They Are Siblings
The next thing Twilight knew, she was waking up, the victim of yet another magical surge. This time however, she didn’t feel like she was just run over by a chariot. She heard her friends talking amongst themselves, noting how their new artifacts looked like their cutie marks. She couldn’t see hers, so she looked to the closest pony instead.
This happened to be Sunset; she bore a golden necklace with a brilliant topaz cut into a sun-shape. However soon Twilight's eyes drifted upward, and she gasped.
“Sunset, your horn!”
“What! What about my horn?” She tentatively tapped a hoof against it, and gasped when it didn’t send a burning pain into her head. “What happened?”
“It’s healed!”
The rest of the ponies turned to gasp and congratulate her on her fortune.
Sunset basked in the attention for a moment before smiling. “I...don’t know what to say, Twilight. When Nightmare Moon mentioned her prophecy, I thought she might have been right. I really did consider betraying all of you, but when I truly thought about it I just...couldn’t. I couldn’t betray my friends like that, and I’m glad. When I was sent on this quest, I never thought the Elements would be like this, but we really do represent the spirits of harmony.
“Indeed you do.” It was a motherly voice that echoed through the room. One that everyone knew immediately. Through a window, a brilliant sunrise rose from the horizon, and a blinding light flew in from outside, coalescing into the majestic form of Princess Celestia. Nearly everyone immediately bowed in respect to the monarch. Sunset, however, simply approached Celestia.
“Sunset Shimmer, my determined student. I knew you could do it.”
Sunset cocked her head. “Did you really?”
If Celestia was insulted by this, she didn’t show it. “Even in your darkest moments, you were capable. I always believed in you. Though since you have lately given my lessons a true effort I was more confident than before, yes.
“You have impressed me greatly, and have proven to me that you are ready. Now, hopefully, another will show they have learned as well.”
The ponies looked to both of them for clarity, but only saw a mixture of guilt and regret on Sunset’s face. Celestia didn’t elaborate on what she meant, instead turning towards where Nightmare Moon once was.
“Princess Luna!”
The lot of them winced when the pile of blue hair groaned in pain, but that vanished when their former enemy decided to finally stand.
The Nightmare was still there.
And yet, not. No longer was she the tall and impressive alicorn urserper. Her fur had lightened to a mere charcoal black, instead of pitch. No longer did her mane and tail blow in an ethereal wind. Her armor was gone, surrounding her in shards, leaving bare fur. Her horn had shrunk to that of a unicorn’s, and her wings were as small as a pegasus’. Her eyes, while still an eerie teal, had normal irises, and her teeth had flattened to that of an herbivore.
All in all, she was a smaller, softer Nightmare Moon.
“Luna died a millennium ago, sister,” she spat, and Celestia stilled. There was a long moment of silence before Celestia spoke.
“I see,” she said simply, though her neutrality was rapidly losing to sorrow. “So, you will not accept my friendship? I would have you by my side again, if you agreed.”
Nightmare sneered. “After your century of neglect? Of basking in the adoration of our subjects while I wallowed in their hatred? After suffering a rotation of madness and clarity from a thousand years of solitary confinement?!”
Celestia drooped her head. “I cannot express the regret I feel for all of that. Not truly. Not without insulting you. I did not know, sister. I didn’t know! I was blind and prideful in our youth. I didn’t know what the elements would do. I only sought to try and cure you of your madness!”
She winced as soon as soon as the word left her mouth.
“Madness?” Nightmare said quietly, dangerously. “Is it madness for a pony to lash out when all blame is on her, for no reason? Is it madness to want a single scrap of appreciation for all she does? Is it madness to cry out for attention from the only family she has left?!”
Tears welled in Nightmare’s eyes, as she stood there, panting. As soon as she realized, she grit her teeth and looked away in disgust.
“I’m sorry, sister,” Celestia said quietly.
Nightmare glared. “Yes, you are.”
Celestia flinched.
A sigh. “But...I can see that you at least regret what has happened. That is more than I saw before my...rebellion.”
Celestia looked to her sister, hopefully. “L-Luna?”
“That is not my name,” she stated. “Luna is dead. She will never come back. However, seeing that the Elements have stripped me of my power, and seeing that you truly regret your actions, my anger has...cooled.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I have served my sentence on the moon. I have been punished by the Elements. I declare my banishment over, my payment exacted. I name myself Selene, Princess of the Moon. Make no mistake, I have not forgiven you, Celestia. I may never forgive you. But...I am willing to see if things have truly changed. I will return to your side. I will aid you. I will behave.”
