To Exist
To Exist
by theswimminbrony
The curtains had been drawn, the lights shut off, and the doors sealed, turning Princess Luna's quarters into a fortress of darkness and silence. Its walls were impenetrable to even the loudest of sounds, and its moat uncrossable by even the brightest of lights. Inside, she was the Queen of Solitude, The Duchess of Darkness, the Lady of Shadows.
But still she could not sleep.
She had tried everything. The age-old practice of counting sheep didn't help, nor did the imagining of pleasant and peaceful thoughts (which, to be fair, she had experienced few of in the past millennium). She had tried humming lullabies of old to herself that her sister had sung to her so many years ago, but the lyrics escaped her mind just as the slumber she so desperately craved escaped her eyes.
Come little children, I'll take thee away
Into a land of enchantment.
Come little children, the time's come to play
Here in my... my land... no, my...
Blast, she thought, yet another melody fading into obscurity. She tossed in her bed and turned over one of her many pillows, plopping her head on its surface. The side was cool and comfortable, but sleep did not come to the peeved Princess. The feeling aggravated her beyond belief. She had just gone through a several-hour session of Night Court filled with speeches from boring and stuffy ponies; she should be tired, not lying wide awake in the middle of the day.
With a groan, Luna slammed her head down on the pillow that sat in front of her, impaling it with her impressive horn in the process. She growled in frustration, and threw the tattered remains of the pillow in the direction of the curtains on the opposite side of the room. While it flew towards the ground, she zapped it with a bolt of magic, effectively incinerating the pillow to a pile of ashes. The pulse of the magic caused one of the curtains to flourish, exposing the harsh light of the sun to Luna's room. The Princess winced, inwardly cursing herself for her foolishness.
But when she opened her eyes, the darkness refused to return. Not in full, anyway. For in the middle of the room, hanging in the air around the spiraling feathers of the destroyed pillow, hovered a purple, pulsating cloud of stars. Its shape was never constant and changed as though it were a liquid that desired to conform to the shape of a nonexistent container. Luna watched in silence as the cloud moved about the room, its ever-changing form drifting with care, as though it were searching for something.
Or somepony.
Much to Luna's dismay, the cloud came to a rest above her bed. The Princess of the Night couldn't help but feel that the cloud was staring at her, looking her up and down as it awaited a response.
"You," Luna finally said.
Us, a voice confirmed in a tone that was neither masculine nor feminine. It was a soothing voice that echoed in Luna's mind rather than the air between them. Its words hypnotized her, drawing her closer as a brilliant flower attracted a swarm of bees. It certainly has been a long time, honorable Princess of the Night.
"Not long enough," Luna replied coolly. She sat up in her bed and regarded the cloud with annoyance. Her horn became enveloped in a blue aura, illuminating a small circle in her vast quarters. "I suggest you explain your business here before I personally see you out."
The cloud chuckled. False threats will get you nowhere, Princess. We think you know very well that you cannot harm us with something so childish as magic.
Luna's face fell, and the light extinguished.
Better, the voice said, though it is a shame you had to put that light out. You are even more beautiful than we remember, dear Luna.
"False compliments will get you nowhere."
Touché.
Silence.
"I asked you before, and I would hate to have to ask again: what business do you have here? Or have you forgotten that I no longer desire to be tied to you and your schemes?"
The voice laughed again.
"What's so funny?" Luna asked, unaware that her horn had reignited.
It would do you good to not jump to conclusions, Luna, the voice advised. We never said anything about a 'scheme', as you called it. No, Luna, we can promise to you that we come here with only friendly intentions. We simply desire to... talk.
Luna raised an eyebrow. "Surely you jest."
No, Princess, we speak with sincerity, the voice promised. Is it such a problem for two old... accomplices to catch up? And talk like old friends?
The covers rustled as Luna flared her wings. "We are not friends. The very idea is laughable," she said. She pointed an accusatory hoof at the cloud. "I hate you." She lowered her hoof and spoke the name of the entity in a voice laced with venom.
Your words sting us so, Princess, the voice said, feigning sadness. Though we would ask you to refrain from taking our name in vain. After all, how could you hate the one that gave you so much, and asked for so little in return? We gave you everything you asked for, and yet you despise our existence.
