• Member Since 19th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Penalt


Commission Status: FULL

T

On the night before her sixteenth birthday and official coronation as Imperial Princess, Flurry Heart is kidnapped by changelings. Alone, the daughter of Cadance and Shining Armor confronts her destiny.


Featured? Oh my.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 48 )

Annnnnd the perfect ending line. :rainbowlaugh:

“But what if I mess up? What if I make things worse?” asked Flurry Heart. “What if I turn evil, with minions and a secret fortress and everything?”
“If that happens, dear, we will insist that you use your minion to keep your secret fortress clean and tidy,” said Shining Armor, teasing his filly as she made her way into her room.

Meanwhile in a secret fortress: "Crap!"

After reading the story:
Well, she wasn't wrong with her predictions...

SEQUAL SEQUAL ???:rainbowderp::twilightsheepish::raritywink::pinkiegasp::yay::ajsmug:oh editemore 1777 to 4000
shinig armor is a prophet .:facehoof:

I think this is going to work very, very well. It needs a little bit of continuation; if not a sequel, at least another chapter.

Fun story. Definitely needs either more chapters or an ongoing sequel. And Speaking of ideas for Flurry Heart and the Changelings, ever consider one that now ignores the S6 finale in an alt. universe where it's Chrysalis either trying to kidnap an older filly Flurry or trick her into thinking she's a friend and Flurry says she knows who she is but not really..., Her "Fairy Godmother", causing Chrysalis to be surprised a bit and make due with that? Would be amusing to see Chrysalis decide to reform then and there cause free willing love and somepony who actually cares for her.

“But I don’t deserve it,” Flurry insisted. “All I’ve done, is be lucky enough to be the first natural born alicorn.”

Even these woeful inadequacies can be fix with the magic of Character Development!

I've gotten enough requests that I will write either a continuation or a sequel to this. It might be a little while though. I had only intended this to be a humorous little one shot and had not planned for more. But as you have requested, so shall I deliver.

"Can I keep them?"

Best line

7804293 Sorry, you brought it upon yourself by writing a great story.
P.S. Sequel, pleeeease?:fluttercry:

What a amusing story, I like it.

Nice one shot.. .


But this has a miltichapter feel to it, can you write a sequel with multiple chapters and just use this as an introductory into it?

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get home, Dad,” said Queen Flurry Heart. “But they insisted on following me back. Can I keep them?”

:rainbowlaugh:

LOL. Nice.

7809522 I'm currently working on a continuation. It should be out in the next few days. It would have been out sooner but we have a new little cria at the farm and things have been busy.

I am clicking thumbs up over and over, but it isn't working. This is too cute and funny. Very well done. :pinkiehappy:

7813906

hey Damaged, you two should do a spinoff collaboration of "Shining Chitin Redux" using this in it:pinkiehappy:

on another note...

who is the sleezeball to downvote this? May they be tormented in the Rainbow Factory and Pinkamena's basement as punishment...

Shining, husband of Empress Cadence, has the same title as Albert, husband of Queen Victoria.

This is hilarious! :rainbowlaugh:

OK, so the first chapter was a cute, if somewhat pointless, bit of fluff. An entertaining read, to be sure, but really just a time filler.

The second chapter was EFFING BRILLIANT!

cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder417/400x/44000417.jpg

So... A "Continuation" of "The only chapter"... Seems legit.

I hope I have actually done a decent job of it for you.

I'm sorry, but you didn't do a 'decent job'.
You did an amazing job! (I hope you are not too crushed.)
It was featured again, by the way.



One small suggestion: I'm not sure about this piece here:

to have free run of the Empire

In my opinion it should rather be "to have free run in(side) the empire" or "to run free in the empire".

Hey do you mind if I use this idea for a story? It won't Be like this though it will have a lot more action n stuff.

7814270

As I said in my afterword. Feel free to write more Queen Flurry Heart stories, with my blessing.

7814199 'Continuation'...I know.

I never intended this to be more than a very brief piece of fun fluff, which it is why it was "The Only Chapter". Then came the incredibly huge, wonderful response to the story and the calls for either a sequel or a continuation. So, I wrote "Continuation" over a four day period and here we are.

As for your suggestion. I may change it, as I do see your point there. Either way, thank you for the words of praise.

7813906 For you to say "well done" means a lot to me. Thank you.

Well, that warmed a smidgen of my cold frosty heart. Thanks! :pinkiesmile:

...Have you read Codex Alera?

Adorable...AND clever.

7822006 I am a huge Jim Butcher fan. So, yes. But not all the way through.

Fantastic.

Again changelings trying to use Chryssie as a scapegoat. Still, a cute story.

D'awwww, that was cute. And hilarious.

Finally some sane changelings that don't want to turn into pastel abominations.

7999487 Well, Thorax's changelings, to me, are more like butterflies, especially since their transformations took place in cocoons.

Anyway, yeah, this 'continuation' was bloody epic. :pinkiehappy: Penault, were you watching the movie 'The Mouse That Roared' anytime before you wrote this?

8267827
I read that in school, and I've seen the old movie with Peter Sellers, but it's been a long time. The first bit was some fun fluff I wrote because I was in a happy mood. And then, when the calls came to write more, I actively did my best on it. It worked well, and the best compliment was when a couple of other authors took the Queen Flurry Heart idea and used it in their own stories.

That, to me, is the greatest compliment a writer can be given. When other authors want to write in their universe or borrow their ideas.

"Nope, nope, nope, NOPE!!!

When you were nine, you brought in a stray dog. We let you keep it with the promise that you will feed it, take care of him, clean him, & discipline him. In the end it was me & you mother that did all that, while you watched reruns of My Little Humans all day long!

Not this time young Lady!"

9240772

Not confused. Just wondering if anyone had written a full length, good Flurry Heart grown up story yet.

9240783
I made a sequel to this story (I was still improving my skill at the time... So far from my best work) and am currently working on what could be considered Book 3 of this universe...

9240797

The sequel/prequel linking system on this website is less than ideal.

9241141

So it is. But the comments section is a lousy source for links to sequels.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get home, Dad,” said Queen Flurry Heart. “But they insisted on following me back. Can I keep them?”

They followed me home. Can I keep them?

10568866
You're welcome. Glad you enjoyed it.

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