She smirked. “For now. However long that lasts is up to you and Equestria.”
She walked forward towards a slowly smiling Celestia, only to coldly walk past, ignoring the offered hug. All ponies in the room stared for a moment in silent shock, or sadness.
“That could have gone better,” Pinkie said, to the glares of the others. Still, she had a point.
“Are we really just going to let her go free?” Rainbow asked.
“Lu- Selene was correct. She served her banishment, and the Elements have stripped her of her power for her recent actions,” Celestia explained. “There is nothing more to do but heal.”
Rainbow frowned, but gave her a polite bow. “As her Highness wills.” The age old response when a guard disagrees, but won’t protest.
“So, what happens now?” Twilight asked.
“Now I ask what you are doing here,” Celestia asked, but with no heat. Still, Twilight shrunk a bit. “I sent Sunset here to awaken the Elements and hopefully help my sister from her...darkness, and yet here you are, Twilight Sparkle, bearing the Element of Magic, and my student is wearing something entirely new. Where there were six, there are now seven. Would you care to explain?” She waved a wing for the group to follow her out.
Twilight laughed and smiled nervously. “Uh, well, you see…” She explained what she had done. How she had ‘happened’ across the legend of the Mare in the Moon and researched it herself, then came to Ponyville to see what she could do. How she didn’t want Sunset to be left out, and how she pulled on the Elements to extend their power to the seventh pony. In between the beginning and end, the rest of her friends chimed in, adding their own perspectives or narrating their own parts in the story. Sunset had even willingly added her own failures, including how she ignored the important parts of her instructions, and inadvertently got Philomena killed in a manticore ambush. Celestia was quite shocked at that, but was happy to find that the newly reborn chick was happily asleep in Sunset’s mane, somehow oblivious of the events that had recently taken place.
“And then, well...I’m not sure what happened. I kind of blanked out, and when I woke up, you were there.”
“That is quite the story, Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia said with a smile. “You know, for some time I had you pegged as a possible candidate for the Element of Magic. It’s a shame that you declined the offer to become my protegé.”
The entire group gasped and exclaimed their surprise.
“You...you said no to Princess Celestia?” Sunset asked.
Twilight smiled. “Well, with my own studies, I didn’t really have the time.” A quick look at Sunset made sure exactly what she was studying was clear. “Besides, I learned what I needed. She taught me enough about friendship to know how to help you.”
Sunset snorted. “True, but it was still a mistake.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “I used to be such a shut in. Can you imagine what I would have been like if I didn’t have a normal school experience? I would probably be some kind of book-obsessed perfectionist know-it-all!”
The lot of them laughed at that, just in time for their arrival back at Ponyville. Without Nightmare Moon twisting the paths and adding obstacles both big and small with her power, the way out was much more straightforward.
===
Their return was triumphant, with the citizens of Ponyville cheering for the saviors of the day and their princess. They were immediately set upon by the local guard, making sure that, yes, Princess Celestia was okay and, no, the familiar looking pony named Selene wasn’t Nightmare Moon.
Selene herself looked quite surprised at Celestia’s covering for her, but did not protest, instead maintaining a stoic silence.
It was easy for Celestia to convince the mayor to allow her to commandeer the town hall for an announcement. Celestia and the Elements stood there, proud and tall, while Selene stood back slightly, eyes keen and observing.
“My faithful subjects. It is with great pleasure that I announce that the evil Nightmare Moon has been defeated!”
A roaring cheer responded.
“Of their own volition, these seven ponies learned of the tale of the Mare in the Moon, and sought out the artifacts of good that they now wear, the Elements of Harmony. They braved trials both of the Everfree, and of Nightmare Moon herself. However each and every one of them were overcome, and through this, a bond of friendship was formed. When they finally reached the old capitol within the center of the forest, they retrieved the Elements, defeated the Nightmare, and purged her corruption from my sister, Princess Selene!”
She gestured to the side, where Selene slowly approached. She gazed upon the cheering crowd with a cool eye before eyeing Celestia in bemusement. Her idle interest turned to a cruel smile for a split second, just enough for Twilight to realize that something was wrong.
“Citizens of Equestria!” Selene announced. “It is with great pleasure that I finally return to you. However, there is something that I must let you know.”
“Oh no, please don’t…” Celestia whispered.
“My sister has lied to you.” This led to predictable gasps amongst the audience. “While I...appreciate...her attempts to make this transition smoother, I cannot in good conscience allow such dishonesty pervade my political persona.” She paused a moment. “I was Nightmare Moon.” More gasps, some screams. “However, through these heroines, I have been shown the error of my ways. I will rebuild my reputation through loyalty to my subjects, good cheer at their accomplishments, and honesty to all. I will not begin my new life on a lie. I will earn your admiration, not cheat for it.”