Luna roared and exploded out from under the safety of her bed. She narrowed teary eyes at the cloud, the emotions of a thousand years present in the captivating pools of blue. All the while, she stood tall and strong in an attempt to look intimidating. "You gave me nothing!" she shouted, "And instead took from me everything! A thousand years you stole from me! Thousands of chances to make memories with family and friends, gone forever! All because of your lies!" Despite the hostility she felt from the being, Luna refused to cease her tirade. "You promised me respect, but you only brought me fear! You promised me admiration, but brought infamy unto me instead!" She took a step forward and lowered her voice. "You promised me love, but I only received hate."
The room was silent. Luna breathed in a short, rhythmic manner, while the cloud simply continued to hover in its hypnotizing style.
Princess Luna, the voice began. Luna's ears turned upwards attentively. Its voice was calm, yet she could sense anger in its words. Does one not respect what they fear?
The question surprised the Princess. "Well, yes, I suppose, but—"
And does one not admire those that acquire such a height of infamy as you?
"In a way, yes, but—"
And without hatred, how could there be love for you, my Princess, when you finally returned from your imprisonment to your sorry, old, lonely sist—
"Enough!" Luna shouted. Had she been outside and in her element, a lightning bolt would have cracked behind her, revealing an expression of disgust. "Speak what you will about me and my habits, but you will not speak of my sister in that way." She gritted her teeth. "To do such is an insult to not only her, but to me, as well as the entirety of the kingdom of Equestria."
Silence again.
"Is that clear?" Luna asked.
Of course it is. We all know how terrible it is to insult the great Princess Celestia.
Luna growled. "What are you saying?"
You know very well what I'm saying, Princess, the voice taunted.
Luna cringed. The voice was right; Luna understood its message loud and clear. They were powerful words, hurtful words. Words that she knew she had heard before, somewhere in an ancient castle long ago.
Is everything quite alright, Princess?
Princess Luna jumped. The voice was louder this time, almost as if it were part of her own mind.
"Y... yes," Luna stuttered. "Everything is just fine."
Then would it be so troublesome as to interrupt your peaceful day with a question?
"A question?"
Why, yes. It is why we came here, after all. Did we not say we only wished to talk?
Luna frowned and set her haunches down on her bed. "Speak your mind, then, o Nightmare."
The Nightmare let out a low laugh that echoed throughout Luna's consciousness. She could almost hear the being smile its malicious smile, its devious plan no doubt coming to fruition. But she was ready; she knew all of the being's old plots, all of its cunning methods of manipulation. She had almost let her guard down once that night, but now she was prepared for any sort of 'question' this... thing had to offer.
Princess, are you happy?
"I... what?" the Princess responded, perplexed beyond belief. "You come here in the middle of the day and disturb my efforts to get some well-deserved rest only to ask me such a childish question?"
Answer the question.
Luna sighed. "Of course I am happy. Why wouldn't I be? I'm free of your dirty clutches and have started a new life."
And was it worth it? The Nightmare quipped.
Luna paused. "I beg your pardon?"
Throwing away... everything. Everything we had worked for together. Was it worth it?
"Of... course it was," Luna calmly said. "In case you haven't noticed, your little plan failed miserably."
But for a while, you were—
"The most hated pony in the history of Equestria, yes," Luna interrupted. "A thousand years is hardly qualifying of 'a while', Nightmare." Luna gave a devious smile of her own. "In fact, I think I have everything I've ever wanted now. Maybe all I needed to do was ask."
Suddenly, Luna was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. The pulsating cloud that was the Nightmare seemed to slow its movements, almost to a complete stop.
Thank you... Princess, the being said.
"I..." Princess Luna sighed. "Now I suppose I must ask you: is everything quite alright?"
Hmph. We thought you hated us, Princess.
"I do," Luna said.
Then why does it matter? the Nightmare questioned. What does anything matter, when everything you've ever worked for has been all for naught? When everypony you've ever cared for despises you?
Luna's face went flat. "It was evil."
But you seemed to agree.
"My heart was black and my mind young," Luna explained. "I have learned many lessons since my return to the throne. Lessons that I feel you could stand to learn, Nightmare."
