some time, but finally, after what felt like half an era, he finally returned the embrace with all the vigor and enthusiasm that she needed and wanted. And there they stayed for the longest time, the two ponies—so vastly different in every way possible—allowing both to let down their shields, and actually act like... well... like normal ponies for once.
However, such an embrace could only last for so long, and with reluctance in both of their part, Luna pulled away from the hug—her hooves remaining around his shoulders—and once again looked into those cyan eyes of his. With a smile growing on her face, she softly whispered, “You are a stubborn old fool, my Captain.”
Vigilant's face never shifted emotions as he whispered back, “And you are an eccentric, sixteen hundred year old child, yet here we both are.”
To that, Luna froze. She let the words that he just spoke flow through her ears, enter her mind, and rebound again and again against her skull. Like a machine unable to start working, her mind just couldn't comprehend what he had just said, and the implications of it. It wasn't for the fact that he said she was sixteen hundred winters old, for that was fairly accurate. It wasn't because he said she was eccentric, for even she had to admit that she had been acting quite fickle with certain things recently. It was that he called her a child. No, she wasn't offended—far from it. Instead she was... confused. Yet, he spoke those words, and finally—after what must have been fifteen seconds—she realized what he had just done.
“You... you...” Luna stuttered. Finally, her lips turned upwards, and she giggled lightly. “Did you... did you just make a joke? That... that is the first joke that I have ever heard you make. Ever.”
Yet, even with the statement, his face remained as neutral as ever. “I apologize, my princess. I will not allow it to happen again.”
With that statement, Luna burst out laughing. It started as a normal laugh would, but it quickly transformed into the hardest and deepest laugh that she had had in the longest of times. The laugh quickly moved from the back of her throat to the bottom of her belly as she began to heave for breath. Her wings, which until now had been resting limply against her sides, were slightly splayed out on either side of herself, until the overworked flight muscles in her back began to ache with the strain. A throbbing pain went through her sides, until she was nearly forced to hold the sides of her stomach with her hooves to try and elevate the pain. Tears once again flowed from her yes, yet these were not from pain or sadness like before, but were now from absolute joy.
The entire time, Captain Vigilant Watch somehow kept his composure.
Slowly but surely, she began to regain her own composure, and with her hooves still on the stallion's shoulders, whispered, “I shall remember this moment—the moment I finally found out that you were a real pony—as one of the happiest and biggest surprises I have ever experienced in my entire life.”
Vigilant paused for a second, before replying. “And I shall remember it for other reasons entirely. That said, I have something to show you, my princess.”
With a smile on her face, Luna picked herself up, and with a small hop, jumped onto the floor next to her captain. “Very well, Captain Vigilant Watch. Lead on!”
Nodding, the stallion turned, and together the two made their way out of the room. Taking a quick right, they began to make their way down the hall to whatever destination that Vigilant Watch wanted to take them. The possibilities of what he wanted to show her began to flow through Luna’s brain at first, but after a few seconds, she decided that trying to speculate would only make the wait worse, so decided to just “go with the flow”, and let him lead the way.
Suddenly, the comparatively small stallion spoke. “So how was your evening, Princess Luna?”
After only a second of pause, Luna turned towards the pegasus, and smiled even wider. “Everything I could've possibly dreamed of.”
Luna pulled her head back from looking around corner of the doorway. She turned towards Vigilant Watch, and with a hushed voice, whispered, “What is this?”
For his part, Vigilant Watch didn't bat an eye. “What do you think this is, my princess?”
“Is... is this a joke?” Luna hissed back towards the captain.
“I do not joke.”
“You did a few minutes ago.”
Pausing for just a moment, Vigilant thought to himself as he considered her words. “...No, this is not a joke.”
“But... but... how? Why?”
“I do not know either, but does it matter?”
“Yes! I mean... well... uhh... how long has... well... you know.”
“Has he been waiting? I would estimate since about an hour after you left. As for whether he urinated on the tapestries, I am glad to say he did not.”
Luna peeked around the corner once more, and observed the tan stallion inside the throne room as she stood atop the red carpet that lined the main aisle. At first, he saddlebag ladened pegasus looked almost as still as a statue, yet the longer Luna looked, the more she realized how far off such an assumption was. Sure, there were the standard slight movements that anypony would have—the slow heaving of the stallion's chest while breathing, the slight twitch of an ear, or even a flick of the tail—but there were other things that sent various clues of how tired he must have been. His eyes were half lidded as he slightly swayed from left to right, with his eyes closing every so often in exhaustion. Yet every single time, he would quickly open them, and continued to look at whatever point in space that he was transfixed by.
Pulling back behind the doorway, she looked at her captain. “That long? Are you serious?”
Captain Watch narrowed his eyes slightly. “Have I ever not been serious about something?”
“I know I know, but why did you not... you know...” Luna's voice trailed off as she fought for words. However, she eventually let her forelegs do the talking, and with wide eyes, she waved her forehooves in a flicking motion.
For a second, Vigilant furrowed his brows, until he realized what she was trying to get at. Taking a deep breath, he finally responded. “Suggest he come back another time?”
“Yes!” Luna hissed again.
“I suggested such at the top of every hour. He refused every time.”
Luna looked peeked once more, and after a few seconds, let out a sigh. “I see...”
For a few moments, Luna debated what she should do. On one hoof, she was so incredibly tardy, that the thought of showing up now and facing the guaranteed embarrassment of the situation was not something she wanted to deal with. She herself knew that if somepony were to stand her up for thirty minutes—let alone eleven hours—she have would been pissed to no end. Therefore, she was certain that the stallion, while he would never actually yell or fuss at her in any way, would be annoyed to no end. All things considered, she had no desire to end her wonderful night by talking to a pony that was pissed to no end with her.
On the other hoof, he had been waiting there for the longest time. Even if he was mad to no end, he deserved something in return for his patience. It was her job after all to be ready for guests during Luna Court, and while she had been heavily neglecting that exact duty tonight, she should still carry out her duties towards him. Besides, if it was the fear of having the stallion mad at her that was preventing her from acting, completely standing him up would only serve to make his anger worse. Plus, he could resign himself to visiting her sister in the morning, ruining her only chance to have a worthwhile visitor in the longest time—and she had no plans to use her captain to beat him up either.
So with that, she stepped out from behind the doorway, and proceeded to walk into the room. While he was most likely taken by surprise at first, Captain Watch quickly filed in behind her, and followed her into the room. With as much grace and poise as she could muster, she made her way into the room. However, the stallion didn't really seem to react in any way to her. Instead he appeared to be off in his own little world as he stared into the point in space in front of him.
“My apol—” Luna stopped, a little bit of a frog in her throat. However, the noise did serve to alert the stallion to her presence, and he quickly turned towards her. Once again, she started. “My apologies, my dear stallion, on my incredible tardiness tonight.”