She gazed upon the crowd.
“I still see fear. Understandable. I have given you much to fear me for. However know this, I love Equestria. I would never harm anypony without due reason. You need fear me no longer, for my ire no longer burns for my sister, but instead for the ills that plague Equestria. After a thousand years, I return to find nothing has changed. Stagnation has taken root. In order for Equestria to grow, we must change, and I will create that change. I will bring Equestria out of its rut and into a new golden age, where it is the envy of every nation on Arcadia. Mark my words. When I am long dead and history is set in stone, Equestria will forever remember this night as the turning point in our history. The night that we turned our backs on the status quo, and embraced the future!”
Silence, utter and complete. The ponies in the crowd stared at her with shock, awe, and confusion. For a moment it looked like Selene’s speech had fizzled out.
Then someone started stomping their hooves.
It was like a plague. Stomping, cheering, whistling, and yelling spread virulently. There were many holdouts, but soon they too had been swept up in the raw inspiration that Selene had invoked. With a bow to the crowd, Selene stepped away and over to Celestia with a cocky smile, not even trying to hide it. The group of them waited until they retreated to a back room before Celestia spun around.
“Did you have to do that? How is that behaving?” Celestia asked.
“I am merely embracing the virtues of harmony, sister. Or did you forget I once bore the Element of Honesty?” Applejack started at this.
Celestia sighed. “I purged records of you so you could start anew, and you throw it all away in a second!”
Selene shrugged. “Oh well. I meant what I said. I’m not going to be the perfect little sister you used to know. I will win the admiration I deserve, and I will do it legitimately this time.”
“And upset the entire country in the process.”
“Uh, should we be here?” Twilight quietly asked Sunset.
Sunset shook her head. “Not...really? But they’re not asking us to leave, and this seems important.”
“You can’t just purge the nobility!” Celestia shouted.
“And why not? They are useless, yes? Exist only to collect taxes and whine to the crown.”
“They delegate so we don’t have to handle everything-” Celestia groaned and rolled her eyes. “Later. We’ll discuss this later.”
“So you’ll support my efforts, sister? We must show a united front.” Selene had a shit eating grin.
“I will support what I believe will help Equestria, but later.” She turned and addressed the Element bearers. “I’m sorry you had to see that. It seems that my sister and I have some discussions in our future.”
Selene snorted.
“Anyway, I have a reward for all of you. While I sent Sunset on this quest, and she will get the reward she requested, you six went beyond the call of any ordinary citizen to aid Equestria in its trying times. All of you will be added to the Hall of History in the palace, a national holiday will be created, and each of you will receive the Equestrian Pink Hearts of Courage.
“However, I realize that personal risk to yourselves deserves something material as well. You need simply ask and, if it’s within reason, it will be granted to you.”
Everyone started excitedly chatting to one another for a few moments.
It was Rainbow Dash that spoke up first.
“I’d like some new gear for my job. The best weatherpony bodysuit, goggles, the works.”
Applejack said, “I could use a bit of an endorsement in Canterlot. I always have trouble getting new business contacts on account of being, quote ‘an upstart.’ Unquote.”
Fluttershy raised her hoof. “Ooh! I’ve always had space issues with larger animals. Can I get some land so I can set up a large animal area?”
“I could use some new art tools,” Pinkie said. “You know, diamond tipped chisels, hammers with enchanted handles, that kind of stuff.”
“I’d like a tour of Canterlot, if that’s alright,” Rarity said. “I know I’ve been there once, but only for a field trip. I’ve never seen the upper districts.”
One by one, each of their requests were granted. And then there was Twilight, and she had an amazing, slightly devious plan.
“Two things, if it’s not much trouble,” she said. “One, enough money to start a spell weaving business. I can’t get any loans or interviews in Canterlot because I’m not connected to nobility.”
“Easily doable, and I know you have the skills to make it succeed so it won't be a waste,” Celestia said. “The other part?”
Twilight waved a hoof. “It shouldn’t even cost anything. Just your signature.”
Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “I see. What is it you want?”
“I’d like a license to freely practice chaos magic.”
Complete silence.
“And how long have you been using chaos magic, Twilight Sparkle?”
She shrugged. “Long enough to prove that it doesn’t drive you insane. However the real question is how fair would it be if you granted your personal student permission to use dark magic, but disallowed a heroine of Equestria to use chaos magic, as long as she did it in a responsible manner? A heroine, mind you, that was deemed worthy to use the most powerful artifacts known to ponydom?”
