The contrast between Equestria's peacefulness, even including Fluttershy's disturbed sleep, and the build-up to the battle at Antietam, is really powerful.

I can say, after just the first chapter, that this is a good story; but not a story it's easy to read. Must not have been easy to write, either.

Goddamn TD, I'm Australian, know barely anything about the American Civil War other than the homework you set us, and this story still made me tear up. Beautiful writing.

Are you particularly a Civil War enthusiast, or did you just pick a war at random? This story could work with almost any war ever, and I expect different people would get different emotional impacts depending on their nationality and which war you picked - I would pay good money to see a version/sequel to this for the Battle of Culloden.

Great job as usual, mate.

Just like aljada

I'm an Aussie and have hardly anything about the civil war either.

BUT

This still pulled at my heartstrings

Oh god sir.

This made me cry.

Seriously.

I fucking love you.

This was great.

You are wonderful.

Oh god I'm crying.

This was beautiful and you should be proud.

This deserves to be forever remembered.

Thank you for this masterpiece, sire.

Love,

-Cortex Repository

P.S. Oh god I'm crying.

>>12631861263186

I'm glad that the contrast stood out for you, Lurk. No, it wasn't easy to write... I'm a student of the Civil War, and I feel a real connection to the stories it presents. I'm going to be at Antietam this weekend, and I expect it shall be emotional for me.

>>12631911263191

Glad I could get some emotion out of you!

I have a huge interest in the American Civil War. I am in fact a Civil War Re-enactor, and I shall be participating in the reenactment of this battle, Antietam, this weekend.

>>12633291263329

I'm very glad that there was emotion in this story for you. Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>12633571263357

Forgive me, but I'm deleting this comment. This is a story about an actual boy, an actual soldier, who actually was killed in a real battle. This story was meant as a tribute to him, so I do not find advertising to be appropriate here.

>>12633941263394

I am indeed proud, and I take the emotional response you are having as a high compliment. You do the memory of the youth well with your tears.

I really wish he hadn't died... ugh. That would have been great, if he had been able to live in Equestria... darn it.

TD, I like the added content that you incorporated into the story.  I found those maps of the battles quite interesting and to actually see the graves of some of those that you mentioned really made your story more realistic.  I also liked that you went with a soldier who ended up MIA at the end of the battle.  

>>12636501263650  Concerning the re-enactment, do you know what side you will be on and what general you are supposed to be under the command of?  All the same, it sounds like an enjoyable time.  Do die honorably if you get hit.  Also how did you get into that re-enactment stuff?  How could some join something like that?  

"Angle could see her simply trying to make some sense of the visions that had clouded her sleep."

Just a spelling error I caught, can't seem to find anymore.  From the first chapter, I can tell that this is shaping up to be a good story.  I haven't studied the battle of Antietam, or really the entire war that much,(I'm more into World War 2 history) but this has inspired me to look into it.

>posted new story

Ah yea, cool, gonna be like a prologue or something

>18k words, 4 chapters

I love you man. I love you.

Image: http://i.imgur.com/Cc9Uy.gif

Oh man, that whole scene before his death, where he thought Fluttershy was an angel and such, made me so sad.

And then him singing "Amazing Grace" just did it in for me. Manly tears, man. Manly tears.

>>12636891263689

I had thought of what it would have meant if the youth had lived, but in the end the story would have lost a lot of its emotion if he had survived the wound. I hope that the way that the story went didn't destroy the story for you.

>>12639631263963

Here's a great narrative by Stetson's father about how he went to recover his son's body, and laid it out in the grave. He met a dying Roosa there, and there's pictures of both if you'd like to do some reading.

I chose Allorian Bassett specifically to be the youth because he went missing, and because he was so young.

As for reenacting, I've died horrible, tragic deaths upon dozens of battlefields, so that's not new and I shall do my best!

I got into reenacting about six years ago, mostly because of my love of the Civil War. You can only read about it so many times before you feel the need to try to understand what they went through. It's an expensive hobby, but many units will let you borrow equipment until you begin buying your own.

At little events, my unit commands itself (like when we're doing talks at national parks). At big events like the Antietam reenactment I'm about to do a national organization with elected officials takes over command an organization.

