Nerd Problems
"So I was cleaning up Her Majesty's bedroom and found this on the closet floor." A female guard changeling proudly wore a wig exploding forth in wild tangles.
"What is it?" A male guard questioned confused.
"I dunno, but I look like Maredusa! ~ Hissy, hissy, hissy!!" The guard shook her head side to side laughing loudly.
Chrysalis slowly trotted down the dark dreadful hallway, her hoof steps halting in front of the jester trying to impersonate a guard. "Snooping around my private quarters?" She hissed much like a snake about to strike.
"Your Majesty!?" The male squealed frightened.
"Snooping for garbage, ma'am." The female took a serious stance, a strong contrast to the messy wig hiding her face.
"If you enjoy garbage so much, I order you to clean out the lower dungeons!" Chrysalis yanked the wig off her subject hatefully.
"But there are twenty tons of…" Her large pink hues watched in terror, Chrysalis's eyes burning bright like hot coals.
"Right away!" The guards both bolted down the hallway at top speeds.
"I hate kids." Chrysalis sighed dragging her hooves into the dark chamber to her right.
Her room was ice cold to the touch, devoid of any emotional sentiments at all. A howl of wickedness clung to the air above, as dark green colored flames lit her room in an eerie glow of pure evil. Indeed this was an area that all would fear, and the mere sight haunting the innocent for at least a hundred moons.
Making sure the coast was clear and the door locked, Chrysalis happily swung the wig upon her head with a joyous sigh of relief. She hated being stern with her children, but they needed a guardian that they could fear, one who could toughen them up against the injustices of this world.
Booping the snoot of a nearby changeling bust. The whole room was transformed in a flash of bubbly pinks and powder blues, a wall shifting open as a shelf of Power Pony figures proudly showcased.
Posters of Death Oat, Llama 1\2, and Doki Doki Friendship Club unraveling across the walls.
Her dark shadowy bed lowering into the floor, replaced by a bright pink affair overflowing with various Ponymon Plushies. Chrysalis was quick to plop onto her bed in defeat, floating her Gamecolt over from under the sheets.
That dork had to ruin their secret meetings by getting all mushy on her. She enjoyed the adrenaline of sneaking away into the void to cosplay or Larp, it was a rare moment in her life to not be seen as a complete monster.
Shining Armor understood that sometimes it was nice to be somepony else. To allow all your worries to fade away, be the creature that others just wouldn't understand. But now he wanted to go public, to risk losing this time which had become not totally annoying.
"That foalish oaf!" Chrysalis tossed the miniature console onto the floor with a thud.
"If I refuse his offer, he'll think I'm ashamed of him!" Chrysalis snapped her jaws shut in growing anger.
"But if I just waltz up into the palace, I'll be arrested for sure!!" Chrysalis groaned thoughts of rotting away in a cell haunting her mind, or worse yet getting stoned by the princesses.
That'd be embarrassing.
"I'll just tell him tough cookies, we're not going to his place!" She floated a hay burger out of her hoodie lacklusterly before taking a rather large chomp.
"You invited a pony over to play?" Cadence narrowed her eyes slowly towards her husband confused.
"It's more of an acting exercise, but yes." Shining flipped his cloak off to the floor, giving a large stretch before walking over to his wife's bed.
"Do I know him?" Cadence giggled playfully as she rolled onto her side.
"It's a she, and yes." Shining knew he had to play this just right, or his wife would certainly lose her mind.
Cadence gave a tiny scrunch of her muzzle from hearing a certain pronoun, her lower lip curling into a tiny pout as if trying not to yell. "You never said, you were hanging out with a mare." The alicorn smacked her lips with a loud pop.
"Does it matter?" Shining quirked a brow.
"How would you like it, if I vanished with a bunch of stallions!?" Cadence quickly lifted up to her haunches, both hooves crossing over her chest.
"You do every day, our Royal Guards!" Shining closed both eyes with a grunt.
"It's not the same! ~ When you said you were going off to play make-believe…" Cadence spoke with a sharp sting to her voice.
"It's an acting EXERCISE!" Shining snapped back as both hooves lifted high defensively.
"You never said it was with some… Tart!" Cadence let an extra loud snort escape her nostrils.
"She's not a tart, she's more like a harmless Tsundere… maybe with a few yandere tendencies?" Shining stumbled over his words nervously.