More silence, broken by Selene’s chuckling. “I knew I was right to try and recruit you. Well, what will it be, sister? Hypocrisy, or generosity?”
Celestia’s face was threatening to permanently wrinkle, with the expression she was wearing. “That’s how you got past the wards when you were younger, isn’t it?”
Twilight smiled with a fey twinkle in her eyes. “Uh uh. That’s not what we’re discussing.”
The rest of the ponies were just staring at her in horror at her blatant disrespect, and her audacity to trap the Princess in such a way.
Celestia finally relented. “Very well. As long as you maintain a level of control and exercise your power responsibly, I will grant this boon.” She stepped forward. “But know this, chaos mage. My sister and I stopped the likes of Discord. We can absolutely stop you, should you prove a threat.”
Twilight gave her a gracious bow. “Terms accepted.”
“My offer is still open, by the way,” Selene added.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Twilight replied.
The two and Celestia stared at each other for a full minute before Celestia sighed, and turned to Sunset.
“As for you, my determined student…”
Sunset raised a hoof. “Actually, Princess, I’m going to have to decline.”
Celestia’s eyes bugged out. “W-what?”
Selene started snickering again. “It is so funny to see you lose your composure.”
Sunset glared at her for a moment before returning to Celestia. “I’d like to stay in Ponyville, if that’s alright. I know I went on this quest with the promise of princesshood, but I learned a lot here in Ponyville. I learned that power isn’t the end-all, be all. I learned that what I was missing in my life wasn’t authority, but instead…” She gestured to the other six. “Friendship. And if I’m granted a princesshood, I’ll have to go back to Canterlot, and probably won’t see them again. So! I’m going to have to decline. At least, until I’m truly ready. That’s what you’ve been trying to teach me, right? Responsibility?”
Celestia was just staring at her, mouth agape.
“Uh, Princess? Are you going to-mmph!” Sunset suddenly found herself pressed against Celestia’s chest, a pair of legs squeezing her tight.
“Daww!” Pinkie chimed in.
“Sunset, you don’t know how proud of you I am right now,” Celestia said with silent tears. “When you...when we had our fight, I thought I lost you forever. I hoped...hoped with all my heart that would find your way back home. I’m so sorry I thought I had to bribe you to come back.”
Sunset’s arms were squeezing her just as tightly. “Well, you kind of did at the time, but I’m glad I let you.”
Everypony watched the fuzzy scene, sharing the warmth it seemed to radiate to the room. Even Selene seemed to appreciate the sight, though she would later deny it when someone pointed it out.
And all was good.
===
Twilight Sparkle finally made it to her bedroom after a thorough tongue lashing and hug session from her brother and parents. It was expected, vicious, and cuddly.
With a sigh, she flopped on her bed and stared up at the ceiling, her brain starting to wind down from all the adrenaline and overtiredness. Apparently their trek through the Everfree had taken twelve hours which, combined with the day’s work prior, meant they all had been up for about a full day and a half running around, and another half dealing with the aftermath.
She was completely exhausted.
“Totally worth it,” she quietly said, bringing her rewards back in sight. A check worth a hundred thousand bits, enough to purchase a storefront in Ponyville and buy supplies for her plans. She ultimately chose to move out of Canterlot for two reasons. One: her friends were all in Ponyville. She would visit her Canterlot friends from time to time, but she doubted it would hurt anyone if they slowly drifted apart. Two: she was certain that if word got out for what she wanted to invent, a squad of tribalist unicorns would show up at her shop at night, burn it to the ground, piss on it, then burn the ashes.
The real gem was the document. A royal decree that authorized one Twilight Sparkle to use chaos magic without restriction, with the only exceptions being if she broke the law or otherwise destabilized lives, a town, the country, or the world. It was needlessly wordy, but it all boiled down to one word: behave.
“I couldn’t agree more,” said a familiar voice. Twilight banished her prized possessions to a secure location and looked up to find Discord floating above her with a huge smile.
“Where have you been?” she asked.
He waved it off. “Oh, here and there. Celly and Selly have a nose for my brand of magic, and if they got wind I was near you, they would have you imprisoned within a second. I wanted to make sure you weren’t in any danger.”
Twilight smirked. “Aww, and you say you don’t care about me.”
Discord sighed. “Yes, I guess it’s time to face the truth. You’ve infected me with friendship, Twilight Sparkle. Until I met you I couldn’t have cared less about anypony other than myself, but you seemed to grow on me. I sought out a pawn, and ended up a parent, sort of. Never thought that would happen.”
