Deer are terrible. They aren't strong, they don't have magic, they can't fly, they can't even manipulate things with hands!
So what happens when some guy named Johan gets displaced into Equestria as a Deer while his best friend, Derek, gets displaced as a Half Alicorn, Half Gryphon, Half Shadow Pony, (Yes the math doesn't make sense, Johan has told him that several times,) he gets stuck as Derek's involuntary side kick, forced to sit there and watch as Derek saves the day again, and again, and again.
What happens when you are the only person in the world who hates someone, when you are supposed to be their best friend? What happens, when you are the side character in your own story?
Featured: 6/3/2020
Chapters (14)
Well, you've done something I thought wasn't possible. You made displaced even dumber than it already is. Which statistically should be impossible since no one bothers to try and make a good story out of the dung heap genre.
But you somehow did, by making what is supposed to be the main character even more useless than they already are.
And then there's that... thing, his friend is. I'm not even touching that. Upvote just for the sheer WTF??? factor.
10267918
Glad you liked it ;)
10267939
I will make you a deal little deer I will make you immortal and all you have to do is to tell your friend how you truly feel that is all
Sounds very promising so far keep it up.
is it just me or does the way their lives have gone screem something is verry wrong here?
You’ve actually gotten me interested in a Displaced story. Not that there’s anything wrong with them; they’re just not my thing. But I’m interested to see where this one goes!
so its like megamind
I like the premise, seems to be going in an interesting direction.
The lack of a comedy tag is especially intriguing. Most stories with similar premise are usually just filled to the brim with jokes and don't take themselves seriously, which isn't a bad thing, but it's interesting to see one that intends to take a more serious approach.
Looking forward to more.
10267918
Yes ladies and gentlemen I agree with the person right here. This man did somthing brave that we're all too dumb to do, he took a huge dump and I mean massive dump for seemingly no reason on creativity, a thing that is dying on this website yet he decides to become an edgy teen and take a dump on creativity because it looks cool.
If you can't tell by my writing I'm being sarcastic. I can understand why some people are tired with the HIE genreand it's because theyre becoming boring and bland, so what do people do to solve this crisis? Well they get creative, as seen with this fic. So far this looks interesting,, Can't wait for more chapters, I feel bad for Johan and Derek as a dick that doesn't know he's a dick.
And jesus christ moron87 If you really don't like a certain genre avoid reading stuff from that certain genre.
Oh boy, he's one of those guys.
Anyway, I'm interested in where this is going. Keep up the good work.
10268406
The 'Don't like don't read' bit, isn't going to get them to stop. They'll read the story regardless due to 1. they hate the genre so much that they can't stop nor control themselves from reading it, giving it a Dislike, then proceed to bash it into the ground of why they hated the Displaced even on stories that have a high like to dislike rating/popularity. 2. They're trolling and they're just bashing the Displaced story for the sake of getting angry comments that amuses them. 3. Guilty pleasure. 4. they're easily angered by people who don't try to be original. 5. They find some sort of sick pleasure when they torture themselves, like Hamster Master.
I'm going to read this story, but things better get better for Deerbro. I don't want to see a sad human just be sad, stay sad, and die sad. I want to see some redemption or reward for his perseverance in his awful situation. He doesn't have to surpass his buddy Sonic the Alicorn in power through convoluted means, he doesn't have to discover the cure for acute magical constipation and become rich, and he doesn't have to marry all or even one of the princesses and be granted immortality. I just want this little guy to find lasting happiness in this world, even if the road to getting there is difficult, dangerous, or even miserable.
Deerbro has had a lot of shit slung into his life, and some nice fuckin' flowers better pop up outta all o' that manure. I wanna see him frollicking amongst the shit-flowers! I wanna see my dude go up into that field of flowers and prance about merrily, to and fro, and just really appreciate the hell out of that field, understanding that all the shit in his past helped provide nutrients for all these awesome flowers that he finally gets to enjoy!
Not bad. I'm always interested to see people make a spin on the displaced formula. Keep it up, I'll be watching with interest.
10267918
Displaced stories are usually bad, the bastard progeny of a self insert and a crossover, a shallow excuse for a writer to create a powerfantasy for themselves while stealing the achievements, traits and stories of better characters. So i understand your displeasure with this type of stories.