Joining a Civil War Reenacting unit is as easy as finding one that fits your needs and personality, what type of unit you want to represent, and your commitment. You've just given me an idea for a blog post, so I'll go about it there!

>>12639941263994

Oh! Thanks for the catch, man! I'm glad that I've inspired you to look into the A.C.W! f you have any questions about it, let me know!

>>12640171264017

Aww! Thanks! I love me too!

>>12641931264193

Just manly tears? I was bawling aloud when I wrote it!

Just...wow. That was such a powerful story.

I don't know how you do it. Can you share some of that story-writing awesomeness with some of us? Shouldn't be fair to hog it all to yourself. :P

>>12642151264215

I sell it for $5 in a six-ounce can, Van.

>>12642601264260

And I'm sure that 5 dollars worth of awesomeness works for...what, only one paragraph? One Page?

But it'll be the BEST PARAGRAPH/PAGE EVER WRITTEN. XD

Well, made me cry.

As has been mentioned, him interpreting Fluttershy as an angel and then dying after singing Amazing Grace was very powerful.

>>12642921264292

Depends upon how thick ya' spread it!

>>12643371264337

I'm glad it was very powerful for ya', DJ... gee, I've got to make some comedies here again soon, huh?

This chapter was painful to read. In the good sense, absolutely, but still painful. Powerful writing, TD.

All in all, I'm glad you wrote this, and glad that I read it. But, pardon me when I say that I doubt I will re-read this story.

>>12644101264410>>12644291264429

I'm certainly glad that you gave it a go the first time, Lurk. Painful indeed...

The feature box was cloying me during the last few weeks with all the "romance" titles...

You came just at the right moment. Thanks for giving my fill

As for the story itself... This is my way of showing I shed a tear:

Good God... I expected something of a high standard from you, but this, this story surpassed all my expectations. The two timelines fit together seamlessly, and the idea of Equestria seeming like heaven to poor Bassett is just inspired. When he was dying and started singing  'Amazing Grace', that was when the tears were properly streaming down my face.

You said that you set out to put a different spin on the Human in Equestria genre. You succeeded with flying colours, if you ask me.

Reading this and listening to Johnny Has Gone For A Soldier by James Taylor sure brought tears into my eyes.

A beautiful story.

Beautifully done.  As always my friend, as always.  

The Civil War is one of the few things that genuinely strikes a chord with me.  It's far too easy to relate too.  I grew up outside of Richmond, sandwiched right in the middle of all Hanover Counties battlefields.  It surrounded me.  I can see the Cold Harbor memorial park from my grandmothers, and I drove past the garthright house to get to my wifes while we were still dating.  The civil war is still a real thing in these places, where you can still see earthworks preserved.  They're so common, kids in my neighhborhood used to melt down old lead balls to make sinkers for fishing.  When it gets expounded upon it's very jolting, being reminded of how violent something you've always been around used to be.  

that was just so butiful (forgive my spelling)

that last picture blew my mind .

I cant even make words, too many feels.

dat elephant.

Damn...  There aren't many fics out there that make me cry like this.  Real powerful stuff here.

>>12645751264575

I'm glad I was able to give you something to peruse! I'm also glad that it struck an emotional chord. Nice song!

>>12648581264858

I consider that high praise, Nos! Thanks so much!

>>12650681265068

I'm very glad that I could supply you with something emotionally powerful. Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>12655751265575

I can see that it still has a presence for you too, and I'm glad that I was bale to bring some life back into it for you. Thanks, as always, for reading!

>>12658011265801

You are forgiven... and thanks so much!

>>12658921265892

Oh, yes... everyone in this story was a real person, taken directly from the muster rolls of the 59th New York and the 31st Virginia. I'm glad it had such a powerful effect.

>>12659271265927

I'm glad that I was able to provide you with a way to feel that emotion.

Oh man, that was tragic.  I was holding back tears for the entire chapter, but when he started to sing Amazing Grace, I was unable to hold back.

Wow.  Just, wow.  First off, this is an extremely moving story.  Tears were shed.  Second, this is probably the best HiE I've ever read.  That last picture there just blew my freaking mind, and seeing how Fluttershy kept his locket, do I, by any chance, smell a sequel?  I've enjoyed reading this immensely, and I look forward to your next story!