If the stallion was mad at her, he was good at hiding it. Very good. So very good, that he was almost bouncing up and down in excited glee. Still, he didn't forget to bow deeply at her presence. “Oh not at all, Princess Luna! It is an incredible honor to finally meet you!”
“The feeling is mutual, mister...”
“Searchlight!” the stallion shouted as he rose back up to his hooves, and shot his beaming smile at her.
“Searchlight.” Luna finally allowed a much smaller smile to fall upon her face. With a few more steps, she finally brought herself to the throne at the top of the dais, and with a quick padding of the cushion on the top of it, she sat herself down. As Vigilant Watch took his place at her right, she cleared her throat, and continued. “So, Mister Searchlight, what do you request of me?”
Stopping his constant hopping—though he let the smile on his face somehow grow even wider—the pegasus stallion took a step forward. “I just need you to approve of a building permit for me.”
Despite her best attempts, Luna felt her head cock ever so slightly to the left. “A... a building permit?”
His eyes closed in glee, Searchlight nodded. “Indeed!”
“I see. Do you have a copy of the blueprint with you?”
“I do!” he announced with a slight skip. Quickly, he turned his head around, and with a quick search inside the saddlebags resting on his back, pulled out a rather large scroll.
Luna summoned her magic, and with a quick tug, pulled the roll of paper over to her, and in front of her face. Quickly manipulating the paper with her magic, she pulled it open, and began to look at the various intricate drawings on it. While she was able to make out a few drawings, there was no pegasus' eye view of the structure. Instead, there was only the various floors drawn out in an “top-down” sort of view. While very detailed in nature, Luna had no clue what the structure was supposed to be. All she saw was that it was massively tall octagon building.
Reminding herself that she would have to familiarize herself with everything about architecture and engineering very quickly, she put the plans to her side, and stowed them away as neatly as possible. Looking back up, she smiled again. “I shall need to look over them during my sister's day. How about we schedule for you to come back tomorrow evening. Does midnight sound sufficient?”
Somehow beaming even wider, Searchlight nodded. “Oh, that would be wonderful! Thank you so much. I'll see you then!” With that, he turned around, and began to skip his way out of the room.
However, Luna couldn't just let it stand like that, so as soon as he got close to the doorway, Luna lifted a hoof. “Wait!”
The call entering his ears, he turned back around, and cocked his head. “Yes, Princess Luna?”
She shifted her weight slightly, before finally saying, “Why... why me?
His smile faltered slightly, but he still kept his chipper tone. “Why you? What do you mean?”
“I mean... why me? Why would you stay up so late and wait so long just to speak to me, and not talk to my sister instead?”
“Well.” Searchlight paused for a moment as he owned his mouth wide, and yawned. A few seconds later, the yawn passed, and he continued. “I mean, It's a lighthouse, and I really don't see it being used as much during the day. It... it seemed to make sense to ask you, since you are in charge of the night.”
Luna was silent for a little bit longer, before she nodded. “Very... astute of you. That will be all.”
Searchlight took a deep bow. “Yes, of course, Princess.” With that, he turned around once again, and made his way though the doorway, and out of the throne room.
Now with only her guards to keep her company, Luna began to think about everything that was just presented to her. The entire conversation played back in her head as she recalled every single detail. He was right about the lighthouse making much more sense for her to deal with than Celestia, and he was right in coming to her. Further, if she hadn't had been holding her Lunar Court—granted she wasn't there until the very end of it—he would've had to deal with the day princess for the night project. It didn't make sense.
However, on the flip side, the truth of the fact was that the Lunar Court still didn't make a lick of sense. Not only was it a waste of her own time, but it was a complete waste of resources for the castle. Even if she were to have her visitors triple starting tonight, she would still be left with only one visitor a month. That was not a fair prospect in the slightest—it wasn't fair for her, but it was most certainly not fair to her loyal guard. There had to be another way to do this. Maybe... maybe...
Her ponders were interrupted by her captain's voice. “So that was curious.”
Luna shook her head to clear out the thoughts—at least for now. “Yes... yes indeed it was.”
The tone of her voice must have betrayed her thoughts, for Captain Watch turned to face her with a furrowed brow. He studied her for a few moments, before slowly querying, “Is everything alright, Princess Luna? Are you feeling ill?”
Luna paused for another two seconds before shaking her head once more. Looking at an even more confused Vigilant Watch, she put on a reassuring smile. “Yes, I am completely alright. I was just... thinking.”
If anything, it only served to pique his interest even more. “And may I ask what you were thinking, Princess?”
Her smile still on her face, Luna stood herself back up, and stretched her legs and wings. “You most certainly may, though whether I will give you an answer is another matter entirely.”
“...I see.”
“Now if you will excuse me,” Luna stated as she began to make her way back to the hallway from wince she came just a few minutes before, “I have a moon to lower, a sister to visit, and an idea to pitch.”
If there was one thing that Luna could count on, it was the wonder of her glorious night. It was her talent. Her love. Her passion. She had a greater connection to her sky than any artist could ever have to their paint, brush, or canvas. In a way, it was almost an extension of herself, with the night sky completing her in ways that would be impossible to describe to anypony—her sister being the only possible exception. If she could, she would find a way to have the beauty of her night spill over to the day, so that every single pony could enjoy it the way that she did.
However, she had tried that idea once. It didn't end well.
So instead, Luna was content with sitting on the balcony, and enjoying the last vestiges of the night sky as Celestia's sun got itself ready for its impending rise. All signs were pointing to the fact that her night would soon end. Her moon, once vibrant and radiant in the lofty sky, was now barely visible over the horizon so far away. Above, the once blackened sky was a much more blue color now—not quite the sky blue of the day, but definitely not the black of her night sky. All around her, the once infinite stars that she had ignited hours before were beginning to run out of the magical fuel that powered their fires, with each slowly extinguishing in turn. In fact, with it being the time it was, there was only a few hooffuls of stubborn stars left grasping for whatever energy they could before they would be exhausted of their power, and wink out of existence.
In a way, watching her night fade into daylight was a depressing moment for Luna to witness every morning. The best analogy that she could think of was a feeling that an artist would have to watching their entire life's work burn away in a blazing inferno. All the work and power that she had put into the masterpiece was slowly fading away before her very eyes, and there was nothing that she could do to stop it—at least nothing sane that she could do. Sure, her masterpiece was not going away in as much of an exciting spectacle as her hypothetical artist friend's did, but it hurt just the same.
