The Empire is starting to see a little more tourist traffic. The tourists, however, are having trouble seeing anything. When every native surface in the nation offers a choice of 'reflective or refractive?' -- well, it's rather easy to spend their entire vacation stumbling into buildings, usually right next to the door.
Cadance is working on the problem. But she can only treat the walls. The crystal ponies aren't going to cover themselves... unless a certain designer can get them interested in the foreign concept of 'clothing'.
It's a challenge fit for an artist!
Or a madmare.
When you hire Rarity, you usually get both.
(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)
Chapters (1)
With Equestria's penchant for spontaneous flash singing mobs, I cannot help but imagine every morning going to work sounding like the Anvil Chorus from Il trovatore
Alternate Title: In Which Rarity Declares War on the Crystal Empire
This reminds me of the trouble they had introducing lite beer back in the 1970s (Yeah, I am that old.)
I mean, it's basically watered down beer & it costs as much as real beer. Everyone was all "Diet beer! Ew!"
Didn't catch on until they got sports stars to star in beer commercials.
I added this to The Triptych Continuum Rebooted in the "Cadence, Shining Armor, And The Crystal Empire" folder.
It Is post Triptych, part of year 4.
If you drop Crystal Ponies from a height, do they bounce, or do they shatter? And if they shatter - given an adequate liquid medium-, can you grow new ones from the pieces?
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I would imagine they splat, like most other living things.
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If they were prone to shattering, Flurry Heart would likely have killed them all by now given what she did to the Crystal Heart.
Admittedly, she might still kill them but she'll have to actually work at it now.
Despite her name, I don't often see Cadance associated with music. Interesting.
Going by the empathetic nature of the Empire, it's likely that the room was healing itself because she was happy about that.
It shouldn't have been possible for a small bundle of cells to giggle with deniable malice. But then, Flurry did a lot of impossible things.
Ooh, conflation of Sombra and the Pony of Shadows. Certainly makes sense, especially if we're going by the local fate of Star Swirl. Still makes me wonder what may have happened to Stygian in this timeline, assuming he even existed.
Ah, the parentheses of impending doom. I'm sure they'll be harmless this time.
This and the following discussion are fascinating. Crystals have an almost draconic tolerance for heat, but are still capable of sweat.
Likewise the earlier comment about crystal expectations for dancing. What if a disco ball could do much more than just spin in place.
On the other end of the world, Starlight felt her ears burning and decided to increase the village's security spells. For everypony's safety, of course.
A reasonable solution in the end, even if it was a rough journey to reach it. Delightful silliness, though I'm sure Cadance will hesitate before inviting Rainbow Dash to the Empire without supervision. (And given my experience with To Perytonia, it's very nice to see a Rarity who doesn't blame herself when confronted with a culture that doesn't comprehend fashion.) Thank you for a most entertaining read.
I cackled all the way through this. I love the delightful, entirely optimistic insanity that is your Rarity. All of the little neurosis that the show hinted at, cranked up to eleven, and yet done in a way that makes her entirely endearing, if only from a distance. Your Cadance, as always, is an absolute treat.
Thoroughly enjoyable read, Estee. Thank you.
That whole segment was delightfully hilariously dark.
And Rarity determinately trying to keep to the script heighted it even greater.
11246003 "Going by the empathetic nature of the Empire, it's likely that the room was healing itself because she was happy about that."
That fits far too well with the Empire. Sombra was a model of hatred, so everything he influenced was dark and hateful. Cadence over a few decades will turn the whole country pink and cheerful to the point where tourists will wonder just where Sombra's influence went.
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Their resistance to both heat and cold, immunity to silicosis, and apparently to ground glass mud suggests some fundamental biological differences to regular ponies.
(Regular Ponies being made of rubber, of course.)
Do the lenses of the goggles give everything a slight green tint by any chance?
Oh. A different form of herd mentality.
Also:
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I understood that reference.
You mean, murdering first.
The Crystal ponies are annoying enough that I was beginning to think that Sombra had a point. In any event, I greatly sympathize with both Rarity and Cadance, and I love how Rarity solved the problem even in defeat…. as well as likely saving some lives with her observations. I’d hate for Cadance and Shining to have ended up like Cave Johnson.
Seriously, though, how great could that mare’s legs have really been?
Two thoughts directly related to the problem... First, there's what the Lustrous do, which amounts basically to makeup over everything [exposed] but the
mane"hair" (ETA: supplemented with clothing). Second, Rarity didn't even try to sell Theiss Titillation Theory (or one of its cousins) to the populace.As others have said, this was a fun ride.
This wasn't the best bit, exactly, nor where I truly guffawed, but this -- and the brick joke you made with it -- was unexpected gold!
Can I just say that I love your writing style. It's this beautifully succinct flow of consciousness that manages describe more of the world with what is left out then with the words you put in. Everything is elegantly intentional, gracefully interjectional.
And I love it.
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Can you explain for the curious yet oblivious?
Y'know, I feel like Rarity gave up a little too soon before resorting to meteorological terrorism. I'm thinking gauze. I'm thinking lace. I'm thinking veils. I'm thinking translucence. Something to moderate the outgoing glare while still letting the crystal ponies show off the goods. Scandalous for humans, but for a race that defaults to nudity, it could work.