"What does that even mean!?" Cadence flashed a very flustered look of confusion.
Before Shining could even offer an explanation, his wife smacked him upside the head with a pillow. Her pink hooves pointing towards the door, as her once gentle gaze had ignited with the flames of jealousy.
"Out!" Cadence huffed in anger.
"C'mon it's late and…" Shining watched as his wife floated his first edition of Power Ponies over towards the room's lit fireplace.
"Fine, I'll sleep in the kitchen!" Shining rolled out of the bed with a thud.
In a matter of moments, the door to his sanctuary was slammed shut. His world cast into the darkness of the night, if she was this angry at finding out his friend was female, what would happen when it was revealed to be a certain bug?
Shining thought he should hide away any collectibles first, before pushing the subject further. If she could just see this was an excellent chance at redemption, he knew her mindset would change for the better.
But that was a level for another day.
For now, it was game over.
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Nice
Yikes! Things are getting heated for Shining. Here's hoping he can work things out!
Two short chapters and I already think that Shining would be better with Chrysalis. Lover should at least try to understand each others passions and have enough faith in the other to not be jealous about friends of the other gender.
I don't necessarily...like, this portrayal of Cadence. She seems jealous, and petty, and not the caring goddess of love I've seen in the base media. I understand the author is perfectly allowed to have different takes on characters, I just feel like this one comes at the expense of the depth of the character in question. Yes, I'm overanalyzing a fluff fic, what of it?
If Cadance figures out who he is talking about she will lose her mind, no matter what else he says.
She might turn into Broken Heart or whatever the evil alter ego of Cadance would be called.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/11/17/766567.png
Source.
Maybe Luna has some safe-deposit box on the moon.
Because that would be the only truly save place.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
Dude, it's time to leave.
I like the nerd bonding bits, but wow is Cadence kind of a bitch in this. As another user already commented on, you're free to write characters however you see fit, but it just seems kinda 'meh' when it deviates so far from what we see in canon without an actual explanation.
Maybe we'll get said explanation in a later chapter, but as it stands now Cadence just seems rather unlikeable.
Really Shining? That was not well handled at all. Not only did he blithely admit that he's been hanging around with some strange mare, it never occurred to him that she might have a problem with that.
Not cool man.
10348721
married women do not enjoy knowing their husbands are hanging out with other women. women be crazy yo
Cadence is the villain calling it now
Oh Dear Luna please no
Soooo best waifu material?
Has anyone seen my feral, man-eating chicken? She escaped her pen and is pretty hungry...
Oh, and nice chapter. Shining Armor is being ignorant of his own doings. Cadence is coming off as a bit shallow and petty, but hey, insecurities do that to characters!
Oh! The chicken! Don't worry...she doesn't bite. She just pecks really, really hard.
And now I want to see Ranma 1/2 done entirely with Llamas.
Again Chrysalis seems pretty sympathetic, but again this is undone by it being mentioned in chapter 1 that there was infact a Canterlot Invasion. Because of this, Cadance ynreasonable jealousy is given a reason, because her husband is hanging out with the villian that hypnotised him and replaced his fiance to try and take over equestria to drain everyone if all their love by force. The end result is Shining Armor being an idiot, and not in a humorous fashion.
Again, the premise of the story is good, but fails because it is sabotaged.
Who bets Spike will be out bested by Chrysalis in comics knowledge?
10347767
the universe is scalping unable to withstand such a concentration of fan service
Bit of a long review, but hopefully a helpful one. It seems like a fun premise, but I hope the author pays very close attention to future character portrayals, because it's quickly starting to stretch believably, and not in a good way.
While it's scientifically proven that guys have a harder time remaining 'just friends' with girls, the handling of such concerns comes off as an insecure teenage couple that got together at a prom, instead of a loyal husband and wife who love each other dearly.
Cadence comes off as immediately jealous and insecure (somewhat validated by Shining's concealment), and Shining seems to be afraid of the doghouse and a complete bonehead and not wanting to even acknowledge the valid concern, even a little bit. I understand the comic attempt at hiding the nerdy activities, but there's a very fine line which can then lead to out of character interactions; as is observed by the comments.