However, for just the same reasons, it gave her so many reasons to be happy. Sure, her night was being wiped clean of any trace, forcing her to make it anew tomorrow evening, but that was just it. In just twelve hours or so, she would be able to once again make her wonderful night. It would be even better than the last, and she would put a few more stars up there just for kicks. In fact, she was sure that there was a blank spot with no stars that she had overlooked while making it last night. She would not make that same mistake for a second time. Practice makes perfect after all.
“My my! Once again I find myself second to arrive! I appear to be losing my punctual touch!”
As those words filled the Night Alicorn's ears, the soft and familiar taps of crystal slippers on marble filled her ears. Slowly, the steps grew closer to the slightly more petite mare, until the two were side by side with each other. As regally as typical for her, Celestia carefully sat herself down on Luna's right, so that the two princesses were now sitting next to each other. It was just like this morning, except she no longer felt a sense of anger at the mare next to her. Instead, Luna now felt something much much worse brewing inside of her being.
Shame.
Regardless, Luna continued to look forward, and with a convincing enough tone, replied. “How was your sleep, sister? Did you... dream well?”
If Celestia was attempting to hide how the statement would get her to react, it didn't work. Instead of the calm and relaxed demeanor that her sister would normally have to any question, this one did have a reaction. Celestia's left eye tweaked ever so slightly, followed by her eyes quickly glancing to Luna, but then quickly looking back forward. The flight muscles along Celestia's back flexed ever so slightly, allowing the mare's wings to move about an inch for just a second before they returned to their resting position. The muscles along the regal alicorn's neck tensed a tiny bit, allowing the hair along her slender and lovely neck to bristle ever so slightly. Finally, there was about a quarter of a second too long of a pause in her reply. For any other pony, such a reaction would be how one would react to a fly buzzing along the edge of their nose.
For her sister and her terrible mask of hers, it might as well have been a fireworks display.
However, despite all of this, Celestia kept her voice completely level as she spoke. “I cannot say too much about it. Nothing out of the ordinary, at least.”
Luna did not have the mask that Celestia always wore, but she felt that she did quite a decent job at suppressing the cringe that that statement brought to her. Thankfully, Celestia did not appear to notice out of the corner of her eye, allowing Luna to act like nothing had happened with little trouble. But still, the implication of what was just said struck hard enough to crack stone. The idea that her sister dreamed about such an event on a consistent basis was terrifying, and especially didn't help to quell any sense of shame that the Night Princess was feeling.
Thankfully, the task at hoof distracted her from feeling such horrid emotions for the time being, for it was time for the two of them to bring forth the new dawn. Together, the two alicorn sisters tapped into the vast arcane might within their souls in preparation of the coming task. Lowering the moon was simple, and summoning the magic within her, Luna found the connection she instinctively held with her moon, grasping it in her will. For all the power she had brought forth, it only took a simple nudge to finally force the gibbous moon below the horizon, and out of sight.
Just as she was releasing the hold on her moon to the west, her sister began to take hold of her sun to the east. Out of the corner of her eye, Luna watched as Celestia brought her magic to the forefront of her being, and began to radiate with power. A dim yellow aura began to glow around the solar alicorn, building in luminosity with each passing moment. Just as the glow reached its peak, Celestia began to rise off of the ground. As the glow around her began to focus onto her horn, she floated a meter off of the ground. Finally, with a final burst of light, the aura was extinguished, and was replaced with the soft glow of the morning light cast on the white mare's face. Her task finally finished, she was gently lowered back to the ground, and landed back into a sitting position.
Celestia took a second to take in a deep breath of the morning air, before she began to speak. “Every morning, I think I will finally—”
“I love you.”
As soon as the words were spoken, Princess Celestia whipped her head so quickly to the right, that Luna was fairly certain that she might have gotten whiplash from the move. Eyes wide and her voice containing a stutter, Celestia whispered, “W... what?”
Luna couldn't bear it any long, and after trying to suppress the shameful feelings inside of her for the past half an hour, the tears finally came back. As the salty fluid spilled from her eyes, she closed her eyes, and shamefully turned away. “I... I love you so... so much sis... sis...”
Before she could choke out the rest of her sentence, she felt the warm embrace of the alicorn next to her. As soon as she felt the body against her side, she leaned into Celestia, and received the hug for everything it was worth. Softly, with the quietest of whispers, Celestia said, “I love you too... dearest sister.”
With a sniff, Luna choked out, “And I am so... so sorry.”
“Sorry?” Celestia was about to pull away—most likely to look Luna in the eyes. However, she grabbed onto her sister as tight as she could, forcing Celestia to stay in the embrace. Such an act was very much willingly accepted, and Celestia even went as far as to scoot a little closer to Luna, so there was nothing between them. “Whatever for?”
For her part, Luna just sat there, and let her tears fall to the marble floor below. “For how I have been treating you. For how I have been blaming you for every single one of my problems that I have encountered. For blaming you for how every pony has looked onto me. Especially for how I turned into the Nightmare, and ruined—”
“Shh...” Celestia whispered as she began to stroke the top of Luna's head. “Shh... it's okay. I don't blame you... I never blamed you...”
She felt herself quivering under the weight of the emotions, but she continued anyway. “But... but... how could you not?”
With a haggard sigh, Celestia placed her head atop Luna's own. “Because the blame was my own, and mine alone. I am sorry for letting such a thing happen to you, but I am more sorry that I have been too... too terrified to apologize for everything.”
Luna attempted to pull herself away from her sister slightly. However, it was her sister that now held her strongly in the hug. “You... you were scared?”
It was only then that Luna felt the wetness of falling tears strike the top of her head. The damp feeling that had begun so long after the start of the string of confessions quickly accelerated into an apparent torrent—Luna feeling each and every impact of her sister's tears atop her head. Further, her once confident and reassuring older sister was quickly crumbling into a babbling mess of emotions herself—a feeling that Luna knew way too much about the past few minutes.
Yet, through it all, Celestia continued. “How could I not? I mean, I only imprisoned you in the moon for a thousand years! How could you ever forgive me for that? How... how could I forgive myself for that?”
To that horrifying question, Luna didn't immediately have an answer. Until a few hours ago, Luna herself wasn't sure if she had forgiven Celestia for what she had done to her so many centuries ago. Even if Luna did forgive her, what was to say it would really fix anything for their terrible and broken relationship? Sure, it would be a start, but it wouldn't solve everything. There really wasn't anything that they could do to fix this without a long and complicated ordeal.
Unless.
Once again, Luna tried to pull herself away. This time though, Celestia let her out of her grip slightly. Luna looked up at her older sister's tear-streaked face, and did her best to put a smile on her own tear-streaked face. “How about a trade?”
To that, Celestia furrowed her brow. “A... a trade?”
Luna let a smile fall upon her face. “Yes. A trade. I shall forgive you on three conditions!”
“...Okay... what are they?”