How tragic.

Very sad but good story. Barely held back the tears at the singing of Amazing Grace.

But I must ask, why did you choose Private Bassett?

Dude.

Just... Wow.

This took me by surprise. Even with checking out the homework videos setting the tone and giving the background info I was totally unprepared for all the feels. I didn't cry but I was moved past tears into speechlessness and I'm typing this up nearly 12 hours after reading so as to properly collect my thoughts. As it is I can't really think of anything to say other than you really weren't kidding when you said this would be a different kind of HiE.

I think what got me the most was that Allie was from Kingston NY, which is only 15-20 minutes from where I live, so all the flashbacks and memories of the Hudson and Catskills really struck a chord. Excellent choice. And T.J makes a great foil to him as well. And... just so much more. This story should be taught in schools and dissected in the same way as all the classics; Milton, Kafka, Chaucer etc, because it's just THAT good.

A new story from the descendant?! MUST READ ASAP!

This just gets to me cos its so.... Real, y'know?

(second read through)

>>12642061264206

I know it would have killed some of the emotional stuff, but it just sucks that he died anyway.

>>12672111267211>>12673211267321

I hoped that have Allorian's entry from the muster book as the last image would have an impact, and I'm glad that I made the choice to include illustrations. Thanks!

I honestly have no plans for a sequel at this moment, but anything is possible. The next story I'm working on is Lysok's commission, but don't be surprised if there's a fe side-tracks!

>>12676081267608

Indeed. Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>12678871267887

I chose Allorian for a few reasons.

1.) I searched the order of battle for a regiment at Antietam that had an interesting story to tell. I didn't want a "famous" regiment or a "elite" one, just a very normal regiment that got into a bad spot. The 59th NYVI fit the bill.

2.) In that regiment I went searching for a soldier who was young, and who went missing. Allorian J. Bassett fit the bill as well.

3.) I needed someone whose background I could reconstruct. Seeing as he was from Kingston, N.Y., I imagined him a job on the Hudson River. The rest just fell into place!

>>12683441268344

High praise from you as always, sir, and I am most grateful.

You should search your local cemetery and see if there are any soldiers from the 59th NYVI, as the regiments formed by counties back then, so there may be some near you. Roosa was from Ulster, N.Y. if you're on that side of the river and that close to the Catskills!

>>12686181268618

I hope you enjoyed it!

>>12686471268647

Indeed, very real indeed. All of the people are actual figures I took from regimental rosters...

>>12714861271486

Agreed, agreed indeed.

>>12718811271881

I'm in New Paltz so Ulster is just a hop skip and a jump away. I may end up checking out some graveyards soon. Tis the season and all, what with Nightmare Nigh- I mean Halloween around the corner.

>>12718811271881

Makes sense, I was thinking you might have been related to him or was in a unit that would have been close to your hometown

>>12736041273604

What a coincidence I live near their. Well closer to Middletown though

Damn, that's powerfully moving

Private Macintosh salutes you sir

That last chapter with Rainyday. Jezzums.

Image: http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn105/walkseva/ManlyTearsHaveBeenShed.jpg

Never before have I found a more fitting story for this picture.

I came across this, ironically, after seeing Pins and Needles show up in the feature bix and going "Descendant; I know he's written some good stuff before, but I can't remember what it was - okay, check profile" and saw your blog post.

I generally shy away from HiE stories, but seeing the historical context, and the significance, of this, as something of lay military historian myself, I felt obliged to have a read, as my own quiet salute to the fallen.

Being English, my knowledge of the Amercian Civil War is limited to what I have osmosed, and a few of the moments that have shown up in my own reading of military history; much of it has come from came from Geoffry Regan's excellent books on military blunders, which show the bitter and tragic cost of the darker side of generalship throughout the world and the ages. Antietam recieved a mention in passing once or twice, though not in detail. (One is forced to reflect on the grim fact that this, the bloodiest battle was not, unusually, perhaps, the worst-lead in the war.)

