[An AU where Sunset Shimmer never went through the mirror. The mirror portal didn't exist, and neither did the humans.]
When Sunset woke up to find herself in some part of Equestria she's never been before, she had originally planned to drive all the ponies apart in this place and gain more power to show Celestia that she's strong enough to be an Alicorn. But she didn't need to; all the ponies were already fighting with one another.
EDIT: Sequel is up now!
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So, instead of breaking them up, slSunset is getting the girls back together, NICE
I always assumed she broke them apart because they were the biggest hurdle in her way of controlling the school as she did. Those girls have fingers in near all the cliques in a school. Break them apart and it's much easier to keep kids with their "own kind" and then use that to keep yourself on top.
Here, she has less need, she isn't in a strange body with no idea how to act like the locals. She might regret this once she remembers she has nowhere to sleep or food, at least until AJ or Fluttershy offers her a room.
Wondering at the timeline though, for the CMCs to be old enough to do this, and to know each other already the rainboom already happened, so Sunset has to know about Twilight, right?
10150986
I didn't consider this until you mentioned it!
that's actually a very good point!
To be honest, I'm...actually not that sure about the timeline. I mean, pony Crusaders were old enough to create the Gabbhy Gums incident, so I don't see why they couldn't do something like this out of a few lies here and there.
And this is loosely based off Equestria Girls, so the Rainbooms knew each other even without Sunset and Twilight's involvement, so no, Sunset doesn't know about Twilight simply because when she left her world, Twilight wasn't Celestia's student and when she came to this world, Twilight simply wasn't around since she was only in Ponyville in the original series because Celestia sent her there.
Yeah. Have to say, I can't believe it took me this long to find this story, but at least Sunset and Fluttershy's characterization is reasonably accurate for this point in time.
Now, on to the next chapter.
REALLY good job on this chapter. Again, the characterizations for early-on Sunset and Fluttershy is fairly accurate. particularly with Sunset's cynicism and Fluttershy's points. And the discussion about how (they think) the trouble started was pretty well done.
Again, on to the next chapter.
Another well done chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I especially liked how Sunset helped the girls realize that their sisters (or sister figure in one case) were responsible for the start of their argument. Plus, the subtle implication of something deeper makes for good set-up for later chapters.
And, again, on to the next chapter.
Again, this is a really good chapter. So, in THIS universe, Celestia went into self-imposed exile after being forced to banish Luna. At least the girls have time to prepare for Nightmare Moon's return (hopefully). And, yeah, the stuff from the CMC? Honestly, quit while you're ahead.
But, anyway, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all wonderfully done and I'm definitely going to read the next chapter right now.
Again, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are wonderfully done. Loved how the girls took Sunset's backstory as well as the fact that the Crusaders' sabotage failed so thoroughly.
And, again, on to the next chapter.
Great job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Loved the work that went into the detective work as well as the little bit of extra backstory for Sunset. And the implication that Nightmare Moon might have been influencing the Crusaders makes for some really intriguing set-up (and makes the Crusaders' actions make MUCH more sense).
VERY certainly looking forward to more of this.
More like selective common sense. Depends on who is supposed to learn what.
Vaguely curious how they got the false evidence to leave.
10183910
I was worried about getting them in character tbh
haha thanks!
Surprised the existence of Cadence wasn’t brought up.
10187046
To be fair, most of them probably don't know who Cadance is as she is most likely still a Pegasus in this universe, so all of them except Sunset would just be confused.
All I can say is really good job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Yeah, loved seeing Sunset share more details of her backstory with the Crusaders so that they know she can relate to them more than they think. And the stuff with BOTH sets of siblings accepting responsibility was wonderful too.
VERY certainly looking forward to more of this.
10187451
True, but it would make sense to bring up the gut punch that while being told you couldn’t/weren’t ready to ascend another pony pulled it off and was literally adopted by your surrogate family.
10187817
Yeah. Have to admit, that IS a good point.
Of course, we still have to wonder who is running Equestria with Celestia in self-imposed exile in this universe. My best guess is a democratically elected council comprised of equal parts unicorns, Pegasi and Earth ponies (since that would be one of the few reasonably fair ways to run things that gives all three tribes equal representation).
And I'm guessing this universe's Twilight is probably either a comparatively normal librarian (well "comparatively normal" overlooking the fact that she IS frighteningly powerful, even if she is too afraid of her full power to use it most of the time) or the personal assistant of one of the unicorn representatives on the council (assuming the "democratically elected council with all three tribes equally represented" theory holds water).
Of course, those are just self-admitted guesses and are just as likely to be wrong as right.