Luna kept her smile on her face as she began to list off her reasons. “The first condition is that you forgive me for the terrible atrocity so long ago that I committed against you and all of our ponies.”
Celestia nodded. “I already did that a thousand years ago, but alright, done. The second?”
Luna's smile wavered slightly as she took a deep breath—preparing herself for what she was about to do. Slowly, she lifted her right forehoof up, and with a slow motion, placed it upon Celestia's heart. “You forgive yourself.”
Finally, the frown on Celestia's face cracked, and her older sister finally let a smile—albeit a small one—form on her face. With a single chuckle of relief, Celestia whispered, “I might be able to do that. What is the last one?”
With that, the smile that was once on the Lunar Princess' face grew three sizes larger. “You and I have breakfast together, and finally get to know each other once again.”
Luna watched as her sister began to laugh—a real laugh without hiding behind her mask—at the final request. Pulling out from the hug herself, Celestia slowly began to stand back up onto her hooves, and Luna joined her in kind. “I believe that is an absolutely lovely idea.”
Together, the two alicorns began to make their way inside the castle. To Luna's right, the once oppressive sister of hers now shone in a new light. Instead of being the older sister that showed no remorse for any of her actions, past or present, and only thought of herself, she was now an actual living, breathing mare, that actually had hopes and fears. Behind that mask of hers, there was a mare that cared so much for her sister, and feared more than anything else that Luna would never love her back. It was for these reasons why Luna almost felt bad for what she was about to say.
“Oh, and I am suspending the Lunar Court.”
Luna suddenly found herself as the only mare still walking inside. Stopping in her place, she turned around, and found that Celestia was now giving her the most curious of looks. It was amusing to look at, for the assumptions that she was making were... well... she looked fairly adorable.
Slowly, Celestia replied, “What?”
Luna smiled, and after turning herself completely around, continued. “It is a waste of everypony's time. I sit there with nothing to do, my guards play around to pass the boredom. Instead, I plan on making it by appointment, just in case there are a few ponies out there that desire to speak with me.”
Celestia took a few steps forward, but cocked her head in the process. “Alright... so what are you going to do with the vast amount of free time you will undoubtedly now have?”
To that question, Luna lifted her head as high as she comfortably could in an attempt to look as regal as possible. She was sure that it failed, but it felt good to do anyway. “I am going to be the guardian of all of our ponies' dreams.”
It also sounded much cooler in her head.
However, despite how completely lame the role sounded out loud, Celestia did not comment on it. Instead, she merely cocked her head to the side even more. “Is that... even possible?”
Giggling lightly, Luna walked up to her sister. “Surprisingly, yes! At the moment though, the... method is quite unwieldy, and very much a cumbersome spell. I could use an extra set of hooves to help me figure out a way to make it more efficient. Interested?”
Celestia snapped out of her confused reverie, and after she reoriented her head back to a level state, she let a smile overtake her face once more. “Very much so.”
“I thought you would be,” was Luna's reply as the two of them once again began to make their way into the castle. “Oh, and out of curiosity, does the name 'Scootaloo' ring a bell?”
Both mares passed through the doorway that separated the balcony from the rest of the castle. To the east, the sun was beginning to make its long journey across the heavens in the start of a brand new day. It was still far too young of a day for the light to catch the entire balcony with its rays—the railing blocking a fair amount of it—but it still allowed a sufficient amount of glow to the pristine marble making up the solid floor. A select few of these rays barely made it to the doorway itself, and lit up the separate sun and moon emblazoned curtains on either side. Both curtains blew lightly in the wind that began to pick up, intertwining with each other, complementing each other in perfect harmony.
“And I expect to see the report on how likely it will be for the magical laboratory to be up and running again by the time I wake up. Do you think you can do that, Captain Watch?”
In response, the captain nodded to Luna as she passed though the doorway to her bedroom. “I will make sure it gets done. However, if I may speculate, after the explosion that you and your sister caused, I do not foresee that the laboratory will be in working condition for at least three weeks.”
Luna did her best to stifle a giggle, but for the most part she failed. “Yeah, I think we might have gone a little overboard with our antics there, but oh well. I would like that report anyway.”
Captain Vigilant Watch bowed low to the ground. As he did this, he took a few steps back, so that he was clear of the open doorway. “As you wish, my princess. Have a wonderful sleep, and dream well.” With that, he closed the door, leaving Luna alone in the room with nothing but the soft glow of a single candle to light the room.
For the second time, Luna lightly giggled. “Yes... yes I believe I shall.”
The time that she had spent in the past two hours had been even more amazing than all of the earlier dreams combined. When she and Celestia first started to work on the spell that would allow for Luna to enter dreams at range, it had gone without a hitch. Using all the knowledge that she had gathered throughout the night, the two were able to piece together the positive energies of the original Memory Extractor Spell, while negating whatever negative aspects that existed in it. Quickly, the two were able to come up with a spell that would allow Luna to be able to look into another pony's dream. Sure, Luna would no longer be able to extract information from a pony that was awake, but that was not really necessary—and was a decent tradeoff for the positive trait of not causing ponies to go into a coma.
However, things quickly fell apart when Celestia asked what they should name the spell. Luna suggested they call it the “Lunar Lucidity Spell,” while Celestia had decided that it should be named the “Celestia-Luna Dream Inspector and Analyzer Spell.” While in proper form of today's standard of naming new spells—the names of the creators followed by a quick description—it just sounded so disgustingly bland. However, Celestia had insisted that not only was denying her any credit in bad form, but only the caster of the spell would be lucid for any part of the spell—unless the caster were to interact with the dreamer.
Things quickly got out of hoof when Luna threw the first batch of water at her sister. From then on, a fight rivaling that a thousand winters prior commenced, with weapons and explosions replaced by water and spell components. The fight quickly ended when the two accidentally mixed a few components perfectly to cause a massive explosion, which utterly destroyed everything in the room, along with the room itself.
Quickly thereafter, the two alicorns compromised on a short and simple name—Dreamwalk.
Smiling at the memory, Luna turned around, and began to make her way towards her bed. The thought of the sheets wrapped around her and warming her body was something that she desired more than anything else right now. Indeed, as soon as the thoughts of lying on the mattress and resting her head on a pillow entered her mind, a deep yawn emanated from her throat. She knew that she should have looked more into the concept of lighthouses and architectural engineering, but she had been so busy last night, and she was certain that even if she were to try, she would never be able to focus anyway. Besides, it wasn't like there wasn't any time between sundown and midnight. She was sure she could become an expert in both fields of study in a few hours time at most. So for now, she would sleep.
Placing the candle on her bedside table, she used her magic to remove the regalia adorning her, and placed it in its proper place. Stepping out of her slippers, she used her magic to open a shelf to her left, and pulled out the most filly-like baby blue socks that she could imagine owning. With a gleeful smile on her face, she slipped the socks over her legs, until each one was nice and toasty.
