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Caliaponia
Joined March 2012
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Caliaponia
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Joined March 2012
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32w, 3dHuman in Equestria
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31w, 11hHooves, Wings, and Rocketships
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Oh wow, that was absolutely amazing. I love stories like this, where the emotions are portrayed so perfectly without a single line of dialogue. Not only that, but the descriptions used were so great that it made it seem like I was actually there, and it's rare when I experience that while reading a story.
Your writing was great, the spelling was great, and overall the story so far is great. I seriously hope you plan to continue this, and I seriously hope an update comes soon.
Honestly, I can't really think of any problems in the story. My only complaint would be the picture used near the beginning. Generally, you shouldn't use pictures in a story like this, since they only serve to distract from the story. I get why you used it, but considering the description of the glider you used, as well as the cover image for the story, I think the readers would still have been aware of what he was in even if the picture in the story hadn't been used. Other than that, this is great. 
Image: http://cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSI+MjAxMi8wNy8xOS8xN18zNV81NV8zMjNfNDkyMThfX3NhZmVfbWVtZV9ndXN0YXZlX2xlX2dyYW5kBjoGRVQ/49218__safe_meme_gustave-le-grande.jpg
Thanks, your comment made my day. I'm glad to hear my descriptions were immersive enough to convey the scenes.
This is the first time I've heard the picture might be a problem, though I can see your point. At the same time, If someone is inattentive and goes in with the layout of a standard glider in mind, they'll be completely confused, so I've been erring on the side of caution.
I agree. maskedferret was extremely generous and did an awesome job catching mistakes and giving advice. The earlier drafts were much rougher by comparison.
Thanks!
I'm glad to hear you folks are enjoying the story! I'll do my best to keep it up.
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it. I was starting to worry my [comedy] tag might have been in error.
I suppose he does have a fairly hands-off approach to the situation, but I believe with these whole-craft parachutes, the pilot doesn't really have much in the way of control.
.
>>1395591 Yes, please write more of this. I find it interesting that Equestrian is a foreign language to your protagonist; we don't see too many HiE stories with that kind of plot point here! 
(At least, I haven't run into one that featured translation difficulties.)
Then you have missed at least two I can think of straight away: Arrow 18 and ReEN. And any number of random Halo fics. But I agree, it's a plot point that should be more standard, rather than the other way around.
And I will have to once again choir the praise from my mates here. Descriptiveness is good here, and the few times things flow awkwardly you just barge on ahead because of the plot. Punniness level is decent, but IDK what sort of level of seriousness contra comedy you're aiming for with this fic overall. So far it works well indeed. WORK SLAVE Keep it up, bro.
Whoops! Um, sorry about that. 
You have a spare, right? 
Naah, they're all such friendly, good-natured pastel ponies. What could possibly go wrong?
Another story that come to mind is A Different Viewpoint of Equestria. You're right though, any linguistic bumps are usually glossed over pretty quickly with magic. In this case, whether the language barrier has a magic solution or not remains to be seen.
Arrow 18 is definitely one of my favorite stories. While I didn't set out to copy it, they do share certain elements, and its scenes of flight in Equestria were among the things that originally got my imagination going. I'm glad the level of humor is working out so far.
No, she's just being heroic. I think of this particular cloud like official Equestrian government housing, so he's basically slicing through a cross section of various apartments.
Awesome. Loved it. Lucky for him ponies are walking friendship machines and if he can even gesticulate well enough to convey regret, he's probably fine. At the rate that horrible, dramatic things seem to be happening to or near foals, which is to say every time they're on a screen, they tend to be giggling right along with it. They have to have some reputation for that sort of constant nihilistic mischief by now. You'd think an awkward, frail figure like a human in flying equipment would immediately come across as a lost, nonmagical bystander.
Either that, or Spitfire can't understand him and decides to beat the living shit out of him. Good luck bro. Hope you're good at charades.
You made me want to try rainbows on chicken with some injera. 
Glad you're enjoying it.
Yeah, he is in a bit of a pivotal point - things could break in many different ways from here (aka I'm going to have to make up my mind soon).
I figured liquid rainbows are basically magically condensed light, and sunlight is actually more energetic than most people give it credit for. For example, a simple solar panel can put out about 250 watts (comparable to the sustained work potential of an in-shape human) and that's only at an average panel conversion efficiency of 20%.
A typical liter of gas has 34 Megajoules of energy, equivalent to about 10kilowatt-hours. Checking on one of those solar array calculators, a 10kwh daily power requirement gave me 3000 watts of panels necessary (assuming average insolation levels: ~4 hours of sun. A Pegasus city is high altitude, plus they control the clouds, so it'd probably be even better, but meh).
So a bit of arithmetic gives a dozen average solar panels (or the same number of unlucky cyclists) able to output roughly the energy equivalent of a liter of gas (50 for a gallon) per day. If our magic rainbow collector is 100% efficient, you collect 5x as much.
Of course, relating to actual energy release, there's a lot more to it than just the amount of potential energy available. The energy density of the eventual liquid and the rate of release are also critical, but I digress (and they'd be made up numbers for liquid rainbow anyhow). 
