Epilouge
Epilogue
“So the prince has awoken.” A dark voice said. “I'm pleased with your efforts, Nightmare.”
Nightmare stood with her head down, quiet. “But what do you plan to do now? The prince knows about his power .”
Nightmare didn't raise her head. “He has still forgotten about his time on the human world. I can possibly use that against him.....”
“No!” The dark voice boomed. Nightmare fliched as the dark voice continued. “You will not be returning to Equestria. I know some others that will “distract” the prince from trying to recover his past.”
Nightmare said, “That what shall I do?”
“You shall watch and wait. You will think of a way to make the prince yours. Only then can our plan succeed. When we have control of the Cutie Stamp, then our plans will finally be completed.”
Nightmare raised her head. “You may go Nightmare.” The voice said, “I will call for you when I need you to return.” Nightmare turned and walked away.
As she reached the doorway, she turned her head and said, “Thank you......Father.”
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The idea is sound. I feel that the story was rushed. This story could be so much more. Your OC human feels too acepting of what is happening to him. If it were me, I would be freaking out.
1248007 I realized that I rushed it also. Thanks for making that clearer though. Being my first story I kinda let my ideas expload out of me. Also, about him being accepting, he's in a state of shock still. That will come into more detail later on.
Not bad. Definitely slow the pace down, though. Fill in the thoughts a little more. Detail is your friend.
Also, I'd get rid of any statements in parentheses. They're not a good way to convey your thoughts.
It has potential. Give it a bit of polish and it might shine.
1250329 Thanks a lot. Next book's on it's way!
1248584 Rewrites fix everything!
1330341 Let me just thank you now for that. I knew I had rushed it, but I never saw how bad it was. Personally, I've been playing with a total re-write but I wasn't sure. That will probably change. Will look forward to your thoughts of the other chapters.
1330472
Thanks for taking that so well. I was worried it would come across as abusive, but that part with the horn pendant made me quite irate. Kudos to you for bothering to wade through that miniature essay, a lot of authors don't
1330563 I rather enjoyed it. Shows that you know what you're doing. I re-read that part and cringed myself.
Anyway, I'll just wait for the next one.
Yeaaaaaaah, First two chapters I admit were HORRIBLE. I do explain the whole "transforming" thing and the alicorn part, but other then that you were spot on. Lord, this is gonna be painful.
1330737 I really hope you know that "Karen" Was based off of me and had NOTHING to do with love. It was friendship. javascript:smilie('
'); And, I'm the co-author of this and all of your laughing kinda offends me javascript:smilie('
');. We're going to fix the book shortly. Sorry for the mess up. javascript:smilie('
'); But thanks for the honesty.
1330737 Oh and ehh... This isn't supposed to be realistic. Sorry if I annoy you. Just pointing that out. javascript:smilie('
');
1332785
I'm laughing because this story basically became an exercise in absurdity, once NM showed up. It's also a learning process, because basing characters off of yourself is generally a recipe for disaster. That's because you are tempted to make them powerful, and are loathe to see them suffer, because that would be like wishing suffering upon yourself. It also makes you feel offended when someone criticises the character, as you were here. Karen seemed quite shallow, although again that was mainly due to the rushed nature of the piece. If we had seen more of her, she would appear to be more than a shallow love interest. I know you say it isn't anything to do with love, but given what we are shown in chapter two, that is pretty much the most likely conclusion. No offense to you, as the co author, but the character based on you is shallow and one-dimensional, and you probably should have fixed that if you wanted to look better, just saying.
1332798
Edit: Regarding realism... the main reason for mentioning that at all is that without some form of realism to this, it loses any sense of drama. Things can happen for no reason at all. It's not funny, it's inane, because things don't follow the general pattern of comedic timing, etc (Really, I only laughed once while reading this, and that was out of incredulity at 'then the house exploded'). It also doesn't follow action movie logic (rule of cool), because there is too much absurdity to keep the drama and 'acting cool under extreme circumstances' to make it... badass, you know what I mean? It's just kind of there, devoid of drama, yet also not funny either, and thus isn't really good for anything except riffing. Any depth the characters might have at present either isn't shown, or is completely undermined by their reactions. Simply put, they don't behave like people, they behave like robots, Star in particular, because they don't react to the circumstances like real people. They don't really seem to think about anything, or react based on their personality. They're just a puppet for the authors, which makes them one-dimensional and boring.
1337830 The issue with Karen was I moved rather quickly past her because she's going to have a greater role in the upcoming books. (As you'll see in the second book, should you chose to review that as well." It fell under my rushing problem, so I didn't devolp her character as well as I should. That'll be fixed in the update. Also, about the love interest.....well I'll just let you figure out what happens there on your own.
Still, thanks for looking over my story.
1341893 Allow me to spoil this for you that will come up later. NM is supposed to be her own pony. She magically possessed Luna to overthrow Celesta, but that didn't work out and you know the rest.
We're already fixing them... So...... Just check when the update is
Theres a lot of people complaining about being "Rushed". I get that. We're fixing it. "Yay" 
So yeah. Check back soon. Please stop saying it's rushed everyone! *Kinda makes me upset.. 
We'll get to it soon. 
~BlueMoon98
1344628
Yo, do you want me to keep going? Twow443 asked me to take a look at this stuff, but if you guys are doing a rewrite then these comments are probably going to get wiped.
1355552 I explaned to her what you're doing and she understands now. Yeah, your comments probably will get wiped, but I'ma keep them at least untill I start and finish the rewrite. So feel free to continue.
1596525 Yeah, this was my first fic. Pacing was horrible then. I was gonna re-write it, but I decided to leave it as it is so I can learn from it.
Just so we're clear...
twow443...
You WROTE THIS?
1677887 Yes.
Yes I did.
1677953 FUCK. YOU.
1677958 Love you too buddy.
1890773 I know. Read my other fics like Son of the Princess or Repairing Harmony. Those are MUCH better.
Short, sweet, and to the point, just how I like my fics.
1596568
... I don't know if anyone else noticed this, and I fully intend to read this later...
But it doesn't bode well when your epilogue is misspelled "Epilouge"...
Hello everyone! I did a riff of this story for Doctor and Ditzy Science Theater. I had a lot of fun riffing it. Thank you twow443 for letting me riff your story! I should have Book 2 of the Starlight saga riffed in about a month or so.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Epilogue