Starlight Glimmer has been a great and reliable guidance counselor for Princess Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship ever since its inception. She always went the extra mile for her students and prided herself on always being available to them without complaints. She even had to learn it was okay to not be available to them sometimes.
Starlight has also never received a raise, even though the school has been open for well over a year.
Upon learning of Starlight's non-existent raises despite her excelling and working hard as a guidance counselor, Trixie Lulamoon lost it. Despite Starlight desperately pleading with her to calm down, the Great and Furious Trixie stormed to Twilight's office and demanded the bewildered alicorn inside for answers and to pay up. Saying Trixie didn't like Twilight's reason for why she hadn't done it would be the understatement of the century.
I like this story. It's funny, and it featured my favorite commie pony.
Trixie was funny, too! Keep it up!
The Flim Flan brothers and Iron Will should fall on their knees and beg the Great and Powerful Trixie to share the secret of her hustler ways.
One stallion is all but canon confirmed as Flash Sentry. Other might be Sunburst. But this is my best guess. Great story either way.
I don’t know why but this is such a weirdly funny line.
Great story.
Flash-pony and Flash-human.
This story is well worth reading!
I really like the beginning. It's a lore dump, but it's funny enough that it's hard to call it that exactly.
You weave a lot of ideas in here, like Twilight's quirks, her dynamic with her students, and even Gallus's aptitude for history potentially rivaling Ocellus's.
All in all a very good opening to a very good story.
Okay this is funny.
Reference for the filly with the best style!
Huzzah!
I wonder who they might be?
No, seriously who?
All I can think of is Flash Sentry (if you even want to call him a stallion).
Somehow I doubt most employers are as clueless and easy to intimidate as Twilight is in this story.
"I know where this is going."
'Reads the end' "Yup called it."
Let this be a lesson in reading shit before signing it.
No seriously. Don't sign things without reading them first.
I know most people would say Flash Sentry but I think the two "stallions" Twilight is interested in are two books she claims to be male. I mean, she
likesLOVES books right?Also, great story, I love it!
I enjoyed this story. Very, very much.
FYI you don't need to tell us about Twilight because we all know her character all too well. That's what's great about fanfiction; we already know all about the characters you're writing about. It's what makes writing fanfics easy. However, if you were writing this story for someone who had never seen the show, this section would be needed.
Stuff like this breaks the reader's immersion from the story.
That scene where Twilight was talking about potential lovers felt out of place. Nothing would change about the story if it was removed. Did you put that little scene in to ask us who we thought Twilight was interested in to try to get more comments? Cuz it worked lol. All jokes aside, it still took away from the story and broke my immersion because I was trying to work out how it connected to the previous scene. Came out of left field and felt random.
Overall, aside from those detractors, I enjoyed the story and gave it a like. Too bad it's marked as complete; I'd like to see what kind of antics Twilight had in mind for Trixie. Signing documents without reading them ain't that smart.
PS If you want more readers, add it to more groups.
I have concerns about the calibration on your Internal weirdness scale. This is... not surprising at all. She's the OG nerdhorse.
Trixie needs either one more or less negation here.
Now write a sequel where Trixie helps the teachers unionize lol
wait.
WAIT
You dear author actually have the indecency, the folly, the hubris, the AUDACITY to deny Trixie and Starlight each other's horsy hearts? You don't think Starlight deserves this mare that just beat up a demigod for her and made it look trivial? You want me to believe that Trixie's fervent passion and righteous fury on Starlight's behalf is the most passion they shall ever get to share?
I'm saddened and disappointed. Trixie and Starlight deserve better than this. They deserve each other.
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Thanks. and glad you enjoyed the story!
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It'll probably be something like this:
Step 1: Get a friend.
Step 2: Have them not get something you think they should have gotten.
Step 3: Defend the friend's honor, then sneak in a scam as you do.
Step 4: Profit.
Step 5: Pay Trixie 50% of what you get.
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The pony Flash is a stallion Twilight has a crush on in canon, but I thought I'll see what others would guess if season 9 Twi were to admit she has a crush on two stallions in canon, but wouldn't say who it was.