This first person look was excellently done, nay even inspired, and powerfully written. That was a superlative memorial piece, and I think you hit the tone just right. Your goal - in ensuring that a few more people will remember the dead; those we know about, and the likely more that we don't - has been accomplished admirably.

>>12778011277801

Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>12778731277873

Indeed...

>>12779411277941

Glad that it moved you. Thanks for reading!

>>12784811278481

On Pins and Needles was in the Featured Box? I'm sorry that I missed that... but not really, as I was at the Antietam reenactment when it did.

I'm glad that you took the time to write me such an excellent note. I'm especially glad that you feel that the story completed it's primary purpose, the commemorating of a life. That makes me feel like I've truly done something worthwhile. Thank you so much!

>>12785471278547 No, no, no, thank YOU for writing such a beautiful and sad piece.

>>12772731277273

Not to hijack the thread, but cool stuff sir. If you're ever in town, stop by Gourmet Pizza where I work most nights and we can nerd out over ponies and things.

Thank you for writing this.

It's pieces like this that hammer home how much war sucks. It makes it more personal than a news report or even an interview could. The scene where they're walking among the dead and dying... it's chilling.

The contrast between the scenes from the war and the scenes that take place in Equestria creates a mood whiplash that unbalances you, and the ending gives you a shove that sends you plummeting from your emotional equilibrium into an abyss of sadness.

Damnit, you made me cry.

Thank you.

Salud y paz.

>>12736041273604

Well, I wasn't thinking anything spooky or like that. Civil War graves are easy to identify, you se, because the government provided them free to veterans. They are straight sided and have a curved top. They always have the soldier's name, company, and regiment. Following any flags, or Grand Army of the Republic markers, is usually a good way to find them too.

>>12863371286337

I'm very happy that you found those scenes poignant. I'm especially glad that the contrast between the two worlds stood out. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

made me cry not bad

>>12925221292522

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

I've been meaning to get around to reading this for a while, and I'm glad I finally did. The youth identifying Canterlot as Zion was so touching, and then having him sing Amazing Grace brought on the sad. Splendidly done.

As I said earlier, splendidly done. You promised a completely original take on the HiE genre, and boy did you pull it off! While I didn't cry, I was still touched by the emotional impact of the story.

If I have one critique, it's that it takes a little long to get going. The events of the first two chapters just feel like the precursors to the main event (chapter three), where everything comes together and the emotion hits home. But the build-up in those first couple of chapters feels a little long, with a fair amount of namedropping and details that doesn't seem to amount to a whole lot considering the events of the last two chapters.

BUT, these are nitpicks in the big scheme of things. You set out to create an emotional fic that incorporated history and humans, and by gum did you deliver. Marvelous work!

>>12945531294553>>12946881294688

The way that the two introductory chapters take up so much time has been remarked upon by others, but in all honesty I couldn't think of any other way to get the reader to truly feel what the youth was experiencing.

I'm very glad that you feel that I successfully navigated the minefield that is he HiE fic, John. I'm very glad that you enjoyed the work!

I thought this was worth saying but when the last picture showed his name i nearly lost it. The only reason i didnt cry is because i can somehow hold it all in

HOLY CRAP!......

i cried.....

I NEVER cry..........

>>12633941263394

Ditto.

Cant stop the waterworks.

I'm a grown man i shouldn't get this teary over one little war story.

>>13002461300246

Your comment made me very glad that I decided to illustrate this story, and especially the scan from the 59th's muster book. I'm very glad that you read it and seemed moved by the story!

>>13017591301759>>13017841301784

I take your tears as a compliment for my writing style and in the memory of of our protagonist and the battle. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

Congrats!!!!

Thou have Been featured on EQD!

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/09/story-youth-in-garden.html

Congratulations on getting onto EQD, this definitely deserved it, despite being a step or two away from the usual fare.

I would prepare yourself for the innudation of tears though, now...!

...

That reminds me, I never did get around to reading Pins and Needles then...!

>Dat synopsis!

Before I go on I do have to ask, are you a reenactor?

  It's not necessarily hard to make a Fluttershy story heartbreaking, but it's not always easy to do it so well.

I think I'm getting that after they get killed, they get sent to Equestria, or something.

