When Twilight and her friends bring the six pillars back after hearing the return of the Pony of Shadows, it’s up to them to work together and stop this threat. But can they keep Thomas safe as well?
There’s more to the magic of friendship than meets the eye!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Seems like your story could use some editing, would you like some help?
You have multiple characters talking in the same paragraph, making it very hard to figure out who is saying what. The rule in English is that when a new character starts speaking, you start a new paragraph. Here is the above paragraph again, but edited with this in mind;
I would also suggest using a bit more variety in your dialogue markers, rather than just using 'said', 'asked', 'shouted', and so forth all the time.
Do you think you could link to the previous story?
Fantastic all the way to the end! Hope more comes.