But this, my friend, is different. It steals no elements from other characters and the protagonist is actually under-powered. Weakness, jealousy, resentment, depression, ambition, this are elements for conflict and can be used as the backbone for a well-written story. This has potential.
I only hope the story doesn´t takes a path of self-pity and hopelessness, and finishes at same place were it starts, after all the best characters are those who change and grow, and best stories are stories of men triumphing over adversity.
10268674
You didn't seem to read what I said. I am shitting on the Displaced genre, not the story. The story is actually good and I like it.
But the genre does not have a good track record of originality. So I came here based on the short description, and I'm glad I did.
If the author doesn't like what I say and doesn't want me to, then let them tell me that themselves, and I'll listen to them. Not to random commenters who don't like an opinion and someone who isn't afraid to share it.
10268753
I know right? Glad someone around here has sense to think about it. I wouldn't have even come here at all and just kept going. Except the short description and basically turning this genre and its tropes on its head.
im pretty sure you meant to use "the"
10268701
i giggled at "Sonic The Alicorn" take an upvote. but personally i want it to go dark. i want him to betray and mabey even go so far as kill his "friend".
10268787
media1.giphy.com/media/gIZyaV450wlY3DTt3V/giphy.gif
Are deer even real, though?
My interest?: Peaked
My anticipation?: High
My opinion?: Like, Fave, Follow.
I’ll be honest, not many stories start off with an interesting enough premise and good enough writing to earn a fave from me in the first chapter, much less a chapter that's less than two-thousand words long. Honestly I'm just upset I didn't find the story after its done, so I could read it all at once.
10268932
They weren't in the show, they are in the comic book
well from what i read in the description , find a new friend to hang out with so you don't Your best friend so much
First off sorry, I'm not one to rant on the obvious, but I have some personal history with bad friends and I feel like I cant fall asleep till I let this out. So feel free to ignore.
Derek is a bad friend. He either sees that Johan is upset and actively ignores it, hoping that by acting like Johan is fine , the issue will go away. Or he's oblivious to it. Even in that case, a decent friend would be invested in their friends emotional well being and ask or notice the signs. For those who say a friend doesnt need to be invested in their friends emotional well being, yes your right, but that's the difference between a friend and a good friend. Someone who knows you better and tries to support you. Derek is supposed to be Johan's best friend, and it should be obvious to him that Johan is unhappy. The main 6 barely get a pass because we cant tell how close they are to Johan, but it's obvious that the focus of the group is Derek, leaving Johan feeling like a tag along. So in summary, we have a group that's goal is the adoration of one, thus sidelining the other, and the focus is too busy up his own ass to realize how much he's hurting Johan. Essentially the nightmare moon scenario.
Johan isnt off the hook in this either. It's clear that the relationship has gone sour a long time ago, but instead of dealing with it, he has been wallowing in self pity and letting the situation fester. Not being upfront with Derek and calling him out on his shit allows Derek to continue to ignore his Johans feelings, perpetuating the issue. It also seems that Johan doesnt seem to be actively trying to better his situation in the whole, but that needs to be seen with more story.
The best thing for Johan to activley do is to sit down and talk to Derek and the main 6, then move on. Be upfront of his feelings of jealousy and inadequacy, but also making them aware of their own failings to be proper friends. Afterwards, it would be best if Johan left. While the talk would make the others aware of the problem and be cathartic for him, it's not a magic solution. Right after the talk, the relationship of the group would severely shaken and Johan's presence would just add tension. While they might have been bad friends, Johan can't expect them to change themselves for him. He should leave ponyville, either temporarily or permanently, to find relationships that dont focus on Derek. Possibly go to the Alicorn sisters. It would help to talk to Luna, who went through the same scenario and would understand his feelings. This would also be a chance to learn from them and hopefully work on his feelings on inadequacy. Most importantly, Johan needs friends that values him for himself, not as someone attached to Derek.
If the situation isn't dealt with, Johan would probably result in either a self destructive path such as suicide or an outwardly destructive path. At best, he goes the path of Stygian and does something extreme and dangerous to match or surpass Derek's strength. Or worse, he goes the path Nightmare Moon and tries to destroy the source of his pain directly, Derek.