Then there's the really big elephant in the room of the invasion still having happened. The hypnosis, trickery, everything. If there was even a small blurb about the invasion being a comic misunderstanding between her and Celestia being involved in a nation-wide tic-tact-toe game, even something like that could remove that discrepancy in a humorous fashion. As it stands...she's still evil. Nerdy, but evil. I hope the author doesn't take this as simply 'your fic is horrible/etc', because the wide array of feedback is a fantastic way to grow as an author, and we've all made fumbles with fics before!
*Edit* while it is classified as an alternate universe, I feel there needs to be some distinction if there's a significant difference to warrant characters acting out of character.
You had my interest with the first chapter and now you still do. I feel like there is a little character inconsistency, but at this stage that can definitely be attributed to currently not fully understanding their motivations. I'm intrigued by this world you're starting to create. More please
There seems to be some criticism over certain characters that some people claim to be acting OOC. I would like to point out that this story is placed in a “Alt. universe” I.e certain characters may not act the same way that they would if this story was set in the “ main canon verse”. I, personally, enjoy seeing different ways writers can portray certain characters! It brings new and interesting ideas on how these characters could be seen, used or thought of in the community. My personal favorite character to bring up is Blueblood. When first introduced to the fandom he was portrayed as pompous, snooty and unlikable. However, with many alt. Universe stories about him the community itself helped expand his identity and personality to not just what the show, well showed.
But that’s just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.
media.discordapp.net/attachments/605188695733174282/736014696968093766/image0.jpg
Good story.
Makes me want to re-read another Chrysalis story that uses this art.
10349075
You make a very good point; I think if the why was established, and the what in terms of alternate universe..stuff, that'd help. At first glance the 'AU' aspect would be Chrysalis being free rather than the out of character actions. (Like...why Shining trusts her after the invasion, etc etc.) Either way, I really do like the author's premise, and don't want to come off as bashing.
10348721
you do know her reaction is kind of justified ? Shining is an idiot. Cadence is his WIFE. whos obviously jealous , sure she overreacted but the idiot isn';t helping by not explaining hes doing nerdy things and just thinks Cadence understands.. which she doesn't She has zero idea what geeky things he's into
10348875
Oh, she doesn't know specifically its Chryssi... Yet. but i mean a married guy hanging out with other girls will be bad no matter the situation is going to give the wife ideas.. And shining is an idiot for not explaining more clearly so hes not helping his case
You suspect your husband of disloyalty and potential infidelity? Naturally you should immediately distance yourself from him.
I do not understand a little bit of discontent that some of the characters do not correspond to the canon character. It seems to me that the tag "alternative universe", in theory, should break all the frames and limitations of the flight of fantasy for writing a story and allow the author to lead the story in the direction he wants.
10349470
I presume you are aware that Forgetful is female, right?
The poster puns were real groaners, good job.
I'm also in the camp of Cadance seeming OoC, but I can wait to see if there's an explanation.
10349332
I pray you never get married if that's your outlook on marriage. Men are allowed to have female friends through marriage, just the same as women being allowed to have male friends. If all it took was Shining merely mentioning him having a female friend who he met up with is enough to get Cadence to banish him to the couch, then it's pretty clear there's more issues than just her jealousy (Which is already a relationship red flag, but I digress). As for the nerd hobbies, you're pretty much wrong there. It's shown in the fic that Cadence just doesn't bother listening to her husband about his hobbies. She grabs a book or just nods along. It really paints a terrible picture of her considering she's supposed to be the alicorn of love. Hell, the exact scene in question has her basically going "I don't know what the fuck you said but woman so I'm mad at you" rather than, you know, asking for an explanation. That thing that most normal couples do when they need to figure something out about the other. And unless Shining has been sneaking out every night and constantly making excuses for where he's been, Cadence should have no reason to believe he's cheating on her.
10348786
Most sane married women wouldn't care. As stated above, married men/women can have friends of the opposite gender. Just because they have friends with different hobbies does not suddenly mean "Oh they're cheating on me".
10349565
ok fair, i apologize. Either way, Cadence will not be happy when she finds out WHO he's seeing for his get together.
10349482
I do not understand where you are leading, but answering your question: "no, I do not know anything about Forgetful, I just watch a story here that seems to me to have a huge and interesting potential. Knowing additional information about the author of the story does not give me anything and I can't give her anything but moral support either. "
P.S. sorry for my English
Cadence is secretly bi/poly. It's a poorly kept secret.