This story was already sad, but then when it turned out Allorian Bassett was a real person, that made it even more poignant. Good job.

Dear God... I have read many stories and very few can move me to tears like this has. I am a Civil War Reenactor and have been for over over 15 years, I know the history and the statistics, I know that the surgeons tried but couldn't save everyone,  I have walked Gettysburg, Vicksburg, Wilson Creek, Pleasant Hill and many other battlefield, but not even that can prepare me for the human element that you have shown with Allorian Basset, and you gave him something important, an ending. Thank you for posting this, and for giving him the respect out fallen deserve after their deaths.

Celesita's Paladin: 173rd NYSVI, XIX Corps, Army of the Gulf

Image: http://twentypercentcooler.net/data/2c/0b/2c0b3c0382a89d88ef43203c6e06b80a.gif?1330923042

That was amazing.

I am aggressively indifferent to history, but that was just plain amazing. The depiction of the ghostly soldiers moving through Fluttershy's cornfield was downright eerie, and you truly captured the heartbreak of it all.

Well done.

Sounds interesting. Will absolutely read when I've got the time.

>>13140281314028

I usually say something comedic about getting on ("Their standards must be slipping!") but since this one was meant as a commemoration of a life it was important to me that it get accepted. I'm very happy it did so!

>>13140921314092

I'm very glad that it met their standards, as HiE fics usually have a difficult time getting through. Tears... bring all the tears...

>>13140961314096

Yes, I was quite proud of that. I hope you enjoy the story.

>>13141911314191>>13144801314480

I most certainly am a re-enactor! I participated in the 150th anniversary of Antietam this last weekend, and spent Monday on the battlefield. I called for the members of the 59th NYVI aloud, at the moment when this story would have been happening... letting them know that they are remembered.

It must not be easy to portray a Federal unit down in Texas! I see that you very clearly understand where I was coming from with this story, and I'm glad it had meaning for you!

>>13143271314327

Thank you very much for saying so, and for reading and commenting.

>>13143371314337>>13144121314412

I tried very hard to avoid all of the usual traps of "Human in Equestria" fics, so I couldn't go down that route. I'm glad that the route that I took seemed to reach its potential, and I'm very happy that you took the time to read and comment!

>>13144431314443

I'm very glad that you found reading it to be more than you expected. Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>13145371314537

Thank you so much for saying so, as I was hoping this one would work for lovers of history and those who were indifferent alike. I'm glad that you found it enjoyable in any case, and thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

>>13147581314758

I look forward to hearing your opinion.

You know, I would be glad if this soldier was fictionalized, but reading that this soldier had LIVED!!!!! ... That was too much!

..........

I have no words, really, I don't have any words!

>>13150591315059

Just taking the time to read and comment was enough, and I thank you for it.

I'm not ashamed to admit that the youths death scene had me crying.

>>13151941315194

I know I broke down while writing it...

Thanks for reading and commenting.

MY FEELS!! THEY ARE NO LONGER IN GOOD CONDITION!! This story was beautifully well written. And even though I was the one who drew the cover, I am still extremely moved by your good use of words. Seeing this on Equestria Daily with MY cover art made my day. I kinda want to see more of these stories, but I have this thing called emotions that make me cry a lot.

Ummmm they used minni.balls not balls

>>13158411315841

Oh! Anne! I was unaware that you had a FIMFiction account! I'm very glad that you were moved by this work, and I'm so very happy that you got to see your cover art on EqD!

>>13159731315973

Yes, Minié balls, named after their inventor, Claude Etienne Minié.

Image: http://francishistory2011.wikispaces.com/file/view/Minie_Balls.png/229774796/Minie_Balls.png

The M1861 Springfield used a .58 caliber ball, and the Enfield used a .577 that was actually interchangeable with the Springfield's rounds. My Sharps used a .54 that came in a linen cartridge. A few muskets, such as the un-rifled M1842 still used round balls, and most famously the Irish Brigade used a "buck-and-ball" cartridge in theirs (a .69 caliber ball and three buckshot) that were particularly useful at the Bloody Lane at Antietam. That weapon never plays a part in this story though.

