Chapter Alpha Roger: Delta Niner Niner
Princess Twilight Sparkle sat in her rather comedically large throne, it had been almost two weeks since she had been promoted to the rank of Princess and her mentor had stepped down from the throne. There had also been a slightly small incident where she had attempted to take over the entire planet in a sudden alliance with Queen Chrysalis, but they had easily been able to cover it up and all of Equestria had been informed that the Changeling swarm led by Twilight Sparkle had in fact been weather balloon filled with swamp gas.
Currently though Twilight found herself stuck holding Day Court once again. Out of all her Royal obligations this was the one that annoyed her the most. Ponies from all over the country would come to her with their complaints. So far today she had settled a dispute between two farmers over who owned a field that was currently being used as a bed by a rather large dragon. Twilight ruled that the dragon currently owned the field on the grounds that he was a dragon. Before that she helped bring peace to a tribe of Diamond Dogs wishing to settle near a pony village. However at the moment she was dealing with one of her most common complainant.
"I demand that he receives a public execution." the white mare shouted.
"I've told you before, that Equestria does not have a death penalty." Twilight answered as she rubbed her head with a hoof.
"Then allow me to kill him, nobody has to know."
"You can't murder ponies, you're a citizen of Equestria now, and you have to follow its laws."
"But Twiiiiiiilight" the mare whined as she stared pleadingly at the Princess.
"No Celestia" Twilight groaned "You're no longer a Princess of Equestria mean you have to follow normal Equestrian laws. Besides what did Discord do now?"
"He ate the last piece of my farewell cake." the white Alicorn hissed as she thought back to the moment of complete horror that filled her when she discovered her prize had been stolen.
"I'm not having Discord executed because he ate your cake." Twilight answered flatly
"I thought I trained you better than this Twilight, I thought we had something special!" Celestia shouted as she teleported away.
Twilight gave a sigh as her latest visit from her former mentor. Celestia had at first seemed to enjoy her retirement; however that joy seemed to quickly fade as Twilight made sure that all of Celestia's former privileges as a Princess were revoked ensuring that the white Alicorn could not abuse her former rank. This however meant that Celestia could no longer freely murder Discord or declare all cake her property.
"You know she's going to murder him either way right?" One of the guards asked as he was engulfed in a pillar of green flames leaving Chrysalis in his place.
"Yes" Twilight answered flatly "You ate the cake didn't you?" she asked as she slowly shifted her gaze from where her mentor had once stood to the newly revealed Changeling Queen.
"Me?" Chrysalis asked as she placed a hoof to her chest. "I would never do such a thing." she continued as she feigned innocence. The Changeling Queen finished with a laugh before walking off leaving Princess Twilight Sparkle alone in the now empty throne room.
"I hate everyone" the mare muttered to herself as she levitated a book out from behind her throne.
Outside of the castle Discord was happily hanging from his thinking tree enjoying a piece of toast he had found under his pillow when he had woken up. He wasn't quite sure where the Pillow toast had come from but so far it was turned out a lot better than the sock Cheesecake he had woken up to before.
"Discord!" came the shouts of a rather annoyed black Alicorn
"Uh oh" the Draconequus muttered as he swiveled on his tail till he was facing the angry mare in question. "Oh hello Moony" he spoke innocently as he took another bite from his pillow toast.
"You stole my toast." Nightmare stated flatly as she stamped a hoof.
"No I didn't"
Nightmare gave a sigh as she rubbed her forehead "You're eating my toast right now you idiot."
Discord glanced over to the remaining half of toast he held in his talon before shifting his gaze back towards Nightmare as he quickly shoved the rest of it into his mouth.
"I whave noo idewa what you ware talking abwout." the Draconequus managed to get out through his stuffed mouth before swallowing. "I received a gift from the toast fairy"
"The toast fairy isn't real."
This shocking revelation had apparently been too much for Discord as in a moment of pure shock his tail released its grip on the tree and he came plummeting down, hitting every branch between him and the ground. The moment the Draconequus hit the ground he quickly scrambled to his feet.
"You take that back, the Toast Fairy is real, I dated her in high school.' the Draconequus shouted the anger in his voice growing.