There was a long silence as the Nightmare settled itself on the bed.
It's not that simple, the Nightmare said. We can't learn in the way your kind does; we act purely on instinct. On a primal sort of desire that precedes the existence of you and your sister by centuries. We cannot simply learn, we can only feed on the wishes and dreams of ponies. Ponies like you, Princess.
Princess Luna's eyes were empty. The Nightmare was an evil being; that was for sure. Yet...
"Anypony can learn," Luna insisted. "It merely takes the right circumstances. Circumstances that I think you have yet to experience."
Save your words for ears that can listen, the Nightmare lamented. We cannot be taught, we cannot learn, we cannot feel. We can only exist.
A deafening silence overtook the room.
A tear fell from Luna's eye and landed with a plip on the bed she and the Nightmare rested upon. Despite the hate of a thousand years she held towards the ethereal being, she couldn't help but feel pity and deep sadness for it. She had always been told that ponies could change for the better; that even the blackest of hearts and the darkest of souls could learn to coexist in the perfect unison that they all called harmony. Yet, here lay a being that was fated to be corrupt for the entirety of its miserable existence, a servant to its own dark impulses.
"Celestia has plans for you," Luna said, wiping her eyes. Her soft, soothing voice seemed to garner the Nightmare's attention, as the stars inside of it seemed to regain their previous brilliance.
Does she now? the Nightmare responded, a hint of interest in its voice. We should have expected this sooner or later. She cannot simply allow a destructive being to wander Equestria aimlessly, now, can she?
"It's not what you think!" Luna insisted. "I... she... you must believe me when I say this: she wouldn't harm you."
Tch. She wouldn't be able to if she tried, the Nightmare said. Princess...
"Yes, what is it?"
Tell us, Princess... what does it mean... to exist?
The question caught Luna off guard, and she mentally recoiled. "I... I'm afraid I don't follow. We both are here, talking, so do we not exist?"
But is there not more to an existence than simply being? the Nightmare questioned. Is there not more to what makes a pony than what they are meant to do?
Luna's head fell.
We are sorry, Princess, we did not mean to upset—
"Love."
We... love?
"Love," Luna confirmed. "Not necessarily of the romantic variety, either. Platonic relationships are just as important, if not more so, than that of a tie to a lover."
We see... the Nightmare said. Luna could have sworn she saw the mass of cloud nod its understanding. Thank you.
And with that, the cloud rose from its resting place on the bed and began to float away.
"Wait!" Luna shouted.
The cloud stopped.
"Are... are you... leaving?"
We are... tired, Princess, the Nightmare explained. We are not as powerful as you may remember us. We have received the answers we desired, and now we must go.
"But..." Luna bit her lip.
We must go, Princess.
Luna sighed and nodded. "Farewell, then, o Nightmare."
Farewell, Princess of the Night. We thank you for your company this day.
"The feeling is mutual," Luna said. "And Nightmare..."
The cloud paused once more.
"You may have changed more than you think," Luna said with a smile.
Appearances can be deceiving, the Nightmare warned. Goodbye, Luna.
And then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the Nightmare vanished.
-- -- --
Luna awoke with a start, her body and face enveloped in a cold sweat. Her lungs cried out for air. She repeatedly gasped, each acute breath eliciting a sharp pain in her side. She bobbed back and forth as her vision swayed, a slight crack of light illuminating the room from the door that led to the halls. As her breathing slowed to a steady pant, she struggled to right herself, her head pounding with each beat of her heart.
And then, all was still.
"How long?" she questioned the darkness between breaths. "How..." She covered her eyes with her hooves as the cascade of tears began.
"The guards informed me of a commotion coming from your room not an hour ago," the darkness answered. "I rushed here as soon as I could."
"Not that!" Luna exploded, pounding her sheets in frustration. The figure in the darkness backed away in surprise. "How long must I be subject to this torture? How long until I can feel safe with my own mind?"
Luna buried her face once more as the sobbing returned to fill the room.
"You are making progress..."
"Progress means nothing!" Luna snapped. "All I want to do is to live like a normal pony, but instead I have this... thing to torture me whenever I fall asleep!"
"Baby steps first, Luna," the voice cooed. The words had a calming effect on the Princess of the Night, as if they were laced with sedatives. "I assure you, everything will be okay. You just need to believe that, too."