“Well, I’m glad you tried to corrupt me and succeeded, sort of.” Twilight shrugged. “I was serious when I was saying I’m glad I never ended up as Celestia’s student. You taught me how to actually live.”
Discord smiled, and swept Twilight up in a hug. “Is this what friendship feels like?”
“Well, seeing as I’ve been cultivating it for the past two days, I’m pretty sure that’s a yes.”
He dropped her, but obviously wasn’t sincere about how callous it was. “I’m not sure if I like it. If this keeps up, I’ll care about other ponies. I’m not sure if that works with my schtick.”
Twilight hummed. “Well, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I’m sure if you don’t cause too much trouble, Princess Celestia won’t try and sic us on you.”
Discord slowly met her eyes. “You wouldn’t, would you?”
Twilight’s expression went hard. “No. Never! You’re my friend, Discord. My first friend. I’d never betray you!”
His gaze softened, and he patted her on the head. “I’m glad to hear it. Now, onto your progress report.” He summoned a television screen, which quickly sped through the entire ordeal, and cut right to the chase. A summary screen filled with numbers and words detailing score, but the end result were shining platinum words that read ‘Rank: S+’.
“Not only did you stop dear Moonbutt from conquering Equestria, you also sowed so many seeds of chaos! You modified the Elements of Harmony, you somehow didn’t purge Selene of her darkness, you trapped Celestia in a choice between logic and virtue, you gained free reign to use your power, and you have the ear of one of the princesses of the land! Not a bad haul if I do say so myself.”
Twilight clopped her hooves in response.
“Now, where Celestia had her reward, I have my own.” He snapped his fingers, calling forth a spell scroll.
Twilight took it, eyeing it over. “What does this do?”
“Quite simple, my dear. This will grant you very limited access to the chaos realm, where I draw my power from.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. “You mean-”
He nodded. “Yes. Your power will be technically infinite, but the rate you can call on it is limited. You won’t be able to alter the world like I can, but you’ll be able to cast small cantrips constantly, and you’ll never tire from it.”
Twilight looked at him with a bit of bemusement. “I’m grateful, definitely, but why not just grant me full access?”
Discord laughed. “Greedy. No, the real reason is that Celestia’s fear of chaos magic isn’t unfounded. The fools that lose themselves to it dive too deep, too quickly. If I did that, you would be no better than the examples they use to warn you at school. No, it’s best to get used to it, slowly and carefully.”
Twilight mused on that for a moment, and it made sense. “Alright.” She unfurled it, and with reckless abandon, cast the spell. A flash filled the room, the scroll was gone, and Twilight was looking around expectantly.
“Um, nothing happened.”
Discord rolled his eyes. “Of course something happened. If you felt it, then I would know something went wrong. Go ahead, try to...say...conjure something to eat.”
Twilight beamed, and snapped her tail, conjuring a hayburger. She waited for the quick onset of hunger, but it never happened. The power hadn’t come from her own reserves.
“YES!” she took the treat and immediately devoured it, savoring each bite. “Thank you, Discord!”
He smiled. “Anytime, my dear. Once you prove you can handle this, we’ll slowly increase the flow. But that’s for far-future us to worry about. What are your plans for the near future?”
Twilight smiled, and started explaining, weaving in illusions into her demonstration.
Discord just sat there, eyes wide at just how much chaos her idea would bring to Equestria. She had no idea, either, just pure idealism and vision for a better future. It was possible that it would all work out, of course, but he knew pony nature. Once she revealed this to Equestria at large, everything would change, and there would be no going back.
Chaos would smother Equestria, and he wouldn’t have to lift a finger.
It was delicious.
I've been working on this on and off for the past couple months. Hope you enjoyed it.
Will there be any sequels? Possibly, I haven't decided yet. I have a rough timeline ready up to the end of Season 5, but only the premieres/finales. I wanted to let this story have a conclusion, but allow some teasers for possible sequels. No promises, but don't write them off yet.
The concerns I foresee showing up in the comments, and my responses:
1. This is just Friendship is Magic, but changed around a bit!: Yes, yes it is. I am not the first to do this. Storytellers have been adding their own spin on tales since the dawn of the spoken word.
2. Twilight isn't super-chaotic: Discord is too smart to make his presence known like that. Coupled with the theme that teaching/parenthood/mentoring changes a being for the better, and the fact that Discord (mostly) broke in one day when put up against Fluttershy, means that he doesn't turn Twilight into a chaos-crazed lunatic. Here, she's still the intelligent, magic loving unicorn we all love, but much more relaxed and easy going.