"That was a broom Discord, you dated a broom and you never went to High School, you broke into Celestia's school and starting dancing with the broom in the gym claiming you were at prom."
"She was the most beautiful broom I ever laid my eyes on." Discord muttered as a single tear rolled down his face. "I'll never forget her."
"Discord focus!" the Alicorn shouted as she slapped the now sobbing Draconequus "It was a broom"
"It was a beautiful broom." Discord whimpered
"Discord, we are basically dat-" Nightmare was cut off as she felt a sudden sharp pain in her flank. Quickly turn her head to find the source she was greeted with the image of a large steel bolt embedded in the side of her butt. "I've been shot" the mare muttered in confusion as she looked back up at the Draconequus.
Both Discord and Nightmare turned shifted their gaze from each other to the source of the shot. Both of them surprised to see a rather angry looking Sun Goddess. Celestia continued to silent glare at them from across the garden, her normally calming mane replaced with the fires of Tartarus itself as she glared pure hate at them. Both Discord and Nightmare took the site of her reloading her crossbow as a sign that they should both run.
"What did you do?!" Nightmare shouted as they galloped through the garden doing her best to ignore the pain in her flank.
"I didn't do anything" Discord shouted back as he ducked down the steel bolt zooming over his head. "I was just eating my pillow toast."
"You mean my toast" Growled the black Alicorn as she continued to gallop through the garden, the entrance to the castle and their salvation coming into view.
As the two gods threw open the wooden door that led back into the castle they made sure to seal it behind them, leaving two rather annoyed looking guards behind as they continued to gallop away. Both guards gave a quick knowing glance to each other as they took several steps away from the door. A couple seconds later as they expected the door exploded into a hail of splintered wood as Celestia marched in after them, crossbow at the ready.
"We don't get paid enough for this" Brass Beast muttered as he adjusted his helmet and resumed his position next to the smouldering ruins of the door.
"There aren't enough bits in the world to pay enough for this job." Hammer muttered as casually stamped out a piece of flaming wood.
The two guards nodded in agreement as they resumed their posts silently watching as the former Princess slowly marched through the halls, several curtains catching fire as she continued her hunt.
Both Discord and Nightmare remained completely silent as they lay beneath Celestia's bed. Celestia would think to look under Discord's bed; he wasn't the most clever hider. However she would never expect them to hide under her own bed. That was too stupid of a place to hide even for Discord.
"This is a terrible idea" Discord muttered a slight look of horror on his face. "That should speak volumes when I think it's a terrible idea."
"Shut up" Nightmare hissed as she glared at the Draconequus.
Several minutes of awkward waiting later the ground began to shake and the mighty pounding of Celestia's hooves echoed through the halls as the raging Alicorn approached. Silently Discord and Nightmare both prayed that the mare would continue on past them and they would both be free to live for a couple more minutes. But that was not in the cards, when was it ever in the cards for them?
"Found you!" Celestia roared as she blasted the door down, the force of the explosion sending the bed flipping into the corner leaving the two cowering gods bare and defenseless.
Celestia took fire and Discord grabbed the only thing he could for cover, sadly the only thing in reach was Nightmare. With several loud thuds Nightmare back was riddled with steel bolts.
"You're sleepin-" *Cough* "on the couch tonight" Nightmare managed to cough out before re-entering the void.
Discord didn't have enough time to mourn the loss of his bed privileges, Nightmare had given her life so that he could escape and wasn't going to waste her sacrifice. Without a second thought the Draconequus hurled the black Alicorn's body at the raging goddess. Celestia was caught off guard and knocked to the ground giving Discord enough time to flee.
With a flare of her horn Nightmare's body was vaporized and the Sun Goddess resumed her path of war. She didn't have to search too hard as she followed the panicked claw marks of Discord and quickly caught up to the Draconequus, cornering him just outside of the kitchen.
"Tell me one thing" Discord asked as he slowly backed down the hall. "Why?"
"You ate me cake." Celestia answered flatly not giving the Draconequus enough time to respond as she fired her last shot. Time slowed down as the bolt traveled through the air, Discord managing to contort his body around it avoiding the shot. To both their horror they had failed to notice both Sombra and Nibble walking down the hall, the bolt heading towards them. Celestia watched in complete and total horror as the bolt traveled towards Nibbles, but more importantly to the ice cream cone the young hybrid was carrying. In an instant it was all over, the ice cream was destroyed in gory explosion of vanilla that covered both Sombra and Nibbles.