I do think, though, that the project was kinda doomed from the start. You had two outsiders, Rarity and Cadance, trying to impose fashion on a society without at least taking a few of the crystals into their confidence and trying to figure out what might work best? You gotta do that market research.
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They're referencing The Wizard of Oz. There's a place called the Emerald City, where everything is green and so bright you need special eyewear handed out at the gate....except it's a lie. The glasses just have a green tint.
It's so cool and interesting that the empire produces music notes as you walk on the ground there. It's one of those cool little magic touches Ester adds to the setting that I love so much. It's a brilliant (pun accidental) idea to have the crystal empire be so bright and what comes as a consequence of that. It seems like the kind of thing (getting them to wear clothes) that would entail a *cultural* solution, ie. creating a culture that catches on with the population so that ponies want to get in on the trend. And then it carries forward on momentum, which eventually becomes tradition if it lasts long enough.
>athletic outfits [developed]
...but why? I get why hooman beinks do it, but how would ponies get any improvement out of it? Interesting aside.
>"So I'm opening the resources of the Empire to you," Cadance happily Mistaked. "Within reasonable limits, but without question. Just tell my staff what you need."
She's gonna regret not giving her a firm number limit I bet lol
Well, this was a good little story. I like how it changed over time, though I wonder why WRAPs were capitalized like that throughout like Sun and Moon except even more extra somehow. Fits for Rarity though, lol. And how she was forgiven so fast for potentially damaging the barrier surprised me. Maybe they brought it back to form easily enough off-screen. I always enjoy Estee's version of characters, especially ones we didn't get real characterization from canon on. And Cadence has an interesting role in the Triptych universe, being the bridge between many things in many ways. Congrats to her and Shining it seems! Thanks Ester!
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I know that they're called "athletic supporters" for a reason. Keep the jiggly bits from getting too jiggly, not just covering them.
[quote]I think I can understand why Twilight's stayed your friend. Why she trusts you. I'm still not sure why she hasn't killed you. ...she said Rainbow was the one they've all considered murdering.Because Rarity always comes with the best plans to do it. Even Rainbow agrees!
Nice insight on Rarity. She does try to help, even if it means giving up on her dream. Love it.
Wait, Rarity mentions the point where she did Cadances hair. And Cadance wore a dress in that episode and they were in what amounted to a Spa. So the Crystal Ponys do have an ide what a Spa and Clithing actually are...
There all just messing with Cadance and Rarity.
I loved how you made Rarity's eyes very slow to adjust to the relative dimness of Cadence's office. Ponies may comfortably see a better dynamic range than us humans, but their eyes are also much slower to adjust to sharp contrasts.
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I wonder what other lies I've believed. Perhaps there has been gravity on the moon all along and those heavy boots were not necessary.
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"Theiss Titilation Theory"...
I remember a statement about how he designed those amazing "There's nothing to that dress!! How in the world does that thing stay on her??" costumes he created in the original Star Trek series...
Small Bust: Easiest to design for
Large but Self-Supporting Bust: Very Rare, but very helpful
Everyone Else: (...)
This was pretty fun, and parts of it actually reminded me of a conversation I had about an mlp meme I've seen before. It's related to a planet that scientists say reasons diamonds nonstop, the implication being that Rarity would probably move there with her love of diamonds. The discussion concluded however that any level of scrutiny of the idea of raining diamonds would cause you to realize that such a place would be one of the most bleak hellscapes one could ever imagine. A world where even the air itself could probably cut you. And now I realize too, where you'd never be able to navigate to even try to escape. Dang.
This fic reminds me why in the Triptychverse the stresss of being an alicorn ruler is definitively not worth the perks.
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You mean a planet that rains diamonds nonstop? You might be thinking of Uranus and Neptune. They're largely composed of hydrogen and helium, but they have a decent smattering of light hydrocarbons, especially methane, and under the intense pressures deep in their interiors, the carbon atoms get squished together and crystallize, much like how coal forms diamonds here on Earth. It's also worth noting that "rain" is a rather strong term for what is effectively a very slow downward drift of very tiny crystals. Nevertheless, that constant slow precipitation of diamond crystals is enough to generate significant heat, especially in the case of Neptune, which may help to power its vigorous weather.
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I think it's a moon actually, probably one of Jupiter's. I've heard it in several contexts and I believe it with how scary space is. Even if it's l just small crystals though, I still think it would be a hellscape. I did think possibly that large chunks might be a thing, but the constant contact with other diamonds would probably mean they'd be constantly fragmenting. So probably ranging from small crystals to microscopic dust, and can probably still cut you. One breathe and your lungs start bleeding, as the larger bits shred you micro cut by micro cut.
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As an astrophysicist, I can assure you that there are no moons that rain diamonds. There is no physical mechanism by which a moon can precipitate diamonds of any size in its atmosphere. The crystal structure of diamond is only energetically favorable under immense pressures, like those found deep in Earth's crust or Neptune's interior.
Now, there ARE exoplanets where it rains metal. For obvious reasons, you would not want to be there either.