3. You can't just make a new Element of Harmony!: Yes I can, however this will not be without consequences if I turn this into a series.
4. Sunset is a potty mouth: She spent a decade in the human world, and in this universe, it wasn't in school. Rainbow Dash gave you a hint. Do the math.
5. How did they get their cutie marks and what do they mean?: Later, maybe. I haven't decided yet if I am going do go through Season 1, skip to the season finales, or make up something entirely new.
6. Why wasn't Selene purified?: I know why, and Selene knows why, but we're not telling yet.
7. What is Twilight planning to do?: Spoilers. 
If I get anything else I think might be good to add to the list, I will. Until next time!
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I love the way this all works out! Too often I read one of these ‘altered destiny’ stories, and somepony gets left aside in the end, I also appreciate how the rest of the Main 6 aren’t completely canon either. Great work, a favorite for me!
I’m actually interested to see a sequel to this.
That was a good story. The humor is good, the references are good, your worldbuilding is nice, and you hint at things just enough to make the implications clear without treating the reader like an idiot. Be it good or bad, but at first I thought this was a parody, but as it became increasingly serious, I was unsure about how to treat it, although I think your intent was to do a bit of both. On that note, I think you did a good job retelling the pilot, changing things in a way that made it feel more serious and engaging with a pleasant dose of mystery.
Your handling of Selene reminded me of something Lauren Faust said somewhere at some point. From what I remember, Luna was originally named Selene, and she was also intended to not forgive Celestia immediately, and there would be some conflict between them. I don't know if you knew, but if not, it is a nice coincidence, and more interesting.
I was content with this story, and thought that it would do on it's own. After all, we don't know how the elements decide who gets what, and it was not relevant to the original story so I ignored it... But then you have to go tease in the notes about "you know why Selene wasn't purified! Well I do, and i'm not telling, HO HO HO HO BAGUETTE! HO HO! What?" Now I'm annoyingly curious...
Also, I don't think we're from the same continent, and English is not my first language, and I hate math. Where did Sunset spend a decade? I have heard about "military boarding school" so Sunset could have ended up in one of those, or she just ended up in the regular military. I first thought that Sunset had a crush on Shining armor when Twilight mentioned that he was her brother, but later it seemed more plausible that he was her officer or something in the human world.
I'm not a critic, so I only judge a story from "not worth it, slow read, good, and excellent", and your story is most definitely a good story. Be proud of yourself, well done!
Again, this epilogue is truly wonderful stuff. Absolutely love how well you you balance the funny, the heart-warming AND the serious stuff. And I'm glad Sunset managed to get rewarded for her efforts even though the others got the Elements. :-D All in all, a good look at the alternate Discord timeline that was only very briefly shown in the Season Five finale. Definitely much better than main Twilight's very brief visit hinted at.
This was really good. Here's hoping for a sequel.
I absolutely love this story and want moar! The little and big differences in the world were so interesting to me, and I adored gallows humour pinkie.
Please make this awesome story in to a series
10471613
The times between FiM and EG don't match up well. In canon, the setting is Canterlot High, of course, but it doesn't make sense. In The Fall of Sunset Shimmer we see Twilight in the background with Cadance, and she's still blankflank filly!Twi. Meanwhile, Sunset is around adulthood, maybe a bit younger. At the youngest she is fourteen. Later she has her falling out with Celestia, and this is months at the latest. We see Sunset exit the mirror portal and she is basically drawn as she is in EG, a highschooler.
Fair enough, there.
However by the time EG rolls around, Sunset is still in high school, while Twilight has easily reached adulthood and surpassed it slightly. After all, even a cartoon ruler wouldn't crown a national leader if she wasn't an adult. (Okay, maybe yes, but I like to think otherwise.)
So the question then becomes, how is this possible? Easiest answer: this is a cartoon designed to sell toys. My answer that actually tries to explain things: time doesn't flow at the same rate on both sides of the mirror.
Then logic breaks down because time travel and other mechanics like to destroy rational thought.
So I simply threw the problem out the window, decided that time flows at the same rate, and asked myself this question: A young adult appears out of nowhere, claiming to be someone that already exists. What does this mean? Obviously this is a case of identity theft, even if they look practically identical. So! Mystery girl has no paper trail, no birth certificate, no school records, nothing. What can she do for housing and food? Well, she could try to get a local degree, but she has no money. The only jobs she can get either don't pay well enough, or she will have no time to actually study. Except what's this? The human military will pay for college upon completion? No requirements except for a physical and mental screening? Excellent!
