Recently finished American Horror Story: Asylum, so I thought I'd give this a look. Concept is always good, but I could only read the first few paragraphs before I had to give up. I truly wish you the best of luck with this, but I'm afraid I just can't read your writing.
I love the content, but you really need to work on presentation. As the others have said, your tense issues are all over the place. Additionally, there are numerous and consistent simple errors, like forgetting to capitalize proper nouns. I'd highly recommend you ask for some help either in the FIMfiction discord or one of the many groups for pre-readers/editors.
All that being said, the concept is hot as hell and this needs to be finished. Lol. Your baseline story is pretty good, you could be a pretty decent writer. You just need to work on your skills, which takes practice, time, and applying criticism appropriately. Good luck! And I hope you continue this.
Recently finished American Horror Story: Asylum, so I thought I'd give this a look. Concept is always good, but I could only read the first few paragraphs before I had to give up. I truly wish you the best of luck with this, but I'm afraid I just can't read your writing.
I hope you understand.
Not gonna lie, kinda hope this either ends with or gets a sequel where Chrysalis getting encased and imprisoned as Karma
This is the best chapter, so far. It has the most realistic method in which the character was captured.
I love the content, but you really need to work on presentation. As the others have said, your tense issues are all over the place. Additionally, there are numerous and consistent simple errors, like forgetting to capitalize proper nouns. I'd highly recommend you ask for some help either in the FIMfiction discord or one of the many groups for pre-readers/editors.
All that being said, the concept is hot as hell and this needs to be finished. Lol. Your baseline story is pretty good, you could be a pretty decent writer. You just need to work on your skills, which takes practice, time, and applying criticism appropriately. Good luck! And I hope you continue this.
10964454
hear hear
god damn this idea is surely hot as hell,but it's been so long since its latest update…
So…any idea about the time of update new chapters?
10964454
really hope she gets karma. I've never seen any fics where Chrysalis becomes the sub