In all of the diaries and and accounts I've come across the soldiers still refer to the Minié balls as "balls" as a colloquialism, the same way we call "gasoline" just "gas". They never used the term "Minié ball" unless speaking specifically, hence why the youth (who was beyond speaking formally at that point) just called it "the ball".

I hope you enjoyed the story!

>>13163441316344

Indeed...

I hope you enjoyed it, though.

>>12636501263650  You know, I didn't even look at the author when I clicked on this, but as I was reading, I knew it was you!  You always have a level of excellence and near-flawlessness in your writing that few others can match.

>>13163781316378

Thank you, that means the world to me that you would say so. It is something that you have to work at, and it wasn't perfect (it was sent back to me by EqD for my usual problem with commas in introductory clauses and for some tense errors), but I'm trying hard every time to do better. I'm glad that shone through for you!

Wow! Just...wow.

You made me cry...

Seeing the actual record of Private Bassett's name on the missing list gave me chills.

A question...

Did you just find his name on a list, or do you have some personal connection to the family? How did you happen to pick this particular soldier?

There are many dramatic pony stories, many grimdark, many sad.  But few ever reach the level of true sorrow.  The emotions here feel real, natural, completely freely expressed without the need to overwrought melodrama.  The mystery of 'how' the soldier ended up in Equestria is not dwelt upon, nor is it needed.  It would only have sullied the tale, as it would have in the classic "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court".

The Descendent has once again proven himself one of the best writers in Pony fiction.

It appears that they still do not see that they are all the same…

I just wanted to say that this is NOT why wars are fought. This (me being associated with the military) is just shocking to me. Sure you can justify war with that but is not the reason why.

Other than that, well done. Very moving and does a great job capturing the imagery and mood of the scene. All too often we hear about the great heroes that do amazing things in war but we hardly ever hear about the soldier that died even before he could fire a shot. Really it's the soldiers that don't come back that are the real heroes.

Powerful stuff. I may not have cried, but I can certainly appreciate how this story could cause others to. This was fantastically original.

This is a well written story and so sad.  While I agree it would of been nice of the boy had survived and lived on in Equestria, it would of been a totally different story.  It is sad that people still haven't learned to get along.    

>>13165101316510

I had hoped that finding his name at the end would trigger some response, and I'm glad it did.

I chose Allorian Bassett based on my needs for the story. I chose the 59th NYVI because it wasn't a "famous" unit or an "elite" one... just a regular group of volunteer infantrymen in the Civil War that found itself in a very, very bad spot at Antietam.

I then went through the muster of the regiment looking for 1.) A young soldier who 2.) Went missing. Allorian Bassett fit the bill perfectly, and the other characters are all real people as well.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

>>13165131316513

The Descendent has once again proven himself one of the best writers in Pony fiction.

Thank you so much for saying so. I'm especially glad that it was this story, one with real importance, that brought about such a response. I'm very grateful.

>>13177861317786

I'll fully admit that is a massive generalization of why wars are fought, but I couldn't picture a scenario in which Celestia went on and on about humans and their wars. I hope it wasn't too damaging to the story, and I'm glad that you, a serviceman, could appreciate it otherwise.

>>13179741317974

Thank you, I did the best that I could to avoid all of the traps of the "Human in Equestria" genre, and I'm glad it came out as original and moving.

>>13184581318458

Indeed...

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

I saw the vision of armies;

and I saw, as in noiseless dreams, hundreds of battle-flags,

borne through the smoke of the battles and pierced with missiles, I saw them,

and carried, hither and yon through the smoke, and torn and bloody;

and at last but a few shreds of 'the flags left on the staffs, (and all in silence,)

and the staffs all splintered and broken.

I saw battle-corpses, myriads of them,

and the white skeletons of young men, I saw them;

I saw the debris and debris of all dead soldiers,

But I saw they were not as was thought;

they themselves were fully at rest, they suffered not;

only the living remained and suffered, the mother suffered,

and the wife and the child and the musing comrade suffered,

and the armies that remained suffered..

--Walt Whitman

>>13202201320220

An appropriate bit of poetry, well quoted. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Try listening to the Gettysburg theme music when you read this, makes it so much better than it already is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XORk4WvsIc

>>13217451321745

Damn, I love that soundtrack! Best track? "Fife and Gun", from when Maj. Gen. Reynolds is killed.