Luna used her magic to pull the sheets out, exposing the place she would be making her cocoon. She climbed up onto the bedding, and began the task of making her her spot was sufficiently comfortable. She circled the center of the bed a few times to make sure that the mattress was properly kneaded to get any bumps out, before she finally flopped herself down. She stretched her wings a few times to make sure that they weren't cramped in any way, before she used her magic to pull the sheets back over her body, and tucked the ends under the mattress.
After making sure that everything was situated, Luna turned to her right, and blew out the candle. With that, she rolled over, and it wasn't long before the wonderful feeling of Luna's dreams began to take over her mind.
Slowly Luna took a few steps forward, carefully inspecting the gazebo before her. Just like before, she was doing her best to figure out how in the name of the moon and stars it had come to exist. Yet, no matter how much she tried to figure out how it was built, there wasn't any reasonable explanation to how it got on this island, or why anypony would put it here. The only pair of explanations that she could imagine existing was that the gazebo was built here because it was the site of some ancient event of historical significance, and it was built to commemorate the event. As for how, she supposed that the logs were pulled by some kind of boat to here just for the occasion. However, both theories were shaky at best, for she had no idea how she wouldn't know about the event.
Regardless, she began to make her way into the lonely gazebo. As her hooves stepped onto the white boards, her hoofsteps went from soft crunches of stepping on grass to the hard taps of crystal on wood. It was a completely different sound, yet it still kept a wonderfully serene feel to the entire scene. It was as if there wasn't another pony for a thousand miles.
However, a soft tap of tiny hooves behind her snapped her out of that assumption. Quickly, Luna turned around to make sure that the newfound intruder was not one that would bring harm upon her. Yet, instead of an unwelcome guest intent on hurting her, she found a pony that she would've never expected—not in a thousand winters.
The small filly apparently didn't notice notice Luna's apprehension, for she beamed with the most gleeful of smile. “Lulu! I can't believe I found you!”
Lulu took a step back, and with a nervous heart, used her baby blue mane to cover her face. “Oh... I am sorry. I hope I did not disappoint you, Celly.”
Hopping over to her little sister, Celly bopped Lulu on the nose. “Don't be a silly filly, silly filly! I'm really really happy to see you!”
Lifting her head up, Lulu bopped Celly's nose with her own hoof. “Well... I am happy to see you too, sister.”
“That's older sister to you, baby sister!”
Lulu growled playfully. “I am not a baby!”
“Oh yeah? Only a baby wouldn't be able to beat her sister in a race!” Celly grinned as she spread her tiny wings wide in anticipation to what was to come.
For her part, Lulu spread her small wings as well, and grinned back. “Just name where.”
Looking around, Celly was doing her best to find a place that the two could race to. Eventually, Celly pointed to an area far off. “First one to the shore over there wins!”
Excited for the coming race, Lulu walked forward, and brought herself in line with her older sister. “Sounds good!”
Celly smiled. “Ready?”
Lulu spread her stance slightly. “Set.”
“Go!”
Together, the two burst off into the distance in the little impromptu race that had just begun. This early on, it was impossible to tell which filly would win, and which would be considered the baby. One thing was certain though. No matter how who won, and who lost, the two sisters would share all of the laughs that they could for as long as they could. That was obvious enough to tell by the way they faded into the distance, their laughter carrying across the glassy water all around.
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Hmmm... A nice, comforting ending. Not too abrupt or overly emotional, but calm. Equal to Luna's confidence in herself and her role in Equestria now. I like that very much. There was a reason why EQD let this story get accepted, and I am sure that the people who have followed and read this story from start to finish should feel satisfied with this ending as well.
As for favorite moments, I don't believe I had one. It's not to say that the chapters in this story were not entertaining or amusing, but rather, every chapters had some quirk or moment that made it humorous and enjoyable to read. While any particular chapter doesn't lay heavily in my mind, the fact that one doesn't means that I was able to move onto the next dream/chapter with an open mind toward what Luna would possible see happening. (Although Twilight just reading in her dream was expected. Really.)
I can't say that there is anything glaringly visible that you would need to work on, at least from my perspective. This was a relatively controlled comedy/slice of life story, after all, and not some gigantic attempt at a world-building adventure story. The parameters in which it took place were expected and appropriate for what you wrote.
And now against your wishes: good job. Good verk, comrade. Just as bomb kart will not poosh self, stories do not write selves. Good verk on completing this, and finding the motivation/dedication to do so.
That ending! it...was...so...gooooood!
At first though, you didn't say there was a younger Luna there so that should be fixed.
It sucks. Do it over from the beginning.
On a more serious note, I'll restate it here- you started a few subplots and never finished them, (Luna interfering with Rainbow and Fluttershy's relationship and Scootaloo's home life in particular) and I don't feel that did much to help the story as a whole. Plus I'm not entirely certain the "Alicorns lose any libido at 500 years" thing really needed to exist. Apart from that, nice work on finishing a ~100k word story!
Great story. Interesting. Unique. And does well in making it seem canon.
And THANK YOU for not ending in a ship story. (Yes, I know, but still)
So have a clap gif 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb129cdkIa1rzz3r3o1_500.gif
This is so beautiful *sniff* I just love this story for its humor, the depth, and how many feels it brings up when I read it. Bravo. I hope you decide to continue it at some point just to see what other dreams Luna decides to dive into.
I really enjoyed this story, the way that you portray all the characters is amazing, and I also enjoyed this explanation on the dream spell.
This chapter and the last one were very emotional, I shed some less than manly tears. I wish more authors would write with the amount of emotion that you do.
Um, as far is critique, I am having a difficult time. Usually there is something, but this story was seriously everything it could have possibly been for me. Well, except for the Iron Will scene, it seemed a bit... off? I don't really know what it was, it just didn't seem to fit with the story like the other dream sequences did.
Well I am going to completely ignore what you said and just say Congratz!!
Ok I kid. I really did enjoy this story. The moment that episode came out, I knew someone was going to right a story about this. The story was clean, had a nice flow, and really depicted the characters well.
I liked that Luna held a grudge on Celestia. I liked that she seemed more real and human in that. How she just could not forget about what happened. It really portrayed her as a younger sibling. Emotional, headstrong, and brash where as the elder is usually more clam and temperate. I mean I am a younger sibling, so I can relate to it.
Very interesting characters and dreams you showed. Maybe for fun she should visit Captain Vigilant Watch dream and see what he thinks about. Since he played a larger role in the last chapter.
