Joined after being a Brony since at least 2013. I want to write stories about lesbians and odd off ideas I have, proven I ever got around to that.
Princess Celestia has taken a vested interest in making positive relations with the dragons. However, this will not be without challenges. Thankfully, Princess Ember is willing to help. Together, they may discover more than friendship.
Takes place before and after season 6.
Submitted for the Original Pairings May 2022 contest.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You had a decent premise with this one, an interesting pairing that could have produced some interesting character drama. Unfortunately, it was executed poorly and missed those opportunities. This story is much too fast-paced, with the two going from meeting to being girlfriends within 2000 words. You attempted to facilitate this with contrived dialogue that forced the two to express their feelings in a way they wouldn't naturally. You wrote Torch like a caveman, which is not how we know he acts, and you made Ember so critical of dragons that it felt like she was a completely different character. And saying that she and Celestia met prior to the events of Gauntlet of Fire and planned the whole thing just cheapens Ember's character development. You really needed to slow down, focus more, and really try to understand what you were doing with this story, because as it is, it's not that good.
11259992
I feel I would owe it to myself and others to do a re-write since I know I can do this concept a lot better than I did. Of course, it wouldn't be a part of the contest that this story was submitted for. Well, come next time something like this comes around, I should hopefully take it more seriously, mainly with spending more time on it. I find it hard to disagree with your criticisms, although I'm not entirely convinced I took Torch in the wrong direction. But a longer story will give more time to make the characters more three dimensional and give more conflict even between Celestia and Ember. Last minute I did tried to make reference to how Ember did ditched Spike at one point in that episode, with saying she briefly lost her way. I was mainly going for build up for their relationship.
But regardless, thank you for a more critical comment that's within reason aka not points I consider unfair.
This could have been a perfect story if not rushed. I would say that in a single chapter it could have been executed with polish and pace.
The idea is there so is the characters but it came to quickly. Though the concept is actually unique and beautiful
11282282
I'm hoping I can do a re-write with the concept, but given much more time and space to develop and breath. I have a couple of ideas. Not sure if it would be a long one shot or broken up into chapters. I'll likely leave this story as is, given it was submitted for a contest. The re-write wouldn't be a part of it, but I still feel I owe it to at least myself to do this concept better.