Twilight Sparkle and the Alicorn's Stone

by Avenging-Hobbits

Chapter 5: Love is in Bloom and Other Events

Amanda sighed as she sat on a chair by the window and saw Wilfred drive off.

“I saw that.” a voice said.

Amanda gasped as she turned around to see Rarity. She sighed a sigh of relief.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“The way you blushed when he shook your hand, the way just now sighed. Your in love with him.” Rarity replied.

Amanda did some searching with her eyes then sighed an embarrassed sigh.

“Yes” she finally said “I am. I don’t know I just feel so secure around him.”

“What would your husband think?” Rarity asked.

“I have no husband.” Amanda replied. “At least, not anymore.”
It took a few seconds for the gears to turn in Rarity’s head. “Oh. I see. Died?” she asked. Amanda nodded. “Well, has Wilfred friend zoned you? If not it’s not that big-”

“Don’t say that!” Amanda cut her off “you know nothing of the friend-zone!” she calmed down. “Sorry. But hey, you apprently have dealt with this before. You have to help me.”

Rarity thought about this. Hmm, a little weird but she seems to be telling the truth. Time for those lessons from mother to pay off. She cleared her throat. “Okay, first of all, ask him if he’d like to go out with you.”

“Um, shouldn’t he ask me?” Amanda logically asked.

“Well, not this time.” Rarity responded. “If you don’t act no you’ll be eternally friend-zoned.”

“Okay.” Amanda said as she cleared her throat. “I’ll ask him out tomorrow.”

Rarity tapped her on the shoulder as if to say That a girl.

///////////////////

The next morning the old lady at the desk was busy reading a magazine when Roland and Jerald walked in.

“Can I help you?” the lady asked.

“Yes, my name is Roland Carter. This my partner Jerald King. We’re from the police.”

Suddenly the lady dropped her magazine with a look of fear on her face.

“Did I do something wrong?!” she asked.

“No, madam” Jerald replied “we’re looking for the blue van in this picture we got from an eyewitness. Have you seen it?”

The lady looked at the picture. “Well, I saw one drive into our parking lot. But I don’t know who owns it. It’s certainly not mine.”

“Thank you for your cooperation, Miss...” Roland said.

“It’s Judy. Judy Crane.” the lady responded.

The two officers blinked in surprise.

“Well, thanks anyway Miss Crane.” Jerald said, stiffing back the urge to laugh.

The two officers walked towards the door.

“Now what?” Jerald asked.

“We find the blue van.” Roland responded “There can’t be that many.”

Oh, they were so wrong.

///////////////////

The shadow creatures arrived to Earth and hid behind a tree. Their entrance to Earth had caused a muffled boom sound. A farmer then came out of his house.

“Hello?!” he yelled “Any more of you aliens out there?” The farmer looked around. “Alright then.” he said as he lost interest.

“Meredith, when’s tea?” he asked as he went inside the house.

The creatures then slid unto the street and quietly made their way towards town.

///////////////////

Wilfred, Michael, Lily and Kyle walked out of the elevator and towards the hotel door.

“Morning, ma’mm.” Kyle said.

The old lady just nodded, intrigued by her magazine.

The four people rushed out the door and headed towards their van.

Suddenly, Kyle stopped them. “Look!” he whispered. They looked.

Sure enough, Roland and Jerald were looking into a blue van (not theirs of course).

“Jeez!” Jerald said faintly “how many blue cars are there?”

Actually there were six blue normal cars, one blue truck and at least ten blue vans. Wilfred and Kyle’s was the tenth van. Roland and Jerald were on number seven.

The group slowly backed away and hid behind a black truck. After five more minutes, they heard footsteps.

“We’ll check back later.” Roland said. They headed towards their police car which was parked near a hedge. They drove off.

“Okay, go!” Michael said.

They ran towards the van as fast they could. The got in with lightning speed and drove off likewise. Wilfred turned to the street that lead to Amanda’s house.

“Right.” Wilfred said out of breath. “Let’s go to Amanda’s. How ‘bout that?”

“Seems legit.” Lily said.

///////////////////

A few minutes later they stepped out of the car and knocked on Amanda’s door. When the door opened, a little girl with brown hair awnswered it.

“Oh, hey Grace.” Kyle said. (Grace was Amanda’s daughter.)

“Hey.” Grace responded. “You looking for mum?”

“Yes.” Michael said “Is she home?”

Grace shook her head. “Off teaching.”

“Alright then.” Lily said. “Oh, how are your guests?”

“Fine.” Grace answered “the rainbow ones kind of messy though.”

“Well, see you later then.” Kyle said.

“Right.” Grace shut the door.

“So, where is she?” Lily asked as they headed to the car.

They got in.

“At the university.” Wilfred said. “I heard she teaches mythology.”
The van drove in that direction.

///////////////////

Twilight was in Amanda’s room writing on a piece of paper.