Great job on the latest chapter. The characterizations, exchange (in the flashback) and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked the inclusion of the geodes as sort of a "pre-Elements of Harmony upgrade" to Sunset and her friends. And, yeah, the demonstrations of the increase of the Mane Five's natural abilities was well demonstrated, as was Sunset's wondering what her geode did for HER (before realizing the geode actually increased her EMPATHY [courtesy of the flashback to the night Luna became Nightmare Moon and realizing that she and Luna had FAR more in common than she realized]).
Makes me wonder how the geodes will react when combined with the ACTUAL Elements of Harmony.
And, yeah, I'm voting, of course, for the democratically elected council with all three tribes equally represented as this Equestria's government.
As for Twilight, yeah, I'm fine with her NOT being a main character, but yeah, the occasional cameo just to check up on her would still be good to see. Perhaps she could even move to Ponyville completely on her own accord (simply because she feels there would be a lot less pressure on her in a small town than in Canterlot) and becoming the new librarian (though still not being more than a semi-recurring background character who gets along reasonably well with Sunset and her friends, with the exceptions of a couple of the adventures too big for Sunset and the others to handle alone, where she gets to show her true ability).
But, at any rate, definitely looking forward to more of this.
Question I’ve been meaning to ask for a while. Anyone know why they are called Geodes? Because a geode is a hollow rock with crystal lined interior.
You’d think they’d think to check that.
REALLY good job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I especially liked the end of the geode-induced flashback as well as Sunset realizing the geodes ARE the remains of the Elements of Harmony and alerting the others to Nightmare Moon getting ready for her return. Of course, they got so focused on their preparations that they missed the forest for the trees, as it were.
Really looking forward to more of this even if, by your own admission, you can't do action that well.
Nightmare seems to be having a hard time counting jewels.
Fight scenes in MLP are meh sometimes. They eventually devolve into laser dogfights since the majority of MCs are unicorns... just my opinion though.
Really good job on this chapter. And, yeah, I can definitely understand the "not being able to do fight scenes" deal. Still, really good job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. And, yeah, as was already pointed out, Nightmare Moon has failed to realize that there are SIX jewels present instead of five (to the point of "why bother making this a cliffhanger"). Of course, Sunset will make the speech about Magic in the next chapter; we already know that. What we DON'T know is if, after Luna is purified, she will join her sister in self-imposed exile (which is most likely) or if she will try to make herself useful in a world that doesn't have a princess anymore (which is LESS likely, but STILL firmly in the possible).
Anyway, very definitely looking forward to the next chapter.
10207474
Hahaha I actually didn't mean for it to be a cliffhanger. It just seems like the appropriate place to cut it off in time for a next chapter, since I partially dislike long chapters. Long chapters can seem daunting for some readers, so I prefer to split it up into smaller chapters. Still, the good news is that the split came after the chapter, which means the next chapter will be ready quite soon, so look forward to it!
I won't spoil anything about Luna, you'll just have to find out more in future chapters
10208934
More than fair enough. Thanks very much for the explanation.
Interesting that Sunset isn’t Magic in this.
Well, I have to admit that this was a really good chapter. I admit I REALLY like the bit of Sunset and the Mane Five ALL sharing the Element of Magic equally because it takes all of them to make the Elements work (which makes sense). Plus, yeah, Luna becoming a unicorn after being purified by the Elements is another very good touch, as was the point out that Celestia IS still alive out there somewhere and Sunset, Luna and the others WILL be searching for her.
All in all, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all wonderfully done.
10210803
Luna didn't become a Unicorn. narration states that she's still an Alicorn. Luna says that Sunset had wings when she was using the elements (described as yellow energy from her back).
10210822
Okay. Thanks for the correction. Serves me right for reading too fast. (sheepish grin)
10210762
Going from EQG, Sunset is Empathy, and can stand in for Twi, or act as amplifier for the full set.
Granted, her one time as a stand in had her at ground 0, and had her go all magical girl but that seemed to happen here as well. Those were Daydream's wings after all.
10211373
Since she never crossed over I assumed she might go down a different path in regards to what she might bear.
Excellent job on the chat between Sunset and Luna (particularly concerning how surprisingly much they have in common and Sunset mentioning her universe's Cadance [as I said in an earlier review, it's a reasonably safe bet that the native Cadance is still a Pegasus in this universe since all of her friends thought alicorns were just legends until they met Nightmare Moon/Luna]). And Luna had a good point when she said that 1. for all of Celestia's flaws, holding grudges isn't one of them and 2. This native Celestia isn't the one from Sunset's universe. And, yeah, Luna correctly guessed Sunset's actual element.
Once again, the exchange, characterizations and future chapter set-up are quite well done and I'm VERY certainly looking forward to more of this.
so CMC'S are evil in this universe ... interesting.
well i say it would be the cmc's in this universe the reincarnation of dazzlings.
because it would make sense and explain why the confusion starts without reason.