Now the only thing that I would see/want different, or slightly, was to make Celestia's dream more vivid and dark. Rather than being just a 'bad' dream, but full on nightmare. Celestia's fear playing out. Maybe dreaming Luna coming up to her and saying she hates Celestia. Going on to make Celestia feel bad. But thats me, and not my story. Regardless I enjoyed Celestia's dream. It was a nice approach of that. From Luna thinking that Celestia was just at a party, and spiraling downhill.
And lastly, having a weakly update schedule was great. Gave me something to read on the weekend. I wish I and more authors did that.
Good luck with future projects,
Foxy Kimchi
Have a like.
This was a very good, well-rounded story. It had a decent mix of saddening and heart-warming emotions, especialy during Luna's time in the real world, the Scootaloo chapter, and the last two chapters. It had amazing comic relief between Luna's inner anguish and references in the dreamers' worlds were fantastic.
I think I'd have to agree with Kitsunehero and say the one thing I didn't like was the real-world FlutterDash that Luna interfered with, but never followed through.
The Rainbow Dash, Pipsqueak, Gummy, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight chapters left my sides in orbit.
Great job!
dc504.4shared.com/img/r0i4uD2b/s3/you_make_luna_happy.jpg
Great end to a great story and as for the biggest mistake I saw this
it should Vigilant Watch right?
That Kitsunehero kid sure gets around.
The D&D-esque scene with spike's dream was a stroke of genius, though I might be biased since I'm also a D&D nerd. Overall I'd say that one, and the Scootaloo one were your best chapters besides the opening and epilogue. The dialogue between Celestia and Luna was pretty damn good, and I'd be lying if I said this ending didn't hit me with some feels.
I wouldn't mind at all if you wrote a continuation of this or at least came back to it at some point.
Great Job.
My favourite dream was Big Mac's murderous apples are just such a good idea, and I liked how Luna got lost in the immersion of the nightmare.
My least favourite dream was Pinkies, as I'm not a fan of obvious fourth wall breaking which seem to follow her.
The shout-out in Gummy's dream was great through. I also really liked Luna's introspection at the end of it, and her decision to ignore it utterly.
My absolute favourite moment in the story through was the clever trick of hiding the shortness of Twilights dream by use of squirrels. That was brilliant, through I likely would think otherwise if I actually had to read it, instead of just going to the next chapter.
It's awesome! Don't change a single syllable.
_________________________________________________________
The only problem I had with it was the first dream chapter. I believe (now) that you used that to juxtapose Luna now to the Luna then. It would be like dropping Shakespeare into an Insane Clown Posse concert. There's no frame of reference for Shakespeare.
The other problem is Kitsunehero's mentioning of sub-plots. You handled that masterfully by having Luna be all hooves off. As a princess Luna's job is the affairs of State. Not matchmaker or protector of little fillies. As for Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash they are grown and can decide for themselves. And as for Scootaloo, again Luna did the right thing. We are shaped not only by our environment but also by our experiences. Especially in our formitive years.
Whew. Longest one ever!
I'll post my overall thoughts later (maybe). For now, typos:
until she was nearly forced to hold the sides of her stomach with her hooves to try and elevate the pain.
Did you mean alleviate, or is Luna a masochist? lol
Tears once again flowed from her yes, yet these were not from pain or sadness like before, but were now from absolute joy
yes should be eyes
At first, he saddlebag ladened pegasus looked almost as still as a statue
he should be the
>>>The entire time, Captain Vigilant Watch somehow kept his composure.>>>
For he was, in fact, a ponydroid.
I liked it and I pretty much enjoyed every dream, especially Celestia's dream, instead of a comedy you suddenly made it a deep going story which was a nice twist. However, if I had to choose a favourite chapter it would be this one, I'm not sure why but I think it is because of filly Luna and Celestia at the end. I'm afraid I can't help you with what you should have done better though, most stories have a obvious problem, but I can't really think of any in this one, I suppose that's a good thing though ^^.
So it's finally done, eh? I've gotta say that I absolutely loved this story. My favorite bit was the stuff with Scootaloo. It's a nice episode tie-in, it's heartwarming, and it involves Scootaloo! How could that not be great? It's also great to see Luna and Celestia finally reconcile their differences and grow closer. Thank you much for writing this wonderful story. I will now be stalking you for more awesome stories. ^^
wow, I cant belive this is over, such a wonderfull story. I cant say which chapter is my favorite because I LOVED ALL THE DAM CHAPTERS. Well I hope you write another awsome story soon.
Amazing. You sir are (if you don't mind me saying) an example of "good authors don't need to know how to spell and write grammatically correct, they have editors to do that shit" something my writing teacher always said. I love your stories and while I admit the errors I did see seemed jarring to me (due to being a grammar nazi and all that) it was still very much worth the read. I sincerely hope you write another story, and know that I shall be watching you.
Also. I noticed one thing that has always been a major pet peeve, when people mix up two words that sound the same. "Now if you will excuse me,” Luna stated as she began to make her way back to the hallway from wince she came just a few minutes before, “I have a moon to lower, a sister to visit, and an idea to pitch.”"
Whence, not wince. Whence is referring to going back to where people were before, wince is another word for flinch (as in in pain, or shock)
My favorite part(s): Spike's D&D dream and Celestia's dream.
My least favorite part: The unrealized potential of Celestia's dream. I believe that had it been fleshed out more (e.g. Nightmare Moon or Luna portraying her consciousness in tormenting her), there would have been more potential for the Celestia/Luna interaction in the epilogue.
2275018>>2275902>>2277502 Well I apparently decided to take that day off.
Every last error is a blow to my pride.
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/tumblr_lllu49FJGM1qb20zao1_500.gif
That was a great ending to a great story. I have to say my favorite part of this had to be the ending. I have always been a fan of Luna and Celestia sisterly bonding, and it made me smile with joy when I read this part. Especially the last part when they we're fillies. Least favorite part, probably pipsqueaks dream, like luna I have never been a fan of luna/pipsqueak shipping. As for the rest I say very good job. I can't really find any huge mistakes, and I think you're are a great writer, so I can't really think of any advice to improve. Keep up the good work.
.
I'm really sad that this is complete , but all good fics have to end eventually.
Oh, I almost forgot, I loved Scootaloo's chapter, her dream with dash was really nice and sweet, always a fan of Scootalove
What's for breakfast?
Anyway, I think the reason that the Spike chapter was so well received was it's spontaneity. Personally I enjoyed that and Iron Will's chapters the best. Some of your other chapters seemed a bit too forced, such as when you tried for the crossover in Gummy's chapter. The technically better parts, beyond my personal choices, are the ones with less zany world-building in them, like Pip's and the overarching story. Lyra's was a bit too silly, as was Rainbow's. While those are good for one off stories like this, your strength lies in the more serious, though I could personally do without any sad stuff.
Thank your for your time in writing this story.
