Penalt
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Welcome to caribou land, I hope you enjoy your stay
Mmm, I quite like Sombra's characterization here, good job!
Eh, not sure about this. Partly because I care nothing for Post-Fall, but also, this Sombra is hardly different from Dainn himself: a stoic, overpowered master-want-to-be. Even the thing at the end there with offering Celestia a crown, he reveals it's meaningless. So, it takes what things were unique about Fall of Equestria and trades them in for a typical Sombra power-fantasy, who is, well, not any more interesting himself than Dainn was. Despite how much the story wants to convince us he's different and better and all that, he's, not, not really.
And the end result is something that has Fall of Equestria tacked on but does nothing with it.
~.~
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i.ibb.co/CBZvkrC/proxy-image.jpg
Did you sleep well, did you sleep fine, did you get much sleep at all?
These situations really call for the content of a certain type of very specialized ballad.
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Danke
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Dat lip-bite though.
The comparison is apt, however. I really think it would've served the story much better to make it its own thing instead of throwing a quick middle finger at FoE in a way that ultimately amounts to very little.
This is a really nice character study of Celestia in a post-fall universe. Don't let the downvotes tell you otherwise!
I do like that you do what I've been saying all Celestia breaking stories should do. Which is take advantage of her pride and use it against her rather than try to suppress it.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-It's nice that you gave Celestia some resistance, rather than making her just totally broken.
-Not sure of the FOE setting really helps anything.
-The very image of an Ahegao poster -- breaking immersion.
-A bit awkward on the word choices, like the narrator is trying to play up what's happening rather than letting the actions speak for themselves.
-Very heavy on the maledom fetish, but that's probably a good thing for anyone who actually has that fetish.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 85/100
Allure: 89/100
Enticement: 70/100
Immersion: 80/100
Prose Quality: 92/100
Total Score: 416/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
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Thank you. Personally I find your critique to be pretty accurate, and appreciate the feedback.
Hell. Fucking. Yes.
This is exactly how I'd write Sombra in this setting. He's still a tyrant and a slaver, but the way he dominates is different. Less chest beating and forcing bad food down women's throats. More silk and iron and a fiery seduction as he bends women to his will. Honestly, if the caribou just gave their women a bit more pleasure and less humiliation, they'd have much more of the female population eating out of their hands. But then when do rapists care about the needs of their victims?
Heh. You could probably redo a scene from Megamind with Sombra and Dainn. The latter is certainly a villain, but he's not super. And we all know what the difference is, don't we?
I'm waiting about 3 years for a new chapter:)pls one more