Young RainbowDash goes to live with her Aunt. She finds a track nearby and wants to race, but can't. Already getting bullied in school, her Aunt Stormy is enemies with the owner of the track. She tells RainbowDash to stay away from the track and the owner's son Soarin. Rainbow is determined to show her Aunt she can race and end the rivalry between her old foe.
P.S. People have been asking - They are ponies in this story. Not humans.
Alright. It's a good concept for a story, but your formatting and grammar needs some work.
First it's Rainbow Dash, with a space between the name.
Second Paragraph: Shes should be She's.
Last paragraph: Cloud should be could.
(Just to list a few)
But the most important problem is with your formatting. One of the base rules of published literature is that you need to start a new paragraph every time a new character speaks.
some constructive critisism: try doing a new sentance when someone else talks. for example, you wrote:
"Hey there you are! I only made oatmeal. Sorry." Aunt Stormy blushed. "It's OK Aunt Stormy. I am fine with cereal tomorrow." said Rainbow. "Wells that good. I can't cook much. I only cooked for myself before. I went out it eat a lot." said Aunt Stormy.
a better way to read it would be:
"Hey there you are! I only made oatmeal. Sorry." Aunt Stormy blushed.
"It's OK Aunt Stormy. I am fine with cereal tomorrow." said Rainbow.
"Wells that good. I can't cook much. I only cooked for myself before. I went out it eat a lot." said Aunt Stormy.
Thanks for the constructive criticism everyone. It's only my second story. I wrote it the same day as my first story. It was really late at night as well.
. This makes no sense
Oh and pony currency is bits (dollars) and cents
Im guessing the equestrian equivalent to a dollar is a bit but they still have cents
K. I'll change that. Thanks
Um I don't think ponies would have a LEATHER couch
Lol first still don't know why I do that oh well
THIS IS AWESOME!!! I WANT MORE!!!
1288337 Thanks sis!
1351043. Awesome 3rd chapter.
Have you humanised them? Coz I'm getting mixed messages
1353725 No they are still ponies
1353728 ok their ponies but they do things that humans do and have things that humans have ok seems legit
1353732
1353911 hey you wanna join me and your bro at writing a story?
Just go onto my last blog where writing it in the coments
1353935 yay
1353937 it your turn to write after your brother
k
yay new friends
1356371 Thanks for reading it! Hope you liked it.
1356376 so far I am. though some parts make me confused whether or not this is humanized or not
1356415 They are ponies. I just thought making them do some human things would be funny or cool. Like driving the truck.
1356453 okie dokie lokie
1356453 grandma joyride
this story is wierd clothes, cars, rainbow walking everywhere, boots?
I love it when next chapter
When's the next chapter? I really love this story!
2876583 she's forgotten her password for this account and her other account hasn't been used in months