Or you know, magic might solve everything somehow
Once again sorry for all this, especially if you read this entire mess. This is just my feelings stemming from personal experience with being in a toxic group of "friends". Hopefully by letting this off me chest, I can fall asleep now. Nighty night
10268674
Or a vast majority of Displaced stories suck horrendously? They tend to be overpowered, self-insert mary sues with flavor of the week super powers and no concept of pacing. But unlike a majority of the readers of those fics (The ones who simply comment "Moar plz" or other such useless sentiments), some people actually look for quality. There are good examples of Displaced stories, but they're very few and far between. Mighty Warrior of Epicness is one such that springs to mind immediately - plus the Skeletor one - but a good 90% of the genre is hot garbage.
Haven't read this story yet. Description seems kinda cringe, but that's mostly just because of the description of this Derek character. I do like the take on the main character basically being a sidekick instead of the main focus, and am hoping it does deliver in some regard towards my relatively low standards.
Hm... okay, I know this is basically making fun of the Displaced/HiE/self-insert genre, but my god was that almost painful to read. Derek is, quite honestly, a douche. As was Twilight when she pulled that magical shield to stop someone from leaving just because "But who wouldn't want to watch super oc fight baddies". Then there was the entire interaction between the two of them in his house.
I felt sorry for the main character, but at the same time did kind of agree with a previous commenter. Unless Johan actually stands up for himself, it's really not going to get better. I'll probably end up tracking this to see where you take the story, but at this point I might already be rooting for a character death (Because unless there's some serious character swerve, I don't see much else fixing the mary sue).
10269237
Except that's more the writers themselves than the Displaced genre itself. See, when it first started out, the most popular was the first story that did it. Everyone joined in wanting to do their own Displaced but sadly, used the same thing as the first story that got popular. This also applies to HiE. So why not bash the writer, not the genre?
10269251
You do realize that the writers are the genre, right? It wouldn't be a genre if only one person wrote about it and it died off.
Amusing enough, I say. Though while admittedly I can see how the Deer gets annoyed, I'm hoping he isnt actually gonna blow up on... What's-his-name (The freak of nature). True, it's bad luck he didn't get overpowered abilities, but it would be a bit more interesting to see him (The Deer) being torn between supporting his friend and just general apathy.
Damn, you got something good going on. Just oooonnneeee thing I suggest you should avoid considering you've got something unique here. DON'T cross-over with other Displaced to solve all of your problems
10267918
Imagine not realizing that it is intentional the his friend is well.... That
I haven't started reading this yet, and likely won't until it gets a Complete tag, but I wanted to ask: are you writing this by the seat of your pants, or do you have an ending planned out already and an outline of things between here and there? I have no strong feelings one way or another concerning the Displaced genre, but you've hit upon a premise FAR too interesting to let this story go unfinished like your other multiple-chapter stories. Keep up the writing!
Quick writing tip: When characters address one another in dialogue, highlight the name or address with commas. That helps us readers immensely. Here's a good example why:
versus
Oh, deer God!
I admit I'm... sorta on the fence here. Okay, firstly, props to being creative and taking a sucky story idea such as Displaced and doing something amazing with the idea.
However, I'm not quite sure if I'm really ready to read a story whereby the laws of plot the Mane Six are required to not notice someone in distress and clearly annoyed with their 'best friend'. And hooooo boy is Derek a terrible friend, this much is obvious. He fits the definition of a user, or he simply for whatever reason fails to notice Johan hates him.
My main concern, however, is the pacing. 1,500 words for a first chapter? I'm trying not to come off as rude here, but I'd honestly think you can do better, like say double it with 3,000 words. That makes for a better prologue, honestly. Everything moves just a little bit too fast here.
10269482
....you couldn't resist, could you? Oh, deery me!
By the way, topical:
10269599
TFW this entire story is based off the logical outcome of that video XD
10268932
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/458778/are-deer-even-real
I am very curious as to see where this story will go.
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10269143
I read your comment and I just gotta say, I'm sorry for what happened to you and damn, damn because after reading the comments and yours I just realized how bad the situation is for our Human turned Deer
Hey, dude, I know that feeling when life gets you down and starts to make you feel like you are alone and that even when you have friends and they are the hero sometimes they need to know 1 thing that there are 2 paths to choose from the one where the friends go into an argument and forget each other or two where they tell each other there problems and make up for that. Also please make more chapters please.
Well, something that takes the mickey out of the stereotypical crappy Displaced story is always worth a look.
10270391
That would have been better than transforming into a... *gasp* elk!
10270479
How dare you even mention that possibility
10270489
I beg your mercy, our Great Deer Overlord!!!