I have no idea how to use this site most of the time so its miracle I even made a bio let alone stories
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Who is the guy in the cover art, and where is he from?
11408516
I have no idea if, I'm being honest I just looked up Night's watch and there it was
It's still extremely rough around the edges, the tenses shift at odd times, some sentences are broke too early while others break too late, and you forgot to capitalize Spike's name.
Grammarly will help with the grammar issues I saw, but you need to work on keeping the tenses straight, capitalizing names, and you should also try to avoid making redundant remarks.
I feel like finding a different editor, if for no other reason than having an extra pair of eyes to look over your work, would probably help you out a lot. Especially since you have a few places where word processors probably aren't going to help.
Ex:
the first sentence is fine, you only need one of the next two sentences, and if you're going to say "I only joke about it..." I would suggest cutting out the "is" and the period so that you can just use the "because" as a contraction.
tldr: try to find an editor, and failing that, run your drafts through the Grammarly word processor.
sorry for the essay! Just want to give some advice. Good luck.
11408678
There is still no editor.
It's just me still if you're willing you can take that role if you are interested I also fixed spikes name hope that helps at least slightly and
no, it doesn't because I'm using Grammarly 💀💀💀 and it's terrible every time I tried to do something the app would try and place a random word or remove one. From a sentence and then it wouldn't make any sense
Then that story would be completely worse than it is now
I suggest either fixing this or your intro on the book chapter select because the intro for the book says this, Matthew thought that tonight was the night his watch would end. Until a strange green and blue-like bolt slammed into his chest sending him falling off the wall and into the courtyard of castle black.
11421391
I think that should do it
Those were two good chapters I can't wait to see where you take the story keep up the good work
11422965
I hope you like one hell of a ride because this is going to be one to remember! That I promise you
Also, remember people if you find a grammar mistake don't be scared to tell me where it is so I can fix it! So the story is more enjoyable!
My shipping senses tell me Luna going to be getting him first.
11429200
If I'm not mistaken do ponies share their partners with other mares and stallions if I'm right? Don't hold me to that though I could be wrong
11429220
Yes they do. I think they call it a herd in other stories like that but if your doing that then I see no complain.
But sometimes it’s just one pony x OC.
But hey do whatever you want.
If you want more info. I do suggest checking out the RGRE group on fimfiction.
But yeah I’m most stories they just call it a herd.
And when will he meet blueballs?
11429287
Who's blueballs? Do you mean blueblood?
11429434
Yeah that’s the community nickname for blueblood.
Surprised you didn’t know that or at least heard some mention of it in some other story.
11429474
I think I heard it before I just didn't remember sorry either that I thought it was a typo
Also, that's during the gala that's when he will meet blueballs
11429492
Ah good.
Can’t wait to see what he does to blueballs and how he reacts
11430135
Trying to keep it somewhat close to the original storyline best I can
11430155
Ah gotcha.
Well if you do or don’t no problem from me.
11430252
Noted
Oh boy can’t wait to see how he reacts to blueballs.
Can’t wait for the next chapter.
*Puts up chair*
This is going to be good
Anyone want some popcorn?
Author you want some?
*offers some popcorn*.
11436298
I'm sick with the funny 19 virus so eating is last on my mind currently but I appreciate the offer but the next chapter is basically done and hopefully soon I can post it
11436474
Ah gotcha. And sorry to hear that sir or madame.
And seriously the funny 19 virus is still around.
But still I wish and hope you get better in the coming days
11436507
Here's to hoping but I just need some time this virus has broken my sleep cycle
11436511
May I recommend having a Luna plushie perhaps?
Or baby yoda?
11436622
That won't help but I'll be fine
11436651
Ah. Well never hurts to try and hey if you don’t fall asleep that night then maybe next night perhaps.
11436770
No I fall asleep it's just I'm only sleeping for two hours each time I knock out and yesterday I passed out eight times an for some reason when I wake up the air is spicy to breath threw my nose
Why is it every time I see an interesting hie it's always ruined by this annoying cliche? He decides to try and kill Luna because of nightmare moon which should lead into an interesting conflict, only you have him attempt it after the fight is over and resolve it in a half assed way. He was all willing to do it without any hesitation last chapter and yet he doesn't defend himself or try to point out why from his point of view. Instead of keeping him under lockdown while having to earn both Sisters' trust and forgiveness you have them say they do, but prove their words hollow by keeping him under lock down as if they haven't. If you are going to have conflict don't do it half assed and create pointless tension. He also seemed too passive and wiling for them to invade his memories the most personal thing a person has, because that is another cliche that must happen because.... While a part of me is willing to give credit for him being ok which many fics don't even do, since it wasn't direct I will only give you half credit for it..
Also gotta have Celly easily pardoning him, because there must be conflict but fuck actually having the consequences of said actions from it actually matter or be meaningful in any way. She must quickly forgive him, though still keep him locked up anyway, essentially speaking from both sides of her ass. It's like the fic and her are trying to have it both ways.
Two-face cunt Celly: I pardon you and forgive you already for your attempted murder even though from your point of view you were just trying to kill a terrible villain and couldn't have known Luna is different from nightmare, but you are still being under lock down anyway as if you weren't, so my words are just bullshit. Sure, I could be more honest and instead not pardon you or forgive you right away making this conflict, or what is supposed to be meaningful conflict actually matter which will make my words and actions actually match, but fuck that I am just going to speak from both sides of my ass.
11437860
Are you really going to make me rewrite a whole chapter? Because now I'm just utterly stumped with this chapter should I bin it and just remake it? Or keep it and don't stop moving?
11437877
Not making you do anything, especially when it's actually impossible to. Just giving my thoughts on this chapter and fic as a whole. You don't have to change anything if you don't want to. I will just not keep reading and you can just continue writing if it makes it easier for you. I will just find and read fics I happen to enjoy and you can continue to write and have fans who enjoy what you write. Fair enough?
11437882
Dam well I hope you decide to come back eventually I do plain to keep this going for decent amount of chapters.
11437883
Not happening. Sorry not sorry.
11438074
Well I can't force you to read my story I don't do that for anyone so I guess I'll be seeing you
But with anthros instead of ponies.
Hey if it works for you that's fine
Well well well, you certainly are quite a writer good job to both you and your editor that's a well earned follow I can't wait to see your future posts I wish ya a good day 👍.
11452374
Thank you I'll let him or she know
I hope more chapters get released I’m loving this story.