I hadn't actually crunched the numbers until now, but my thought was basically that unprocessed rainbow could be fairly potent stuff, and should be handled respectfully. Water creates rainbows through refraction, so perhaps the energy is released optically as well. /shrug
Wow, I really got off on a tangent.
Anyhow, YMMV, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story in spite of that bit.
Glad to hear it!
Yeah, I like how the author takes a bit of time to explore the mechanics of the different systems a bit, and how that leads into unusual directions and unexpected developments.
I got no problem with Liquid Rainbow having energetic and even explosive qualities.
I only have a problem with it reacting to water.
I was speaking completely practically, not theoretically.
It would be like manufacturing gunpowder inside an active volcano.
Ah, yes you do have a good point there. I think with clouds, normally the water is diffuse enough for the reaction rate to not to be an issue, the Pegasi have quite a few safeguards in place, and at a certain point I resort to Pegasus magic handwavium.
Well, the energy density of the liquid may not necessarily be all that high. The rain on the wing didn't result in that big of an energy release. Plus we don't know exactly what was going on inside the weather factory, so there may have been other elements in play.
This was very refreshing. I really like how you conveyed so much emotion and feeling without a word passing between the ponies and the narrator. Made me feel like I was passenger on a whimsical ride through a fairy tale in slow motion. Well written and unique. Bravo.
Love it.
Reminds me of another HiE story, where a human is captured by the Equestrian government; the ponies and he can't understand eachother, but it tells the story from both sides... I wish that story would fuckin' update.
Anyway, great/awesome story. Fav'd and liked.
Thanks for the kind words, and I'm glad to see you're enjoying the tale.
It was definitely something nice to wake up to!
I'd thought about including some links in the description (it'd be amusing to see if aeriane noticed a sudden influx of pony), but I didn't want to come off as a commercial. I actually have no affiliation with the company, and I only wish I had the glider. I saw it on an old episode of "Beyond 2000" and thought it was cool ever since.
As far videos go, I think this one is my favorite.
Though the pilot in the story just has the plain gliding version.
"As the entirety of Cloudsdale split apart and toppled over, the plane-shaped hole in the cloud having cut through it like a breadknife through a block of soft butter, the Captain looked at the large collection of candy-coloured ponies that were now hanging onto the wings and nosecone of the airliner with astonished expressions on their faces. Thankfully, it seemed Equestrian pegasi were made out of taffy, since the few Cloudsdale residents who'd hit the turbines had gone through without suffering anything worse than sprained wings and a few knocks on the head. However, the engines were still insisting on conforming to mundane Newtonian physics (perhaps in a hope that if they acted like nothing was strange it would all go away). The engine on the tailplane had managed to escape unscathed, but the two wing engines had exploded, belching thick black smoke and fire. A handful of the pegasi had recovered quickly enough to grab some of the remaining rags of cloud hanging off the passenger jet and try to put out the fires by squeezing them over the engines like wet towels, but that wouldn't change the fact that the Captain now had to bring the jet down on minimal power, and there didn't seem to be any patch of land in sight that was long and flat enough to perform an emergency landing."
It was like licking a high voltage battery made of frozen wasabi.
--
I am slightly disturbed at the ease with which I envisioned what this must be like. And I don't even like wasabi.
This story bears tracking. Or is it tracking bears? Well, I'll keep an eye on it for now, and if I see any bears I'll let you know while I'm running away.
Huh, so apparently a mostly-passive glider coming in the wrong place can cause city wide explosions and mayhem.They might want to make a somewhat more robust design after this incident. Fortunately, if Ponyville is an accurate measuring stick, they'll fix things fairly quickly.
I like how things are going, and I'm eager to see how it ends up. There's no way this isn't going to be known to the Princesses in very short order.
A matter of concentration and volume, then.
Maybe I'm just misunderstanding how energetically reactive liquid rainbow is in your fic. Considering that it doesn't react to water in the atmosphere, its more stable than things like sodium or lithium. Its also safe to ingest at a sufficient dilution, even if Pinkie Pie thinks its too spicy. However, drops of water caused the (presumably) pure liquid rainbow to "[explode] into unexpected sparks of blazing color and arcing effervescent energy", which seems to be a pretty violent reaction unless it was mostly show. You did say the energy density wasn't too high, so it might not be a energetic a substance as I thought. (I was thinking it might make a substitute for avgas or something.) 
Well, I think there are two elements coming into play.
First, I'd say it actually is reacting with the ambient moisture in the air. Again, it's a matter of scale; what produces a spark at a raindrop-size interaction results in just a weak glow when we're talking about water vapor. This would result in luminous rainbows, as they slowly released their stored light, but the rate would be low and the effect would only really be noticeable at night.
You may recall when pinkie tasted the rainbow in the show, it was just a quick lick of a wet hoof - she didn't drink a glass of the stuff.
I actually was thinking of rainbows a little bit like petrochemicals as well. What they were dealing with in the weather factory was large amounts of raw rainbow essence, but it can be further refined depending on intended use, which can include stabilization. Sort of like how many oil-derived products have very different properties than crude oil. So there could well be a water-resistant formulation for outdoor displays, or a food-grade version. In this case, however, it was industrial-strength rainbows.