So she does her four years, gets a certificate in Army, and then goes to college on the government's dime. I don't know about what, but around the time she completes it, Princess Celestia finds her and basically says, "Look, I don't like it, but I need you. Listen to my lessons, stop the ancient evil, and you'll get your princesshood."
So there you have it.
10472005
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For a moment there I thought you would say that she went to prison
As for the time differences, the show is canon to the comics, but the comics are not canon to the show if I don't misremember. The Fall of Sunset Shimmer also contradicts something Celestia says in Equestria Girls: (at about 06:30) "she began her studies not long before Twilight". So I think it is implied that Celestia mentored them simultaneously. But whatever! That is not important, thank you for clarifying anyway.
Love dat mane !
I need more of this chaotic good twilight
Like no really doh you make more of this I will consume it voraciously
Wonderful! Well written, entertaining to read AND an entirely fresh angle.
I hope you'll write a sequel, it would be an instant favorite for me.
This was an absolute treat to read, honestly. Discord being the only Chaos magic user and Sombra being the only Dark magic user made exploring magic in-canon feel rather narrow. This, though? Less black-and-white, a far more nuanced start with a suprisingly founded premise.
I am really excited for more.
I lOVE IT! Like, fav and follow. Awesome job, characters, plot, humor, etc. Absolutely loved how you managed Selena, makes much more sense she is old self and still holds a grudge against Celly and not brainwashed by elements. i'd love to see a sequel. Chaotic Twy - so many possibilities, so much fun. You got me hooked.
This was a very fun story. The way you wove this story was inspirational. I will have to keep my eyes on this if it becomes a series. It will be worth the read.
Chaos and Harmony, will be a fun thing to see this version of Equestria.
Can't wait to see the naysayers try and stop Twilight's plans only to find out that there is more than one element of harmony that dabble in the profane. Twilight is a chaos mage, Sunset is a warlock. Two of the seven right there.
If you want to add in the craziness the other elements can bring then you have Pinkie with her...ness? no clue if that is chaos magic or Pinkie magic but it is something. Fluttershy's stare that has to be some sort of domination or mind control magic of some sort. And Rainbow's rainboom, I am sure is a sign of how much just raw power Rainbow can tap into (or maybe ignite the magic around her?? idk). The only normal ponies out of the group are Applejack and Rarity.
So those naysayers would be in an up hill battle trying to stop Twilight with five out of the seven elements of harmony also dabbling in some sort of forbidden/unknown magic.
Keep up the good work and remember "Have Fun With It."
Well, this....this is going in my All-Time Favorites shelf. I have six hundred and thirteen stories saved altogether, and Seven of Six will be the fifth.
Conversion of pony magic into easily usable form, via a mass-produced self-contained Chaos artifact. That's the big one, isn't it. Being able to project themselves outwards easily was what the Unicornia of old so powerful, and the unicorns of today so prideful. And oh, would there be a market for it. Horn envy is likely much more widespread, if more low-key, than wing envy or any other forms of unfulfilled wishes.
And, yeah. This will turn Equestria upside-down.
Honestly, it didn’t even feel like you made a new element. It’s felt like she made her own element in the movies when she stepped in to become the protagonist there.
Willing to buy series of this universe.
Holy jeebus this needs to be a t.v show. For fans made by fans kind of thing.
Bravo to the author who created this for it was truly magnificent
Possibly the best twist on the opening I've ever read. Thanks for sharing your words with us.
Fans have been rearranging the pilot pretty much since it aired. There comes a time when a tale has just been told so many times that there isn't any more to be said. But this fic proves that for a certain story told ten years ago today, that time hasn't come yet.
this has endless possibilities...
i suppose i can suggest that Cosmos be the antagonist if DIscord is part of Equestria's ruling party...
Harmony and Chaos are not enemies, they are Siblings...
10472005
The general fandom reason for the time difference between FiM and EG is because times flows much slower in CHS world compared to Equestria.
Sunset was there for 3 years, as shown by the pictures of the Fall Formals.
Meanwhile, Twilight being Celestia's student likely came some time after Sunset ran away. At that time, Twilight is a little filly, so a decade is a reasonable estimate.
So when EG happened both Sunset and Twilight became around the same age as a result of time dilation.
This really, Really, REALLY needs a sequel! I look forward to seeing where/what you do with this world!
Absolutely wonderful - I'd be really interested in seeing the continuation! The Mane
67 already seem to be better rounded and more stable individuals than canon, and some of the time bombs have been defused. (Discord, Spike growth, etc) At the same time, you've introduced a couple big plot hooks in "not brainwashed Luna" and "major magical R&D". Great setup!Stop being so good at writing that you make me feel like crap haha.