I enjoyed it. The ending was hart worming and a stark contrast to the beginning but this journey was for Luna to understand both herself and her people then just her finding something to do.
I am not saying the beginning was bad just that it was a great example of self discovery.
I liked that matter in the beginning got resolved and that Luna finally felt needed and that she found her place in the world.
Plus, Luna giving up a negative force, information exaction. For a much greater positive, Dream Walking.
Then there is the guest that waited for almost twelve hours, priceless.
As for my favorites, that would be difficult why because I saw many of my favorites. But if I have to choose then I guess Lyar's dream was one of my favorites I just didn't get to say much about it because I didn't get to read it right a way, there were three other chapters behind it after all.
But I could not say any one chapter was my lest favorite because each one has it's own merit. You seriously have to twist my arm for that one.
I am hard pressed to find negative things to say I wish I did to help you become a better writer but I don't.
I hope you keep writing and that You will have other stories that are just as entertaining as this one.
my sincere good luck and I hope for the best in the future.
My favorite would have to be Derpy's, I love nonsensical writing! My least favorite (note least favorite, not most hated. Think glass half full) would have to be Spikes. Although the DnD bit was definitely interesting, he would be making a lot more roles than he did. I'm sorry, but little things like that tend to bother me. It's like people using old cameras wrong in movies. Overall this story was great and I loved every moment!
Good Job! Congrats! You finally finished the story!
But seriously, though. Being the "stupid freak" (
) that I am, I loved the story. I had many laughs about the magical laboratory, Pinkey's and Spike's dreams, and Luna's reactions to Twilight's and Pip's dreams.
One thing I would like to note, however, is that it took me until a later chapter to finally figure out what the monsters were in Mac's dream. Looking back, it was simple, but at the time... Well, it may have just been me being unobservant.
Then there was the emotional parts of the story. Namely the ones between Lyra and Bonbon, Flutters and RD (but only in Shy's dream, Rainbow's wasn't as good), and Celly and Lulu. They were very touching and well written.
By the way,
I think you meant this: ...the task of making sure her spot was sufficiently comfortable.
My favourite chapter, not counting the epilogue, is probably Gummy's. There's something that just tickled my funny bone about a secret agent toothless baby alligator. On the whole, every chapter individually was good, but I didn't find the story at all compelling. As in, on seeing an update I would not instantly think "go read!" like with some others. I think the problem is in continuity: there's very little that ties one chapter to the next, very little plot progression. It's more like a series of short stories than one longer story. For that reason, my second favourite chapter is Celestia's, since it's the only one that properly advances the plot (plus, the feels).
Personally i really liked the second to last chapter (Party Pooper) It just gave me a whole new perspective of Celestia (and i'm also a sucker for heart felt stuff) . the way it was written was great, not to long a chapter each time, with high levels of Detail. seriously well finished as well has a great vibe to it. Thank you for writing this, its been an adventure!
I really enjoyed the scene where Luna and Celestia let their feelings show and started to work things out between them, Thank you for writing this!
While the Dream Sequences were nice and funny, the Luna and Celestia Segments were by far the strongest part of the story. The anger felt by Luna, as well as the apology at the end was very believable as well as touching. Overall, good story, glad to have read it.
2277632
No! No! Don't cry! Don't cry! It's okay, uhm uhm. . . aside from that you - no uhm. . . your not, no wait. . . uuhhmm.... don't cry!
My favorite part would be either the filly luna's dream or RD's dream. Least favorite was pipsqueaks, it made me laugh to hard.(kidding) as of performance, it's the best long story i have read on here yet. I may re-read it in the future. Thanks for making such an awesome, funny story for so many ponies to enjoy.
Fun fact: I had a chapter that I had originally had planned, but it never made it to the story. It followed Flitter as she was in a Parody of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Big Mac was Appa, and Cloud Chaser was Momo. Couldn't think of any way to make it really work into the story and make it a really funny story besides the situation itself, so I ditched it. Also, the Iron Will chapter was supposed to end with Fluttershy alongside Iron Will, but I decided she had been in enough chapters already. She became Snowball, who then became Angel Bunny after I had written half the chapter at least. Finally, if I could go back, I would make the Big Mac chapter sillier, and less "horror".
2274657 Thank you for all the praise! Too bad I will now delete your comment because it didn't give me proper criticism!
2274696 She wasn't younger at first. She was her normal self until Celestia appeared (hence Luna turned to Lulu). Think almost like the ending of the movie Kung Fu Hustle... kinda.
2274700 Fine fine fine. I'll send you an edited version of EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER!!
2274718 Told you that I wouldn't do a ship ending with the two... unless it is friendshipping/sistershipping!
2274722 No plans to write a sequel, but no plans not to either. However, it is unlikely. It is almost set up NOT to have a sequel, for everything is... well... done.
2274755 Thanks! And I hear you with the Iron Will chapter. However, I had to add it for the sheer reason that THAT was the idea that started this entire story in the first place.
2274786 Fun fact: I had thought of the story long before that episode had aired (originally started thinking about it around June 2011). However I was working on a longer story at the time, so it was on the back burner for a while. When I finally submitted it, the episode came out THE SAME DAMN DAY. And yes, I submitted it before the episode came out.
2274866>>2275018>>2275902>>2277502>>2277632>>2279215 In his defense, I only sent this chapter to him once, as opposed to my normal two or three times. My schedule got super busy to the point where I couldn't even find the time to send it to him for a few weeks. Fortunately, I had this chapter written about two or three weeks early! The blame is my own though. This guy saved my ass from everything.
2275928 Aaaaaaaaaand you ruined the sequel. Thanks.
2276494 Thanks! I knew that the Celestia chapter was going to be a good one, and was actually one of my favorite to write. I think it is because I'm getting better at sad stories... maybe? Not sure.
2276548 Thanks! Don't expect any soon, but I've got a few that I'm tinkering around with. Stay tuned!
2276808 See the comment above this one!
2277602 The whole point is that that wasn't some kind of nightmare that she dreamed of. That was her reliving that memory (along with other painful memories) exactly as it happened in her dreams... and she did that for the longest time over and over and over and over again. However, that is a good point about the Epilogue though.
2278034 You say the ones with the less "zany" world-building were your favorite, but then you say you liked Pip's flying boat pirate/shipping with Luna over Rainbow's Daring Doo adventure? Vat is this sorcery!?
But anyway, I hear you regardless, and I take the advice to heart! Also...
Great, now I'm not even funny...
2278295 Thanks! Now I have two Big Macs!
2278435 Thanks! Personally, I had way too much fun writing the Lyra chapter. Waaaaaay too much.
2278702 (I'm assuming you mean rolls, not roles) Sure, that's true. He would have to make a single roll for every attack and action he made. However, I did start with that, and it looked absolutely awful. Go back to that story, and think of every moment he would make a roll. He would've made at least ten before the first battle (jump checks, diplomacy checks, and knowledge checks are the majority). Caused the story to flow like molasses.
