This story is a sequel to Seven of Six: A Screaming Butterfly
Twilight Sparkle is a unicorn prodigy, her special talent of magic allowing her to wield all manner of the arcane arts with ease. She is an SGU graduate, has connections with the Royal Guard, knows Princess Celestia, and is a mother to a juvenile dragon.
She's also apprenticed to Discord, Lord of Chaos and Disharmony.
And he has a mission for her. A fallen alicorn named Nightmare Moon will soon return to bring eternal night and assured death to all the world. It's up to her to retrieve the Elements of Harmony and stop her.
Join her as she explores a familiar town, befriends familiar ponies, and completes a quest that's as old as the fandom itself, but with a twist.
A retelling of the pilot episode Friendship is Magic, but set in one of Starlight's alternate timelines.
I love the way this all works out! Too often I read one of these ‘altered destiny’ stories, and somepony gets left aside in the end, I also appreciate how the rest of the Main 6 aren’t completely canon either. Great work, a favorite for me!
This is really interesting and quite well done so far. I thought "Madam Jacqueline" was a new character, but when she was the last one on the list I put two and two and two together and figured out who she was. Looks like something went wrong with the Rainboom and Destiny has bent over backwards to make these six figures end up together anyway. I'm looking forward to discovering which Elements have changed identities! (if any.)
I’m actually interested to see a sequel to this.
That was a good story. The humor is good, the references are good, your worldbuilding is nice, and you hint at things just enough to make the implications clear without treating the reader like an idiot. Be it good or bad, but at first I thought this was a parody, but as it became increasingly serious, I was unsure about how to treat it, although I think your intent was to do a bit of both. On that note, I think you did a good job retelling the pilot, changing things in a way that made it feel more serious and engaging with a pleasant dose of mystery.
Your handling of Selene reminded me of something Lauren Faust said somewhere at some point. From what I remember, Luna was originally named Selene, and she was also intended to not forgive Celestia immediately, and there would be some conflict between them. I don't know if you knew, but if not, it is a nice coincidence, and more interesting.
I was content with this story, and thought that it would do on it's own. After all, we don't know how the elements decide who gets what, and it was not relevant to the original story so I ignored it... But then you have to go tease in the notes about "you know why Selene wasn't purified! Well I do, and i'm not telling, HO HO HO HO BAGUETTE! HO HO! What?" Now I'm annoyingly curious...
Also, I don't think we're from the same continent, and English is not my first language, and I hate math. Where did Sunset spend a decade? I have heard about "military boarding school" so Sunset could have ended up in one of those, or she just ended up in the regular military. I first thought that Sunset had a crush on Shining armor when Twilight mentioned that he was her brother, but later it seemed more plausible that he was her officer or something in the human world.
I'm not a critic, so I only judge a story from "not worth it, slow read, good, and excellent", and your story is most definitely a good story. Be proud of yourself, well done!
Excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations, humor and future chapter set-up here. Absolutely loved how well you are setting up things in the Discord-ruled timeline Twilight VERY briefly visited. I'm REALLY glad that Twi was obviously able to hatch Spike's egg anyway even WITHOUT the Rainboom and I also adored the alternate characterizations of the Mane Six in general (the right mix of in-character for canon and different enough to be intriguing). And I ESPECIALLY loved how this Twilight manages to have as good a sense of humor as one would expect from somebody who was predominantly trained by Discord while avoiding most of Discord's more negative pitfalls and already has at least a basic knowledge of friendship. And the use of Sunset is really good too.
On to the next chapter.
Excellent work on the exchanges, characterizations, action and epilogue set-up in all the right places. Absolutely loved the alterations to the "Element trials" which actually made them make MUCH more sense than in canon (ironic for a timeline ruled by Discord) - particularly with Rainbow putting her life on the line to give the others a chance to escape, the essentially nipping "Bridle Gossip" in the bud and Applejack's honesty test coming up AFTER the others had a good track record with the other trials, which makes the trust make much more sense.
On to the epilogue.
Again, this epilogue is truly wonderful stuff. Absolutely love how well you you balance the funny, the heart-warming AND the serious stuff. And I'm glad Sunset managed to get rewarded for her efforts even though the others got the Elements. :-D All in all, a good look at the alternate Discord timeline that was only very briefly shown in the Season Five finale. Definitely much better than main Twilight's very brief visit hinted at.
This was really good. Here's hoping for a sequel.
I absolutely love this story and want moar! The little and big differences in the world were so interesting to me, and I adored gallows humour pinkie.
Please make this awesome story in to a series
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The times between FiM and EG don't match up well. In canon, the setting is Canterlot High, of course, but it doesn't make sense. In The Fall of Sunset Shimmer we see Twilight in the background with Cadance, and she's still blankflank filly!Twi. Meanwhile, Sunset is around adulthood, maybe a bit younger. At the youngest she is fourteen. Later she has her falling out with Celestia, and this is months at the latest. We see Sunset exit the mirror portal and she is basically drawn as she is in EG, a highschooler.