This story earns an 8/10. It was a Very Good twist on the opener and I hope it someday has a sequel. Also, canonically there are 7 elements. The seventh is Empathy.
Make a sequel that's when Discord is freed.
I really enjoyed this fic! I know you said you might make a sequel, but honestly I'd be fine if it just stayed as is. It works really well as a singular fic. Anyways this was incredibly well written and I loved it to bits.
I didn't realize how many other fics you've written and that I've already read your other works! And I loved them too. I think I'm in love with your writing oop. It's just good. Good writing.
this sh needs a sequel
Great story man loved it 10/10 diffrent spin and ending than the show. Very creative indeed!
Hmm.
OH I LOVE THIS STORY! I can't wait to see more of this Twilight. She seems like so much fun! It would be cool to see Princess Gwilight meeting Chaos Student Twilight, (Yes thats what I'm calling her).
Wow. Whatever you do, don’t stop writing please! This was a truly original reimagining of the pilot. Everyone is just the right balance of canon and non-canon to be believable and interesting. The sequence of events make sense and flow seamlessly, the world building was nice. This story is great as a standalone, but I hope you write more, there’s so many possibilities! Definitely faving.
I loved this story super fun the way each character was portrayed was wonderful and I dearly hope for a sequel someday due to how much I enjoyed it.
Also Twilights probably becoming an Alicorn still (of chaos? Maybe since Discord is basically her adoptive dad and super best friend and she doesn’t embody harmony here) but I also hope that Sunset also becomes an Alicorn though i struggle to think of what she would be the alicorn of (maybe alicorn of things changing for the better or hope I guess?)
I’m also loving the way you handled the element trials felt original and in character for how you’ve portrayed everyone
One thing that annoyed me though was how disbelieving the rest of the main seven were to the environment not needing to be controlled or how for most of the world it isn’t hoping that eventually they have a trip to none pony lands so they’re forced to eat their words. (Still loved the scene though)
Also Twilight and Spike are presumably gonna be living in Twi’s new shop but I wonder where Sunset is gonna live the library is the obvious choice but to me it just doesn’t seem to suit her
Also since I’m a dirty little shipper how old is Sunset compared to Twilight and is there any chance of romance between them or romance in general between anyone?
Also momlestia to sunset YAY!
10502303
I always thought that Twilight was around 20 in canon, and is the same here. Sunset is at or approaching her 30's in this story. I'm not much of a shipper or a romance writer, but I'm not ruling anything out yet.
10502375
The possibility alone excites me
One other thing I like about this story is that it looks like it’s gonna go over non pony tribal magic which is something I rarely see done and am excited about though I wonder if Twilight is gonna pick up any Dark magic or if Sunset will any chaos magic well if this gets a sequel doesn’t really matter if it does (though I would like one) as I can have fun imagining it
great story, i'm following you in case you do make a sequel.
This fit together really well, it was a joy to read. Definitely hoping for a sequel.
Twilight without OCD is interesting... Go with the flow Twilight..
Very very well done.
Cant wait for more
The Monk
“Come into my parlor, Ted. I have cookies!” -Reykan
Start from finish
the story and so excited to see this universe continued.
aw god, im invested in a sequel!
Okay, after how good this fic was (not to mention all the teases you snuck into your Author's Note), there's no way this can't get a sequel.
(Unless you just don't feel like doing it. Wouldn't want to be pushy.)
Others have already said it, but I would love to see a sequel. Twilight's little jab of self-deprecating humor was a nice touch. Not the first time that I've seen it hinted in fanfiction that ponies are a rather close-minded species (the scene in the Everfree when the girls raise their hackles a bit at the implication that the world can go on without a guiding hoof) and of course the idea that Canterlot's nobility would have a serious beef with Twilight dabbling in something so uncouth, so deviant, as Khaos magick.
Well, I admit it was very good, not the typical Friendship Is Magic, but a very good change, I'm waiting with hope that you make a sequel and to see what happen in the future.
I somehow remember the Prophecy, and I think that it could be interpreted when Twilight will need to choose between Discord and her friends.
Leaving that aside, I wonder how many other things changed, and if this Sunset is for example friendly with Cadence or if Twilight brother is still going to marry her.
Like I said, good work.
So, there is still hope to reform Nightmare Moon, but this might only be one out of many possibilities why Selene is not luna.
So there's gonna be an awkward moment when time-travel twilight arrives in this dimensions future and gets an explanation of magic by khaos twilight.