Luna sniffled, her tears slowing their fall. "Thank you... sister," Luna said, forcing a smile. "I will try."
"What are sisters for?" The two sisters embraced, elation present in their thin smiles. "Can you fall back asleep?"
"I... I think so," Luna said. "I have to try."
Celestia nodded and smiled. "Good day, then, dear sister."
"Good day," Luna repeated.
Celestia's majestic figure strode towards the door, swinging it wide open with a golden aura.
I can give you anything you want...
A gasp.
"Sister!" Luna cried out, just in time to catch Celestia as she took her first steps out of the room. The elder Alicorn stopped in her tracks, surprised by her sister's sudden outburst.
"Yes, Luna?" she asked, her head still facing towards the doorway. "What is it?"
"I, uh..." Luna began. "It's about that test you have planned for Twilight Sparkle."
Celestia gave a light smile as she slightly angled her head towards her sister, revealing an iridescent eye of purple. It was always one eye, Luna thought, one taunting, purple, mysterious eye that she saw. Never the pair. "What of it, Luna? Is there something you wish to say about it?"
"Don't do it!" Luna shouted. Celestia's eye widened, a frown replacing the inviting smile she had previously worn. "Um, my apologies, sister. I just think that it is... not the greatest idea."
"And why not?"
"Because, sister," Luna explained. "I think that... er, what I mean to say is..." She sighed in exasperation as she collected her thoughts. "Celestia, she will surely fail."
Celestia hesitated before turning her head straight once more.
"That is my intention," came her cryptic answer. Luna's body shivered, but before she had a chance to respond, Celestia had vacated her quarters, and shut the door in the process.
She was alone.
Her fortress had returned, but its walls had crumbled, a victim of her own mind.
The End
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1207320
Thanks!
1207696 Go right ahead, mate! Send me a link when you've finished, I'd love to see it.
Hhmm,interesting concept.
Great job! I love this one! I haven't really found that many good Luna fictions lately. Thankfully, you came with this one, and you have now earned my like and favorite for this story. Keep up the good work.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha
*Reads fic*. *Becomes amazed* *Chalks up to be next backup fic on Reading Rainboom*
Nightmare moon has an existential crisis...
Ib4 featured
I'm calling it
1211982 It was indeed a good one... Don't think EqD will take it though, because "We already have tons of stories about Luna and her past" so they say.
*mutters*
1212041 Wow... That is a ridiculous excuse.
They are probably just making stuff up now to reduce their work load so they can slack off.
1212093 I wrote a luna fic myself about her past and etc. That's basically what they told me. "Oh, we can't accept this because it's been done too much before"
Here's a blog post link with the letter they sent me: Link
1212041 If it's DIFFERENT they will take it. If it is DERIVATIVE, they will not.
1212126 Oh yeah, I still have to read that. I will probably stop writing my story right now to read it because I have plenty of time, and my story is a very basic idea, so I can't forget it so easily. I will leave you a comment on it, like I do all stories, and let you know about my thoughts on the story. Knowing that ED liked the story, I know I am going to like it.
Wow....that actually gave me chills. Nightmare Moon still tormenting Luna, driving her back towards insanity.....
Heavy stuff.
1212169 ED? Also, thanks!
1212202 Equestria Daily.
1212237 They didn't accept it though, and said that if I wrote with the same quality on a different topic it would only have a 50/50 shot. But ooook then....
not too bad
Oh, Luna...
Great writing.
An amazing story, too much suspense parts, i love it
But...what does Twilight had to do with all this? Pardon my inattention 
what did we just leave on?
1482058 We left on something that is completely up to your own interpretation, and something that may or may not be foreshadowing to a fic that I may or may not write in the future.
Like humans, ponies need to sleep at night. And like us, some of them may have the insomnia. Sadly, even Luna could not avoid this.
She wants to forget that time when she was a Nightmare Moon. She has realized what had she done and now harsh that was. But not everypony can simply escape from his or her own memories. They are torturing her. She tries to sleep but the vision comes to her dream and prevents her from rest.
Fortunately, Princess Celestia will help her to forget that unpleasant memories. This is what Luna needs the most.