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That is awesome, and I'm glad you're an authority on it. I never knew if the info was true, like I said I just believe space is that scary. I just always loved it when people thought that would be amazing when any rational thought on the subject would make you cringe.
Now that you bring up metal though... dang I'm not sure which is worse. Is it molten and therefore will it make you a statue? Yeah, space is scary.
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It's a planet really close to its host star, and yes, the metal is liquid. Don't worry about becoming a statue though, you'd be charcoal long before anything accumulated. And yeah, space is pretty scary for squishy critters like us.
Incidentally, I think I've found the planet you were probably thinking about: WASP-121b. It has a "water cycle" of sorts, just with metals rather than water. And based on Hubble observations, it may have precipitation on its night side composed partially of corundum (aluminum oxide), which with certain metal impurities we know as rubies and sapphires. All liquid, of course, so Rarity probably wouldn't recognize it as anything other than ultra-hot death, but at least she wouldn't get splinters.
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At very least I feel like ones death would be amazing. Probably wouldn't have enough time to pull a Fry moment though.
"This is an awesome way to die!!!"
Thanks for the info, it's been fun to hear about.
I wonder if Crystal Empire ponies are Alumina frameworks filled with water and dopants, giving why Dragons can eat gems far easier than expected? As well as other material behaviours?
As for light manipulation?
Why Rainbow Dash is faster?
And then theres the optical quantum interference logic behaviour, within each pone, and within the enviroment?
The whole Crystal empire as one massive computational Volvox?
A computer so powerful Im not worthy to calculate its mere operational parameters. One where you will take on forms amongst its living matrix.
And it will be called.
Earth.
I don’t know why, but throughout all the hilarity of this fic, this was the funniest bit to me.
You know, Estee, you definitely have another potential story on your hands with Cadance's pregnancy and the birth of Flurry Heart, if you want to make commentary on celebrity gossip and worship.
And don't get her started on the music they make with each other....
I'm half-expecting Canterlot nobles to try to replicate this to deter homeless people.
(EDIT: Also, the underscored text should not include the period at the end. It should be "Loiterers May Catch Fire.")
And Cadance mentally updates her "things I never thought I'd say" count.
And Rarity learns how Spike usually gets treated.
Rarity knows all about concealed weapons. And being jailed. She is from a hoofball family after all.
This is just like when she tried to reason with the dragon in Dragonshy.
And thus Rarity succeeds in introducing the Crystal Ponies to the land of variety. It'll be much less funny for the tourists when the natives demand those nice cool breezes back.
Have you ever considered writing a horror story about this?
Rarity: Fashionista, hairstylist, spa addict.
"in the morning was a orchestra of industry"
"in the morning was an orchestra of industry"?
"a good viewing angle, or at the best one which imperfect"
"a good viewing angle, or at least the best one which imperfect"?
reminds me of a YouTube video about a building with an oddly curved side...which acted like a Parabolic mirror, and could MELT CARS.
👍
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I think it should go into AU folder instead. My reasoning: PNCO and Bounce Test are canon, this isn't. Not just because it doesn't have standard "it's part of the TC" paragraph in description but also because of this:
"Equestrian doctors" + "vaccines" = does not compute. From A Mark of Appeal, which is definitely canon, we know Equestrian medical science doesn't yet know about microorganisms (like, there's not even a concept, just vague ideas about something being there but not what it might be), and that knowledge is fundamental to even begin thinking about making vaccines.
Also, AU description itself is, well, wrong at least in one thing. It says "For example, Anchor Foal assumes that Triptych died at some point, either at birth or during the events of the novel Triptych" while we have WoG it isn't so.
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Dunno about concealed weapons but the jailing part is probably more from being a Bearer that hoofball. After all, as portions of the Solar staff keep saying, it isn't a real Bearer visit until somepony posts bail.
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Well, based on Hoofballistic, Rarity gets jailed often enough that she is on fairly friendly terms with the jail staff. (She finds that to be depressing.)
She also got jailed in Resident Weevil. The lot of them got jailed in For Nightmare Night We Are Going As Ourselves . IIRC, it was there that it was revealed that when they didn't show up the guards looked in the local jail first.
As to vaccines, IRL they started late 18th century with the observation that farmers that got cowpox didn't get smallpox. (Also works with catpox & horsepox but not chickenpox.)
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It was a reference to one of Estee's other stories, Hoofballistic (which at the time was the third most recent after this one and FTLS), in which she and Sweetie Belle are arrested and jailed for beating up a Hall of Fame voter for not voting their father into the Hall of Fame. Also, part of the long description of that story is
, which implies that this is not the first time she tried to bring weapons to hoofball events.
EDIT:
PS re 11489882
cowpox, smallpox, and horsepox, and presumably catpox are caused by orthopoxvira in Poxviridae (the Cowpox Virus also causes catpox if wikipedia redirects are to be believed), whereas Chickenpox is caused by a Varicellovirus in Herpesviridae.
In addition to being interesting in its own right, it suggests that ponies could figure out a lot more about practical virology than you would think (possibly even breeding them to act as better vaccines), even without discovering the entities themselves.