Kind of expected a road trip to be honest.
10185489
took some hair and painted it red or yellow?
10219054
It’s either that or they broke in to her domicile and came near to getting mission impossible cutie marks.
Sunset making that promise is likely to set off twinges in a number of pink people throughout the multiverse.
REALLY good job on this latest chapter. The exchange between Sunset and the Mane Five was great. Particularly as Sunset admitted that she DOES have extremely mixed feelings about going back (i.e. yes, she considers the Mane Five her friends and wouldn't trade THAT for anything, but there is still a part of her that wants to return to her world to make amends with her Celestia and show the ponies she had wronged that she HAS changed for the better). Heck, if she DOES go back, she might get the chance to meet and befriend that universe's Twilight, basically share a piece of friendly advice with her Celestia (i.e. Don't make the same mistakes with her [referring to Twilight] that we did with each other) and keep in touch with Twilight with a magic journal in order to cement their long distance friendship.
Anyway, the exchange, characterizations and future chapter set-up are well done in all the right places.
10217257
Chaos Making Crusaders
this is just my prediction for what their title means and to be fair they're sisters didn't even try to find out why they did this in the first place. Its reminds me of another pair of sisters who had communication problems. It didn't turn out well for them either.
looks like alicorns aren't allowed to exist in this equestria, so celestia is somewhere outside of equestria where she can retain being an alicorn. This is just my hypothesis as to what happened to Luna's wings.
Definitely a great job on this latest chapter. The exchange, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter set-ups are well done. Yeah, I DID like Sunset initially thinking things were too quiet as well as the nod to "Lesson Zero" in Sunset's first meeting with Twilight (though Twilight did it because she was extremely lonely rather than the reason in the actual "Lesson Zero", so she kind of comes off as a cross between Sci-Twi and Wallflower Blush). Yeah, all that magical potential without any friends to keep her grounded is a dangerous combination, so it could have been a heck of a lot worse. As Sunset said, the more sincere the apology, the more likely they are to forgive her for that rather big mistake. And I am glad Twi is at least still going to be a friendly minor character.
VERY definitely looking forward to more of this.
I know it wouldn’t be in character but I would have loved if Sunset just kept talking with her without removing the spell. Explaining someone’s wrongdoings while a grand melee goes off in the background is oddly entertaining to me.
I am sad that the end is coming, LOVE this story.
Then why is there an Equestria Girls tag?
10232429
Probably because Sunset herself is typically considered an EG character.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are well done in all the right places. I particularly liked Sunset's Empathic Flash to this universe's Celestia's thoughts immediately after banishing Luna and going into self-imposed exile. And, yeah, Luna and the rest of the Mane Six's chats with Sunset reminding her what she already accomplished was great, especially as she realized her purpose is to find this universe's Celestia and convince her to return. Definitely wishing her the best of luck THERE.
Very certainly looking forward to the next chapter/rest of the story in general (especially seeing how Sunset succeeds in finding Celestia and getting her to come back. And THEN patching things up with HER universe's Celestia after she returns to HER universe.
10223378
It's somewhat unclear, but I'm pretty sure it's Luna asking Sunset about the wings, not the other way around. Here's how I read the passage:
At least, that's my interpretation.
even in an alternate universe, lesson zero finds a way to happen.
on the up side it did introduce twilight to the story
No, it's because the comic was written as a very special episode, which meant they had to act just as stupid as the author wanted, purely to set up the situation. Of course, it all gets resolved just as easily, and everyone's friands again, which totally undercuts the message the episode was trying to put across, making it worthless. 'Cyberbullying is bad, but all you have to do is say you're really sorry, and everyone will forgive you.'
The universe could have well done without that bloody episode. The CMC attack Sunset for a flimsy reason (to set up a conflict), the girls turn on her far too fast (because they only have limited space in the comic) falling for the worst attempt at a frame-up since Sunset used cut-out photos to frame Twilight (because plot induced stupidity), Sunset crumples far too fast (see previous but one), once the CMC have accomplished their mission they continue just for the sake of it (because conflict), and then they suddenly turn round and confess (because it needs a resolution, and by this point it's written into a corner). Of course once they confess, all is forgiven and the status quo returns (because Status Quo is God).
It's really nauseatingly badly written. It's like someone's bad first attempt at fanfiction, wjhere they have no feel for the characters and the story they want to tell is jammed in no matter how badly it fits or how illogical and full of plot holes it is.
This story, by comparison, was written by a real author, not a hack squeezing out puerile tripe to fill a quota. The characters have a lick of common sense between them and can spot an obvious fake up job. At least Gabby Gums was because the CMC were being blackmailed.