Fair enough, there.
However by the time EG rolls around, Sunset is still in high school, while Twilight has easily reached adulthood and surpassed it slightly. After all, even a cartoon ruler wouldn't crown a national leader if she wasn't an adult. (Okay, maybe yes, but I like to think otherwise.)
So the question then becomes, how is this possible? Easiest answer: this is a cartoon designed to sell toys. My answer that actually tries to explain things: time doesn't flow at the same rate on both sides of the mirror.
Then logic breaks down because time travel and other mechanics like to destroy rational thought.
So I simply threw the problem out the window, decided that time flows at the same rate, and asked myself this question: A young adult appears out of nowhere, claiming to be someone that already exists. What does this mean? Obviously this is a case of identity theft, even if they look practically identical. So! Mystery girl has no paper trail, no birth certificate, no school records, nothing. What can she do for housing and food? Well, she could try to get a local degree, but she has no money. The only jobs she can get either don't pay well enough, or she will have no time to actually study. Except what's this? The human military will pay for college upon completion? No requirements except for a physical and mental screening? Excellent!
So she does her four years, gets a certificate in Army, and then goes to college on the government's dime. I don't know about what, but around the time she completes it, Princess Celestia finds her and basically says, "Look, I don't like it, but I need you. Listen to my lessons, stop the ancient evil, and you'll get your princesshood."
So there you have it.
10472005
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For a moment there I thought you would say that she went to prison
As for the time differences, the show is canon to the comics, but the comics are not canon to the show if I don't misremember. The Fall of Sunset Shimmer also contradicts something Celestia says in Equestria Girls: (at about 06:30) "she began her studies not long before Twilight". So I think it is implied that Celestia mentored them simultaneously. But whatever! That is not important, thank you for clarifying anyway.
Love dat mane !
I need more of this chaotic good twilight
Like no really doh you make more of this I will consume it voraciously
Wonderful! Well written, entertaining to read AND an entirely fresh angle.
I hope you'll write a sequel, it would be an instant favorite for me.
Y’know, that’s kinda what’s funny. For all the show’s metaphors, the rainbow has always had 7 colors.
Ass kicking time.
This was an absolute treat to read, honestly. Discord being the only Chaos magic user and Sombra being the only Dark magic user made exploring magic in-canon feel rather narrow. This, though? Less black-and-white, a far more nuanced start with a suprisingly founded premise.
I am really excited for more.
I lOVE IT! Like, fav and follow. Awesome job, characters, plot, humor, etc. Absolutely loved how you managed Selena, makes much more sense she is old self and still holds a grudge against Celly and not brainwashed by elements. i'd love to see a sequel. Chaotic Twy - so many possibilities, so much fun. You got me hooked.
This was a very fun story. The way you wove this story was inspirational. I will have to keep my eyes on this if it becomes a series. It will be worth the read.
Chaos and Harmony, will be a fun thing to see this version of Equestria.
Can't wait to see the naysayers try and stop Twilight's plans only to find out that there is more than one element of harmony that dabble in the profane. Twilight is a chaos mage, Sunset is a warlock. Two of the seven right there.
If you want to add in the craziness the other elements can bring then you have Pinkie with her...ness? no clue if that is chaos magic or Pinkie magic but it is something. Fluttershy's stare that has to be some sort of domination or mind control magic of some sort. And Rainbow's rainboom, I am sure is a sign of how much just raw power Rainbow can tap into (or maybe ignite the magic around her?? idk). The only normal ponies out of the group are Applejack and Rarity.
So those naysayers would be in an up hill battle trying to stop Twilight with five out of the seven elements of harmony also dabbling in some sort of forbidden/unknown magic.
Keep up the good work and remember "Have Fun With It."
Well, this....this is going in my All-Time Favorites shelf. I have six hundred and thirteen stories saved altogether, and Seven of Six will be the fifth.
Conversion of pony magic into easily usable form, via a mass-produced self-contained Chaos artifact. That's the big one, isn't it. Being able to project themselves outwards easily was what the Unicornia of old so powerful, and the unicorns of today so prideful. And oh, would there be a market for it. Horn envy is likely much more widespread, if more low-key, than wing envy or any other forms of unfulfilled wishes.
And, yeah. This will turn Equestria upside-down.
Honestly, it didn’t even feel like you made a new element. It’s felt like she made her own element in the movies when she stepped in to become the protagonist there.
Willing to buy series of this universe.
Bro, how smooth is your shining armor?
Sunset, pinkie, and of course I'm assuming cadance. Past present and future look good.
While I don't really get why people include Spike in these things, I didn't feel that any one was out of character but still had that fresh feeling while reading. Especially dash. Is have expected her to drop anything and everything to go on adventure.
And having sunset be her surly self with history between them? Fucking glorious. Frenemies with snappy dialogue kept it fast paced.
Instant favorite.