Well, It's actually at a bit of a crossroads. I did have to think out a fair bit of backstory, but I also want to avoid making a typical HiE plot, which has been thoroughly covered. At this point, it's a matter of how Chapter 2 evolves in the writing.
so what you are saying is that you had two young foals basically playing and splashing each other with this worlds version of oil. If so does that mean rainbow spills are less harmfull then oil spills, the same, or even worse seince they do tend to zap anything nearby
And with that line of thought does that mean the exploding rainbow factor would be similer to when we had the BP oil spill a while back
Yeah, they're pretty much frolicking in magic crude.
Harmful is a somewhat relative term, and situation-dependant; as you noted yourself - there are different aspects to consider. On the plus side, rainbows are non-toxic, and will tend to naturally dissipate over time. On the other, they release their energy in different forms and from different stimuli. Still, you only get violent reactions under a specific set of conditions, just like you need the right fuel/air/temperature/pressure mix for oil to be explosive (such as a diesel engine), rather than just flammable.
I don't think it would be quite the same as the Deepwater Horizon disaster; a more comparable example would be a refinery explosion. Though Deepwater Horizon did have an initial explosion, the bigger problem was the continuing spill afterwards, and I don't think rainbow collectors are as hard to manage as a gusher from an oilfield.
My reaction to your comment:
1. I tried to burst out laughing and widely grin simultaneously. My tongue covered the front of my mouth, preventing airflow. The building up laugh eventually peaked. Because it could not leave, the [heat and pressure built up, forcing the laugh to be converted back into emotion. This is similar to the reason why, although it's amazingly hot in the center of the Earth, the inner core is solid. It can't change states.]<--partial analogy.
Anyways, the built up emotion could not leave as a hearty guffaw, so it eventually shorted and fed back into my brain. WHOOOAHHH!
The Princesses will be even less pleased than the Pegasi at this mess! The possibilitiy of droughts and crop failures will haunt their Royal waking moments until the weather factories come back online.
Its bad enough the entirety of the most military race of the Pony species, who tend to "fly off the handle", will be after his tail-less behind, he will have the likely Wrath of TWO alicorns heaped upon him.
(Gets an bag of popcorn and a beach chair to watch from) This is gonna be EPIC! 
Would the magazine with Spitfire in it be more considered Sport's Illustrated or Playcolt?
Actually, how would a mare in a bikini even work? A pony's mammary glands are located way down on the lower abdomen, so would a bikini top/ bra be worn below the belly button, or do mares not wear tops?
I feel that the logistics of pony undergarments in relation to the equine anatomy really need to be addressed. Since 10% of the fallen debris from Cloudsdale was undergarments, it stands to reason that 10% of the story shall hinge upon how said clothing functions.
Science!
Thanks for your patience, and I'm glad to finally oblige
Violence and misunderstandings? With our lovable little ponies? 
Well, if deviantart is to any sort of guide, pony swimwear is mostly concerned with bottoms. Though there is always the persistent chance that the protagonist has not quite interpreted the situation correctly.
Though a good opportunity for science should never be wasted.
UUUUUUUUUPDAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!
In other news, I have to echo one of the earlier commenters: most civilized races default to "KILL IT WITH FIRE" when crazy shit happens. I can't imagine the pegasi being any different. Although, the kids will probably be rather vocal in their support for the "weird monkey", so I can see this going a combination of really well and really badly.
In any case, GOOD WORK KEEP GOING ERMAGERD.
Just wondering, will there be a similar length of wait until the next chapter, or are you reasonably free (and inspired!) now with finals seasons wrapping up? I'd love to read more of this, right now, and I don't think my hope generator could handle guessing wrong :/
Well, I've graduated and am employed full time, so there really is no up or down writing season for me. A substantial portion of JPT has been written during coffee breaks at work or on the train home. As I gain experience writing, my speed may gradually increase (FIM fiction has the sum of my creative writing output), but at this point I'm fundamentally a slow writer with limited time.
As far as the timing of the next chapter in particular, on the plus side, I'm already 3.4k words in (this chapter was initially just the first half of chapter 2), and I've got some long plane flights in my near future. On the minus side, I estimate the next chapter will be longer than this one, and I probably won't have a whole lot of time to write while I'm visiting with family.
So to make a long story short, much as I'd like to say otherwise, assume the worst, and hope for the best. 
Son of a Manticore, I read through it all and my brain wants MORE . I'd say it's definitely up to the high standard you set with the first chapter, and will be waiting on tenterhooks for the next one!
One wonders if Spitfire will mistake our hero for some kind of super-advanced magic-wielding diamond dog, given the theme of the hypnotic enchantment he's got the foals under...
I wanted to post something constructive, but it's obvious you've polished this story to a sheen. The main character's actions and thought are believable, the pacing is solid, and the writing is just wonderful.
Brilliantly done, overall.
if anything, my one complaint might be the veritably glacial update schedule. But that's a rather selfish complaint, which I'll happily take back if the story maintains this level of quality.
Thank you for posting this... it's about time another genuinely good HiE hit the scene.
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