2279215 It probably was you being unobservant, considering I blatantly said "the apples ate him". That said, I'm glad that you enjoyed the story! Yay!
2279297 I definitely understand, and it was a problem I knew existed since the Rainbow chapter. I tried my very best to make the real world plot progression as much as possible, but there was only so much I could do with it. Looking back, I still have no idea how I would make it more pronounced without taking away from the dreams, but I think it's mostly impossible. Thanks for the critique though!
2279987 That seems to be the general consensus among the group! Thanks!!
2281467 Heh, join the crowd. Guess I'm better at serious/sad stuff as opposed to funny/silly stuff.
2281571 See the comment above this one.
2281655>>2277632 Don't apologize. His tears are delicious!
2282954 Trust me, this story is not the best story on this site. However, the flattery is much appreciated, and I thank you for all of it!
2289342 Don't mess with squirrels. They will fuck your shit up.
2292798
Thank you
2292798 It's not like you're droll. I guess I just forgot to mention that comedy works better in a serious setting.
2293182 Here's a picture to prove that point.
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Batman_gardening_6456.png
2292798
Fair enough. In return for keeping my comment (regardless of whether you are kidding or not), allow me to submit one contextual-criticism. (Grammar is not my strong suit, if you'd prefer something more easily correctable.)
In chapter fourteen, the story has Luna peering into Celestia's past (via her dream) regarding a gathering of Equestria's upper-class. During which, the strangely accepted and incredibly obnoxious cliche of the upper-class making jokes about Celestia banishing Luna to the moon emerges. This is a repeated tool used in a lot of FiM fanfiction that I can't wrap my head around, given the circumstances.
At what point in time would the elite of Equestria ever consider such a touchy subject something for casual discussion? There is no indication that at any point and time Celestia took joy or pride in the choice she made. I understand that there is cliche' in the FiM universe made about the Canterlot "elite," equating them to the upper crust of a society that is generally out of touch with the common themes of respect and equality that the show promotes. But to participate in such inconsiderate and ignorant behavior with gross blindness to the emotions of the one authority they respect is unrealistic. So too I feel, would be the quiet acceptance of this by Celestia and those closer to her politically.
It is my personal belief that the whole circumstances around Night Mare Moon (which apparently is spaced out into three words, and not Nightmare Moon) would be something not talked about. A taboo, if you would. But that is my two cents, and this story is yours.
I found this story a little disappointing, to be honest. At first I expected a story about Luna coming to know herself, her sister, and her realm better through the dreams of others, but it became clear to me fairly quickly that the focus of the story is more to produce a series of AU vignettes. Which is fine in its own right, but... many of the stories were dull, or sort of obvious.
There are some real strokes of genius, like Pinkie Pie interrogating all the characters played by Tara Strong, or Lyra Heartstrings in a Green Lantern-like role against a supervillain who can only be defeated by hands. But some of the story choices are obvious, like Pipsqueak the pirate, and some have even been done in the show before, but better. Rainbow's plight is quite similar to the Daring Do adventure in "Read It and Weep" without a lot of extra tension, and we've seen Spike the gallant knight in "A Dog and Pony Show".
The comedy is often unfunny, the action is dull and repetitive, and the writing style you settle into doesn't always make sense. "Shaking her noncorporeal head". "If she'd had a drink, she would have spit it. Again." And then, a lot of the stories hang on very human concepts, like the airplanes in chapters 4 and 6. Luna draws attention to them, like how it's difficult to control a plane with hooves (then why would the plane be designed like this? is Rainbow Dash reading human books?) but they're only there for the comedy. If you had played with how a pony would design this sort of thing, it would be interesting, but just slapping a pony on a story you could tell with humans is the easy way out. Also, Gummy has a supernatural awareness of pony dialogue. It's a little amusing, but there's never an explanation for it.
Basically, a lot of the story feels inconsequential. There is one part I legitimately liked, and it's the opening paragraphs. I've never seen a writer capture the joy of flight so perfectly as you do in Luna's dream. Beautifully done. But after that, it all went downhill for me. I hoped that Luna would come to her realization gradually; maybe when she gets to Celestia's dream, she only receives confirmation of what she'd already begun to suspect. Maybe Luna develops her ability to dreamwatch gradually, too. I understand this was conceived before "Sleepless in Ponyville", but if Luna had started intervening a little more every time, that could have been interesting. You would have had character growth from Luna during the vignettes instead of merely in their prologues and epilogues. As it is, this is an okay series of stories with Luna written as connecting device. There's valiant effort in the variety of characters, but little in prose, character developments, or story choices.
I doubt there's much that hasn't been said already, but I'll have you know that I finished reading this story, closed my computer, and said to myself, "That was incredibly satisfying."
I thought the way that you interpreted Luna as seeing Celestia almost the same way her subjects do was rather unusual-- typically, Luna and Celestia see each other more 'holistically' than do any of their subjects. This wasn't the way that I would've gone, but I think the way that you write, it feels completely natural.
Overall, the ending of the story was my favorite. Throughout the story, I always thought that you were sort of foregoing Luna and fleshing out individual stories instead-- but the end of this story shows how much we really learned about Luna; and what she learned, too. Fantastic job, my friend!
that Luna/Celestia scene... TT__TT
Well, if anything to improve on, I'd say it's the general story telling itself. It just about grabbed my attention enough to keep reading, but I never found myself really touched by anything emotionally. I just couldn't really get that invested. It's ok in pretty much every aspect, but yeah... Just didn't grab me that much.
No regret reading it, but doubt I still read it again.
I finally got around to reading this after letting it sit around in my fav's box and just watching it update for awhile. It was indeed a brilliant story. Now to check your page for sequels and the like.
2445181 Keep in mind that the story is in Luna's POV. Celestia is in such a poor light because Luna sees her in a poor light. KEEP UP BABY!
Thank you for a wonderful read. I hope you continue to write and amaze.
Hrm. Well, the last two chapters redeemed the story; it was funny the whole way through, but in a kind of weirdly askew way, and the ships were … pretty deeply unfortunate.
4034863 I'm doubtful that there are many places that consist of "fiddle and flute sessions" that are open at all hours of the night. Even then, I am even more doubtful that these would be considered "clubbing."
Very well done. A great representation of Luna "learning" to Dreamwalk, and the various dreams she sees. A great job of showing the various dreams, and Luna's commentary on them.
With the ending, finally making amends after so long. It was touching.
There are some grammar errors throughout the story, but they certainly don't detract from it. Very good job on this.
I really liked the last two chapters. It really tied things together in a loving way.
Thanks for shareing the story.