Celestia knew she had screwed up when the young Changeling hybrid locked eyes with her and let out a horrifying screech. The mare stood terrified as the Nibbles charged her, shadows closing in on her from all directions. She didn't have enough time to scream as the shadows engulfed her. As quickly as they had appeared they were gone leaving Sombra and Discord alone in the hall.
"What happen?" Sombra asked in confusion as he wiped some Ice Cream from his face.
"Celestia has an addiction" Discord answered sadly as he patted the Unicorn on the head.
"We help her?"
"Nobody can help her, not with this." the Draconequus finished as he gave the unicorn one more pat. "So where did your demon spawn go?"
"I don't know." Sombra answer awkwardly "Shadows mostly mean he did bad."
Several Hours later reports started coming in that the retired Princess Celestia had been found stumbling just outside the entrance to Tartarus dazed and confused. Eventually the Royal Guards arrived to arrest her for both murder and attempted murder as well as assault on a Dessert, oddly enough one of the laws Celestia herself had passed.
Down in the castle dungeon.
"I'm sorry Celestia." Twilight stated trying to hide the slight disappointment in her voice. She had known Celestia was going to go through with it either way, she had just hoped it would have been subtle enough to avoid the legal system. "You murdered someone, I mean it was Nightmare," Twilight added trying to make it sound a little less terrible.
Celestia didn't answer she just continued to lie in her bed and stare at the ceiling of her cell.
"I managed to get your sentence lowered to a month, seeing as this was the first technical murder Equestria has seen in several thousand years."
Celestia remained quiet.
"Well I'll have the rest of your stuff sent down later" Twilight finished awkwardly as she trotted away.
Once Celestia was sure that her former student was gone she picked herself up from the bed and began to speak.
"They think they can stop me?" Celestia said aloud "They think they can contain me in a mere cell? They will all know the wrath of Nightmare Sun!" Celestia shouted as she did her best to force an evil laugh but only managed a light giggle.
"That's a stupid name" Chrysalis blurted as she looked up from Mr.Quackers punishment tub.
"Shut up" Celestia snapped "I'm plotting my revenge." the mare hissed.
"What's your revenge plan?" Chrysalis asked secretly hoping it involved the death of Discord once again, that was always something that made her feel better.
"I don't know yet." the white Alicorn answered. "I was thinking of hiding a few of Twilight's tax papers once I escaped my cell."
"Wow you're truly the evil mastermind" Chrysalis answered sarcastically
"I know, they'll rue the day they betrayed Nightmare Sun." Celestia finished with another failed evil laugh.
Chrysalis just facehoofed, whatever happened now it was most likely going to be most evil slight annoyances Canterlot Castle had ever seen and it was going to be caused by a new villain with an incredibly stupid name.
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.....
Wow.....
Celestia has REALLY gone downhill...
..Wait, where's Luna?
4770576
I have no idea.
celestia the failure of evil
no matter what she does in the end it will help others
Princess of Friendship, folks
You know what'd be more fun? Adding Tirek to the group for shits and giggles
4770607 You suck at your job.
Nightmare Sun and Evilbelle should get together to plot Their Dasdtardly Deeds!
Nobody messes with Nibbles. Nobody
4770713
I know, remember that time Anguish was going to be a character or that one time we had an assassin? Or a servant that could tell the princess what to do?
I don't.
I tink luna is on the moon far from her now mad big sister
DONT AFER COM NERE TIA CAKE end off me small note have u good day 
and u small note
im hoping celetia would shoot twilight just once.
you still haven't let her die once yet.....
DAY MARE! FIGHTER OF THE NIGHT MARE!
CHAMPION OF The... (sun) Sun!
SHE'S A MASTER OF KARATE (and friendship! For everyone!)
4770730 Shush. No speaking of the dark times.
Go back into your cage. I'll give you your treats later.
4770770 the irony of your username and that statement.
4770822
i get that a lot lol.
