"You're pretty good!"- Revolver Ocelot.
It was just suppose to be a fun day at a convention, dress up like Ocelot, buy some merch, get some lunch, mingle around and all that jazz, but everything changed when I bought a pair of revolvers from the merchant from Re4, don't know how he snuck them but I bought them, now I found myself stuck in Equestria, playing spy games. Something big is going on here, I don't know what it is but I have to play my role here. I have to lie, kill, cheat and manipulate my way to the trough this world, even if I have to betray others trust, I will get to the bottom of this. An ocelot never lets his prey escape.
Contains: Strong Language, Violence, Lying, Death, Nanomachines, Guns, Blood and lots of revolver spinning.
This is pretty much my first time writing and posting my fanfics here on the site, so any kind of criticism helps a long way so I can improve as a writer.
"All copyright belongs to their rightful Owners. Metal Gear Solid belongs to Konami and Hideo Kojima and MLP:FIM belongs to Lauren Faust and Hasbro."
So? This literally does nothing. Let alone keep the story safe 🙄.
I don't know why people insist on mentioning copyright, I mean this is fanfiction. You're not required to say who owns it since you're just writing for fun, not profit.
11461637
True i am just writing this for fun, but you never know when the copyright ninja will show up. If people don't want to see the the "copyright belonging" thing, i'll just yoink it off.
11464342
....Except that isn't a problem you'll ever deal with. Now, if it was Youtube, or you were making money off of someone else's work then yea they'd go after you. Again, this fanfiction, a story you're doing for fun and for free, not a video game.
11464343
Agreed, fanfics are for entertainment not making money. Unless you have those people who put their patreon in there but we all know that's against TOS. Still thanks for the heads up.
"I remarked as I rubbed my neck."
You're missing a space between befoe this sentence.
“Relax, he didn’t give you a strain of FOXDIE inside you."
Phew, criss averted. Btw, I'm noticing alot lone 'i' s you forgot to capitalized. I suggest tuning down on the number of periods to only two three, otherwise adding so many "........" would make it sound like a very long silence. Always add a space at the end of those periods.
Btw, I love how your character assisted against Nightmare in secret rather than joining in, it gives your character an air of mystery, making the mane six wonder who you are.
“Correct, I am a Major. Though from where I originally was, I was an acting Major for a military branch from another nation.” I replied as I crossed my arms, raising a brow. “ Are you telling me you have a position for me in your army?” I asked.
...Does this mean the Displaced, as in the 'human' before he was displaced, was a Major, or are you going the route that he's gained some Oculot's memories?
11464526
Thanks for pointing out some errors for me, when i get a chance I'll fix them in editing. Google doc tend to miss some of those lone 'I's. And yeah I'll try to cut back on some of the dots. Two or three is enough for silence.
And the major thing is he is going along with the Oceolot persona from Mgs:3, he has to play his role as Major Oceolot. He may not be an actual major back in his real world but he has to improvise on the spot. Like Lore says "Let's see how well you can play the part."
Also i hope you enjoy the use of Fake death pill, I'm trying to make feel like gameplay written in form, it's hard but I'll somehow manage.
11464537
Well, as long as the MC isn't getting 'TOO' into the character and acts like that he is literally Oculot, I do want him to retain his human side and act different than the persona.
"Kept you waiting, huh?"
Solid Snake: *sneezes* I think somebody stole my words..
11466535
I had to add in that iconic line, it would a crime not to add it.
11467140
I'm gonna take a guess and say the 'Its show time!' from Smash Brawl is next to be quoted?
11468162
Duude, what are you psycho mantis, stop spoiling my story!
jk, maybe who knows.
11469162
oh fuck... I remember that guy, it was super fun for him to point out what games you played.
11469171
Imagine if Pinkie and Psycho Mantis met. The fourth wall would never survive against these two.
11472089
Eh... Mantis's fourth wall breaking is limited to having awareness there is a memory card, a player, and a controller. I can see that being expanded though to seeing and knowing every game in existence that people have played, and perhaps awareness of other Displaced/void dwellers/displacers.
“Really, are you threatening me with a good?”
Think you meant a 'good time'
11474332
Thanks for pointing it out. Will fix it when i get the chance.
Can't wait for the boss to find ocalot. well that is if he is aware of the fact that he is her son that Zero took from her after he was born.
11480169
Who knows if this ocelot is aware of that, but eventually they'll cross path in the future.