10348187
I knew, I just like how it sounds XD
10349607
You assumed the author to be male in your prior comment.
10349626
the language barrier is probably to blame. Since I am not a native English speaker, the original meaning of my messages may be distorted.
10349644
Ah. Sorry.
10346306
I got a question for the previous question, but now a new one has arisen: "if Chrysalis hides their hobbies from their own children, then how did it happen that a potential adversary and a representative of another nationality Shining Armor found out about them?"
Seems cute, looking forward to more
Need moar
Take your time though
I really like this, it truly takes a new spin on Chrysalis. And makes her feel real
I know that this is a comedy, but I can't help but think that Cadance and Shining are in a very toxic relationship.
Not trusting your partner not to f*** any and every member of the opposite gender (or whichever you're attracted to) that they spend time with is a very clear sign that you don't trust them at all.
If she does actually trust him to be faithful but is using the opportunity to manipulate him instead by acting this way, that is much, much worse and Shining should run far, far, far away.
Escalating it beyond unreasonable jealousy all the way to kicking him out of bed and threatening to destroy his treasured personal possessions (or any form threat, really) in order to force him to comply with her demands as soon as he doesn't immediately fold and follow her commands takes this from a bad sign straight to DEFCON 2.
I'd advice immediate couples counseling. Though, with the attitude Cadance seems to have here I seriously doubt she'd consent to it on the basis that she is the Princess of Love and any ordinary pony simply isn't as capable as her when it comes to love.
Honestly, though, if this is typical of their interactions I'd advice Shining to get a divorce. Not that it isn't salvageable, but it might not be worth the effort, heartbreak, and drama that would be required.
All that said, this was just one single conversation and everyone has bad days when they don't act like they usually do.
10350035
Agreed. This is an extremely one-sided and toxic relationship where Cadance seems to take everything and give nothing. Maybe there is a reason for it, but I can't imagine anything that excuse that behavior.
Author, if you are in a relationship like this, you need to talk to your partner about their behavior and not take no for an answer. Go to a relationship counciler or run. If you are the Cadance of your relationship, you need to rethink your behavior, cut that shit out, and start communicating with your partner. Relationships require an equal amount of give and take from all parties and for clear and open communication. Don't let things fester.
10350047
Considering that this is a comedy, verging on a crackfic, rather than a serious one I'd have serious doubt about any of this relating to the author.
It's more likely that she's just leaning on sitcom stereotypes to give the audience an easy and quick handle on the characters and their social dynamics. To the story, Cadance is more of an obstacle intended to create drama and comedic situations rather than a fleshed out character.
That's my two cents, anyway.
10350099
i bet this is a retelling of the time gary gygax's wife thought he was cheating on her.
and followed him to the basement where he was playing with his buddies
10350404
Heh. Is that something that actually happened? I don't know that much about Gygax, other than the obvious.
10350475
https://www.bgr.in/gaming/dungeons-and-dragons-creator-gary-gygaxs-wife-thought-he-was-cheating-on-her-when-he-was-actually-making-the-game-764142/
At the bottom:
In the book Empire of the Imagination: Gary Gygax and the Birth of Dungeons & Dragons by Michael Witwer, Gygax’s wife apparently was convinced that he was cheating on her and so she followed him to his friend’s dimly lit basement. On intruding upon the scene, she found him along with his friends, hunched over what seemed like hand drawn maps. It is no doubt that this obsession led to the creation of D&D along with some sessions in such dimly lit basements.
10350536
Heh, that's kinda amusing.
Which is why you had several hundred of them.
10348844
Yeah. It escaped into gears of war 3. You investigate the tube-things on the ship in story-mode. Your character will yell "Hello!"or "Hello?" into them. Do it to all of them, and a huge Lambent fire-breathing chicken will arrive and attack you and your squad.
(And the handful of paragraphs before it)
WTF, Heartbutt?! Alicorn of love, or possessiveness? It's women like that that make me unwilling to pursue romance in the first place.
I'm enjoying this so far. I look forward to seeing where the story goes.
Jealous Candance. Nice touch. Can't wait to see how this story continues!
10365436
Does this guy have 4 stomachs like a cow?!