- Member Since 20th Aug, 2021
- offline last seen April 7th
ChloeTheKinky
22/yo extreme fetish writer - she/her - I write for myself (maybe others too) - Chronically British -
ChloeTheKinky
Joined 20th Aug, 2021 ·
Offline
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I’ll be keeping an eye on this.
I’m particularly waiting for Twilight’s capture and seeing how she’s treated in this place.
If I can give you one piece of advice: drop the usage of "would" when it doesn't describe either future in the past, hypotheticals or past habits. Otherwise, stick with the past simple for a narrative usage.
10954364
Thanks for the advice, I think it’s just a force of habit when I’m writing. 👍
Fun, it's been a while sense I have been hopping for this pink of story, can't wait to see the next chapter of this, keep it up.
The words, “permanent bondage” scare the fuck out of me so I won’t be reading this.
10955698
No offense, but why even comment, then???
10956885
To be fair, something like this is good to know for a writer.
We can’t expect good things all the time. AND negative comments are good for building a tougher skin.
This set up is great.
I’m so glad you took a whole chapter to do it.
It really builds the environment. And the horror.
This is definitely going on my watch list.
I’m terrified.
and I like it.
This is really good.
Oh this is good! Can’t wait to see the rest of the mane six experience this.
Love the two chapters, I can't wait to see where this leads too, I wonder if the Mane 6 will be allowed to move around in their latex restraints. Can't wait to see more of this and to see different treatment for other ponies
10961439
I think where I aim to go with this is more towards them being permanently encased, yet I am torn between so many new ideas I’ve had writing these chapters. For instance, I’d love to write about a more lenient existence for the mane six once they are all caught. I’m happy you are liking the story so far and thanks for reading ^^
10953806
Although she might be the last to be caught, I’m sure to make her chapter the most comprehensive. I hope you enjoy ^^
The concept is nice but what is with the weird and constant tense changes? It really makes things hard to read and doesn't seem to serve any narrative purpose.
Recently finished American Horror Story: Asylum, so I thought I'd give this a look. Concept is always good, but I could only read the first few paragraphs before I had to give up. I truly wish you the best of luck with this, but I'm afraid I just can't read your writing.
I hope you understand.
Not gonna lie, kinda hope this either ends with or gets a sequel where Chrysalis getting encased and imprisoned as Karma
This is the best chapter, so far. It has the most realistic method in which the character was captured.
I love the content, but you really need to work on presentation. As the others have said, your tense issues are all over the place. Additionally, there are numerous and consistent simple errors, like forgetting to capitalize proper nouns. I'd highly recommend you ask for some help either in the FIMfiction discord or one of the many groups for pre-readers/editors.
All that being said, the concept is hot as hell and this needs to be finished. Lol. Your baseline story is pretty good, you could be a pretty decent writer. You just need to work on your skills, which takes practice, time, and applying criticism appropriately. Good luck! And I hope you continue this.
10964454
hear hear
god damn this idea is surely hot as hell,but it's been so long since its latest update…
So…any idea about the time of update new chapters?
10964454
really hope she gets karma. I've never seen any fics where Chrysalis becomes the sub
Oh my, what happens next?
Finally gotten around to read the new chapter, it was a fun read, looking forward to see what well happen next at this point.
I like it.
That's awesome ^^
fun conclusion, good job.
I couldn't help but notice that when you had Chrysalis list the elements, you left Laughter out.
No love for Pinkie Pie?
11673548
I thought something was missing, thank you. I seriously need a new proof reader
It's rather kinky, though I wish Chrysalis lost in the end.
11718425
Well there is still Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer right?
11740510
Yeah you're right.
I might get hate for this, but I just feel like Chrysdom is a bit overdone.