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Technically, human Flash isn't naturally a stallion, but if you were to say he counts in your theory, then there you go.
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I tried to add a little humor to it to try to keep it from feeling too much like it, and it flowed into what was happening to boot.
Probably not, although seeing Trixie try anyway could be fun.
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True words here.
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Part of me thinks Twilight wouldn't actually love a book, but in the world of fanfiction...
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To be honest, I generally prefer to leave character facts and other stuff we know out of stories, and I have done it in some past stories. It even wasn't there in the story's first draft, since it's something I've been working on for a while and have had problems with it; it used to be worse.
The main reason I added it here was that it felt a little bland without it and it directly flowed into what Twilight was doing; otherwise, I wouldn't have added it for the reasons you brought up. Sometimes I see someone say you should add these things in stories and don't assume as if the readers know these things about the characters, making it occasionally borderline headache-inducing trying to decide if it should be there, if a shortened version is more appropriate, or if it truly adds nothing, even if its place is (for the most part) seem to be appropriate. Then I just have to take a shot and hope for the best
.
It's one of those things I try out in stories, and when I first did, it got a favorable response. Though it's also something I'd modify or just remove should it start getting an unfavorable response, and make a judgment call if results become mixed, thus I'll keep your response in mind going forward. It is something that's restricted to certain comedy stores, though, so my non-comedies would never have it.
It was, but in a way, it was the point. Kinda. It was mainly to show that a lot of time passed and Twilight and Starlight had been talking casually for a while, and by that point, you might be talking about something completely different from something that happened 1 or 2 hours ago. I also thought it would be more interesting than if Twilight and Starlight were just doing nothing as Trixie come back to the office. I also like seeing when characters talk a little about stuff they never did in the show but might would off-screen, and I felt it make them feel more real than if they only talked about plot-related things, so that was another reason.
Still, I could have guessed wrong in my approach in this situation or just did it wrong. If I did, I'll use it as another learning experience.
Thanks for the constructive criticism and glad you were still able to enjoy the story! It could make for a fun sight to see what Twilight would try to do to Trixie as payback if I could think of some good ideas. At the moment I don't have much and had no plans for it, but who knows? I have made bonus chapters for stories a few times.
I am planning to at some point, but I had received warnings about how some users might give an auto-dislike if someone dumps stories in too many groups at once and have heard that adding them in 3, 4, or 5 groups at a time is advisable. I'm not sure how true this really is, but I chose to play it safe and just add stories in more groups over time. I was adding new stories in more groups in the past right away, but I never noticed any drops in views when I only added them in 4 or 5 groups prior to their submission. If anything, there just might have been a small increase after the change, but probably not. My stories can vary wildly in views, but the number of groups I add a newly submitted story into seems to have little to no factor in it, be it 4 or 20 groups.
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Here's a chance to show my inner Mudbriar. *clears throat* technically, it was never said Starlight wouldn't deny the chance to be with Trixie. Who knows; maybe Starlight will think about what Trixie did to Twilight and get turned on, and the rest would be a passion-filled history...
Not certain, but I'm fairly sure that a case could be made that all of these contracts are invalid, on the grounds of duress. "Do what I say or I atomize you" counts fairly decently as being under outside pressure.
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If Equestrian laws of duress match ours, Trixie's contracts may be invalid. But we have seen throughout the show that pony culture is pretty different than ours, so there are no guarantees that duress laws exists in Equestria. Or their version of it could have different rules.
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They both could probably do better.
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Honestly no one besides Flash stands out enough to be a contender for me.
Although if you count Stallion Flash, that's technically two.
Good stuff.