Still my favorite princess.
Also bringing back the punishment tub caused much laughter.
Also your spelling and grammar is getting way better apparently without Ice's help. Not perfect but better than usual.
4770576
Luna got smart enough to avoid all the crazy going on at the castle.
That or she's biding her time
The nibbles shadow scene was great
This seams fresh... I like it!
New story arc is gonna be good!
4770852 Rofling!!!!
I to wish to see this!
4770989 She's playing with the Rover, isn't she?
4771013
Originally I was going to have Nibbles tear Celestia apart and describe it as "Cheese string but instead of a Cheese string being pealed it was a white Horse" but then I thought it was too messed up so I just put her hell or something I don't know what.
MOAR pls.
Hey! Nightmare Sun is a GREAT villain name!
At least 500 lousy grimdark fanfics agree!
I really get a kick out of Chrysalis punishing her rubber duck in that tub, and I don't understand why.
I don't know why, but it made ma sad...
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the story very much, however something in this chapter made me sad.
4772048
I once played around with a rhyming dictionary to come up with "Nightmare" names for Celestia and Cadance... wanted to keep the rhythm of "Nightmare Moon." Best I got was:
Never did come up with one for Twilight....
4773719
It is because its the one constant, whenever Chrysalis isn't there remember the ducks in the tub.
4773737
If you're worried she actually went off the deep end or that she's going to actually be in the dungeon for a month do not fear.
She went off the deep end awhile ago and she'll be rocking an evil lair in the attic soon enough.
Great to see you back on your hooves, well done Thorax!
Butchering of the English language? This was more readable and enjoyable than some terrible shit I've stumbled across.
4773980 One for Twilight...
Dawn of Despair?
4778826 Maybe Despair's Gloom?
Anyway, didn't mean to get off track. I'm still enjoying this fic and hope to see more craziness.
Is it talk like a pirate day already?
you know. i was just thinking. what happands to all the body's of those idiots when they die? do the guards just throw them into a pit. or do the chefs secretly turn them into cakes and feed them to an unknowing celestia? :P
4770669 4774738
Hey, That would be interesting to see Tirek in the Equestria's Crazies universe. I can see Princess Celestia or Princess Twilight offering Tirek two choices a life sentence in tartarus or community service. Tirek choose community service so his community services is being the royal babysitter that means Tirek will have to babysit Nibbles and/or Lucid Dream after day one Tirek is thinking he should took life sentence in tartarus.
4779763
Discord got served to a Dragon Ambassador once and I was tossing around a joke before in a skype call that Celestia was secretly a hoard and keeps everything and there literally a room in the castle just filled with her bodies.
4780383
that could work. and she poses them in silly and wacky ways. like a scene from a movie she likes. or she uses them like giant flesh puppets :P
4773980 That's why they made Sunset Shimmer. So at least they could have Sunset Satan.
Burny McSunbutt (Celestia): I am NOT MAD! I'M BUCKING EVIL!!!!
Twilight: You just slaughtered Nightmare!
Celestia (flipping a switch at the base of her mane to turn it back into her 'good' mode): Like you haven't wanted to do the same, Princess?
Twilight: You read my diary?
Celestia: Gotcha...
Somehow, I see our friend Black Hoof coming in and doing a 'point and shoot' at our newest Princess...
...without looking first.
Messing with Twi's OCD, oh no you didn't!
I'm eating Celestia's cake,
broom broom
Awww-NUCGRGAMKTNKUGAHUR *death noises*
(I'm referring to this, for those who haven't been on tumblr recently)
NEED
MOAR
NOW
Just use Solar Flare. That rhymes with nightmare
/
4967285
But the joke is how stupid the name is
4968081 Hmm perhaps she should use something that seems threatening but that Twilight points out is not.Like ultraviolet or something
I take that back that sounds like a Twilight villain name.
4826507 That could be embarrassing.
4770822 just because you think Twilight is the best does not mean you don't want to see her shot occasionally, like me with Luna
5196050 Seemed like the best thing to do at the time.
Pfft, Chryssie is looking at Nightmare Sun and facehoofing while sighing "Amateur".
Chryssie and her duck steal the show.
And Nibbles is the true almighty god.