It's a classic rite of passage as a foal; you place your fallen tooth beneath your pillow, and the next morning it's been replaced with a shiny bit! But when Sandbar's tooth remains under his pillow for two nights in a row, he knows something's gone wrong. Did the Tooth Fairy forget about him? It's up to the Young Six to help him hunt down the Tooth Fairy, and find out what went wrong!
Written for the writing contest "The Discovery" hosted here! https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/880423/writing-contest-the-discovery-or-the-young-six-take-the-writeoff
Chapters (1)
Oh man, I remember those! Even as a kid, though, I never really understood the appeal.
This was a sweet story. Good friends all around!
Okay this was sweet, hilarious & awesome, Sandbar sure is lucky to have such good friends & teachers!
Although my fave part has to be this :
lol just priceless!!!
We need triple date!!!!
This was a funny and sweet story, but I find myself more and more intrigued by the Mouth Miser. Does he plan to sail a ship of hoof-clippings and make war on the gods in Yaknarok?
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The Mouse Miser's ways are multifaceted and mysterious!
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I don't get it.
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Pogs. It was a nineties thing.
This was very sweet and a lot of fun to read.
I admit I didn't realize what was going to happen until it was already there, but it was still a blast to follow each of the character's antics, and wonderfully goodhearted.
Smolder coming in at the end was the icing on top!
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Oh, that's interesting. That could actually be pretty cool if they had characters from EVERY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY EVER. There could be some with Nintendo characters, some with Disney character, My Little Pony characters, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, that could totally work in today's day and age! It's like Funko Pop vinyl figures! Someone get to work on this!
Futurama guy: "Shut-up and take my money!"
Maybe it's because of my German heritage, but I actually like the Mouth Miser better than the Tooth Fairy. The Tooth Fairy leaves money in exchange for teeth because reasons. The Mouth Miser has a backstory, a motive, a goal, and rewards and punishments for following and breaking his rules.
Sandbar seems too old for the Tooth Fairy, but in fairness, we don't know for sure how old Equestrian ponies are when they stop losing their baby teeth. Also, since there are flying reindeer Norns and the Great Seedling is implied to possibly exist, maybe the Tooth Fairy does exist in Equestria!
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I'm glad everyone enjoyed yak's adventures!
It seems the Mouth Miser was way more popular than I anticipated!
Hey there! Thank you so much for entering The Discovery contest and for requesting a review! I’m Bachi, and I was the judge assigned to your story.
Right off the bat, this story has some really cute chemistry between all of its characters. I like your voicing, and I think you do a great job of playing each of the Young6 to their strengths in the dynamic between them. In terms of technical construction, your prose does a great job of staying invisible and getting out of the way of the story itself.
Now, from a structural perspective, this is a pretty simple story with relatively small-scale stakes. Which, of course, is definitely not a bad thing; cozy stories feel great, too! But one thing that did strike me was that you ended up bringing in a lot of cast members into things, relative to the smaller scope of the story. I get why you did it; it’s always fun to see the entire Young6 together, and you don’t want to leave anyone out. But larger casts do tend to dilute the chemistry of low-key moments and crowd out the reader’s attention, and I definitely felt a little bit of this when not only the entire Young6, but the also the entire Mane6 made their way into the resolution. A lot of characters end up not really having much to say, so their appearance doesn’t quite carry its own weight.
The way that the characters are handled are especially important in a story like this, since we basically know the theme/message/ending from the very beginning. Which means that beating around the bush with a lot of extra characters runs the risk of frustrating the reader. So my suggestion would be that while you’re planning a story, try to give focused thought on which characters are essential and need more wordcount and attention devoted to them. I know from firsthand experience that it can be a hard decision to make (and one that the show itself doesn’t always quite nail down), but it’s one that’s definitely worth keeping an open mind to.
I hope that makes sense! Thank you again for submitting to the contest! Please feel free to reply or PM me if you have any questions. I really hope you found this review helpful!
-B.
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You have a good point about the large ensemble, I suppose I wanted to give everyone a spotlight so that I could feel like I was adhering to the contest rules most completely! Oopsies!
Hey, thank you so much for the feedback! I appreciate the review a lot, it's clear you took a lot of time to write it, so it's noted and very appreciated!
Thanks for all of your hard work in the contest! I imagine reading 40-something fics is exhausting!
I appreciate the individual care you took in reading mine! 
Very cute story. Have a fave.
Aww This is a cute story I like that and I do like the way how sandbars friends and his teachers help him 😄😄
Can i do a humanish version of this story? Plz. I will give you credit.
I love this. It is so true.