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Tell knighty to improve the massively horrible UI for adding stories to groups. Even just literally changing it so that clicking on a folder twice un-adds it to the group instead of telling you you already added it would be a massive improvement
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Oh I am certain the filmframe brothers and Trixie would both greatly enjoy
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Without claiming to particularly know the art and science of it, from reading and writing various short to mid length more light-hearted stories although this is probably true of darker stories too I just rarely read those, if the story feels like it needs to breathe a little before the main focus/plot kicks in, I think you can basically do whatever you want, as long as it sets up or transitions or leads to or build or hints or does something that ties it to the rest of the story. There's numerous ways to do this. You can have like an ancient fable or a humorous opening monologue, or a nice quote or two. Other options and examples including my favorite intro I've ever written I will post later because I'm about to fall asleep and I haven't slept much in 2 days so I need to do that so I will talk more about this later but basically yeah actually I think it would be interesting to make a blog post asking for stories that have fantastic intros
Hilarious!
Gave me a good laugh early in the morning. Favorited for sure.
I would take an fresh look at the last two sections of the story, it becomes difficult to follow who's speaking when with twilight and starlight especially.
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Glad you liked it!
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I took a look and I'll look at it again later. But as of now, it seems fine to me since I used a method that's common and often recommended when only two characters are in a scene, such as a character calling the other by name and/or having them say something only one of them would say (making it clear who it is speaking), and mixed in a couple of beats to further show it.
If I wanted to be extra sure who was talking was clear and not confusing, I could have slapped on one or two more dialogue tags and considered it doing editing. But I felt doing it here would have risked going into "hand-holding" territory, something I had done a lot by mistake so I try to be careful not to do it. If it really would feel less confusing if I add a dialogue tag or two, though, I could. It won't kill me.
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Twi does, but the Great and Powerful yelling shook her up and make her forget. It was one time her trusting Trixie bit her in the butt, and made Trixie's wallet heavier
I like to think the door was technically already open, but Trixie slammed it shut with her magic, and then it fell over.
Trixie is awesome. :D
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That would have been one goofy way to make a grand entrance...which would be surprisingly in character for an angry Trixie since she can have her goofy moment but loves to make an grand entrance when she can
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She can have her moments for sure.
Probably Flash, but if we go into Friendship is Witchcraft territory it could be Shining Armor... jk. Probably the other is Timber Spruce's counterpart.
The second Trixie started pulling out contracts I was thinking "Twilight don't you dare sign those without reading them!" For such a genius, Twilight certainly has her moments.
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I never really thought about a pony version of Timber Spruce, If Princess Twilight were to ever get together with Timber, I can see Flash (human Flash, since he showed far more interest in Princess twilight than pony Flash) getting jealous over it. It would be funny in itself to see Flash "Waifu stealer" Sentry get a taste of his own medicine
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Yep. Even the biggest of geniuses have their "What was I thinking?" moments. At least the first four contracts were fine and non-shady, so it could have been even worse for Bookhorse.
Definitely the Twilight we know and love.
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Oh, agreed. I just felt like if Sci-Twi had a crush on human Timber, if Princess Twilight ever met pony Timber she would like him. But of course the two Twilights aren't the same with relationships, so...
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Yep.
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Interestingly enough, I always thought that out of all the counterparts of the mane 6, Princess Twilight and Sci-Twi are the most different from each other. So I would imagine that if any of the counterparts would have different tastes in boyfriends/girlfriends, Princess Twi and Sci-Twi would be the ones.
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I completely agree. Mainly since Princess Twilight obviously has/had a crush on Flash Sentry, but when Flash met Sci-Twi in Friendship Games, he was brushed aside.
Maybe a little too much.
It’s still a funny story this is that yeah just because you signed contract doesn’t mean it’s ironclad. If you burn it now no lawyer will ever see it wink wink
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Not gonna deny that.
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If Twilight really wanted to, she could have tried to burn or otherwise get rid of that last contract and lie about it. But being the rule-follower she (usually) is, she felt more or less "honor-bound" to not try to get out of it since she signed the contract, despite how she was more or less tricked into doing it. This was even heavily implied in the earlier versions of the story, but I thought it might not have been needed.
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Eh True, it is moslty a joke fic so hand-waving things is fine. i mean, as a princess, she could probalby also say contract is null and void under some sort of law too. Eh still funny. could see Trixie pulling something like that tehehe
The conversations Twilight and Starlight have while Trixie is away are adorable!
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I thought it was too, albeit being an unexpected conversation