It's based on my favorite battle-song from the Civil War, "Hell on the Wabash". My regiment got to march into battle with it playing at Antietam last weekend, and I was so moved...

Thanks for reading and commenting!

This was heartbreaking, how he thought Fluttershy was an angel, thinking Canterlot was Zion, how he died, I was actually saying "no no no, please no" when Spike was messing around with the springfield, thankfully it didn't shoot fluttershy or anyone else, it would've detracted from what had already happened

Well, that was rather interesting, even though my ignorance of this civil war is absolute. The emotions this story evokes are very real, empathy is a bitch like that

Before I finish, a couple of amusing (morbid sense of humor required) notes:

-The boy died anyway because he proclaimed -wished- not to die there, on the battlefield; nothing was said about actually surviving the war (or wounds).

-inb4 Sabaton pays tribute to Antietam

Thank you for writing such an amazing and powerful story.

I'm English (from Yorkshire actually), I live fairly close to the site of the battle of Towton (the bloodiest battle ever fought on British soil) and I'm quite interested in history. I know quite a bit of general history about the Civil War and how outdated tactics combined with industrial age weapons makes for slaughter on a terrible scale

But I didn't know about Allorian J. Bassett, I doubt anyone will ever know that much about him, we can only guess how he grew up, what made him go off to war, what he did during the Battle of Antietam and what happened to him. Fluttershy certainly didn't know anything about him, yet her kindness overrode her fear and she was there for him when he needed it most, when he was bleeding, crying out for his mother and scared out of his mind.

You managed to combine the best of both worlds, the horror and carnage of the American Civil War (the sharpshooter sans jaw was horrifying even for me), how old tactics cost the lives of thousands of of boys barely old enough to be called men and how those boys reacted to seeing sights no-one should ever have to see at that age. The photos and pictures were a great help, they make the battle and the positions of everyone understandable to someone not as aware as the writer and hell, how many of the soldiers wouldn't understand it. At the same time you made sure the unpredictable nature of the battle was present, how smoke made it hard to tell friend from foe or even where your foe was. How it was a total crap shoot if anyone on the other side was aiming at you and how when the pops of gunfire went off, you'd never know if one of those balls was going to hit you

Then there's the peaceful, serene, idyllic world of Equestria and how Fluttershy and Angel get glimpses of what's going on in 1862 while going about their business. How the boy got into Equestria isn't important, that he did and what happened after is what matters. Fluttershy's character is every bit as important as his and it was nailed down here, she's a scardey cat who'll jump at her own shadow and whose lucky if she can raise her voice beyond a soft whisper. But at the same time the other side of her wins through, the side that's a healer, the side that knows death in ways the others don't, the one who has lost many of her friends to it and that if needed, the side of her that will overpower the scardey cat every single time. She's the pony who wears her heart on her sleeve even more than Rainbow Dash or Applejack and when she's hurt it cuts more deeply than any of the others. That she realized he wasn't a monster by reasoning that a monster wouldn't be wailing for its mother is definitely in character

I was actually saying "no, no, no please no" when Spike was messing around with the springfield, thankfully it didn't shoot Fluttershy or anyone else, it would've detracted from what had already happened, it didn't need to claim another victim, that Spike used it and then only after realized what it was (and what it and he could have done if someone was in the way) is better, he lost his innocence the same way the boy from Kingston did when he fired it for the first time, that links them in a way much more profound than Spike getting the haversack and canteen

Reading it I was thinking he'd recover, that Fluttershy would get back in time with Twilight or she'd call Zecora with some kind of fancy healing potion and they'd know one another better. Then she didn't and he died alone, that must have been the worst thing to Fluttershy, not so much that he died but that he died alone so very far from his home and his mother, she doesn't know she did what she needed, that she'd helped him pass in peace. As far as she knows, she let him down and she still can't get over the fact that she let a scared young boy crying for his mother die alone, where Rainbow Dash saw a dead alien, she saw Allorion and will never forget it. Celestias part was good, with how old she is and what she's seen she's probably the only pony who can help Fluttershy make sense of everything and how to make her understand that humans aren't so different from ponies, I was crying well before the end of this story