Good night, dear princess. Sleep well.
theswimminbrony, good job! I listened to this story at Reading Rainboom. It helps to feel the ponies' emotions.
I heard this on Reading Rainboom. By the end of that first paragraph, I was all set to hate this, but it ended up impressing me in ways I did not expect. I mean, Luna's conversation with the Nightmare went in very interesting directions, but it was that ending that blew my mind, despite its seeming disconnect from the rest of the story. How much did you know about season 3 when you wrote that?
1598758 To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I want to say I wrote this around the time the two songs from the premiere were revealed, but my memory's a bit foggy. However (and I really hate to detract from your enjoyment of the story), I didn't have any intentions of this linking with anything from season three when I first wrote this. I left the ending open on purpose so that it would be up to the readers to interpret what they thought it meant. I even had (and, to a certain extent, still do have) plans for another story in which the ending would serve as foreshadowing. The fact that it coincides with season three so well—I assume you're referring to Twilight's not-quite failure by entrusting the Crystal Heart to Spike—is pure coincidence, as much as I want to say that isn't the case. Again, I really hate to possibly be taking away that "wow" factor from you, but I hope you enjoyed it regardless.
One last thing... what was it about the first paragraph that you didn't agree with? Too cliche or verbose? I have a serious problem with writing good intros, so if you have any advice you'd be willing to offer, I'd be glad to hear it.
1601616
"Inside, she was the Queen of Solitude, The Duchess of Darkness, the Lady of Shadows."
THIS IS EMO POETRY
Worse, it doesn't fit Luna's characterization over the remainder of the story. She's not being moody or mopey, she's got a legitimate problem, can't sleep, and is thus affected by it.
And yes, it's the whole "she's supposed to fail the test" thing. It's like you reached into the future and pulled that out to plunk into the ending. Given the way the episode went, you could quite honestly set about exploring that now. Why did Celestia want Twilight to fail? I can think of some easy answers, but it's not my story! :)
1603641 Heh, yeah, I suppose that is sort of incongruous with the rest of the story.
I actually have been thinking about different ways to continue this story over the past few days that would make it fit in with season three. I've got quite a few possibilities written down, and I'll perhaps start writing on one of them soon. Then this story will really make me look psychic.
Thanks for the advice and the comments. I appreciate it!
that was damn good. kind of the nightmare moon story i've been wanting. thank you.
I really enjoyed this! So much suspense, I was sad when it ended though.
I expected more... I mean, the story was great, amazing even.
But it just... ends, and I feel that ending is incongruous/clashing with the tone/pacing/plot that was set up before.
It was sad though, so I suppose perhaps a tragic ending is left to the imagination.
This, was a beautifully written story but the ending felt a bit out of place. However, since I a planning on writing a short story about Princess Luna, I suppose this is rather good. You have a great talent for writing and I think that this was written at the right pace, it wasn't too detailed and it conveyed the message it was meant to. It also adds another layer of Luna's persona and gives us a better of understanding of who she is. I`m glad you wrote this story and even though I am already a fan of yours I am most willing to give it a thumbs up and a fave.
A beautiful little story, keep writing.
Uhm, no.
Nightmare is clearly a sentient entity, capable of carrying on complex dialog.
Something acting PURELY on instinct cannot speak. It cannot think. It cannot REASON.
6605179
Not wrong, but not completely right
I love Nightmare as a person and love seeing her in fics, but most of them involve her destruction or hate with no remorse.
9840971 Show me something nonfictional that can only act according to instinct which can yet carry on a conversation. Until then, I'm 100% correct in a factual sense.
9842015
Oh shit I thought you were dead
9842018 That which has no life can never die...
9842483
.... No quotes
9842015
GPT-3 combined with natural language processing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GPT-3
You can think of it like the chinese room experiment.
11226183 Ehhh, it's limited to being convincing for short posts. It's not very good at high-level conversation. For instance, it would tend to crumble when faced with my rambling and seemingly nonsensical musings on my upcoming ascension to God-Emperor of Mankind in 2032, after the failure of the Amalgamation triggering my evolution into my FINAL AND ULTIMATE FORM!!
(Alondro is clearly an AI program himself...) Heyyyy! (I call it the way I see it)