Holy jeebus this needs to be a t.v show. For fans made by fans kind of thing.
Bravo to the author who created this for it was truly magnificent
Possibly the best twist on the opening I've ever read. Thanks for sharing your words with us.
The more things change, the more things stay the same, huh? Although learning from Celestia and Discord does seem to have produced a more balanced Twilight - while being reliant on her may have had some of the same effects as his friendship with Fluttershy did in the main stream. I wonder how much he's told her about the time disruption - I mean, besides what he let slip there.
That's no moon. It's a space station.
It's too big to be a space station!
I've got a bad feeling about this...
Fans have been rearranging the pilot pretty much since it aired. There comes a time when a tale has just been told so many times that there isn't any more to be said. But this fic proves that for a certain story told ten years ago today, that time hasn't come yet.
this has endless possibilities...
i suppose i can suggest that Cosmos be the antagonist if DIscord is part of Equestria's ruling party...
Harmony and Chaos are not enemies, they are Siblings...
10472005
The general fandom reason for the time difference between FiM and EG is because times flows much slower in CHS world compared to Equestria.
Sunset was there for 3 years, as shown by the pictures of the Fall Formals.
Meanwhile, Twilight being Celestia's student likely came some time after Sunset ran away. At that time, Twilight is a little filly, so a decade is a reasonable estimate.
So when EG happened both Sunset and Twilight became around the same age as a result of time dilation.
This really, Really, REALLY needs a sequel! I look forward to seeing where/what you do with this world!
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I think it's another alternative timeline story, just here future Twilight had managed to tag Dash (remmember Starlight momentarily was caught into crystal and broke it but next time dodged and Twi hit Dash?)
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And original Tree of Harmony contains Crown which got a dual nature, one is Uniting Element, and a hidden one of Faith (and Knowledge)
Absolutely wonderful - I'd be really interested in seeing the continuation! The Mane
67 already seem to be better rounded and more stable individuals than canon, and some of the time bombs have been defused. (Discord, Spike growth, etc) At the same time, you've introduced a couple big plot hooks in "not brainwashed Luna" and "major magical R&D". Great setup!Stop being so good at writing that you make me feel like crap haha.
This story earns an 8/10. It was a Very Good twist on the opener and I hope it someday has a sequel. Also, canonically there are 7 elements. The seventh is Empathy.
Make a sequel that's when Discord is freed.
I really enjoyed this fic! I know you said you might make a sequel, but honestly I'd be fine if it just stayed as is. It works really well as a singular fic. Anyways this was incredibly well written and I loved it to bits.
I didn't realize how many other fics you've written and that I've already read your other works! And I loved them too. I think I'm in love with your writing oop. It's just good. Good writing.
If I'm not mistaken, there was never a transitional phase after the gang came together where Jacqueline, or in this case Applejack, told them about her dual name. It could just be me, but an mention of it would help flow better into the more standard name scheme.
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Right as AJ introduced herself at the farm.
I like new Twilight a lot, but she was getting more and more like old self near the end.
Also, what i really don't like is that everything so far goes into the same direction as always.
Why no one is trying to achieve something different, instead of copying the story and changing details a little?
Not sure it's the last part is just a bit of bull from Discord to make it fun.
this sh needs a sequel
Great story man loved it 10/10 diffrent spin and ending than the show. Very creative indeed!
Hmm.
OH I LOVE THIS STORY! I can't wait to see more of this Twilight. She seems like so much fun! It would be cool to see Princess Gwilight meeting Chaos Student Twilight, (Yes thats what I'm calling her).
Wow. Whatever you do, don’t stop writing please! This was a truly original reimagining of the pilot. Everyone is just the right balance of canon and non-canon to be believable and interesting. The sequence of events make sense and flow seamlessly, the world building was nice. This story is great as a standalone, but I hope you write more, there’s so many possibilities! Definitely faving.
I loved this story super fun the way each character was portrayed was wonderful and I dearly hope for a sequel someday due to how much I enjoyed it.
Also Twilights probably becoming an Alicorn still (of chaos? Maybe since Discord is basically her adoptive dad and super best friend and she doesn’t embody harmony here) but I also hope that Sunset also becomes an Alicorn though i struggle to think of what she would be the alicorn of (maybe alicorn of things changing for the better or hope I guess?)
I’m also loving the way you handled the element trials felt original and in character for how you’ve portrayed everyone
One thing that annoyed me though was how disbelieving the rest of the main seven were to the environment not needing to be controlled or how for most of the world it isn’t hoping that eventually they have a trip to none pony lands so they’re forced to eat their words. (Still loved the scene though)
Also Twilight and Spike are presumably gonna be living in Twi’s new shop but I wonder where Sunset is gonna live the library is the obvious choice but to me it just doesn’t seem to suit her
Also since I’m a dirty little shipper how old is Sunset compared to Twilight and is there any chance of romance between them or romance in general between anyone?
Also momlestia to sunset YAY!