The burial was very moving, how the other Mane Six helped make him respectable and let him be laid to rest with dignity, how Fluttershy kept the locket to make sure if the chance, however remote, arose that she could find his mother and tell him how much he loved her and was calling for her at the end. At the end Celestia and Fluttershy reached the same view I share and that many others do, if you've gone to war or have studied enough about it and what it does to people, you realize that war isn't glorious, it's never glorious, it's hell

The final picture was the cap, you took a name on a list and made him into a person, as Fluttershy said, not a thing or a monster, a boy, you made us care about him, showed he was a brave (if foolhardy) soldier and also a scared boy who came from a nice place and didn't deserve to die how he did. You gave another soldier, another name missing in action a peaceful, comfortable passing with someone who cared about him, even though she knew nothing about him yet still surged through her own fears to help a fellow being in need, how he was laid to rest with love and respect in a beautiful place by someone who cared, who will honor her promise if she ever can and even though she doesn't know his name, will never, ever forget him. That is the best thing about this story, a name on a list is, in a way, made into a person again

Well done

Aww man. This story... I cried more than during MLD. It really sinks in when you realize that this battle happened exactly 150 years ago last Monday.

Speaking of which, I might be heading to the 150th Anniversary reenactment of Perryville! Gettin pumped, bro.

I work on American Civil War sites, including Antietam, and have studied that period of history for quite a while now.

That said, this was an excellent story. The history seemed to be well-researched and well-presented, Allorian was well-developed, and the emotion was like a steamroller.

I have more comments somewhere, but its late and I work in the morning. If I think of it, I might say more tomorrow evening.

>>13224441322444

Yes, his implore was "Not to die here", and I'm glad that you caught onto that. I'm afraid I don't know what the second one is an answer to, so I'm afraid I can't reply to that.

I'm very glad that you read it and enjoyed it!

>>13221331322133>>13224491322449

Say hello to everyone in Yorkshire for me!

I want to thank you so much for this excellent comment, which is perhaps the most thorough and complete one that I've received on the story.

Of all the things you reflected upon, I'm most glad that you picked up on the way I shadowed the youth's experience with Spike's discovery of the Springfield rifle-musket laying in the grass. I was hoping that someone would make that connection.

I'm very glad that the work was able to produce such a strong feeling in you, and a want and wish to reply in such an excellent matter. I'm sorry that I can't reply to all of your salient points, but I am very glad that you took the time to make such an in-depth review. Thank you so much!

>>13226391322639

More tears than that story? Heh, I must have done something right!

Don't be afraid to ask the re-enactors lots of questions at Perryville, that's why we do this... or did I misunderstand and are you a re-enactor yourself?

Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>13226471322647

Aha! What kind of work do you do? My unit does a lot of demonstrations with the park service, so I'm at these battlefields all summer long. I'm glad that my understanding of the battle came through and was visible to someone else who knows about the battlefield and the era. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

>>13254341325434

Ah small details like that screw you over when making a life changing (irony, yes, I regret NOTHING) wish to some ROB*

You mean Sabaton? It's funny really, they are a metal band whose songs are all (an album and scattered exceptions aside) about war and battles throughout history, For example, they have a song about the Screaming Eagles which is or was part of the US air force or army, you'd have to forgive me if I got that wrong.

*Random Omnipotent Being

I wish I could say I cried, but I didn't (with a lot of reason). But it was some powerful stuff, I'll give you that.

>>13292791329279

Oh, yes... the Screaming Eagles are the 101st Airborne Division. The eagle on their patch is actually supposed to represent "Old Abe", the war eagle mascot of the 8th Wisconsin Volunteers.

Image: http://greenpointmonitormuseum.org/traveling_road_show/StNicholasy0708grp/troianioldabe.jpg

Image: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1DiCHeFdND8/UCiC5-7p44I/AAAAAAAAEo8/Q8qpzjsJL1Q/s1600/Bulge-101st.jpg

Heh, thanks for letting me know that!

>>13293931329393

I'm glad that you found it [powerful, Delta. Always great to hear from you!