So far, the people we have taken up residence with are kind people. We pretty much have house to ourselves. Our tenants daughter is rather playful though a little weird. A trait her and her mother share.

Her writing was cut off by Rainbow Dash whooping at a soccer game on the TV. Twilight walked towards the staircase and leaned down.

“Rainbow Dash!” she yelled.

Rainbow flew over. “What?”

“Keep it down.” Twilight asked.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll try.” She flew towards the couch. “Oh come on, my grandmother can play better then you!” she yelled.

“Back to my studies.” Twilight said.

///////////////////

Wilfred and Kyle walked through the hallway of the university until they heard Amanda’s voice. They headed towards her door and heard through the wood.

She was giving a rather interesting talk about some legend about St. George and the dragon. The bell rang before she could finish her talk. The door opened and students flooded out.

Wilfred and Kyle pinned themselves against the wall. The students didn’t seem to notice. They were busy talking about video games, hair, nails, the latest movie buzz and all that stuff.

Finally, the two peeked into the room. Amanda sat down and sighed.

“Hello.” Wilfred said. Amanda turned and looked at him.

“Hello.” she responded while twiddling her fingers. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

“We wanted to know where you were.” Wilfred responded.

“Oy” Kyle said “is there a soda machine?”

Amanda pointed down the hall. Kyle was off in a flash.

“You coming with us?” Wilfred asked.

“Sure.” Amanda said. “Just let me get my things.” Alright, she thought to herself, it’s either now or the friend-zone. She cleared her throat. “Wilfred?” she asked.

Wilfred turned around. “Yes?”

“Well” she said “I was thinking you and me could have dinner at a restaurant. Alone?”

Wilfred blinked. Did she just ask me out? he thought. Wait, play it cool. “Yeah, alright.” he finally said and he closed the door.

Amanda then dropped into the chair. “Yes!” she said. With that she picked up papers. Then she opened a drawer in her desk and pulled a necklace with the shape of the unicorn on it and stuffed it in her purse.

Comments

[Avenging-Hobbits]

1221020 Thanks for pointing that out.

[ihaveofficiallyretired]

Soooo, I've noticed that some of the characters seem a little...out of character. It's still an interesting read, but tell your bro to be careful of that. Out-of-character-characters is one of the easiest ways to bomb a story.

[Avenging-Hobbits]

1221070 He'd love to know who was acting out of character so he can fix it. Thanks for being nice about it!

[ihaveofficiallyretired]

1224127 I'll go back through it later tonight and find specific incidences.

[ihaveofficiallyretired]

1224127 Well then. Sorry I lied a little. I fell asleep on my music theory homework last night and have been pretty busy today. I just got back to my dorm...ugh. Anyway. Here it is:

-Trixie: After what happened in Season 1, you would think that she wouldn't want anything to do with Twilight and her friends, but here she is acting like there was never any conflict. Unless you can logically explain why, it's a tad out of character. Also, she is a very arrogant and boastful individual and has not shown such traits.

-Discord: Discord never seemed to be such a rage-filled being. Sure, a tad on the evil side, but not an angry evil (like Nightmare Moon). He was more a chaotic evil (oh, you don't say?), and never was particularly filled with rage.

-Zecora: Really? You broke her rhyme? WHY?! It's who she is. And even if you were to break her rhyme, it was so sudden and unnecessary.

-All the humans who've had contact with the ponies: I'm totally chill with the idea of having them stuck on Earth, but none of the humans seem overly shocked to see the group of ponies. Personally, I would absolutely flip out if a bunch of talking, pastel equines found themselves in my backyard (just using it as an example). The human characters hardly seem shocked.

-Ponies trapped on Earth: Basically the same thing as the above statement.

That's basically it so far. My advice for staying in character is to think about what kinds of situations the characters faced on the show and how they handled it there. Use those types of things to stay in character. OCs obviously have a greater range of variability, but once their personality is set you can't really change it unless you intend to redo the story. Tell your bro to keep it up, it's not bad at all. And I apologize if I ever sound harsh when I critique. I am not one to sugarcoat things. It's better that you know the entire problem so you can fix it entirely.

Keep calm and canter on. And feel free to drop me an email at [e-mail] if you have any questions or need help with something. Or if you'd rather talk face-to-face add me on Skype (tnuyum as well).
-Brian

[Avenging-Hobbits]

1232858 First of all:
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m95a0okLPB1ru3zjo.gif
Thank you so very much for being so nice in your critique! My brother really appreciates it!

He says he indented Discord to more menacing than in the show.
He also didn't want Trixie to be a villain but more like Severus Snape.
He broke Zecora's rhyme for a joke. But don't worry, he'll fix any other instances...

[ihaveofficiallyretired]

1233391 Any time, mate. I want to see as many people flourish and produce the best possible work for the community. It especially helps that your brother has a basic understanding of the English language (American English specifically) and mostly knows the characters.